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November 2015 Moms
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longing for solitude

gabilucigabiluci member
in November 2015 Moms
Is anyone out here longing for solitude as much as I am? I just want to be alone. I feel like the more pregnant you get, the more people expect from you while you actually need more rest. And I am afraid these expectations will get even stronger once baby is here (i.e. everybody wants to come over and see the baby, everybody has ideas about how to raise baby, etc.)

I really don't want to do anything anymore and I can't think about anything more. We moved house when I was about 5-6 months and I kind of feel like I am losing the oversight and the energy to arrange all things that still need to be done. We still need some things for the nursery and the whole house, but I just can't process anymore. Thankfully my parents and my uncle are taking care of the last things in the nursery and some other parts of the apartment.

I have a lot of close friends and family who had babies in the past few weeks. I feel like I am at the pool for my first swimming class and I am waiting in line and they have all jumped in. Now it's almost my turn and I am just afraid the water will be full of expectations fish.

All I want to is to be left alone. Does anyone feel that way? Or recognize any of these?


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Re: longing for solitude

  • jscasherjscasher member
    I feel your pain. I'd love to just stay in bed for the next 7 weeks til LO gets here, but I've got too much to do. I feel the only people pushing me are the ones at work though. My whole pregnancy they've been camp "just you wait, it gets worse." at 32.5 weeks, I feel like I've earned my right to slow down a little and take my time, but they still expect me to be superwoman. They're working on finding a temp to replace me while I'm on maternity leave for 8 weeks and they keep saying things like "well, hopefully she goes stir crazy at home and will just come back sooner. You HAVE to come back from maternity leave."

    Ignore them as much as you can and do what's best for you and baby! I pushed myself too hard a few days ago and had crazy Braxton hicks all evening. Our bodies will let us know when enough is enough.
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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    I do feel that way and it may get worse once the baby gets here.  For me, these are the beginning signs of depression.  I want to withdraw from friends and family and basically sleep all day.  It may be worth it to talk to your doctor or a counselor about these feelings of being overwhelmed. 
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • gabilucigabiluci member
    edited October 2015
    @jscasher I am so sorry to hear your colleagues are putting so much pressure on you! They should be supportive and know there's more to life than work. If you're happy in your private life, that usually leads to better work results anyway. 8 weeks is not such a long maternity leave so they should be happy for you and support you through these 8 weeks.

    It also sounds like they really can't miss you, so you must also be doing a great job. Just disconnect the moment you go on leave and don't reconnect before you actually return!
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  • AmyReneTAmyReneT member
    modanz1  I am feeling the same way, like people are forgetting I'm me and not just some pregnant person. I just want my body back! The questions and advice is very tiring after hearing it for 30+ weeks straight.
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  • gabilucigabiluci member
    edited October 2015
    @modanz1 I also feel like once you are pregnant, your body and your life become public property. 99 out of a 100 times people really do mean well, but yes you lose your patience and you just play your basic press release with the latest updates.

    I am also afraid of labour.. I am quite well informed, but there's a few things that can happen that freak me out. No 1. are those metal spoons they use to grab the baby's head..
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  • gabilucigabiluci member
    @VexedMommy did you already talk to your doctor about it? Every time a baby gets born in my close circle (3 in the last 6 weeks), this sad/anxious cloud comes over me for a while.
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  • gabilucigabiluci member
    Work-wise I am in a very very fortunate position. I work for the government in a European country, so everything is very well arranged in terms of secondary labor conditions. Plus, I have a lot of female colleagues, male also, who foster a very pro-family and mother-friendly culture. I am a very aware and very thankful for that. I am kind of embarassed and ashamed to say my maternity leave will be 6 months, while you are mentioning 8 weeks or pressure to work on weekends.. I guess at work I actually feel best and most "free".

    Nevertheless, I still want to be alone somewhere in a little hut on top of a mountain somewhere.
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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    gabiluci said:
    @VexedMommy did you already talk to your doctor about it? Every time a baby gets born in my close circle (3 in the last 6 weeks), this sad/anxious cloud comes over me for a while.
    I have a pre-pregnancy diagnosis of depression and anxiety.  I am trying to work through it without medication during my pregnancy. 
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • allisontierneyallisontierney member
    Today was difficult. Feeling tired and a little guilty for wanting her out this early (I know she needs to cook for a little long in there). I agree with PP's who say work is demanding a lot from them...I don't so much want to retract from everyday life, I'm just ready to stop working (can't do that yet!) and it's very frustrating.

    But I'm also pretty concerned about postpartum anxiety / depression.
    I had anxiety pre pregnancy as well, but it's been basically non-existent throughout my pregnancy...I'm worried it'll come back with a vengeance after baby gets here.

    Anyone else scared of postpartum depression or anxiety?
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  • SweetTooth126SweetTooth126 member
    I definitely feel you. I am usually a very social person but it takes so much energy to even make small talk at this point. I feel like I avoid going to parties and even small get togethers because I know I will be answering the same questions all over again. Work is exhausting and I just want to post up on the couch for the next 6 weeks! You are not alone.

    Married DH December 2014
    Expecting DS#1 November 2015
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  • japostolovajapostolova member
    This is exactly how I feel and no one else seems to get it! I'm tired and huge at 36 weeks. We closed on a house a couple of days ago and it was a bunch of stressful calls and nonesense all of which fell on me to handle. We started packing and I'm losing energy fast. My ever helpful MIL lives 10 mins away but has not shown up to help or watch DS while we get anything done. I don't know why I'm surprised, we usually can't count on her for anything & my parents are 1500 mi away. On Thursday I had an annoying meeting with HR where they ve decided I can return to work full time at any time otherwise I'll be on unpaid leave.this is very different from my previous maternity leave at the SAME job. Although others work from home, that is not an option for me bc This HR is the devil. Btw- they re aware I just bought a house and pre paid my enormous hospital bill. She also tried to give me a hard time about insurance stating I can't change anything at the time my baby is born which is absolutely false. Just annoying I had to go above her and get someone else to confirm otherwise. Thinking about how I'm going to pay an even higher insurance premium without working ....Adding to my stress my boss has not been around at all and expects me to pick up their work and mess while they having personal plans. Um... I have real personal things going on too but some ppl are only able to think about themselves & their convenience. Yesterday my MIL came over to bitch about DH using her credit card.... I swear she only comes over to annoy me or complain. At first I was annoyed but now I'm like oh wait this is her kid who she's coddled and now doesnt know how to deal with. Not my problem! I'm trying to pack some more today but I have no idea how that's going to work since we ve been up all night with DS's teething & runny nose. At this point I'm just trying to take care of both of my babies and take it a day at a time. Would love to get the hell away from all these people- MIL, Hr, and just about everyone else who is only around making trying to make things more difficult. My goal is to focus on the positive & remember everything else will get handled ( By me at a later date when I can deal with some of this bs)
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  • sdw84sdw84 member
    I totally understand. I am the same way. I just want to be alone and do what I want!
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  • dramaphiledramaphile member
    allisontierney said:

    Today was difficult. Feeling tired and a little guilty for wanting her out this early (I know she needs to cook for a little long in there). I agree with PP's who say work is demanding a lot from them...I don't so much want to retract from everyday life, I'm just ready to stop working (can't do that yet!) and it's very frustrating.

    But I'm also pretty concerned about postpartum anxiety / depression.
    I had anxiety pre pregnancy as well, but it's been basically non-existent throughout my pregnancy...I'm worried it'll come back with a vengeance after baby gets here.

    Anyone else scared of postpartum depression or anxiety?


    I worry about PPD, definitely. One thing that was helpful to me was something my midwife said to me during my last appointment. She said I should talk to my husband and give him permission to talk to the midwife practice if he thinks I'm showing signs of PPD. I'm not good at asking for help, so this gives me a bit of a safety net if I'm getting depressed, but being stubborn about talking to a medical professional about it.
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  • gkfkgkfk member
    I feel The same way. The only person that i have energy for right now is DH (most of the time :)). I stopped wanting to be around family or friends, or at work, or in public shopping etc a few weeks ago. But I'm keeping my plans which is great as I've seen a few really good friends over the past few weeks, and gotten alot done at work, and that has all helped, so you might try that? I see this more as nesting rather than depression, but I guess we'll find out! I don't think there is anything wrong if you decide to do more for yourself and baby right now than for others.
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