Telling people your TTC ?!

llc418 · October 2015

Hi all... So I am officially starting TTC #1 starting tomorrow (October 1st!). I stopped My BCP in June and have been temping and keeping track of my CM for the last 3 months. I am so excited to start this new journey but I must say that the last few months have made me so anxious. TTC has literally taken over my thoughts and the real trying hasn't even begun Yet!

So my question for you ladies is how many of you share with your family and/or friends that you are TTC?? I literally haven't told anyone because I'm afraid of people constantly asking me questions. but then because I haven't told anyone I have no one talk to talk to about anything other then my a husband...

The only thing saving me from going crazy is lurking through this app!! LoL

Linsbins · October 2015

I did tell a couple friends. Now I regret telling one because it didn't happen right away. Just something to think about. Doesn't bother me that they know, it bothers me that they ask and it reminds me that I'm not KU yet. It's my fault for telling them anyway. But really, tell whoever you want, just be prepared for them to be nosey.

MamaBish · October 2015

No body knows, but no one would dare ask us right now anyway. Hopefully we will have a complete surprise announcement soon.

I have my bump ladies to talk to

blackgirlmagic · October 2015

I kinda regret telling people. They always ask "are your you pregnant" and then say "relax it will come when you relax". It's annoying and it gets old quick! And unless you know someone who is TTC you really won't have anyone to talk. I've tried and it hasn't really worked out how I thought it would. I just like talking to you ladies about things in the WTO and TWW threads.

jojomama25 · October 2015

I've chosen not to tell anybody. Many people in my life have been nosy about it well before we started trying, which caused unnecessary pressure & reminders then - I certainly don't need them now that we are trying and I'm not pregnant yet. Just my preference.

noelietrex · October 2015

I only told random people. It's weird I know but I don't want to tell my family or circle of friends so I told people who are isolated in my life and who don't talk to my husband (I know he doesn't want to talk to anyone about it). My midwife, a coach at my gym, a woman I really like who is leaving at my work, and a college friend who lives several states away. It's nice to have people to talk to and support, but I'd hate to be asked or checked up on daily, especially on bad days...

Mlight28 · October 2015

We haven't told a single person. It makes it much easier every month to not feel like I have to "report" to anybody that it's not/is happening.
I only want to share disappointment or excitement with DH, and you ladies

, until we are ready.

goldie987 · October 2015

The only person we've told was my GYN and that was because I wanted to make sure that I didn't have the same issue my mom had (septated uterus) and to make sure health-wise that we were good to go.

Other than that I get out most of my TTC talk on here in the WTO or TWW threads or by talking to DH.

calico34 · October 2015

Agree with PP, if you tell people, they will ask when you're pregnant and if it doesn't happen right away it gets hard sometimes. So it's really if you're comfortable with dealing with that. TB and the ladies here definitely help.

meggyme · October 2015

I've told a few friends, including my best friend who just had her first 5 months ago. But in telling them I also said that we weren't telling many people and ABSOLUTELY no family because I didn't want the pressure. My family only just relaxed about asking us when they were getting grandkids so I refuse to stir that pot up.

MrsFL2015 · October 2015

I haven't told anyone because I just don't want to deal with the questions.

NamelessAria · October 2015

I've told my SIL (sister-in-law) because she overheard me say something to my grandma about how hopefully someday DH and I will be lucky/blessed/whatever enough to have a child. No one else seemed to take it as a "hey guys we're trying!" But my SIL asked me about it later and confided in me that she and my brother have been TFAB since a few months after their first was born 2 years ago. So now I have her to talk to about it but I haven't wanted to tell anyone and I asked DH not to tell anyone either.

My family is just so nosy and would definitely ask about it. My mother already asks me anytime I gain a few pounds if I'm KU and it gets frustrating having to be like "no mom, not KU just ate a few too many cookies and didn't go for enough runs lately." And DH's mom already "subtly" brings up how much she wants grandchildren every time I see her. "Oh look at this lovely picture my friend sent me of her grandchildren. It must be such a blessing to have grandchildren. I wouldn't know since I don't have any....but maybe sometime soon?

" I don't think I really need to encourage that any haha

I also just really like the idea of a surprise announcement. I want to do something for my MIL like a cute card that DH gives her that says something like "we think you're just grand! so much so in fact that we've decided to add it to your name. Congratulations grandmother*
*Offer available starting <insert due date here>"

hunnybunny17 · October 2015

Some of my friends and most of my family knows now. I only told a few select people to begin with and I've been lucky that those people were understanding enough to not ask me for updates even though they were eager to know how things were going. Since I've found out I have PCOS, I've been very open about my struggles TTC to hopefully help someone else realize they're not alone if they're struggling too; and hopefully no one will give me stupid, unwarrented advice. By telling others, I've learned that an aunt of mine took 14 years to concieve her son and that a friend of mine has PCOS run in her family. I've been fortunate that my IRL support system isn't constantly badgering me.

MissAmeliaPond · October 2015

I've only told my mom. And my dad eavesdrops on all of our conversations every time I call her, so he knows too. He's a nosey twat.

I told H not to tell ANYONE in his family because they are all Fertile Myrtles (SIL got KTFU first month trying) and I don't even want to deal with questions from them. I told them a year ago I thought we were three years away from trying, so I've still got two more before I have to start fielding inquiries (hopefully). I like being able to come here, as PPs have said, and talk with the board.

AshleyGemini24 · October 2015

Most of our close friends know. They don't ask too maNY questions because they know it's getting to be a sore subject. My mother and brother are the only two in my family that know. None of his family know. Both of our families can be judgemental. We would definitely hear comments such as "Like you need another kid". "Your crazy." And I can hear my dad saying when we do get KU. "You made your bed now you gotta lay in it."
To avoid such negative comments, or at least postpone them, we have decided only close friends and a select few family members should know

Funkymooncow · October 2015

We've told a few people - they asked the first couple of months but now no one asks, which is good.
It depends how much you need to real life vent - I had a really good cry with a friend last night about it and feel much better now!

KyCat · October 2015

I've told my mom and a few close friends. Personally, I'm glad I told my mom, because she knows not to bring it up unless I do, and it keeps her from randomly asking about it. I told my best friend who also had to try for close to a year to get pregnant, and she's really supportive- she also charted when she was trying and I've even had her "chart-stalk" me before, haha.

I think it just depends on the relationships you have. If you have some family and friends who you think can really understand and respect your boundaries when you need it, then go ahead and tell them. On the other hand, I haven't told my mother-in-law because she would totally be the "Just relax and it will happen" type, combined with asking if I was KU yet every time we talked.

tinypikachu · October 2015

I decided we wouldn't tell anyone until we announce. It really was the best decision for us as you never know how long it will take. I like the idea of surprising everyone but I also like not feeling "pressured" because everyone knows we're trying and it's not happening right away. The closest person I have is my SIL and she's gotten KU 3 separate times all on their first try. If I were to tell anyone, it would be her but I feel like I wouldn't want to have to answer those "are you pregnant yet" questions (especially those days when AF comes or I get BFNs

). Maybe I'd be putting the pressure on myself but this works for us.

Chichigo · October 2015

When TTC out first, I told my mom and maybe my MIL. We were getting pressure because we'd been married over four years, and it took awhile to concieve. I got tired of the veiled comments about grandchildren and revealed we were trying.

sarah0985 · October 2015

I have told my best friend at work who is also ttc. And my husband told the random Walmart employee when we bought a few pregnancy tests. Hahaha. I was like "STOP! She doesn't care!" Hahaha

misshopeful1 · October 2015

I've told some friends and close family. It's nice they can support you silently. But I don't want to necessarily be asked you know? No news is bad news for us, got to keep TTC.

mrsb8244 · October 2015

I'm still new to the TTC thing but have told some people so far.
- My mom is truly my best friend and I'm really bad at keeping secrets so of course I told her because I couldn't hide my excitement.
- Another friend who I'm really close with and she's waiting for her BF to finally propose so we constantly talk about her needing to be engaged and me needing to be pregnant which helps when I'm going crazy and all I can think of is baby related things.
- Another friend has been TTC for a long time (health issues) so we talk about it and send each other tips/baby things.
- Those were the only people I was planning on telling but I'm in nurse practitioner school and one of my peers is pregnant and she asked me Tuesday and I didn't want to lie...also I couldn't help but smile (told you I'm a bad secret keeper!) So now some of my peers know but I was surprised at how sweet and supportive they were. They also can logically talk me out of symptom spotting even though I know better!!

We will see if I end up regretting telling people but hopefully I won't. My mom is kind of protective so if it takes us a while and people start wondering I know she would do her best to keep people from asking me. The nice thing is that I'm still in grad school so before we started trying we just said we were waiting for me to be done with school (which technically isn't a lie because we were waiting for the due date to be after graduation).

Good luck!!

jhems776 · October 2015

I have told way more people than I intended to. We decided exactly when we were going to start TTC four months before. I haven't regretted telling anyone. I did have to tell my mom to never ask about it and trust that I will call and tell her right away as soon as I know I am PG. I am also super extroverted and don't mind talking about personal stuff. There is one coworker I need to deal with. I didn't tell her but I know she has seen me on the bump a few times and has made telling comments to me. I think she thinks I am pregnant. I'm debating telling her or just keep ignoring comments.

missydeer · October 2015

I told my circle of girlfriends. These are women that aren't in my daily life, mostly live off and we are all in a secret facebook where we all vent and rant and celebrate each other. We've all known each other for the past 20 years.After ttc for five years they have been support I only regret telling one person in the group. She constantly tells me I need to change doctors, that what they tell doesn't make sense. That I must be confused. That all I have to do is.....The others have been amazing for support.

RD2015 · October 2015

*previous loss mentioned*

DH and I started TTC in the past few months and were KU in our first month trying. We had not told a soul we were TTC to avoid all the questions...but then I miscarried at work so I called my supervisor bawling my eyes out because I needed to leave to go to the OB/GYN and then ended up telling my intern because I didn't feel it was fair crying and making lots of phone calls all morning and leaving abruptly with no explanation. After it was confirmed we had lost the baby, I told my BFF who brought over wine immediately. Then my BIL and his wife lost their baby the following week in their second trimester so we told them too, hoping it would give them comfort knowing they're not alone. Then one of my college friends told me her SIL was KU and her due date was the same as mine had been and I started crying so I felt the need to explain to her. So now a handful of those around us know but due to the sensitive nature of the situation, none of them have asked any questions but they all know we are trying again and it's been wonderful to have all of their support. However, I'm glad these people are the only ones who know at this point in time. Sorry for the novel >:D<

joleri23 · October 2015

I've told pretty much everyone close to me. I'm an open book and it would be harder for me to try to keep a secret than to just let people know. The people I've told have not harassed me at all. I don't bring it up around them and neither do they. I think they figure that when I have news, I'll share it with them; otherwise it hasn't happened yet. I wanted their positive thoughts and prayers!

Kballew10 · October 2015

I've told my SIL because we hang out with them a LOT and I don't drink in the TWW and they would know something was up. Plus, they were trying for #2 (and now she's KU!). They have always been successful on the firs try though, so it was a little rough to have somebody who doesn't understand the waiting. I explained our situation to her though and she's been super supportive and understanding about letting me vent and talk things through. I've also told my best friend from college because I was recently in her wedding, got drunk at the bachelorette party, and vented about it! Whoops! So she knows but she waits for me to bring it up instead of asking. Other than that, I don't want people to know because I don't want questions or advise.

housewifehobbyist · October 2015

I've told two close girlfriends. They're the people that I would vent to about being frustrated anyway, so I'd rather have them in the loop.

lm45678 · October 2015

I told everyone... EVERYONE. I would have told the Starbucks guy if he asked. I was so excited to finally be able to start TTC and my sister got pregnant her first month with both kids so I figured it wouldn't be an issue.

It's been 4 months, which isn't even a long time... But when everyone asks if you're pregnant every time you see them, 4 months can seem like a LONG time!

If I could do it again I would tell my mom, my sister and my closest girlfriends and leave it at that!

Good luck!

jmr1515 · October 2015

Originally we were not going to tell anyone but my SIL literally poored her heart out to me one day about how she and her husband were starting to try. I told her and now we have someone to relate to. Unless they end up getting KU the first month...lol

gravcass · October 2015

Pretty much everyone I know knows except my dad. That's just awkward.
People kept asking and I just wanted to shut them up. So yeah, the know now. But I don't have the annoying "so when are you going to start having kids?" question. It's also month 7 for me so I don't really get the "how's everything going?" question anymore, which is nice.

LizaKate1213 · October 2015

I went to Mexico with my girlfriends for one of their weddings in May. They all knew when I got home it was time to start TTC (we put it off until after the trip). Other than the girls on the trip, my mom and sister know. My sister is a huge supporter and had struggles of her own, so it is nice to be able to talk to her about temping and frustrations.

crdo · October 2015

Sometimes I have a big mouth when it comes to my own secrets. However with TTC, DH and I agreed we only would tell very few people for the same reasons others mentioned--don't want the questions, don't want people watching to see if I'm drinking, and don't want the pressure. We have told only our closest friends, and my immediate family (Mom, Dad, sister). Everyone closest to us knows from one conversation or another that I have endometriosis. That isn't a secret, because I'm of the belief that 1) for a disease that is so common it's unacceptable that it takes an average of 10 years to diagnose, so awareness and self-advocacy is key, and 2) it isn't something I'm shy about. So, it follows that our road to parenthood may be bumpier and take longer than others, and it would be nice to have support from those we are close to. Going on month 6, I got some of the "are you pregnant yet" nonsense in the beginning, but it hasn't been an issue in recent months. Thankfully, the ones who know we're TTC are very respectful and don't bring it up unless DH or I do.

Ultimately, you have to weigh the pros and cons with sharing whether you're TTC depending on the nature of those you would tell.

Margo412 · October 2015

I told my BFF and that was it the first few months of TTC. Then after 6 months I needed to vent to my SIL because it took them over a year for their 2nd. I know she has told the rest of our group of friends which I'm cool with because they've stopped asking us when we're going to have kids. I'm not much of a talker so people don't really bring it up but I'll casually mention things here and there. It has been nice to hear other friends' stories that took a while to conceive too since they know we've been trying.

Bubblegum5586 · October 2015

We haven't told anyone, which is sometimes hard for me. I am really close with my family and they are really excited for a grandbaby one day. Both our families have casually asked numerous times. Nothing too annoying, just excited and hopefully. In H;s family the women seem to get pregnant very quickly so now that we are on month 4 I am so glad I didn't tell them.

What is helping me keep quiet is that H is adamant about not telling people, so I need to respect his wishes. He has this weird complex that people will look at him for not being "manly enough" for not impregnating his wife quickly.... Ugh men!

ArtlessIbex · October 2015

I told my SIL. She chart stalks for me every now and then (she's an OB). She told my brother. That's it though, and both of them are super good at not asking/telling others. They're just silently supportive and hopeful for me.

I'm older (36), so nobody actually asks anymore. They just figure if we were going to, we would have.

sldp123 · October 2015

I have told a couple of people. It's kind of weird because I actually told people I'm not super close with, like a friend at work and another friend I only talk to once in a while. For some reason I was more comfortable with that because they aren't in my every day life so it felt safer than telling my mom or my sisters.

But now that I know we might have trouble, I regret telling them, because I'm not close enough with them to talk to them about the details. And they are both the type to say "just relax, it won't happen until you relax".

jvrchef · October 2015

After we got married EVERYONE was asking when we were going to have a baby so I made the mistake of telling people we were going to start trying summer 2015. Unfortunately everyone remembered so now I'm fielding questions left and right. I would recommend not telling anyone unless you are prepared to have them keep asking if it's happened yet.

izza2 · October 2015

llc418 said:

So my question for you ladies is how many of you share with your family and/or friends that you are TTC?? I literally haven't told anyone because I'm afraid of people constantly asking me questions. but then because I haven't told anyone I have no one talk to talk to about anything other then my a husband... The only thing saving me from going crazy is lurking through this app!! LoL

We've shared it with select people. Friends at work know (which got spread around, so everyone who works on my floor knows), my parents and siblings know, and DH's mother and his friends know.
The only people who are really in our lives that we haven't told is DH's father and step-mom. They're adamant that having a child while I'm going to school will forever ruin our lives and I will never go back to school afterward. Because that's what happened to her.
So, obviously we don't want to deal with that stress, so we're just going to let them know when/if we do eventually conceive.

Part of me wishes we hadn't told anyone, just because now every time I'm sick or nauseous it's constantly the "are you KU yet!?!" responses. And my mum asks me every time we talk if I'm KU yet. Like... I told her one day that I'd sent her a message over Facebook, and her response was "are you telling me you're pregnant?!!"... And then the next day when I let her know I'd texted her - she asked me if I was pregnant.
I'm like... just stop. I'm not going to tell you I'm KU in a text or a Facebook message. You live 5 miles away. I'll tell you face-to-face. Good Lord.

AmMcc12 · October 2015

We aren't telling anyone until end of first tri. Which is going to be really hard. I don't think I could handle the comments from family and friends asking when/if I got the BFP. I know DH gets tired of hearing about what my body is doing everyday and he obviously hasn't been through this himself.. That's why I'm so glad this community exists so I can lurk and get answers to my millions of questions!

aloha5736 · October 2015

I told my BFF and that is it! Every month she ask me and I tell her no, it's been four months lol. I tell her everything and we fall on the same AF week LOL. I could never imagine other people and saying no, it would make me so sad!

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