baby can't sleep without cuddling-help — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

baby can't sleep without cuddling-help

I love cuddling my ds who is 8wks old. We slept solo and swaddled the first couple weeks but at some point during his third week would not go back to sleep without being held or cuddled by me and I found myself nursing him to sleep and leaving him to sleep at my side. Now it is the only way he will sleep. If I do somehow get him down in a swing or crib he will wake after 30 min to an hour and cry when he realizes he is alone. If he sleeps with me he will sleep 4 hrs at a time. While I love cuddling with him it is hurting my relationship with my husband. I tried rolling him to his back to try and slowly transition him from the cuddling to the crib but just that small change causes him to wake crying after 30 min to an hour. So I guess my real question is, is there anyway to teach him when he wakes not cuddled close to me that it is OK? And it is pretty much an instant cry. I've watched it, he doesn't try to self soothe he just wakes and looks around for two seconds before bawling. I know people say enjoy it they will eventually grow out of it but I miss cuddling with my husband and I can tell it is hurting my husband too. Sure he will out grow this phase but my marriage won't want to wait....

Re: baby can't sleep without cuddling-help

  • Most 8 week old babies don't want to sleep in a crib. They like to feel cuddled and secure. Have you tried a RnP or something next to your bed?
  • Well when I say crib, we have a small travel crib next to the bed. He slept well in it to start but with breastfeeding he ended up in the bed after the swaddle no longer worked after 3 wks old.
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  • I hate to say it but this is pretty common with BF babies and most moms love the bed sharing! Me, not so much. I need space and my kids always do better in their own room. With that being said, your husband should try to be a little more understanding. Things are really hard for the first 6 months or so and that baby needs you. Especially at 8 weeks old.

    I don't recommend any sort of sleep training or anything like that because your LO is too young so you might have to tough it out for a little while longer or keep putting him in his crib and hope he figures it out and eventually is ok in there.

    Also, are you sure no swaddles work? I don't see how any baby can sleep without being swaddled when they are that young! Mine sure couldn't.

     

    Hipshaker
  • I agree with pp -- it's still pretty early (although I remember those first 2 months felt like a lifetime with my first baby!)  

    I think you need to work on both "fronts" as it were: your baby and your H.

    Baby first -- keep trying to make gradual changes that are reasonable given the fact that your baby is still pretty tiny.  Try putting him down awake but drowsy, putting him in a swing or a bouncer seat for a while, etc.  See if there are places other than your arms where your baby will hang out contentedly for a while and maybe doze off.  If you are gently persistent, you'll eventually get him to sleep for longer stretches and have a little more time, but it may take a while!

    Now for your H -- you guys may have to find a different rhythm for your own time.  You may be used to getting ready for bed, snuggling, having sex, then going to sleep.  You might have to change that pattern and get used to carving out time to be together when it's not strictly bedtime, especially if you co-sleep.  Be open to other ideas.  My H and I went through this -- we had to change our whole evening/bedtime routine when we became parents.  You are right to want time with your husband, though!  Keep thinking creatively until you find something that works.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
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    Hipshakersunnyd619ginger8484
  • Thanks for your responses. He will sleep in the swing and in the crib just not long 30 min to an hour tops, till he wakes and notices he is alone. He cries now and thrashes about if he is swaddled...so no go on that for sure. He doesn't ever have the startle reflex issue when he is cuddling because he sleeps on his side with his arms between me and him. He rarely let's me put him down awake to go to sleep he will just cry till I cuddle him up and then fall asleep in my arms. He is very attached and (as long as I get small breaks here and there) I am totally fine, I love his cuddles! It feels better just being reassured that this is fine for his age and I'm not creating a monster that will never leave our bed lol. My husband sort of understands I guess we just need to talk it out some more. He isn't a talker...It is hard to find times to be intimate outside of bed because it is the only time he isn't constantly busy but we will work through it. After all the next few months will fly by and before we know it we will be begging for the day ds was cuddling with us in the bed all sweet and tiny as he is now!
  • tiff16tiff16 member
    Normal! Find time for your husband. A lunch date, go for walks, a bonfire, or set up the laptop with a movie in bed and the three of you can cuddle.
  • h011yw00d said:

    Thanks for your responses. He will sleep in the swing and in the crib just not long 30 min to an hour tops, till he wakes and notices he is alone. He cries now and thrashes about if he is swaddled...so no go on that for sure. He doesn't ever have the startle reflex issue when he is cuddling because he sleeps on his side with his arms between me and him. He rarely let's me put him down awake to go to sleep he will just cry till I cuddle him up and then fall asleep in my arms. He is very attached and (as long as I get small breaks here and there) I am totally fine, I love his cuddles! It feels better just being reassured that this is fine for his age and I'm not creating a monster that will never leave our bed lol. My husband sort of understands I guess we just need to talk it out some more. He isn't a talker...It is hard to find times to be intimate outside of bed because it is the only time he isn't constantly busy but we will work through it. After all the next few months will fly by and before we know it we will be begging for the day ds was cuddling with us in the bed all sweet and tiny as he is now!


    Nope, you are doing fine. Your LO will leave your bed one day. It all gets easier as they get older too and in turn, things with your H should improve as well.
    Hipshaker
  • mhwoodmhwood member
    A crib is HUGE for a newborn. We found that using the newborn bassinet attachment that came with our Pack & Play provided the right amount of "snugness" (I know it's not a word lol) for our LO.

    We room shared until 7 months until her sleep was being disturbed by us, she has been in her own room since then. To transition, we started putting her down for naps in her own room in her crib at 6 months, within the month she was sleeping in there and through the night. At 18 months, she is still on the 7 pm - 8 am sleep schedule she put herself on.
  • My babies have all been in cribs from day 1 so I cannot agree with pp. Some at home, some in the nicu. It's what you teach them. If you teach them to cuddle and sleep, how hard will that be at 6 mo or 12 mo?!
    Something to think about. ..
    March 2011: Off Nuva, cycle back to "normal" for me: No periods since 15 years old. June 2011:Provera&50 mg Clomid; Progesterone:0.7 July 2011:Provera&100mg Clomid; Progesterone:3.29 Met with RE:No Clomid response, begin injectables Sep 5 mg Letrozole and Ovidrel in the interim month. Cut out running (was a distance-runner), cycling, eliptical. Restricted to weight-training, walking, pilates. Brain MRI normal. Being physically over-stressed is the reason the body stopped producing prog. Late Sep 2011: Menopur, Ovidrel,& IUI (10.10.11):BFN-Great injectable response: 2 mature, 6 near mature, many smaller; Problem: 9 cysts! Dr: IUI too uncontrolled for number of viable eggs & age. On to IVF! IVF ER 12.6: 37 mature eggs, 27 fertilized, froze all to avoid overstimulation; FET 1.22 (2 Grade 1)=BFN; FET 2.22 (3 Grade 2)=BFP! Beta 10dp3dt=291; 12dp3dt=644; HB 3.26!! 174 bpm: Vanishing twin almost completely absorbed 10wks Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Also, are you sure no swaddles work? I don't see how any baby can sleep without being swaddled when they are that young! Mine sure couldn't.

     

    Mine screamed/screams like I'm amputating limbs if I try to swaddle her....  :P


  • ksteeb611 said:

    My babies have all been in cribs from day 1 so I cannot agree with pp. Some at home, some in the nicu. It's what you teach them. If you teach them to cuddle and sleep, how hard will that be at 6 mo or 12 mo?!
    Something to think about. ..

    I disagree. My DS was exactly like OP. He bed shared and was in our room until he was 8 months old, when I went back to work. He's been in his crib since then with no issues and he's 19 months now. Some babies just need a little extra.
  • fvolcheckfvolcheck member
    edited July 2015
    It's only been a couple weeks and when he doesn't want to cuddle you anymore, you will miss it! You can't spoil a baby, even though people say you can. Ease into it as he grows and he will get use to it and be sleeping alone in no time! Enjoy it while it lasts!
    Hipshakerginger8484purplepanda42
  • Start wearing the baby. Through naps during the day. You can do chores like fold clothes, or go for a walk. That will get baby used to being swaddled again. Because they a are all wrapped up in a woven wrap right? Use a front cross carry to wear baby. Then baby gets used to movement too and noise and will start to learn to sleep through anything. Then you can you do most anything while they are sleep even change a diaper. 8wks is way young. Your coming up on some major cluster feeding events between 9-12 wks. Baby will sleep longer after theses cray cary growth spurts have fizzed out. Mine started sleeping better after she started rolling over. Your doing great baby sounds a typical.
    ginger8484
  • Good to hear there are other babies like mine. My 10 week LO has been sleeping on top of me since a month. She'll wake up the moment she's put down. I enjoy this time with her though. My husband calls her a baby kangaroo. lol.
    All this will fizzle away when they grow up.
    Enjoy the cuddles while they last.
  • My LO is also a cuddle bug. Cute during the day, not so much in the middle of the night. I really can't swaddle him because he is starting to flip over already. The best thing for us so far is him sleeping in the swing. I turn it on until he falls asleep then turn it off and he sleeps in it like a bassinet. I sleep on the couch next to him and when he wakes I let him know I'm here but he usually has to eat anyway
  • My LO was doing this week 1 and 2 now sometimes I can get him to sleep in his crib. And he is sleeping there more and more. I started with the cradle. Made sure it was right beside the bed and I also wrapped him in a blanket that my husband and I cuddled to. So he could see me and smell us. When he is fussy and we know his diaper is fine and he isn't hungry, I'll rub his belly, arms, legs or face seems to help. Hopefully this will help you!
  • Up every hour is completely normal for an 8 week old, especially if they are bf.
  • I think you got it good. Lol. My girl has to be put to sleep but won't always allow us to put her down. Sometimes she is up right away or others she will only sleep 30 minutes. Your baby sleeping an hour alone is awesome. Does he sleep alone at night? My girl finally started to a few weeks ago (almost 10 weeks old). I put her to bed an hour before we head to bed to get some alone time for hubby and I.
  • My baby girl is only 3 days old..and already she has made it clear that she is a cuddly baby. She is breastfed..I love the bond though. I do try and put her in her crib or swing after a feed and most times she will settle..but it's mainly at night where she wants to be close to me or my hubby. We start off in her crib but seems to end up tucked under daddy's arms. This time won't last long, so enjoy it. You can't spoil a newborn..We have to do what best for us, not what society says we should do. If baby cuddles is what it takes for us all to get some sleep then she wins. So try not to worry too much..your hubby needs to understand a little more and also understand that your baby won't be like this forever..you have a lifetime to get it on and have special moments!
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