Resurrecting this thread because I'm in need of some advice.
Long story short, my parents were extremely supportive of my pregnancy at first (I'm 20), but soon decided that SO was no longer allowed to be in the picture because I "need to live as a chaste Christian example to fix the role model I life for the youth of our church). My parents are extremely religious. I disagree and after many extremely bad arguments I decided it was best for baby and I to move out. I got an apartment with my SO and since we both have stable jobs, we have been completely finically independent. My parents basically disowned me and I've never looked back.
Since neither of my parents have been there emotionally for me, my SO's mother and I have gotten really close. She offered her home to us for a few weeks while we found an apartment and has been an extreme emotional support for me through this pregnancy. She has been a positive role model and definitely someone who has brightened my day. She only speaks Spanish, and while I'm learning, the language barrier is sometimes difficult. Tonight she asked me who I planned on having in the delivery room, and I said her son. And she said that since my mom is not involved, that if I wanted she could be there too. She was in the delivery room when SO's sister had her baby last year. I told her I would let her know.
This is my dilemma, I never planned on having anyone by SO in the room. I am a pretty private person and definitely wouldn't want my own mother witnessing me birthing a child, even if we were on good terms. SO is indifferent about it, but I'm torn. Part of me wants to let her because she has been a huge emotional support for me through the pregnancy so she may be during delivery too. But there are downsides. For one, the language barrier will cause me to have to think extra hard during delivery. SO and her will probably speak Spanish back and fourth and I'll have to think of how to formulate coherant sentences (hard enough in your native language during a contraction) but I'll have to be translating in me head. My other fear is that since her, SOs sister, and basically all of their friends had "med-free" births (it seems common in Latin culture, but I don't know if that's true), I feel like I'll be judged for having an epidural. I know that it is my body and my decision, but I don't want my SO and I to be on different pages because his mother is a heavy influence in his life.
I know I can always say no, but I'm trying to decide whether it could turn out to be a positive thing.
I think pretty much how you just put it was very lovely and tactful. Maybe without a few of the extra details you could let her know that she has been so supportive and all, but you'd prefer it to just be you and SO. If she was offering, not demanding, than maybe she just wanted you to have the option of a mother role being in there with you. Also, sorry about the situation with your family, that's really rough. However, good job standing up and doing what you think is best for you and baby and SO. I need to take a page out of that book too.
I am in the USA and also can't believe these threads. I've never heard of anyone I know having this issue. I'm having the first grandchild on both sides and all of our family has been super respectful and almost overly cautious about when to visit. No one would dream of trying to be in the delivery room. My parents will be the first to meet her after delivery and they will come from out of town when we are at the hospital and stay at our house until we give the word that we are ready for them to gone, probably a few hours after birth, depending on the time of day of course. It seems absurd and so disrespectful to me that without being invited, family and friends would behave the ways some of you have described.
I totally agree with you. Our LO is the 1st grandchild on my side and #7 on my DH's side. My parents are driving 7 hours to get to the hospital, but they know their area is the waiting room. They also know they can come to our home and rest. They will be staying for a week to help us out. My in laws are coming to visit later on and will be staying a week as well. Our hospital gave us a "Birth Plan" list. We are selecting our wishes. It even had a list to write the names of people who you want in the delivery room. My DH and I are on the same page that it will be just the 2 of us. Don't be afraid to tell them what you both want. If they get mad, well, they'll get over it. It's your body and your and SO experience.
You might be able to get away with it by telling pushy relatives that your hospital has policies limiting visitors. Mine actually has pretty strict rules, especially for L&D, and while I don't want to send one of "those" emails, I might just b/c I don't want people showing up and being pissed that they're not allowed in, but you don't have to tell the full truth if your hospital has a liberal policy on guests. What are they gonna do, show up and try to fight the hospital staff to be let in? Hospital staff are there to protect your health and safety first, not allow pushy loved ones to see your new baby ASAP (which let's face it, is what this is all about. A woman in labor isn't exactly a pretty sight.)
I am the kind of person that doesn't care who is in there. This is my 4th pregnancy and usually have had my mom, mother in law, 2 sisters and even once had my dad (who stayed at my head to video it) and of course my husband. The more the merrier for me... maybe I like the attention haha. But you can say who you want in there. Don't be afraid.
I have never understood people wanting to be IN the room for the birth. This is a medical procedure. They can easily make themselves comfortable in the waiting room down the hall and come in once everything is done, cleaned up, calmed down. That's what I've told my people and no one has questioned me on it. Good luck!
I will just have my husband there - Wouldn't want it any other way! We made this beautiful baby together so we going to bring it into the world together. I dont think i would feel 100% comfortable with parents, siblings etc. watching me for hours trying to push a baby out my "who-ha". Although i have had friends with family members in the delivery room and was thankful for the extra support. They had their mother even give support to their support person. Every person is different but you must be strong with what you want! You only get one shot of giving birth to this LO so make sure you do it how YOU want it xox
Re: delivery room
Also, sorry about the situation with your family, that's really rough. However, good job standing up and doing what you think is best for you and baby and SO. I need to take a page out of that book too.
My in laws are coming to visit later on and will be staying a week as well.
Our hospital gave us a "Birth Plan" list. We are selecting our wishes. It even had a list to write the names of people who you want in the delivery room. My DH and I are on the same page that it will be just the 2 of us.
Don't be afraid to tell them what you both want. If they get mad, well, they'll get over it. It's your body and your and SO experience.
You might be able to get away with it by telling pushy relatives that your hospital has policies limiting visitors. Mine actually has pretty strict rules, especially for L&D, and while I don't want to send one of "those" emails, I might just b/c I don't want people showing up and being pissed that they're not allowed in, but you don't have to tell the full truth if your hospital has a liberal policy on guests. What are they gonna do, show up and try to fight the hospital staff to be let in? Hospital staff are there to protect your health and safety first, not allow pushy loved ones to see your new baby ASAP (which let's face it, is what this is all about. A woman in labor isn't exactly a pretty sight.)
The more the merrier for me... maybe I like the attention haha. But you can say who you want in there. Don't be afraid.
Although i have had friends with family members in the delivery room and was thankful for the extra support. They had their mother even give support to their support person. Every person is different but you must be strong with what you want! You only get one shot of giving birth to this LO so make sure you do it how YOU want it