We are out (loss mention)
ladyanaya
member
I said goodbye to my beautiful angel Ezri at 18 weeks and one day. I wanted nothing more in life than to have my baby, hold her and raise her in the loving environment that my husband and I had prepared for her.
At 10 weeks we were informed by our OB-GYN that we our nuchal fold was too thick measuring at 5.1 mm. We went to a specialist (geneticist) at 11 weeks and they confirmed the findings. We were told all the horrible things it could be and decided to have a CVS test done to confirm if there were any problems. The CVS and FISH test resolves came back normal and indicated no chromosomal abnormalities. We were very happy and decided not to do the micro-array testing since it may or may not show any additional problems. We were told that there was a high chance of a heart complication that could be correctable when she was born. However at my 17 week ultrasound scan we found out our daughter had many severe medical complications and decided to make the hard choice not to allow her to suffer in this world. Doctors told us she had tetralogy of fallot, which consisted of 3 major heart problems including a hole in the heart, valve issues, and an issue where one heart shunt was undeveloped and was not transferring any blood from one side of the heart to the other, and one heart shunt which was merged into two chambers causing oxygenated and deoxygenated blood to mix. Doctors also told us that she also had a disordered called Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum, which is a rare birth defected where the corpus collasum is absence. We were informed that this is the piece of the brain that connects the two hemispheres together. Other than that we were also told she had a cleft lip and palate and a micro chin which would make it very hard for her to eat. They indicated to us she would not have a good chance for survival when born and would probably die. If she didn't die she would have significant cognitive delays, not know who or where she was and could develop other mental issues including psychosis and schizophrenia. Their guess (and hopefully will be confirmed) is that she had a severe case of DiGeorge Syndrome which was not picked up on the original CVS test. We were told 93% of the time that DiGeorge Syndrome is not inherited from either parent and just back luck.
We decided for her that we were going to go through with the D&E termination process as we never wanted her to suffer in this world and be in pain most of her life. I have cried a lot and I am emotionally, mentally and physically drained. Yesterday we had the laminaria sticks inserted and to be honest it was very painful for me. This was done at the OB-GYN office. I had severe cramping all night and into the morning. Today I showed up for the D&E procedure at the hospital. The doctors and nurses have all been wonderful to me knowing what my husband and I were going through. The anesthesiologist gave me medicine to calm me down prior to the procedure in pre-op and gave me lots of medicine to put me to sleep and ensure I had no pain. I was under monitored anesthetist care and I was told had an anesthesiologist in the operating room the entire time with me. I have no memory of the procedure. I do not even remember leaving the pre-op area, I just remember waking up and asking immediately for my husband. As far as physical pain from the D&E, I have only felt slight cramping which I have been able to just take Motrin and Tylenol. They gave me some additional medicine when I woke up to help pain. As far as matters of the heart, it will just take time to heal. I have had several break downs about never being able to hold her and never having her know the love that we both felt for her, but in the end, it was the best thing for her and not us.
We will miss our angel, but my husband and I believe she is in a better place where she didn't have to suffer in this world. We loved her so much and only knew her 18 weeks. We were so excited to make her a part of our family. She would of been our first child and she will always be in our hearts.
Best of luck to everyone else on these boards and I hope you all have healthy beautiful babies. We will try again in the future, but this baby girl will always be in our hearts and never forgotten.
Re: We are out (loss mention)
Feb 2016 Siggy Challenge, Favorite Thing About Fall
Baby F.......02/02/2016
Thank you for sharing your story so openly.
DS1 Jan 2012
DS2 July 2013
DS3 February 2016