Question regarding adopting

violetmarie61516 · June 2015

My best friend and her husband have offered to allow us to adopt their newborn. I know that this will probably step on some toes but they are going to purposely get pregnant and we will then adopt. She is closer to me than my own sisters and really wants to do this for us. I have an extensive medical history and at this point am unable to have children. My husband has fertility issues as well and financially we are unable to pursue further treatments.

I'm wondering if there is anyone that has been in a similar situation regarding the adoption from a known relative or friend? We have already worked out all the legal details and are involved in counseling. We've thought it through and feel this may be our only chance to start a family at this point.

I'm also wondering, and this may be a better question for intended parents within surrogacy, has anyone felt like they've missed out on all the aspects of being pregnant and carrying their own child. I am still mourning the loss of my of fertility for years now. It's gotten easier but I think once this is all put into motion, my feeling will become more intense.

Thanks for letting me share.

Chychy182 · June 2015

Yes it's not the same as u actually carrying the cold but the love you have for the baby will still be the same as if you carried this baby in your stomach, at times you won't even think about not being the baby's biological mom ... You have a wonderful friend for doing this for you... Good luck

violetmarie61516 · June 2015

Thank you for your feedback @Chychy182. We are so excited!

Knottie1442268460 · September 2015

I have fostered and feel the love will be the same. I don't feel I missed out on pregnancy. Bloated, tearing, heartburn, etc. what's to miss?

daystardreams · September 2015

My sister and I are considering going down the road of surrogacy because I am infertile. We haven't hammered out all the details yet but we've started talking about it over six months ago. I really think we're going to do it.

So I can't offer advice about surrogacy because we haven't started yet but I do want to say that I'm in mourning over losing the idea of a biological baby. I've had three miscarriages though and pregnancy hasn't ever been kind to me. No advice but I understand!

FloraMama · October 2015

My only advice is to continue in counseling and -- sadly -- prepare for the worst. You say the "legal details" are worked out, and I assume that means contracts, etc. But it sounds like this child will be conceived with your friends' egg and sperm, in which case they'll always be entitled to back out and keep the baby, until the day (after birth) they officially sign over their parental rights. No contract in the world is going to force an otherwise fit mother/father to give up their biological child.

With that risk in mind, I certainly wouldn't blame you for proceeding. You know your friends better than I do! If you do proceed, don't worry about feeling differently about the baby since you didn't carry him/her. When the time comes, I suggest investing in a baby carrier like Tula or Ergo. It puts your child snug against your stomach/chest, as close as they can get without being in your belly. As an adoptive mama myself, it's been one of the best feelings in the world for me.

Knottie1442268460 · October 2015

I like the softer carriers for newborns like baby ktan or a traditional wrap.

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