I'm already over it. This week m/s has kicked itself into over drive and I hate it. I feel so incredibly lazy. All I want to do is sleep and when I'm awake I don't want to eat because I feel so nauseous although eating is the only thing that sort of helps. I always feel like I have a horrible hangover or I'm catching a cold. All of this has sucked out the fun and excitement of becoming a mom.
I'm totally with you! I'm so scared and my first to I keep watching you tube videos and searching online stuff. Whenever i get scared I just look up baby and pregnancy stuff on Pinterest because it calms me down. I'm going to remain positive about this whole experience.
I just started teaching at a wonderful school that I love working at. I spent the last 4 years in inner city schools around LA and was convinced I was done with teaching, so my husband and I thought it was a good time to start trying. 2 days before school started I got this opportunity at an amazing school. I think we literally conceived the day or two before I found out about the job. A week after school started I found out I'm pregnant. We got pregnant the first try, so I relate to the "this is too easy!" It's been my biggest fear in life that it could be hard, so I'm relieved it wasn't. But I'm also scared of MC. I'm feeling better now that I'm 2 days away from my first doctor's appointment. I'm also scared about what this means for my job. As of now, I want to go back in the fall and I feel like the timing is actually pretty good - just have to take the last month off of school. But I'm also keeping an open mind that maybe I'll fall in love with being a mom and decide not to go back. I'm scared of making the wrong decision, especially since it's nearly impossible to find an awesome school to teach at in LA.
I'm somewhat surprised at the lack of information from the doctor's office. Once I got a positive pregnancy test, I immediately booked an appointment at my clinic to come in and get a blood test. I figured they would then give me some sort of checklist to follow but got nothing. This may well be normal, it just wasn't what I expected. Weeks later, at my first prenatal, they took a medical history but did no exam and my NT and dating ultrasound was booked for the 12th week which seems so far away. If it wasn't for the fact I had spotting and was given an emergency early ultrasound at 6 weeks, I wouldn't even feel pregnant. I've found most of what I need to know online, but reading everything online means you come across the many, many bad news stories. Subsequently, I'm now informed, but terrified. I generally feel fine, have no major symptoms aside from sore boobs and a beef aversion. So it doesn't feel real to me and, because I can't tell anyone, I feel a bit alone and lost.
I guess I will share one thing. I shared this with some other people last week and found I wasn't alone. But, one of the things I wasn't expecting is that I do not feel attached to this pregnancy or this baby right now. I am actually kind of depressed and wonder all the time what I've gotten myself into and if I can really handle this. My husband and I are pregnant intentionally and we were in love with this baby before it was even created but now that I'm actually pregnant I'm having a really hard time. Part of this is probably because I had to come off of depression medication when we started trying to get pregnant and while I am in therapy quite often it really isn't helping with this particular issue at all.
I'm hoping that once I hear a heartbeat or feel kicking that maybe I'll feel more attached, but right now I'm actually not enjoying this much at all, and sometimes even wish I wasn't pregnant. Not at all what I expected to be feeling.
My BFF just had a baby. I remember when she first told me she was pregnant she hated it. She hated her body, she didn't seem like she was enjoying the pregnancy like everyone says you should. Once she got toward the end (maybe after 20 or 25 weeks) is when I could notice a change in her demeanor. She was actually starting to enjoy it.
Sorry that your going through that and I hope this helps you maybe a little. Just remember pregnancy isn't forever!
I am worried about a few things, I guess "unprepared" would describe our situation to the T. This is our first baby and he/she is a major surprise! (Apparently, I ovulated twice last month...who knew?)
My fears/worries/concerns are as follows:
1) My parents live an hour away and DH's parents live 4 1/2 hrs away - so childcare is concerning, because we work full-time and daycare in our city is outrageous.
2) We currently live in a 2bd 2.5 bath 1200sqft town-home. It would be great, however, we have 2 50lb dogs. I really wanted a house before a baby, but oh well.
3) I just started my first semester of grad school. Working full time pays for my courses. The only other way I could get my course work paid for is if I land a GA/TA position that is 20hours a week which would be fabulous, so I could stay home even more with baby.
4) We weren't planning for a baby so neither one of us took up the offer for short term disability. I will have to use up my sick days + vacation time to get my 6 week maternity leave. Possibly contemplating taking unpaid FMLA for an additional 2wks as well. We'll see.
Just kind of keeping our fingers crossed and budgeting like crazy. Home will go on hold for another year-ish. I just want to be in a house by the time baby is a toddler. I can just see it now...a 2y/o riding one of our dogs down the stairs like a horse! X_X
You are not alone!! I have been worried too... I go to my first doctor appointment tomorrow. We think that I am 7 weeks along... I had a MC at 8 weeks years ago and have not tried since. I was also told that I may not be able to get pregnant about 3 years ago and here I am. I did go out and buy more pregnancy tests this weekend just to ease my mind... still showing positive though!
My biggest struggle has been the fatigue... I worry about it mostly with work but it just feels like anytime I have a minute to sit down and I passing out. I can barely wake up in the morning and can't wait to go to bed at night and if I get the chance to slip a nap in after work I usually am. I am trying to keep up with my workouts to keep energy but it is not helping!!! I read this dies down in the second trimester so I can't wait for that!
Me too. It's tough not telling people yet. I want to talk about what's normal and what isn't. I was cramping and had NO idea that was a normal symptom. I feel like you really don't hear about that much. So I went to the doctor at 4 weeks. "Why are you even here?" she said. Even with that..reassurance...I still feel nervous and am looking at my belly thinking one second "are you really there little baby" and "please stay in there little baby" the next second. The 1st trimester is a weird lonely time.
I am terrified about how this will affect my career. I own my own studio and I work through EVERYTHING (sickness, heat waves, freezes, you name it). My clients really depend on me to be there! But if I am put on bed-rest or something, I can't just push through like normal. So far I haven't had any symptoms that have gotten in the way (I can handle the thirst, hunger, sore boobs, and tiredness!), but it's so early that I am just crossing my fingers. Can't imagine having to run off and puke 5 times during someone's wedding... Unfortunately, my due date (as of now, before first appt) is WAY too close for comfort to 2 already scheduled events, back to back. I am praying that I don't get put on bed-rest and don't go into labor early and I can make it trough them (I have a back-up in place, but still...). Fortunately, I don't have anything else on the books for 6 weeks before OR after, so I can block my calendar off for any more.
My other big worry is that I won't be maternal at all when this kid arrives. I have never been the girly, mommy type. I ooh and ahh over babies and cute kids as much as the next person, but I don't want to actually hang out with them for long periods of time. It always ends up getting awkward, boring, or downright annoying after a while. The thought of having one HERE in my house that depends on me 24/7 is suddenly crazy scary. It hit me bad the other day when my sister was over the other day with her 2 month old. My sister and her hubby are the WORST stressy couple--constantly bickering and being know-it-alls about everything. I suddenly realized that I can't stand being around their baby (Which really makes me feel horrible, because how can I not like a 2 month old?? She's too young to even be not-likable!) and it really freaked me out. Maybe it's more them as a whole than just the baby by herself but my stress level goes through the roof whenever they are around. Other babies don't do that to me--I actually enjoy holding them and talking to them (as long as I can give them back after a bit)...but you would think I would like my own niece even more, right? So yeah, I am having little moments of panic that the mom-instinct that is supposed to kick in for your own flesh and blood just isn't going to be there for me.
Hmm - this is my first pregnancy. I guess my stomach has been really strange this last week. It always is feeling something and it freaks me out! Today I went in I did the pre-visit at my doctor filling out paperwork and doing the urine and blood test before my appointment next month. My mom has chronic kidney disease and it is something I have been bugging my doctor about for the last year, I wanted to know if it was something I am showing signs of now because they can slow it down if caught early enough. I have always had blood in my urine and protein, but those numbers were much higher after today's test. When reading, I started seeing that it was signs about preeclampsia and chronic kidney disease, or a UTI. That really has me nervous. I am also overweight. I have never been motivated enough to lose weight, great starter, but a horrible follow through, so that also has me nervous! I have been eating extremely well this last week since I found out and really trying hard. I always knew it would take eating for someone else to get me motivated. Just hope everything comes out alright.
Does anyone else have horrible cramps after going up or down stairs? This is the only time I cramp up really badly.
I don't really get horrible cramps, though sometimes certain yoga poses or exercises feel funny. Try some Tylenol if you know you're hitting the stairs a lot for the day? Unfortunately that's the best advice I have
I had the usual MC worries, but now very concerned about ectopic. My hcg levels:
13dpo - 46
16dpo - 206
18dpo - 402
23dpo - 1515
The nurse said these numbers were all good. They suggested an ultrasound this week (5 1/2 weeks) and I said why don't we wait until next week, because I was worried that it's too early and have read that you can't see much at this point anyway. And most women aren't seen until 8-10 wks anyway.
Well, yesterday I got 2 voicemails from the nurse saying that my hcg levels weren't increasing enough and that they suspect an ectopic pregnancy and they are concerned about an ectopic pregnancy, blah blah. I've never heard the word ectopic so many times in 4 min. It's terrifying. After TTC for a year and a half, we were so thrilled. Now I can't look at baby stuff and I'm just a big ball of stress. From everything that I've read, though my 23dpo level was *slightly* below average, I'm still not considered low. And my doubling rate was 1.4 days between the first 2 visits, 2.1 days between the second 2 visits, and 2.6 days in the last two visits. My understanding is that it's supposed to slow down and this is normal. But they are concerned because it's not doubling every 2 days.
So part of my is angry that they are being so alarmist, and freaking out the pregnant lady. And part of me is terrified that they're right. Guess I'll find out tomorrow morning around 7am.
I had the usual MC worries, but now very concerned about ectopic. My hcg levels:
13dpo - 46
16dpo - 206
18dpo - 402
23dpo - 1515
The nurse said these numbers were all good. They suggested an ultrasound this week (5 1/2 weeks) and I said why don't we wait until next week, because I was worried that it's too early and have read that you can't see much at this point anyway. And most women aren't seen until 8-10 wks anyway.
Well, yesterday I got 2 voicemails from the nurse saying that my hcg levels weren't increasing enough and that they suspect an ectopic pregnancy and they are concerned about an ectopic pregnancy, blah blah. I've never heard the word ectopic so many times in 4 min. It's terrifying. After TTC for a year and a half, we were so thrilled. Now I can't look at baby stuff and I'm just a big ball of stress. From everything that I've read, though my 23dpo level was *slightly* below average, I'm still not considered low. And my doubling rate was 1.4 days between the first 2 visits, 2.1 days between the second 2 visits, and 2.6 days in the last two visits. My understanding is that it's supposed to slow down and this is normal. But they are concerned because it's not doubling every 2 days.
So part of my is angry that they are being so alarmist, and freaking out the pregnant lady. And part of me is terrified that they're right. Guess I'll find out tomorrow morning around 7am.
I hope everything is ok and that they are worrying over nothing! It's horrible that they were so alarmist with you. I think an ectopic pregnancy is my biggest fear and I can't wait until my u/s but it's not until Oct 7th. :-(
Thanks. It's frustrating because everything I read online says that I'm on target/normal. I don't know why they would be so different than anything else out there.
I hope we both have happy healthy babies in there!!
@katkuper Me too! My OB didn't even have me do any blood tests yet so I'm completely in the dark until October 7th. I spend far more time than I really care to admit wondering if everything is going on as it should.
I love this thread, it means so much to me to hear all the other fears FTMs are experiencing.
My husband and I also got it in the first month of TTC - I really thought it would take us months. We were both really surprised when we found out September 5. Based on my LMP, I figured I was 6 weeks pregnant. On September 10 we went to see my OB, and there was nothing - just a thicker lining. We were terrified about what this meant. Based on my HCG levels though, she dated me at 3 1/2 weeks, and said don't worry and that it really was probably too early to see anything. My next appointment is tomorrow at 9am, and I am SO nervous... It was such a scare not seeing anything that first appointment, and by tomorrow I will be (supposedly) 5w2d, and I should be at least seeing a gestational sac and yolk sac. I'm so scared of what I will feel if I don't see that... Praying everything goes well tomorrow and that all you FTMs have a safe and happy 9 months ahead of you!!
Update: went in for my ultrasound and baby is fine! Not ectopic and no heartbeat yet but I'm barely 5.5 wks so that's to be expected. They took bodywork but then the Dr cancelled it since he could see the baby. First appointment with the actual OB is Oct 19. I can't wait!
I hope you ladies have great experiences as well! healthy babies all around!
4) We weren't planning for a baby so neither one of us took up the offer for short term disability. I will have to use up my sick days + vacation time to get my 6 week maternity leave. Possibly contemplating taking unpaid FMLA for an additional 2wks as well. We'll see.
I'm in the same situation. Except my work has no paid leave, so we are trying to save as much as possible. I love my job but I wish I worked somewhere with paid leave as a benefit.
I'm worried about my husband - he's really excited about the baby but I don't see him stepping up yet to do all the things I feel compelled to do. I want to fix up our house and I want to get as much done as possible in the next 8 months! I'm worried he doesn't understand how much help I'll need around the house. Right now I take care of a large majority of cooking and cleaning and taking care of the dogs. I hope as May gets closer he'll step up.
One minor, unexpected thing. I'd always heard that if you get morning sickness, eating small amounts throughout the day helps prevent it. I've been lucky enough to avoid anything other than mild to moderate nausea accompanied by extreme bloating. However, for me, EATING acts as a trigger, no matter how little I eat.It gives me a fairly upset stomach. I immediately blow up so I look 5 months pregnant (which is not ideal when I'm at work) and feel queasy. Where as, if I haven't eaten, I feel just fine.
I am terrified I'm going to mc. No clue why. No spotting, no bleeding, but I have cramping. Every twinge sends me running to the bathroom to check. What I feel is weird is that I don't have symptoms every day, so on the days I don't I take another test. Still positive. Not that I want to puke all the time but a little extra reassurance would be nice. Luckily I have a bunch of cheapo tests!
4) We weren't planning for a baby so neither one of us took up the offer for short term disability. I will have to use up my sick days + vacation time to get my 6 week maternity leave. Possibly contemplating taking unpaid FMLA for an additional 2wks as well. We'll see.
I'm in the same situation. Except my work has no paid leave, so we are trying to save as much as possible. I love my job but I wish I worked somewhere with paid leave as a benefit.
I'm worried about my husband - he's really excited about the baby but I don't see him stepping up yet to do all the things I feel compelled to do. I want to fix up our house and I want to get as much done as possible in the next 8 months! I'm worried he doesn't understand how much help I'll need around the house. Right now I take care of a large majority of cooking and cleaning and taking care of the dogs. I hope as May gets closer he'll step up.
It's probably not quite as real for him as it is for you. If he doesn't start helping you out soon you could always give him a nudge - or have a quick heart to heart with your needs and expectations.
I am terrified I'm going to mc. No clue why. No spotting, no bleeding, but I have cramping. Every twinge sends me running to the bathroom to check. What I feel is weird is that I don't have symptoms every day, so on the days I don't I take another test. Still positive. Not that I want to puke all the time but a little extra reassurance would be nice. Luckily I have a bunch of cheapo tests!
This is so normal, rest assured. I've had barely any symptoms. So much so that I kept peeing on sticks as well. Just a heads up- stop after about 6 weeks (if you aren't there yet) or you might experience the hook effect with your hpt test and it will truly freak you out. Cramping is normal. Your thoughts are normal. I'm about 8 weeks and started getting some light period like cramps yesterday. First appointment is still 10 days away and I am terrified the doctor is going to tell me there is nothing in there.
Im worried that I have twins. I don't know why. Grandpa was a twin, and it skipped TWO generations. I have a prenatal exam in October where I would be 9 weeks (4w4d currently), I was stupid and didnt ask about Ultrasounds or anything. I have to wait until October 20th to find out when I get an ultrasound. I'm so very anxious that it hasnt been booked. When did you ladies yet your first ultrasound?
@knottie477244 I had my first when I was 5 weeks, and I'm going back in about a week and half when I'll be a day away from being 10 weeks. I don't understand why some doctors prefer to wait, but from what I've read on a lot of these boards that seems kind of common. Some ladies are having to wait until their 20th week - it's crazy! But best of luck to you for a happy and healthy pregnancy!
Mostly our worries are about other things... giving the kid a lousy name for example or screwing something up after they're born, forever putting them behind the curve somehow. Maybe not reading or talking to them enough, or even looking at them funny. It's not the most rational thing there is, and it comes out even less so when I type it.
I'm trying my best to relax and live in the moment but not doing a very good job this week. I am a ball of anxiety, counting down the minutes and hours until my NT scan next week. I know I am lucky that I got to have a US and see the heart beat in my 6th week but waiting for the next bench mark is kicking my butt.
I wanted to come back and update that my initial terror has mostly subsided. I now just have typical "OMFG I'm pregnant what did I do?!" pregnancy meltdowns, but the feelings of not wanting it have abated. I'm relieved; I thought I'd be dealing with them this entire time. I wouldn't say I'm in love yet...but I'm not in hate, so that is good. Besides, being in love is hard when you're nauseated 24/7!
First ultrasound today, and I'm hoping it makes things more real
I wanted to come back and update that my initial terror has mostly subsided. I now just have typical "OMFG I'm pregnant what did I do?!" pregnancy meltdowns, but the feelings of not wanting it have abated. I'm relieved; I thought I'd be dealing with them this entire time. I wouldn't say I'm in love yet...but I'm not in hate, so that is good. Besides, being in love is hard when you're nauseated 24/7!
First ultrasound today, and I'm hoping it makes things more real
This is great to hear!! Looking forward to your US update!
I have been extremely worried about MC. My best friend and older sister both had so much trouble getting pregnant and both suffered losses that I thought it was too easy or something wasn't right. I've had spotting off and on from week 5 to the beginning of week 7. It is very stressful and I'm always wondering what I can do to prevent it. The only symptoms I have are being extremely tired att, lack of appetite which is more food aversion (I get hungry but once I start to eat it makes me nauseous so I stop eating), I get full fast when I do eat, and extremely sore breasts. I don't feel pregnant though and it worries me. I think once I have my first Drs appt I will feel more at ease and actually believe I'm pregnant.
I am often freaking about about what we were thinking....
We wanted it, but I never ever thought it would happen at the first try. So many of my friends have been struggling for years, so I never expected anything to happen so quickly. Stupid me, I should have known.
I am not ungrateful or anything, I guess I even feel guilty about how easy we had it.
And I have the usual.. the fear of how our life will be... will i still be myself? How will we be as a couple?
We live on the other side of the world, and have no family where we are. How is that going to be? How upset will our parents be, as they'll be sooo far away from their first grandchild...
Worries. Worries. And often the thought: Next year or whenever... it would have been a better time.
I know that's crap though. You're never a hundred percent prepared or ready for what's to come :-)
Re: First Time Moms - Worries? Fears? Anything Unexpected You Want to Share?
All of this has sucked out the fun and excitement of becoming a mom.
DD: 05/14/16
Sorry that your going through that and I hope this helps you maybe a little. Just remember pregnancy isn't forever!
Edit: words are hard
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019My fears/worries/concerns are as follows:
1) My parents live an hour away and DH's parents live 4 1/2 hrs away - so childcare is concerning, because we work full-time and daycare in our city is outrageous.
2) We currently live in a 2bd 2.5 bath 1200sqft town-home. It would be great, however, we have 2 50lb dogs. I really wanted a house before a baby, but oh well.
3) I just started my first semester of grad school. Working full time pays for my courses. The only other way I could get my course work paid for is if I land a GA/TA position that is 20hours a week which would be fabulous, so I could stay home even more with baby.
4) We weren't planning for a baby so neither one of us took up the offer for short term disability. I will have to use up my sick days + vacation time to get my 6 week maternity leave. Possibly contemplating taking unpaid FMLA for an additional 2wks as well. We'll see.
Just kind of keeping our fingers crossed and budgeting like crazy. Home will go on hold for another year-ish. I just want to be in a house by the time baby is a toddler. I can just see it now...a 2y/o riding one of our dogs down the stairs like a horse! X_X
I had the usual MC worries, but now very concerned about ectopic. My hcg levels:
13dpo - 46
16dpo - 206
18dpo - 402
23dpo - 1515
The nurse said these numbers were all good. They suggested an ultrasound this week (5 1/2 weeks) and I said why don't we wait until next week, because I was worried that it's too early and have read that you can't see much at this point anyway. And most women aren't seen until 8-10 wks anyway.
Well, yesterday I got 2 voicemails from the nurse saying that my hcg levels weren't increasing enough and that they suspect an ectopic pregnancy and they are concerned about an ectopic pregnancy, blah blah. I've never heard the word ectopic so many times in 4 min. It's terrifying. After TTC for a year and a half, we were so thrilled. Now I can't look at baby stuff and I'm just a big ball of stress. From everything that I've read, though my 23dpo level was *slightly* below average, I'm still not considered low. And my doubling rate was 1.4 days between the first 2 visits, 2.1 days between the second 2 visits, and 2.6 days in the last two visits. My understanding is that it's supposed to slow down and this is normal. But they are concerned because it's not doubling every 2 days.
So part of my is angry that they are being so alarmist, and freaking out the pregnant lady. And part of me is terrified that they're right. Guess I'll find out tomorrow morning around 7am.
Thanks. It's frustrating because everything I read online says that I'm on target/normal. I don't know why they would be so different than anything else out there.
I hope we both have happy healthy babies in there!!
My husband and I also got it in the first month of TTC - I really thought it would take us months. We were both really surprised when we found out September 5. Based on my LMP, I figured I was 6 weeks pregnant. On September 10 we went to see my OB, and there was nothing - just a thicker lining. We were terrified about what this meant. Based on my HCG levels though, she dated me at 3 1/2 weeks, and said don't worry and that it really was probably too early to see anything. My next appointment is tomorrow at 9am, and I am SO nervous... It was such a scare not seeing anything that first appointment, and by tomorrow I will be (supposedly) 5w2d, and I should be at least seeing a gestational sac and yolk sac. I'm so scared of what I will feel if I don't see that... Praying everything goes well tomorrow and that all you FTMs have a safe and happy 9 months ahead of you!!
I hope you ladies have great experiences as well!
It's probably not quite as real for him as it is for you. If he doesn't start helping you out soon you could always give him a nudge - or have a quick heart to heart with your needs and expectations.
@knottie477244 I had my first when I was 5 weeks, and I'm going back in about a week and half when I'll be a day away from being 10 weeks. I don't understand why some doctors prefer to wait, but from what I've read on a lot of these boards that seems kind of common. Some ladies are having to wait until their 20th week - it's crazy! But best of luck to you for a happy and healthy pregnancy!
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020