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December 2015 Moms
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Husband Traveling - Am I Being Irrational?

kidcapri100kidcapri100 member
in December 2015 Moms
I could really use the unbiased opinion of you ladies right now as I know I'm a little overly-sensitive these days...

My husband and I were invited to a wedding in mid-Oct. It is for one of my husband's friends (a close friend but not a best friend, he is not in the wedding, etc). The wedding would require a 3hr plane ride, a rental car with an hour drive from the airport to the wedding and an overnight hotel stay.

I can't go to the wedding due to several pregnancy complications. My high risk doc advised me that after 28 weeks I should not be more than 3hrs driving distance from the hospital as my pregnancy complications tend to lead to pre-term labor. I assumed that because I couldn't travel that my husband wouldn't either...however, I was wrong in assuming and he wants to go to this wedding by himself.

I'm personally not comfortable with him leaving me alone for two days when we have such a high risk of preterm labor. This is our first baby and we recently moved half way across the country so we have no family or close friends here in case something were to happen in his absence. He thinks I'm being irrational and wants me to meet with my doctors again to ask them if he can go... Last time when I asked my doctors they told me they have absolutely no way of predicting when the baby will come, however every week past 30 the likelihood becomes greater as the baby gets bigger/heavier.

Am I being irrational? I know my husband misses his friends back home but so do I! I'm just terrified that he will go and I will go into labor by myself or have an issue that puts me in the hospital by myself (again..) I know the likelihood is not high because it's less than 36hrs that he would be gone, but I would just feel so much better if he were here! Not to mention if he did go he would be missing our last birthing class and I would have to go by myself..

Your thoughts and insights are greatly appreciated!! Especially any of you ladies dealing with the threat of preterm birth or have had experience with it in the past.



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Re: Husband Traveling - Am I Being Irrational?

  • reneetsureneetsu member
    I totally understand where you are coming from. I would want my husband close as well, but it sounds to me that you may be jealous of him going without you more than the medical side of it. If that's the case maybe you should tell him that and that if he goes without you what kind of feelings you have about that. I personally would be jealous as well and knowing myself I would hold it against him!
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  • Beckah31Beckah31 member
    If it's only 36 hrs, and you'll be around 30 weeks, I'd help him pack. Yes. You COULD go into labor. It's possible. It's also more probable that you won't. I've done the high risk pregnancy thing twice. It's scary, it's stressful, but unless it's the day before and it's looking like labor is imminent, I'd let him go. Maybe get travel insurance in case he can't go.
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  • RratledgeRratledge member
    I think I would feel the same way. My husband has to travel almost all of October for business (one week he will be in India) and I worry something might happen while he's gone even though it's still early. He can't get out of it, so I think I'll ask my mom or MIL to be my back up in case I go into labor early. Fortunately they live close. Could you ask a close friend or family member to visit you while your husband is away? They could attend your last class with you and be there if you go into labor.
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  • breezypipbreezypip member
    I am in a similar situation with a higher pre-term labor risk and a FTM, and I would feel exactly as you do. Yeah, it's just a couple of days and yeah, you **probably** won't go into labor during that time, but I would worry anyway with the risk being higher. If it were a normal healthy pregnancy i'd be all for him going. I don't think my husband would travel away from me at this point in our pregnancy because he worries about it as well, but then again the issue hasn't come up. I wouldn't want him to stay out of jealousy like a PP mentioned (although maybe it is an issue for you), but more out of worry that my support system will be far away at possibly one of the most exciting/scary times in my life. Just my two cents.
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  • VesperLoveVesperLove member
    While I completely understand your concerns, my opinion would be to let him go. 36 hours is not a long time. There is always a way to jump on a plane and come back early. Not saying your concerns aren't justified. Just giving my opinion.
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  • raq_2020raq_2020 member
    Hmm I didn't read jealousy as the reason you are concerned, I'm thinking others might be projecting their own feelings there;) I'm high risk and can understand where you're coming from! I told my husband if his family (about 2 hrs away) is planning on throwing a shower, they better plan it for pretty soon because I'm not traveling more than an hour from our hospital starting in November..

    I don't feel comfortable advising you on what you should do in your marriage, but I can tell you that I would probably be ok with him going. I think it's unfortunate timing but I also see a lot of value in supporting each others' needs. In my marriage, I have been feeling very supported over the past 6 months, therefore would be happy to give him the opportunity to pursue a social activity that he is looking forward to, even though I would be sacrificing my need for his support at that time. However, if I hadn't been feeling as positive about the support he's given me, I might not make that same decision. I also might not make that decision if the trip were in, say, November. (My due date is late december, so maybe yours is earlier).

    Whatever you decide, no-I don't think you're being irrational!!! It sounds like you really count on him and that it's important to you that he is there for labor &/or any complications! That's not irrational at all. You stated you're not comfortable with it, so maybe you already know your answer.

    Good luck:)
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  • koala1107koala1107 member
    Totally understand both views, I would be apprehensive as well if I had your history and risk. I would say keep looking for some sort of backup support that would make you feel more comfortable if something were to happen while he was away but if there's really no one, I wouldn't want my husband leaving either. Hope you are able to find a compromise and it all works out!
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  • kdoak2015kdoak2015 member
    My husband is leaving for a week training session and yes it's work not leisure but I know if something goes on he'll be by my side at the drop of a hat so I am not worried.

    I'm sure if anything happens your hubby will be on the first flight out.
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  • celainevcelainev member
    I definitely think he should go! He's only a couple hours away if something happens to you... And let him see his friends back home and enjoy some time with them before life is way to hectic. My DH has gone one 2 trips so far during the roughest times of my pregnancy. I missed him and was sad, but he needed the time with his friends, and I respect that.
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  • nz113nz113 member
    I don't think you're irrational at all. I would feel the same as you.
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  • kmkaull2kmkaull2 member

    I am in similar shoes. Preterm labor last time at 29 weeks . . . bedrest, and then I made it to almost 37 weeks. I'm being watched carefully for preterm labor again. My husband travels a lot for work. We talked and agreed that he would not travel past week 34, and then only if things were still quiet. I will have a backup plan (for my other kids, as well as getting to the hospital) with a friend or relative.

    If you had a problem, how quickly do you think he could get back? 5-6 hours? Maybe talk that over with him. Does he "get" that he could miss the birth of his baby. Maybe if he really thinks about it, he'll decide on his own that it isn't a good plan.


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  • MssyMmmyMssyMmmy member
    Lurking from Jan although I could have a dec baby ;) I just wanted to say I totally understand where you are coming from. I wouldn't want my husband to leave while I am 34 weeks and I am not high risk. Nevermind your previous solo hospital experience, which must have been very scary. My husband is a pilot and away a lot. I also live in a city where I have limited friends and family. I think it would be smart to come up with a back up plan in case you do go in to labor. It may put your mind at ease. I am not going to lie my emotional brain would probably cry if my husband took an unnecessary trip without me. I know he deserves to have fun and do things on his own. But just being realistic. I would love to say I would be happy for him to attend without me but I would probably be a mess...
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  • CmagnoCmagno member
    After reading your follow up I'd say I'd probably ask him to stay. Voice your concerns again in a very honest way and then let him decide, but pregnancy is tough and I think that close to the end (especially if you are high risk to come early) is a time to focus on being together and laying low while you prep for LO. You've already been through a lot.
    It sounds like he keeps a pretty busy social calendar and hopefully he can catch up and celebrate with this friend after the wedding. Life doesn't end after the baby is born, there will still be opportunities to travel and visit friends but for now supporting you and LO should be the priority.
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    I read your original post to my husband to get a male perspective. We agreed that your concerns were sensible, but we also think that hubby should be able to go if he so chooses. As a compromise, is there a trusted friend or family member that can stay with you while he is gone? Or you can stay with them? I live super close to my maternal side, so if it were us, I'd be okay. If you have someone who can be around for you then it should work out. If not, we agree that then maybe he should really consider staying home so you aren't alone in the event of pre-term labor.
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  • juliestevejuliesteve member
    Before I read your update, I was definitely in the 'let him go!' camp. But...knowing he's already had 2 trips alone (one to Greece!!) while you've been home on bed rest, and the fact that you'll be 34 weeks, I'd hope and prefer that he stay home this time. Sure, it could be a very uneventful weekend if he stays home with you, but you just don't know. 
    I've been on a modified bed rest and off work since June. I've missed so many things this summer with me DH and DD, but you know what? As sucky as it was, it was worth it. I'm now 28 weeks and baby is doing so well. 

    I think asking your husband to stay isn't totally unreasonable at all. In fact, my husband would probably stay without me having to ask him, especially given how many weeks you'd be AND knowing he's already had a few fun trips without you. 
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  • kittyberetkittyberet member
    Based on your update and timing I would say no to the trip. I am due 12/1 but I'm having twins so they will be born in early November due to some complications.

    DH & I were invited to 2 weddings in early October. I'm not cleared to fly and we have a toddler whom I'm struggling to lift already. I told him he could go if he'd like but he'd have to take the toddler. He declined because he wants to save all his leave for when the babies arrive and he feels it's too risky plus flying with a toddler is hard.
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    juliesteve said:
    Before I read your update, I was definitely in the 'let him go!' camp. But...knowing he's already had 2 trips alone (one to Greece!!) while you've been home on bed rest, and the fact that you'll be 34 weeks, I'd hope and prefer that he stay home this time. Sure, it could be a very uneventful weekend if he stays home with you, but you just don't know. 
    I've been on a modified bed rest and off work since June. I've missed so many things this summer with me DH and DD, but you know what? As sucky as it was, it was worth it. I'm now 28 weeks and baby is doing so well. 

    I think asking your husband to stay isn't totally unreasonable at all. In fact, my husband would probably stay without me having to ask him, especially given how many weeks you'd be AND knowing he's already had a few fun trips without you. 
    Oh there was an update?! I missed it -__x. I change my initial response. He can stay home. 
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