First prenatal appointment

kjgalarza · September 2015

so my first prenatal appointment is on Monday the 28th (I'll be 6 1/2 weeks) and my mom desperately wants to go with me, considering this is her first grandbaby I can understand. But my husband also wants to go and I think he has more of a right to. But I'm not sure how to tell my mom it's kind of an intimate momen for DH and I to see our baby this first time together and I want it to be between the two of us. Plus, isn't it a little weird to bring your mom AND your husband? It's just the first appt, right? Or is it appropriate to bring both? Ugh... HELP.

kmcchs · September 2015

I'd just tell your mom that it's something you and your husband want to experience together. You can bring her the ultrasound photo afterwards.

countrygrl5533 · September 2015

Are you even getting an u/s at your first appt? My experience is that most first appts are just pee in a cup, talk to the doc for a few minutes, get handed a bunch of flyers/papers, then schedule your u/s. Nothing grand or interesting.

There is no way I would want my mom at any of my appts. Really, I find that an invasion of privacy. So if you don't want her there, just be honest and tell her that you and DH just want to do the appt alone.

missnc77 · September 2015

@countrygrl5533 - I got an ultrasound at my first 6 week appointment.

@kjgalarza - "But I'm not sure how to tell my mom it's kind of an intimate momen for DH and I to see our baby this first time together and I want it to be between the two of us."

What's wrong with telling her that? It's not rude, and it's perfectly understandable. At my first appointment between the doctor, his nurse, and my husband, the room was a packed house. I was already a ball of nerves. If my mom was piled in there too, I would have felt like I was going to suffocate.

vinerie · September 2015

kjgalarza I would say exactly what you said in this post (sans telling her that "it's a little weird" for her to come). But what you wrote here about it being an intimate moment between you and your partner should suffice. If you are in a relationship like marriage or some sort of long-term commitment, having an over-involved parent can put a strain on things, so it might be useful to set some boundaries now.

sjecc09 · September 2015

I agree with @vinerie. Just tell your mom that it's a special time for you and your spouse and be sure to grab an extra copy of the US picture for her to keep! I don't think it's rude at all. Sometimes having clear boundaries with family can help keep you from feeling smothered! Good luck!

cortney626 · September 2015

If you want to spare her feelings just stress that it's a long informative appointment going over procedures, appointments, peeing in a cup, etc. Tell her she can go to a later appointment where they do an ultrasound. My mom wanted to come too. I told her no. It's just hubby and I!!

mrstmoose · September 2015

I don't think this is anything to get nervous about. You and your H created your baby, not your mother. My parents will be grandparents for the first time but I would look at them like they are crazy if they asked to come to any appointments. I'm super close with my parents but that is a boundary for me...and also out of respect for DH. This is our child and he needs to come to appointments, not my mom (or dad). I would just tell your mom that you want your DH to come to the appointments but will let her know if there are any she is welcome to be at. This way you leave it open, in case you do want her to come, or not. I personally would rather show my mom the U/S picture and have her not be at the appointment.

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