Is it rude to determine when my baby shower should be? — The Bump
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Is it rude to determine when my baby shower should be?

I had lunch with my mom today, and she let me know that she had talked with my mother-in-law about my baby shower (they're co-hosting it) and that my MIL would like to have it at her house (which I'm fine with, of course). But then she also mentioned that my MIL was thinking of having it sometime in January - after Christmas. My due date is February 3rd, and having the shower so close makes me a little nervous - I worry about going into labor early, or not having the energy to put together/put away baby things if I'm 35+ weeks pregnant. I was thinking that having it sometime in early December makes more sense.

Anyway, would it rude or presumptuous of me to let my MIL know that I would prefer to have my shower a little earlier? I know that "planning" your own shower is seen as tacky, so I wanted to make sure that I'm not stepping on toes.

Thanks for any replies!

Re: Is it rude to determine when my baby shower should be?

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  • Yeah, I thought of that too. I can definitely understand people preferring to go to a baby shower after the Christmas season dies down, I'm just worried that I'll be too far along to really enjoy it. Would November be too early for my shower, do you think?
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  • suteki325 said:
    Yeah, I thought of that too. I can definitely understand people preferring to go to a baby shower after the Christmas season dies down, I'm just worried that I'll be too far along to really enjoy it. Would November be too early for my shower, do you think?
    I don't think November would be too early for your shower. I would be too worried about having a shower less than a month from my due date and the holidays are a bad time for everyone. I think this is the best solution. And I don't think its rude of you at all to have input on the date of the shower. I mean, if you can't make it, then it wouldn't be much of a shower  :)  Good luck!
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    I think NOvember would be fine.  And yes, sure, talk to your MIL about it.  BUT if she insists on January, just ask that it be as early in the month as possible and be gracioius about it.  But hopefully she'll listen to your concerns and work with you.
  • You should get some input on when the shower is.  I had mine in February, my son was born in March - I was probably 35 weeks at the time of the shower.  I wanted to put everything together & away as soon as the shower was over, but my husband made me leave it so I wouldn't over do it.  Kudos to him for making me realize that I needed to rest and it would be there the next day for us both to go through & put together what was needed right away & store what we would need later.
  • I would definitely suggest an earlier date. If people can't come because of the holidays, so be it. There will always be people who can't come for one reason or another. I had my shower at 35 weeks, and I delivered exactly one week later at 36 weeks, and didn't have everything ready. We made do, of course, and it was fine, but if my shower had been any later I would have missed it.

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  • You can always ask and see if they don't mind moving it.  But if they have a good reason why it needs to be in early January, just roll with it.  Rest assured that there's an overwhelming chance that you will not have had the baby yet and that you'll still be able to rally enough to put baby supplies away and write thank you notes.

    If there's one thing I could go back and tell my pregnant self, it would be "don't worry so much about whether or not you will be tired or uncomfortable-- you can handle all of this!"
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  • I see nothing wrong with it ... I picked the date of mine.. Ppl always forget that some women dont like it too close because the bigger you get the more uncomfortable you get and what not.. You want to be able to enjoy your shower...
  • My due date was Feb 18 and I had my shower the last weekend in November. It was perfect timing. People are too busy with holiday parties in December. I guess it depends on your relationship with your mil if you can politely suggest that. If she's against it, don't push it..
  • My due date is the day before yours (2/2). My shower will be 11/15 because of the same reasons. Jan seemed too late and December conflicted with the holidays and my/my husband's bdays which fall right before Christmas. It seemed like way too much celebrating within such a short period of time lol.

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  • You can make a request, but ultimately the host decides the date/place/guest list.

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  • My due date is December 12 and my shower is October 3. The host originally wanted to do it the second week of November, which I felt would be too late for me to be comfortable with. Babies in my family tend to be early birds and we are waiting to buy wipes, clothes and some gear until after the shower. I just talked to her about it and she wasn't offended in the least, she saw where I was coming from and agreed on early October. I definitely think the mother to be should have input.
  • I'm due Jan. 24th and we are having mine November 15th. Most people that have asked me so far have said they think it's a good idea to do it before Thanksgiving and the holidays. They didn't seem too bothered by us doing it that early.  I'll be 30 weeks exactly on my shower date. To me, that doesn't seem too far ahead of what might be considered the norm. for having your shower.
  • Thank you all for your replies! I was actually lucky enough to have my MIL come to me directly and ask if there was a particular date I wanted to have my shower on, so it all worked out great. We chose November 22nd, so I think I will be pregnant enough to have the cute baby bump, but still have plenty of time left to get everything in order.
  • Its nice that your MIL asked for your opinion on the date. I would have agreed that before Christmas is busy, and the other thing with 1/3, is that it is a long holiday their might have been quite a few people who have plans for the whole weekend. 

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  • I had the same situation. My mom told me she was going to plan my shower on October 25th. (I'll be 36 weeks) and my best friend, who is also pregnant will be 38 weeks pregnant. I asked her if we could change the date to something earlier in October or even end of September and she said that the shower is a gift and should be a surprise. She told me that I can't choose and basically that it was rude to ask. :( ohh and the date was only set to the 25th of october because my sister works at walmart and didn't want to take one 3 hour afternoon off.

    Oh well, hope your talk goes better than mine did
  • I don't think it's rude to suggest some possible dates and then maybe your MIL can pick out of those dates. The host should take into consideration of what works for you as well, you are the reason the shower is being thrown. I'm due mid-Feb and mine is Nov 14th because of the holidays and then January is too close I think. 
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