Outed!

m6agua · September 2015

Ok so I just got my BFP a few days ago so I am only about 3.5 weeks along and only DH, me and my BFF know. We are waiting to tell other until at least 9 weeks but maybe 13 weeks.

Last night we had a friends (husband and wife) housewarming party to go to. I had a game plan to try and hide it but I knew it would be hard. I denied everything but the wife didn't believe me (she is also TTC, so I was sharing all the info I learned on the TTGP board). She basically said to me if your not pregnant take a shot then, and of course I can't. It was a private conversation so only she knows, so I swore here to secrecy, I'm sure she will tell her husband (he was one of my close friends in high school) but I know they will keep the secret and they don't really hang out with our main group of friends anyway.

Anyone else get outed earlier than they wanted?

vinerie · September 2015

I had TB up on my computer at work and a colleague did the "knock-while-simultaneously-walking-into-the-office' thing. The way my office is configured, you can see what's on my computer screen if you're standing at my door. Anyhow, he definitely paused and I am certain I saw a half smile. He has a one-year-old and it wouldn't surprise me if his wife was on TB and he knows what it is. HE didn't say anything, but I figure he may know.

mrstmoose · September 2015

I'm lucky that I'm not a big drinker or anything but I'm worried that we will spill the beans ourself since we are so excited! My best friend knows and my other one will find out soon (she had a birthday party for her son yesterday and went in to get induced today, talk about a crazy weekend for her. I didn't want to make it about me since she had a full weekend). Just so excited!

Spylon · September 2015

I've been lucky so far, but I know it's going to happen soon. I'm going to a work conference in Toronto with some colleagues in October, and they know I like to drink. Not like constantly or to excess or anything, but I'm definitely not going to be able to get away with a whole week of no drinks at a fancy hotel without them figuring it out. @mrstmoose, I'm the same as you though, I may spill the beans myself before that just out of sheer excitement lol

yogahh · September 2015

I was just outed at the bar when I ordered a seltzer. Oh well...

widdlee · September 2015

For weeks we had birthday parties and little get togethers I always had a alcoholic drink in front of me and kept asking my husband to try it so it looked like I was drinking it, but I had water nearby at all times. My husband had 1 too many drinks on his birthday and began telling all his friends "in secret" but they kept coming up to congratulate me! I was gracefully irritated because I was only 6 weeks I had to ask them to please keep it quiet because it's too soon.. Sheeeesh!! :-L

lalala2004 · September 2015

Yep, I was outed in my church small group after admitting to feeling tired and unmotivated, of all things. Someone just straight out asked if I was pregnant, and I can't bold face lie.

I was pretty upset. I know none of them will tell anyone, but I wanted to tell family first.

PrimRoseMama · September 2015

Folks usually can pinpoint when I'm pg simply because I'm usually very energetic. When pregnant I feel like I'm swimming through cement. I won't even bother trying to hide it with number 3 in the future. I tried with DS (#2) but it was a truly fruitless exercise.

amross92014 · September 2015

I've been trying to avoid some social functions, but I'm kind of at my limit for excuses. My last outing I was drinking "vodka cranberry" which was really water and cranberry. The bartender and I had an agreement of sorts. Helped out big time. We have a wedding next weekend though and I can only hide so much. I'm also having a rough time at work because I have suddenly given up soda and coffee... That and my wedding ring already doesn't fit so I've had to use the "I've just been gaining weight so I'm trying to be healthier excuse".

blockedrose · September 2015

One of my co workers keeps asking if I am though I keep putting her off saying that I don't think so. I don't think she is convinced but ill keep this going as long as I can. Don't want to jinx anything

mariaalene · September 2015

Well not the baby (yet) but today I'm pretty sure my secret marriage was discovered. My husband had his brother over and they were trying to stream the football game on the computer. So the brother hands me my tablet and says "can you type in your password" I look at the screen and it's got my new email with my married name and my married names on the acct and bill. He didn't say anything but I don't want him to go home and be like "mom so are they like married bc she's using his last name on like their bills and email and it all says MRS." I just needed health insurance now but I don't want to belittle my real wedding that ppl are actually invited to and make it meaningless. I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna find out when the baby's born tho cuz my family is gonna be asking for my room and the nurses will be like we have no one here by that name.

fwtx5815 · September 2015

mariaalene said:
Well not the baby (yet) but today I'm pretty sure my secret marriage was discovered. My husband had his brother over and they were trying to stream the football game on the computer. So the brother hands me my tablet and says "can you type in your password" I look at the screen and it's got my new email with my married name and my married names on the acct and bill. He didn't say anything but I don't want him to go home and be like "mom so are they like married bc she's using his last name on like their bills and email and it all says MRS." I just needed health insurance now but I don't want to belittle my real wedding that ppl are actually invited to and make it meaningless. I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna find out when the baby's born tho cuz my family is gonna be asking for my room and the nurses will be like we have no one here by that name.

(Lurker here)
Your "real wedding" was the one where you became husband and wife. It's really a shame that your family will be misled into celebrating a dress up day where you pretend to get married while you're actually already legally wed. This could go so wrong

Charla1224 · September 2015

fwtx5815 said:

Well not the baby (yet) but today I'm pretty sure my secret marriage was discovered. My husband had his brother over and they were trying to stream the football game on the computer. So the brother hands me my tablet and says "can you type in your password" I look at the screen and it's got my new email with my married name and my married names on the acct and bill. He didn't say anything but I don't want him to go home and be like "mom so are they like married bc she's using his last name on like their bills and email and it all says MRS." I just needed health insurance now but I don't want to belittle my real wedding that ppl are actually invited to and make it meaningless. I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna find out when the baby's born tho cuz my family is gonna be asking for my room and the nurses will be like we have no one here by that name.
(Lurker here) Your "real wedding" was the one where you became husband and wife. It's really a shame that your family will be misled into celebrating a dress up day where you pretend to get married while you're actually already legally wed. This could go so wrong

OH GOD! I thought I left those wedding judge people at the wedding boards months ago. If you're not in her family, you're not invited, and her wedding/ ceremony/ marriage has nothing to do with you.... worry about yourself. Especially when nothing about her comment asks for suggestions or feedback on the subject. @mariaalene if you're happy and your partners happy I'm happy for you. I don't give a rats ass as to how you go about celebrating the love you have between the two of you. I'm just happy for anyone who's able find it.
*end rant*

Lusitano8 · September 2015

I was almost outed - not sure how good at lying I am!

Was at happy hour with boss and coworkers, I ordered apps but not a drink. Boss asked me if I was drinking, I said no due to dieting and trying to be healthy. Which was true before getting KU'd.

Then he flat out asked if hubby and I were thinking about kids (we got married in April) I said not really, and joked about just keeping our 2 dogs alive. He then went on to talk about his kids and said to wait to have our own. I felt so awkward since I'll have to tell him and ask about maternity leave in a month.

Dantzscher32 · September 2015

My mom guessed it!

My parents currently live with us, so my mom is around me all the time. As I was eating breakfast Saturday, she asked if I would be honest if she asked a question. She then asked if I was pregnant. My response was, "I don't know." I had planned to tell my mom in a whole different way and it was going to be this week. I then asked her why she thought I was. She then listed all the "symptoms" she was observing. She said I had a pregnancy mask a few weeks ago. She also said I've been eating like there was no tomorrow. And then I lit a candle when she was eating chicken and rice and I didn't eat any. (The smell was really bothering me.) I then told her she was right and I have my first appt this Friday.

I was worried she was not going to be as excited as we are, but she genuinely is and it makes me feel so much better.

vinerie · September 2015

fwtx5815 said:

Well not the baby (yet) but today I'm pretty sure my secret marriage was discovered. My husband had his brother over and they were trying to stream the football game on the computer. So the brother hands me my tablet and says "can you type in your password" I look at the screen and it's got my new email with my married name and my married names on the acct and bill. He didn't say anything but I don't want him to go home and be like "mom so are they like married bc she's using his last name on like their bills and email and it all says MRS." I just needed health insurance now but I don't want to belittle my real wedding that ppl are actually invited to and make it meaningless. I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna find out when the baby's born tho cuz my family is gonna be asking for my room and the nurses will be like we have no one here by that name.
(Lurker here) Your "real wedding" was the one where you became husband and wife. It's really a shame that your family will be misled into celebrating a dress up day where you pretend to get married while you're actually already legally wed. This could go so wrong

Wait, WHAT? You came to lurk on a random (to you) BMB to judge? Also, the "real" wedding is the one she celebrates with her family.

mariaalene · September 2015

Haha. Go may 16 moms!

mariaalene · September 2015

I guess she would prefer me to be a single mom of 2 and pay for me to get government assistance. What kid really wants their mommy and daddy to be together anyways.

fwtx5815 · September 2015

Charla1224 said:

fwtx5815 said:

mariaalene said:
Well not the baby (yet) but today I'm pretty sure my secret marriage was discovered. My husband had his brother over and they were trying to stream the football game on the computer. So the brother hands me my tablet and says "can you type in your password" I look at the screen and it's got my new email with my married name and my married names on the acct and bill. He didn't say anything but I don't want him to go home and be like "mom so are they like married bc she's using his last name on like their bills and email and it all says MRS." I just needed health insurance now but I don't want to belittle my real wedding that ppl are actually invited to and make it meaningless. I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna find out when the baby's born tho cuz my family is gonna be asking for my room and the nurses will be like we have no one here by that name.
(Lurker here)
Your "real wedding" was the one where you became husband and wife. It's really a shame that your family will be misled into celebrating a dress up day where you pretend to get married while you're actually already legally wed. This could go so wrong

OH GOD! I thought I left those wedding judge people at the wedding boards months ago. If you're not in her family, you're not invited, and her wedding/ ceremony/ marriage has nothing to do with you.... worry about yourself. Especially when nothing about her comment asks for suggestions or feedback on the subject. @mariaalene if you're happy and your partners happy I'm happy for you. I don't give a rats ass as to how you go about celebrating the love you have between the two of you. I'm just happy for anyone who's able find it.
*end rant*

This is the Internet, where whatever people post is open for discussion. That's how forums work.

Considering this is a (mostly) anonymous forum, how do you know I'm not potentially a guest at this pretend wedding that she's planning? You don't know that and neither do I. If I were invited to what I thought was an actual wedding where my friends were becoming husband and wife, made travel arrangements, possibly took time off work, bought an outfit and a gift, and later found out that it was fake and just for show, there's a 99% chance that person would no longer be considered a friend.

Her BIL already saw her changed name, it's quite possible that they'll be outed anyway. Marriage records are very easily searchable. This could seriously cause a lot of strife in her family if they found out they were being deceived in a big way, and that's not going to be easy to deal with considering a baby is on the way. Not to mention, it's quite selfish to want to be legally married to enjoy the benefits right away (insurance) and then try to hide it so that you can still have the pomp and circumstance of a "real" wedding, complete with cake and gifts and a big dress. Thankfully same sex couples are able to get married as of June, but they had to work HARD in order to have the same right to get that piece of paper that you all seem to think is not a big deal.

If having a celebration is so important, just be honest about what it is. Is that really THAT hard?

laurenmdrn16 · September 2015

mariaalene · September 2015

That's it! You're uninvited!

You've never been to a vow renewal? That's just a pomp and circumstance party where someone REPEATS something they already did to celebrate their love. And ppl usually get them gifts. AGAIN.

I pity you if that's how you think REAL family acts.

m6agua · September 2015

fwtx5815 said:

Charla1224 said:

fwtx5815 said:

mariaalene said:
Well not the baby (yet) but today I'm pretty sure my secret marriage was discovered. My husband had his brother over and they were trying to stream the football game on the computer. So the brother hands me my tablet and says "can you type in your password" I look at the screen and it's got my new email with my married name and my married names on the acct and bill. He didn't say anything but I don't want him to go home and be like "mom so are they like married bc she's using his last name on like their bills and email and it all says MRS." I just needed health insurance now but I don't want to belittle my real wedding that ppl are actually invited to and make it meaningless. I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna find out when the baby's born tho cuz my family is gonna be asking for my room and the nurses will be like we have no one here by that name.
(Lurker here)
Your "real wedding" was the one where you became husband and wife. It's really a shame that your family will be misled into celebrating a dress up day where you pretend to get married while you're actually already legally wed. This could go so wrong

OH GOD! I thought I left those wedding judge people at the wedding boards months ago. If you're not in her family, you're not invited, and her wedding/ ceremony/ marriage has nothing to do with you.... worry about yourself. Especially when nothing about her comment asks for suggestions or feedback on the subject. @mariaalene if you're happy and your partners happy I'm happy for you. I don't give a rats ass as to how you go about celebrating the love you have between the two of you. I'm just happy for anyone who's able find it.
*end rant*

This is the Internet, where whatever people post is open for discussion. That's how forums work.

Considering this is a (mostly) anonymous forum, how do you know I'm not potentially a guest at this pretend wedding that she's planning? You don't know that and neither do I. If I were invited to what I thought was an actual wedding where my friends were becoming husband and wife, made travel arrangements, possibly took time off work, bought an outfit and a gift, and later found out that it was fake and just for show, there's a 99% chance that person would no longer be considered a friend.

Her BIL already saw her changed name, it's quite possible that they'll be outed anyway. Marriage records are very easily searchable. This could seriously cause a lot of strife in her family if they found out they were being deceived in a big way, and that's not going to be easy to deal with considering a baby is on the way. Not to mention, it's quite selfish to want to be legally married to enjoy the benefits right away (insurance) and then try to hide it so that you can still have the pomp and circumstance of a "real" wedding, complete with cake and gifts and a big dress. Thankfully same sex couples are able to get married as of June, but they had to work HARD in order to have the same right to get that piece of paper that you all seem to think is not a big deal.

If having a celebration is so important, just be honest about what it is. Is that really THAT hard?

--quote box fail--

Exactly a wedding is a celebration of marriage so why do you care if they did the paperwork already. The wedding you bought a dress for and everything is to celebrate their commitment. If anyone gets mad about it they are clearly not there for the right reasons anyway.

Also you @fwtx5815 are hijacking my thread which I think is against TOU.

m6agua · September 2015

On another note. Thanks for posting ladies. It's good to know I'm not the only one who is not good at keeping secrets.

Charla1224 · September 2015

Back to the thread topic... now that we've made her runaway

I outed myself today when I tried to discreetly puke in the trashcan. Didn't work. Now that a couple students know I'm sure the cat will be 100% out of the bag soon enough.

oandmplus1 · September 2015

my parents know we are TTC and I mentioned waiting to buy curtains for DS's room (who will share with #3) until we know if we will have a boy or girl. My mom asked if that meant I was pregnant and I said no! I wanted to tell her with DH there, and now I feel guilty for lying, so I plan to call her tonight with DH and tell her and my Dad.

Bookhousegirl · September 2015

I went to a friend's house for a BBQ the day after I got my BFP and as my friend was taking drink orders she asked me point blank if I was pregnant and I have the worst poker face, so she knows (along with two other friends who were standing right behind us). It wasn't when I was planning on telling them, but oh well, they're great people and I know they'll be really supportive if anything should happen.

mariaalene · September 2015

That's the worst when ppl straight up ask you to your face. I'd have to say yes cuz it would get so awkward

ceeesprof · September 2015

There are some people that I'm pretty sure have figured it out, but at least have the decency to not bring it up.

avidkeo · September 2015

I cant lie. so those who have flat out asked me know, but fortunately thats only a couple and they are good at being discrete. Wont be keeping it secret for too much longer, just waiting for our dating scan then will tell after that

joemunson · September 2015

Thankfully no one has found out yet but I read a great article by a pregnant friend of mine and she talked about how nosy people are with pregnant women- everyone feels like they have a RIGHT to know the minute it happens but if we believe the old adage "my body my choice" then I can lie to even my mothers face about not being pregnant when I know I am and then when I feel ready stand confident in my answer of "I wasn't telling anyone then"

mommar13 · September 2015

DH outed us last night to our friend and his girlfriend. I know he just wasn't paying attention and it was an accident, but I'm still kinda irritated about it. We've had several miscarriages and are waiting to tell everyone, even family. I guess I shot him a death glare, because he just stopped halfway through his sentence, but by then it was too late.

DutchLucyLu · September 2015

I really don't get how people think it's OK to ask others if they're pregnant and then not even be discrete about it (like do it in front of everybody). About six months ago I posted a pic of my cat on Facebook saying I was glad he was there to comfort me while I felt ill. A couple of my cousins were all, "is there something you need to tell us..?" and then when didn't respond they were all, "must be true then". No, I didn't respond because your rude asses were pissing me off. I finally replied with, "You got me! Totally preggers. It's going to be triplets; one boy, one girl and one pelican." After that they stopped asking. Really, if I have something to tell you I'll tell you when I decide the time is right. And I'm sure not going to tell you because you think it's OK to ask something like that on FB where everyone can see. I can't wait until I start showing and strangers start to think it's OK to touch my bump.

laurenmdrn16 · September 2015

I won't lie, it does feel nice when my son's daycare teacher (who I blabbed to) or my nurse leader (another unintentional outing) ask how I am feeling and get all excited with me. I feel like I just haven't had the opportunity to be excited about this nugget because I am so exhausted and worried about all the logistical implications of having a toddler and infant. But with those two random people, I can be a giddy pregnant mom-to-be.

And @dutchlucylu, I lost it at you're having a pelican! Now THAT is an ultrasound I want to see!

)

vinerie · September 2015

joemunson said:

Thankfully no one has found out yet but I read a great article by a pregnant friend of mine and she talked about how nosy people are with pregnant women- everyone feels like they have a RIGHT to know the minute it happens but if we believe the old adage "my body my choice" then I can lie to even my mothers face about not being pregnant when I know I am and then when I feel ready stand confident in my answer of "I wasn't telling anyone then"

This (bolded) really bothers me. Was at a party, declined a drink and my (male) friend whispered loudly "are you pregnant?" As if the moment I behave or look differently, I am required to EXPLAIN it. It's a byproduct of the cultural acceptance of policing of women's bodies, I think.

katie1782 · September 2015

I was outed the day that I got my BFP. I went to a bachelorette party weekend and we were at the house we rented and I was drinking juice, which I was pretending was a mixed drink. My really good friend kept seeing me pour the juice and asked me if there was a reason I wasn't drinking (we were all staying at the house so no one was driving). I told her the truth mainly because I'm so excited that I couldn't keep it a secret when she flat out asked me. Also we were doing a wine tour the next day so she was able to help me hide it from everyone else. She was really discrete about it too which was awesome. Also, I had someone to talk to about it that weekend when I was away from DH. She is in her last year of med school and has done her OB/GYN rotation already so she helped to ease some of my fears as well. Which is especially good since my first appointment won't be until 8 weeks. I know she won't tell anyone so I'm definitely not mad about it.

seasalt123 · September 2015

vinerie said:

joemunson said:

Thankfully no one has found out yet but I read a great article by a pregnant friend of mine and she talked about how nosy people are with pregnant women- everyone feels like they have a RIGHT to know the minute it happens but if we believe the old adage "my body my choice" then I can lie to even my mothers face about not being pregnant when I know I am and then when I feel ready stand confident in my answer of "I wasn't telling anyone then"

This (bolded) really bothers me. Was at a party, declined a drink and my (male) friend whispered loudly "are you pregnant?" As if the moment I behave or look differently, I am required to EXPLAIN it. It's a byproduct of the cultural acceptance of policing of women's bodies, I think.

I so agree with this. A few months back, I was sick but had to come into work since there were some pretty important deadlines I couldn't miss. Someone in a meeting pointed out that I looked a bit grey and I told them that I was feeling poorly and to keep their distance. Immediately, one woman piped up to ask if I was pregnant. I told her no and then told her that she really shouldn't ask people questions like that. I wasn't pregnant at the time and so felt confident enough to be mouthy. Of course, one month later, I was knocked up, so I am sure they will look back once I announce it and think I was lying at the time.

yogahh · September 2015

Well I think my boss knows. I am really dragging and she keeps asking me what is wrong. Just a feeling that when I tell her in a week or so she won't be surprised!

Updating to confirm my boss definitely knows

I ordered Chinese food at 11:30. I was so hungry I just couldn't take it anymore. 11:45 I am shoving beef and broccoli down my throat, when she comes by my desk and asks " what are you eating? Chinese?". As I am saying yes, she just gives me a smile. A knowing smile. Guess I need to tell her this week now??

kbrands7 · September 2015

DutchLucyLu said:

I really don't get how people think it's OK to ask others if they're pregnant and then not even be discrete about it (like do it in front of everybody). About six months ago I posted a pic of my cat on Facebook saying I was glad he was there to comfort me while I felt ill. A couple of my cousins were all, "is there something you need to tell us..?" and then when didn't respond they were all, "must be true then". No, I didn't respond because your rude asses were pissing me off. I finally replied with, "You got me! Totally preggers. It's going to be triplets; one boy, one girl and one pelican." After that they stopped asking. Really, if I have something to tell you I'll tell you when I decide the time is right. And I'm sure not going to tell you because you think it's OK to ask something like that on FB where everyone can see. I can't wait until I start showing and strangers start to think it's OK to touch my bump.

Yep. I completely agree. I've had a few people who have asked me so far and I've laughed it off and explained that when I'm pregnant, I'll tell who I want, when I want. It's rude to ask. We've told some people already, but none of them asked.

Last year, when I was still working on tightening my abs after having DS, I had a teacher who I only see occasionally walk up and pat my belly and say, "Oh wow! Expecting again already? Irish twins will be fun." "Nope, not pregnant. Just still fat. Nice to see you, though." I get that people get excited about babies, but we still deserve respect as humans. I was both mortified and angry.

laurenmdrn16 · September 2015

@kbrands7...I just can't even imagine what I would do if someone patted my postpartum belly pouch (believe me, I had it for almost a year after my son was born!). I couldn't stand it when people would touch my belly bump, but my post-baby belly? No way! People can be so rude!

TheThornBird · September 2015

vinerie said:

joemunson said:

Thankfully no one has found out yet but I read a great article by a pregnant friend of mine and she talked about how nosy people are with pregnant women- everyone feels like they have a RIGHT to know the minute it happens but if we believe the old adage "my body my choice" then I can lie to even my mothers face about not being pregnant when I know I am and then when I feel ready stand confident in my answer of "I wasn't telling anyone then"

This (bolded) really bothers me. Was at a party, declined a drink and my (male) friend whispered loudly "are you pregnant?" As if the moment I behave or look differently, I am required to EXPLAIN it. It's a byproduct of the cultural acceptance of policing of women's bodies, I think.

THIS. We visited family/friends over the weekend, and I'm pretty sure they figured it out- I was tired and cranky all weekend, plus I didn't drink and everyone knows I love me some beer. But a couple people kept teasing, "are you suuuuure you don't want a drink? I'm just going to order you one. Let me go get the waitress. No? Why not?". Um, the reason I'm not drinking is none of your business. Don't use it to try to make me admit that I'm pregnant.

That being said, I totally almost spill the beans during every day conversation without meaning too. Like today I almost blabbed to my sister how I nearly barfed just looking at the normally delicious chicken my BF makes. Oops!

stiches221 · September 2015

Not yet but I have almost slipped up so many times. I am so use to talking about it freely with hubby and all you ladies on here and other apps that I almost do it in the real world. Especially when talking to another pregger I almost say oh me too or something that'd give me away. Last pregnancy hubby and I went to a friends wedding at 9w had just gotten the US confirming baby was ok a few days before and he got WASTED at the wedding and told a random guy "no champagne for preggers over here" during the toast. I guess he was just really excited that baby was ok and that we were finally having a kid after 2 miscarriages but I had to shut him up and swear the guy to secrecy cause he was a good friend of my friend and we weren't going public for another few weeks.

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