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January 2016 Moms
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Push Present Argument?

l4rkl4rk member
in January 2016 Moms
Today I learned about push presents. My immediate reaction is they are ludicrous because:

1. Your BABY is your reward for pushing.
2. It assumes there's a score to settle, and I don't think keeping tallies (of who suffers more, does more, gives more) is healthy in any relationship.

If I feel I deserve a push present, I will buy myself a treat. But I would never ever expect someone else to do this for me.

So, anyone want to play devil's advocate? What am I missing?
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Re: Push Present Argument?

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  • cawalpcawalp member
    My DH is really bad at presents for anniversaries and birthdays and I usually end up picking it out and just telling him. That said, I'm 95% sure he will not even think about a 'push present' and I couldn't care less. It's kind of ludicrous to expect a gift like the baby isn't enough? I hadn't even heard of this until an argument a few months ago on here.
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  • JoJoMama730JoJoMama730 member
    I think the whole idea is pretty stupid.

     

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  • jrouge12jrouge12 member
    If the money is there and DH wants to (isn't being held to some crazy demands) then whatever floats your boat I guess. I don't think I am owed anything for "pushing" out my little girl.
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  • kaym6kaym6 member
    I'm getting my husband one! It's going to be a newborn

    But truthfully I didn't even know this was a thing until the tech doing my ultrasound asked what my husband was getting me. He was there, we were both confused. Haha
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  • mvhydemvhyde member
    My husband got me a new phone after DS arrived. I'm pretty sure he never heard about push presents per say. I think he wanted to get me something nice that I wanted and DS arrival was a special event. We don't do a lot of big presents for every event. More like a box of chocolates for anniversaries or a new Manga comic or board game for my birthday. But when he knows I want something more expensive he does save up for special occasions (e.g. the new phone).

    I don't know if it's stupid, but it is a little much to expect one. I think the birthstones are sweet and massages are thoughtful. It should not be a sign of a bad partner if they don't get you anything.
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  • apinkpelicanapinkpelican member
    @sherks11 IF I were to have asked for something that's what I would love. A dainty band to wear with my set with the baby's birthstone. Maybe after we are all done having kids and we are celebrating a big anniversary I'll talk to him about something like that.
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  • HipshakerHipshaker member
    My husband bought the really expensive video recorder I wanted. And filmed dd's first day with it. I wouldn't call it a push present but it was super sweet.
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  • 6240662406 member
    After DD was born DH got me (us) a new Blu-Ray player and the complete series of the Office. It was something that we both use and I would watch the shows while I was home on leave with DD. I'm not a big jewelry person so this was a perfect gift. It wasn't expected, but it was thoughtful.
    BFP #1: 9/26/10 DD: 5/2011
    BFP #2: 7/23/14 - MC: 8/28/14
    BFP #3: 2/22/15 - MC: 3/3/15
    BFP #4: 5/20/15 - Stick baby stick!!!
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  • UptownPearlUptownPearl member
    62406 said:

    After DD was born DH got me (us) a new Blu-Ray player and the complete series of the Office. It was something that we both use and I would watch the shows while I was home on leave with DD. I'm not a big jewelry person so this was a perfect gift. It wasn't expected, but it was thoughtful.


    I'm thinking about asking for the complete set of modern family on DVD for Christmas, I imagine I'll spend a good chunk of time in bed/on the sofa with LO those first few weeks!
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  • Monilee1017Monilee1017 member
    I don't understand the people who are against them. Are you against the women who demand/expect them or are you against your husband giving you a gift at all no matter how big or small? What would you do if your husband did buy you something?
    Married 2006
    DS1 2010
    DS2 2013
    DD1 2016
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  • ashhsaashhsa member
    I'm going to get my husband a small present, something commemorative, and meaningful. I have no idea if he would get me one, we have never talked about it at all, but if he does I would hope it wouldn't be expensive as id rather spend money on cute baby stuff =)) I think it would be a bit tacky to ask for a gift, for any occasion really. However it is much more tacky to be ungrateful if you unexpectedly receive one!! Some people show there love and appreciation buy buying gifts, there is nothing wrong with that as long as that genuine sentiment is there and they didn't do it because they felt they "had too"
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  • l4rkl4rk member
    I mentioned the presents to my SO after I first wrote this post and his first two comments were pretty hilarious:

    "Another reason to buy a present? Why not!"
    "Is it to celebrate you not dying in childbirth?"

    I love all the comments here. I actually think a gift to celebrate the new life makes sense, and that's a sentiment I can get behind. I'm also totally into gifts that enhance the experience, like the video camera or a birthstone necklace you wear every day.

    I still don't agree that anything is "deserved" or that "doing most of the work" is a good enough justification to feel entitled to a gift. And I dont think it should be expected or asked for. But I've always been very upfront about my needs with SO, like needing a break from SS, and we have joked that he will suffer after the birth too, in other ways. :)
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  • maureenmcemaureenmce member
    "Is it to celebrate you not dying in childbirth?"

    Ha!  This made me laugh out loud.
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  • l4rkl4rk member
    Monilee1017 said:

    I don't understand the people who are against them. Are you against the women who demand/expect them or are you against your husband giving you a gift at all no matter how big or small? What would you do if your husband did buy you something?

    The expectation and sense of entitlement. The OP was prompted because a woman told a friend over coffee that her fiance better get another diamond for her ring as a push present, "or else." That's obviously an extreme case, so I wanted to see others' opinions.

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  • maureenmcemaureenmce member
    I agree with PP who said it's tacky to be entitled to any gift.  "Someone better get me x y or z as a present" for any occasion would be a gross attitude to have.  But I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with the idea of a push present, just like I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with a Valentine's day present or an anniversary gift.  You and your family decide which milestones in life you like to celebrate and why, and as long as you're not an entitled jerk about it, I see nothing wrong with it.

    I got my husband a nice gift after he passed a huge test in his field, one that he'd been studying for for months.  He may get me a gift at some point during pregnancy or an extra nice Christmas present or something else to acknowledge my extra effort, pregnancy wise, who knows?  I'm not demanding anything, but I wouldn't turn my nose up at a gift either.

    Plus, I see nothing wrong with a present for a woman during or after pregnancy/birth becoming a popular thing.  Seems nice to me!

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  • alandaimalandaim member
    I told my husband before our daughter was born that I would like a band for each of my children to add to my wedding band, not telling him to get it for me but just something that came up in a conversation. He hates the idea of "push presents", so for my birthday which was a couple of weeks later I got a ring. I consider it a "push" type present because typically we spend far less on birthdays.

    On the flip side, I bought him a t-shirt that had Star Wars writing and said "I am your father" and put it in my hospital bag. He was totally surprised and some of their very first pictures together he is wearing it proudly.

    I figure you can do what you want, either way that time is special!
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  • BabyRut2015BabyRut2015 member
    I'll take a starbucks coffee and a good meal hahaha that's my push present request.

    But in all seriousness, I think the sentiment behind it is sweet, calling it a "push present" and demanding a particular gift is what makes it sound so obscene and ridiculous.

    The idea of someone's DH getting them a gift to celebrate their wife giving them a child is sweet. We do go through a lot! :) haha
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  • daninikicolidaninikicoli member
    edited September 2015
    This whole idea is new to me, think the name is stupid and the whole thing is silly. If a partner wants to surprise the other with a sentimental gift... I think that's great and so meaningful. But why does it need a name, why does it have to be made into a "thing" we do? I love the idea of jewelry representing our love for our children. I guess it's just the whole concept of women requesting/expecting a gift for bringing a beautiful baby into the world. If my husband asked me what do you want for your "push present" all I would think/ say is, "a successful labor." There is still such a thing as Mother's Day where mothers are celebrated for all the hard work that comes once that baby is here.
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  • tjlfy6tjlfy6 member
    When we had my dd three years ago my husband kept telling me I am so proud of you (very complicated labor with emergency c section). When we got home from the hospital he had gotten me a charm bracelet that I had been eyeing for a while but had never asked for. Everything on it had meaning. When I asked him why he said he just had a whole new level of respect for mothers. We laughed later because he didn't know they were called push presents. The lady at Helzberg's told him oh how nice of you for buying a push present. I think it is all about the thought that counts but they shouldn't be expected. We now have a funny story to tell.
    BabyFruit Ticker TTC: 2011 BFP: February 10, 2012 Natural M/C: February 28, 2012 BFP: June 3, 2012 EDD: February 1, 2013 Pre-e diagnosis, est. delivery date Jan 11th
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  • ChrissyD1203ChrissyD1203 member
    @ntyravgsp as I mentioned before, I wouldn't expect anything - and I'm pretty sure most other PPs also said they wouldn't expect anything, but I don't think it's about getting a present to reward you for what you did, I think it's meant to celebrate. Just like on my birthday or a holiday, I definitely didn't do anything to deserve a present then, but I always appreciate being thought of anyway. What a nice gesture for the folks who get a gift to help celebrate the birth of their child.
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  • CaraBoonieCaraBoonie member
    I dislike the name "push present"...as a PP said, it's not a reward for going through labor, that to me is asinine. If your SO gives you a gift to commemorate the birth, that's a different story. I also dislike when ladies pick it out themselves, that, personally, seems like demanding a gift. If your SO thinks up the idea of "hey, I want her to have this necklace to remember this day" that's a different story. Or if you buy something yourself (and frankly, since our money is almost entirely in the same account anyway, I often feel like gifts DH buys me I'm really just buying myself, lol), that's your prerogative. But it's the label, and the intention, that get to me.

    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • EbiejayEbiejay member
    edited September 2015
    Blueyedsky said:
    I have officially requested a milkshake as my "push present". 
    Love this! Maybe I'll ask for chocolate cake when I'm up for it. 

    In all seriousness though, I'm not opposed to the idea of a push present if the partner wants to give something to celebrate the special occasion, and some examples given by PPs have been really sweet. I am against expecting/asking for gifts. 
    DH is very sweet and thoughtful, but he doesn't show this through gifts. We already figure our baby is going to be a good push present for the both of us! 
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  • ntyravgspntyravgsp member
    @ChrissyD1203 A lot of PPs on here don't/didn't expect to be given a gift. My post wasn't directed at anyone. I happen to think that a commemorative token is a very sweet idea, but like I said earlier, the entitled attitude that one should be given whatever they want for pushing out the baby, which they would have to do anyway, is what I find ridiculous. That is the meaning that the term "push present" conveys to me.
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  • apinkpelicanapinkpelican member
    Now that I know DH gets me a gift when I have babies can I tactfully sway him in a direction for #2? ;)

    Also he works with a ton of high maintenance women. Though I did not ask or expect anything the first time I'm guessing that those ladies may have suggested to him that he get me something.
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  • aleecatsaleecats member
    *S15 lurker*

    Personally I think theyre silly, I would never ask or demand one. And I didn't even know they were a thing until the bump; after I saw a post on them on here I told my fiancé about it... He loved the idea, but I told him not too that our daughter was all I wanted! Instead for our anniversary on the first he got me a ring with all of our birthstones in it and said it was for that and my "push present"
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  • kmo8986kmo8986 member
    I didn't expect anything from my husband, but he bought 2 tickets to see zac brown band for about 2.5 months after DS was born. I sent them to me in an email while we were in the hospital with a message about how increadibly proud he was of me, and how lucky he was to have the two of us in his life. He is really not good at expressing himself and honestly the message meant just as much as the present. However when the time came and we got to have our first date night after baby because my sister kept him over night, it was freaking amazing.
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  • apinkpelicanapinkpelican member
    @kmo8986 ZBB puts on an awesome concert. Time with SO and feeling like a normal human being again after baby is born is a great gift :)
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  • mamajenna_cnmmamajenna_cnm member
    My wife gives me push presents everyday when she: takes out the trash, does the laundry, cleans the house, and spoils me while I'm pregnant and uncomfortable and tired all day everyday. I feel that she is just as much involved and hard working in this pregnancy as I am. If anything, we both deserve a present in the end....I'm sure our baby boy will consume us with so much joy we won't even be thinking of anything else (gift wise)!

    I think that even though our partners don't experience the physical aspect of pregnancy, we have to acknowledge their presence mentally and emotionally, and their participation. I know all partners treat their spouses very differently, but for me, I have felt that these last 6 months have been a partnered effort. I would never want to act as if this was only about what I did physically. It definitely been an emotional journey for the both of us, that has been challenging in many different aspects.

    I watch people deliver their children every single day, and the stress that is elicited on the spouses is immense. I know they aren't "physically" working to push a baby out, but their part is to be there for support, help make crucial decisions, and tend to the needs of their partners...this is NEVER easy with a laboring woman! Give them a little slack ladies! We ALL deserve a little something special...if you get a push present, I feel your partners are equally warranted for one as well.
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  • ccoleemanccoleeman member
    Beautifully said, @tgrdance05 :)
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