@shelbywaldrob I think you have more to worry about that him not helping. I'm sorry, I hope his attitude changes soon... But I think you guys need to have a serious talk.
I am in the same situation! I do everything. Housework, laundry & everything for the baby. On top of all that I'm exclusively pumping which is a ton of work alone. I've considered just going to formula so many times because I can hardly find time to pump. I just need my fiancée to either help out with the housework or watch the baby more. His idea of watching the baby is laying the baby beside him while he watches tv or plays on his phone. I've talked to him about it and he basically told me that since he works he shouldn't (and won't) do anything when he gets home. We got in a huge argument the other day and he said "all I want to do is come home and spend time with you both! I don't understand why you're always in a bad mood." This statement makes me laugh because he voluntarily goes to the gym for 1-3 hours after work everyday. He's also going to Disney world by himself (sounds incredibly suspicious to me) overnight. Who the hell does that?! And who would want to leave their wife (basically) and one month old at home alone overnight? He also stopped wearing his ring a few weeks prior to me giving birth. I'm tempted to pack the majority of our stuff and go to my moms while he's on his mini vaca at Disney to show him how effing serious I am about him helping. I go back to work in 3 weeks and I cannot do all of it alone. I can barely do it now.
This may come across as rude, so I apologize in advance, but what grown ass man goes to Disney by himself period, let alone overnight? Especially when he has a child to "share the magic with"? And if that is a lie, what guy uses, "I am going to Disney alone overnight," as his alibi? Either way sounds like a dumbass move on his part. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you realize you and your baby deserve better and either have a come to Jesus convo with him and/or go to counseling together or send him packing! GL!
I EBF so I try to take all the night duties since I am also a SAHM and he works. However, this is our second and a VERY easy baby. I basically wake up every 2-4 hours to feed from 11pm to 9:30am but around 5:30-7:30 she will need a diaper change and then I'm awake for 30-60 minutes until I get her to sleep again. DH will step up to hold her if she has a really rough night and won't go back to sleep after that 5am wake up. But that hasn't happened in weeks now.
However, DH does have one big nighttime responsibilty and that's our 2-year-old. If she wakes up crying and doesn't fall back to sleep, he gets to go sleep with her.
With our first baby, DH took charge of her from when I went to bed until he slept (about midnight to 2am) and fed a bottle I had pumped before bed. Then I could just do night feedings and he would just step in for rocking between feedings once per night if she wouldn't go back to sleep. I think that is pretty much the minimum expectation for a husband, assuming you have an "easy" baby.
I hope you can get some counseling and set up an expectation for him so he can feel a sense of responsibilty to uphold his daddy duties.
Wow. I'd be having a very serious conversation with this guy. There is no way that would fly in this household. Parenting is all about team work! Just like making the baby was! The fact that he is so open about his lack of support is even more concerning. I'm suddenly appreciating my DH even more after reading some of these now. He works more hours than I do but he still helps every single night. He even let me sleep through the night and late into the morning today just so I could recharge. There is no reason that your guy couldn't do the same for you too.
His attitude is disgusting and you deserve so much better than dealing with that. I'm so sorry he's treating you this way and I totally agree with PP's that counseling may be in order here.
My husband always helps when asked, but not much more. He's juggling work and school every day, so he's gone at least 13 hours. He works manual labor in Fl heat. I don't expect much from him, because as tired as I can feel, I know it isn't even close to what he goes through every day. Yes, it's "his baby too" but I feel like him breaking his back to provide for us, and going to school is above and beyond as it is. I couldn't demand help when my job really isn't thaaaat hard. (I'm SAHM) He's very laid back and understanding about what I do and don't get done around the house too. Every situation is different.
Okay so after about a six hour stand off.... I created pretty much a list of demands. I stated what I expected WEEKLY including MOTN. He actually for the first time since we left the hospital got up at 4:00AM with the baby and put him back to bed after feeding.. Fingers crossed this last!
Okay so after about a six hour stand off.... I created pretty much a list of demands. I stated what I expected WEEKLY including MOTN. He actually for the first time since we left the hospital got up at 4:00AM with the baby and put him back to bed after feeding.. Fingers crossed this last!
Good for you for standing up for yourself! And I'm glad he listened!
Okay so after about a six hour stand off.... I created pretty much a list of demands. I stated what I expected WEEKLY including MOTN. He actually for the first time since we left the hospital got up at 4:00AM with the baby and put him back to bed after feeding.. Fingers crossed this last!
Maybe thats the push he needed. Hoping things keep going well for you!!
Re: Husband doesn't want to help!!!
This may come across as rude, so I apologize in advance, but what grown ass man goes to Disney by himself period, let alone overnight? Especially when he has a child to "share the magic with"? And if that is a lie, what guy uses, "I am going to Disney alone overnight," as his alibi? Either way sounds like a dumbass move on his part. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I hope you realize you and your baby deserve better and either have a come to Jesus convo with him and/or go to counseling together or send him packing! GL!
However, DH does have one big nighttime responsibilty and that's our 2-year-old. If she wakes up crying and doesn't fall back to sleep, he gets to go sleep with her.
With our first baby, DH took charge of her from when I went to bed until he slept (about midnight to 2am) and fed a bottle I had pumped before bed. Then I could just do night feedings and he would just step in for rocking between feedings once per night if she wouldn't go back to sleep. I think that is pretty much the minimum expectation for a husband, assuming you have an "easy" baby.
I hope you can get some counseling and set up an expectation for him so he can feel a sense of responsibilty to uphold his daddy duties.
His attitude is disgusting and you deserve so much better than dealing with that. I'm so sorry he's treating you this way and I totally agree with PP's that counseling may be in order here.