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December 2015 Moms
Gingermom15
member
Courthouse wedding with ceremony later?
Gingermom15
member
I don't know where to ask this and you guys seem knowledgeable on most things.
So, SO and I have planned on getting married next summer for a little while now. We hadn't announced it, yet and planned on something small. For many reasons, some personal and some legal, we decided that we would like to be married before the baby is born. It doesn't bother me to have a courthouse wedding. But I've always a traditional wedding with my Father walking me down the aisle. I am the oldest daughter and my sisters are quite a bit younger than me, my father has health problems and I don't want to take away his possible only chance of giving one of us away. We don't have the time or means to throw together a small wedding before baby, though. Is there anyway we can go about doing a traditional, small Church ceremony perhaps next summer? Maybe a vowel renewel kind of deal? We aren't interested in a registry, bachelor/bachelorette parties and we can fund it on our own.
Thoughts?
So, SO and I have planned on getting married next summer for a little while now. We hadn't announced it, yet and planned on something small. For many reasons, some personal and some legal, we decided that we would like to be married before the baby is born. It doesn't bother me to have a courthouse wedding. But I've always a traditional wedding with my Father walking me down the aisle. I am the oldest daughter and my sisters are quite a bit younger than me, my father has health problems and I don't want to take away his possible only chance of giving one of us away. We don't have the time or means to throw together a small wedding before baby, though. Is there anyway we can go about doing a traditional, small Church ceremony perhaps next summer? Maybe a vowel renewel kind of deal? We aren't interested in a registry, bachelor/bachelorette parties and we can fund it on our own.
Thoughts?
Re: Courthouse wedding with ceremony later?
Now, I'd love to see you come back and say you share those sentiments about your own wedding decisions. I think that doing a city hall ceremony, and still having dad walk you down the aisle, is important. That way you'd get both the memory for you and dad and the family and the legal stuff taken care of before baby. You can then later on have a more dream like ceremony. People who love and support you and your little, growing family will come regardless. It's all in how you go about it. You can keep city hall very intimate and family only, and then open up the ceremony you do at the church or whatever venue, open to extended family, friends and loved ones. You aren't being "gift grabby" or anything. You are trying to be thoughtful for your family and that's not a bad thing. Do what you would like to do. Just make sure you present it in a way that shows your genuine intentions.
As you said there is nothing wrong with a courthouse wedding. Is there a reason your dad wouldn't be able to present you and be your witness for that? Is it important to you to also be married in the church?
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
I've only see the courthouse marriage with a ceremony somewhere else later when the second place wasn't a church.
Plus it'll be way easier for baby (and you) to have parents with the same last name!!
We had a second small wedding and repeated the ceremony for our very closest friends and family. We had a fabulous brunch following. Yes, there were a lot of people that were disappointed that we didn't have a big wedding (we both know a lot of people and have large social circles. It was not what was expected of us…) But it really wasn't their place to say anything and we were very glad to do the wedding when my father and MIL were still relatively healthy.
I wouldn't change a thing. I don't care what people think and we did what was right for us. I would marry my DH 1000 times if I could.
We did not have a registry and did not accept any gifts. All of the checks that we were given were never deposited. People that absolutely insisted made donations to a charity of their choice.
Congrats!
We had a lovely wedding the following October and my husbands aunt did the ceremony. And honestly, the price of officiants in my town, was ridiculous and this saves us like 200 bucks!
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
Moral of the story, do whatever you need to do! Don't worry about anyone else. If a courthouse wedding now makes it easier for your future, then go for it. You can always have a wedding celebration later on!
I agree with the others that it is absolutely your choice and you should do what is best for you and your SO. However, I just wanted to add that it is totally possible to plan a small wedding in a short amount of time. I wanted to be married before DD1 was born, and was able to pull together a wedding for 150+ guests rather quickly. It was exactly 3 months and 15 days from the day we got engaged to the day we got married. It wasn't super expensive either. We put a lot of it on credit cards, but had them paid off in less than a year, I think.
So if you want the church wedding, I say go for it! It's not impossible.
But if the courthouse route with a bigger celebration later fits you better, then that will be just as meaningful. 
GL!
We can't plan a ceremony right now as SO has been getting sent away for 3-4 weeks at a time with very little notice. He is in the military and I feel it would be useless to keep planning a wedding that needs to be moved (can't have a wedding without the groom lol). December is the only month they guarantee no extended training, so I am happy about that but don't want a ceremony so close to the due date. There is also a 99% chance he is getting deployed in late June/early July so we were hoping on a May wedding. For legality reasons in case he gets sent sooner than our wedding, we wanted to be married before to make things easier with family support, insurance and whatnot. For our personal reasons we wanted to get married before the baby was born.
But, I also feel like a ceremony months would be fake to me. It would be purely for traditional/religious purposes, though. I do know the pastor at my parents church would perform the ceremony.
ETA I apologize for leaving out the reasoning we can't plan an actual ceremony. It would have been very helpful since I'm asking for advice and all. Pregnancy brain :-q
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
Come to find out, I was actually already pregnant. We were trying since December 2014 and only in earnest in February and March with an OPK and we conceived on March 9th. So, I was 10 days pregnant and had no idea when we got married! I didn't find out until April 5th when I suddenly came down with bilateral pneumonia. So, we like to say our LO was our witness even though we didn't know it.
We're our parents disappointed? Probably but they didn't express it. I was 29 at the time and the first of my mom's three girls to get married. DH had already been married and divorced all within one year around 5 years ago because his ex-wife decided to take on a boyfriend 8 or 9 months into their marriage. So, he wasn't into having a wedding. I also have never pictured having a wedding after my dad's suicide when I was 12 because he was the one person in he world who "got me" and there could never be another substitute to walk me down the aisle.
We were going to go on a very nice honeymoon instead, but I have HG and a high risk pregnancy so even going on a babymoon wasn't possible. Luckily, since we had just got married two months before I quit my job for health concerns I was already on his insurance and just went from my former OB to my current within less than a week of requesting an appointment. So, things had a way of working out great even though we didn't really plan on all of it!
You and your SO are both adults and it's completely up to you what you want to do. Don't let your family pressure you one way or another but I do agree with letting people know you are already married if you do choose to have another ceremony later.
We are planning on taking a trip for our 5th anniversary to our original honeymoon destination and doing our own vows for a renewal ceremony since we didn't get to write our own the first time around.
It's kind of crazy to think we will have a 3 and a half (or 4) month old on our first wedding anniversary. It's been a crazy year but we couldn't be more excited to welcome our little girl the same year we got married. It'll be a great story to tell her she was at our wedding as a tiny little being and we didn't even know yet!!
Don't let judgey/selfish people dictate your plans. It's your life and a decision only yourself and your SO can make!!
It doesn't sound like that's your intention though, so that's good.
August '18 March Siggy Challenge - You had ONE JOB
With regards to a second wedding not being a "real wedding," well, for us this just was not the case. We were legally married at our first wedding but were religiously married during the second wedding. So both of our weddings were "real."
And as for anniversaries, we celebrate them both. I am EXTREMELY blessed to have a husband that each day feels like a celebration with.
@BostonBaby1 the second wedding would be mainly for religious purposes. I just wasn't sure how I felt initially if I would have considered the second ceremony real. It sounds like something common among military families and I wouldn't mind having two days to celebrate with my SO.
I was a little weirded out by that as well when we pulled up to the DMV. I don't have any legal info for you or anything. The only reason we went there was because it was a saturday. We are in CO. We went inside and waited for our number to be called, they made copies of our licenses and filled out our marriage certificate. No witnesses or anything. Apparently it's pretty easy to get married in CO lol.