My heart's just not in it anymore

Re: My heart's just not in it anymore

• BulgariHeart member

  September 2015 edited September 2015

  So sorry Knottie! How long have you been trying?
  I completely understand how you feel. In fact, I am trying to focus on optimizing my health instead of conceiving. Mentally, it clears part of the anxiety that comes with this journey and it helps me a little.
  I wish you and your DH all the best moving forward!
  
  

  
  

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• thistle8677 member

  September 2015

  @Knottie16743552 my heart is going out to you. I'm so sorry.
  The ED I truly believe is a bi-product of ttc for too long. My SO is 29 and for the first time in 3.5 years we have faced this twice this week (right in my fertile window.)
  I'm feeling undesired, incapable of conceiving, and questioning everything.
  
  We've been ttc for 13mo. now...two losses back to back last December and this April.
  I'm probably not giving a rosy picture of why to keep trying, but I hope I'm helping you feel understood.
  Sometimes a month or two off to focus on yourself and your health as @BulgariHeart has mentioned, may change your outlook considerably.
  I'm so sorry.
  Please lurk and comment and feel free to change your mind at any time about anything.
  Sending you lots of support xoxo
  >:D<

  

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• Jenniferk08 member

  September 2015

  Not sure what to say but prayers for you and your husband.

  

  
  
   
  
  
  
  
  

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• Whiggrrl65 member

  September 2015

  Just want to say I'm sorry and I totally understand. This entire process is draining, depressing, and extremely difficult.
  Like others, my DH is also struggling with ED. It is an awful thing to add to everything else.
  I hope you can take some time for yourself. Thinking of you. Take care.

  • TTC #1 since August 2014
  • currently on 5th medicated IUI cycle

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• emsmama15 member

  September 2015

  I'm sorry Knottie.  I'll jump in and say we actually moved to IUI because my hubby also had ED.  I actually refer to it as performance anxiety because he was fine EXCEPT when we were told by the RE to have sex.  It's a LOT of pressure for them and it's way more common than we think for them to have problems.  Like @thistle8677 said, maybe a month or two off, focusing on you will give you perspective.  And if that perspective is that you're done, I wish you all the happiness in the world.  Please stick around.  

  *** Child & current pregnancy mentioned ***

  Me - 41 (PCOS), Hubby - 43 (healthy)

  7/2013 - Sweet baby girl born (Clomid + TI)

  3/2014 - TTC #2, return to RE 7/2014

  12/2015: IVF #1 transferred two great looking embryos - BFP!

  First ultrasound: TWO beautiful little heartbeats!!

  Harmony: negative; level 2: babies look great and are boy/girl!  

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• C_Girlie member

  September 2015

  @Knottie16743552 it's def a tough decision wishing you & your DH happiness & time to really enjoy each other. We make ourself & partners batty every cycle with the supplements, testing, temping and all the other shenanigans. This cycle for the first time my DH also had a ED moment. Thank goodness for us it was after I O, but at the time I didn't know that I O already. See you around

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• jilligan14 member

  September 2015

  This whole ttc thing is definitely an exhausting process. You gotta do what's right for you. You never know what will happen or what the future holds. Sending you lots of support as you move onward. And yes, please do stick around!

  ME: 36 (PCOS), DH: excellent SA
  NTNP since 11/12, actively trying since 8/14
  

  m/c @ 7w (4/22/14), m/c @ 6w (11/19/14)
  11/15: Letrozole, Ovidrel, TI = BFP!!!
  Beta #1(14dpo)=349, Beta #2(18dpo)=2,805
  12/17/15: Got to see the heartbeat (105bpm)!
  1/25/16: NT scan = normal (HB=163bpm)
  EDD: 8/10/16 
  8/8/16: Baby boy born @ 12:25am, 8lbs, 20.5 inches
  5/18/17: BFP!!! (11dpo)
  Beta #1(12dpo)=176.4, Beta #2(15dpo)=607.1

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• Teenie16 member

  September 2015

  I am so sorry that you find yourself at this place. I'm not going to try to change your mind because whatever decision you make is the right one for you no matter how you get there. I just want you to know that (I think) everyone on this journey has been, is in, or will be in the same mindset you are at some point. 

  Everyone kept telling us as soon as you stop trying it will happen. Which annoyed the hell out of me and is so hard when it's something you want so badly. My BF also had bouts of ED while we were trying before, it is so much pressure on them to perform. Not to be crude but it doesn't matter if we climax but it is essential that they do. (I know we all know this but when I really stopped to think about it it really resonated with me how much pressure that is.) So for my BF it became like a job, which got to be less enjoyable for both of us. 

  As for us we "tried" for 15 months, including IUI's, without success. So we decided to take a month off before we moved onto IVF. And I essentially told him I wanted us to have sex not try to make a baby that month. Mentally I was resolved to it not happening for us without help. But when it came time for AF to arrive much to my surprise I got a BFP instead. I'm just telling you this to try to help you not put so much pressure on yourselves. 

  Take a breath, live your lives, enjoy each other and and stop "trying." That may help you both, your relationship and everything in between. If you find yourself staying, going, or returning at some point I wish you all the best. 

  Sending big hugs your way!

  ****Loss Mentioned***

  Me: 41 Him: 41
  

  TTC since December 2013

  HSG 9/18/14 = Tubes open but T shaped uterus

  IUI #1... 1/6/2015 + 50mg Clomid = BFN

  IUI #2... 1/29 & 30/2015 + 50mg Clomid +Tigger +Progesterone = BFN

  3/14 BFFP! Natural w/acupuncture & herbs only

  EDD = 11/22/15;  No heartbeat = 7/21/15

  Cooper Midnight Johnson born sleeping 7/25/2015

  
  

  
  
  

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• happyktmom member

  September 2015

  Definitely understand!  You will find your answer.  Sometimes you just have to step away to see the big picture.  Good luck!
  
  

  **child mentioned**
  Me(38)PCOS/Hypothyroid   DH(43)Low T/ED
  MMC at 10 weeks 03/2011 DD born 01/2012   TTC #2 since 04/2014
  BFP 8/26/2016
  
  
  

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• MntnGirl member

  September 2015

  It IS way too much pressure. And it can be exhausting, especially if you're both working and BD has to be scheduled multiple times during the week. Totally understand and hope that you find peace with wherever your path takes you.
  
  

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• carrieandr member

  September 2015

  Awww...I understand, but it makes me sad.  You were one of my favorites. 
  
  Do what you need to do for your happiness and well-being. Hugs to you, my friend.
  

  TTC#1 since Jan 2015
  BFP 2/19/15  •  MMC found at 9 wks  •  D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
  BFP 8/29/15  •  CP (age 37)

  BFP 11/18/15  •  DD born at 41 weeks (age 37/38)
  
  TTC#2 since May 2017
  BFP 10/18/17  •  MMC found at 8 wks  •  Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
  BFP 2/16/18  •  CP (age 39)
  BFP 4/13/18  •  CP (age 39)
  BFP 5/07/18  •  MMC found at 10.5 wks  •  D&E at 11.5 wks  •  Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
  9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
  RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
  BFP 9/24/18  •  CP (age 40)

  BFP 5/11/19  •  Fraternal twins  •  MMC found at 10w5d (Baby A 6w, Baby B 10w)  •  Misoprostal at 11 weeks (age 41)
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• amimhof member

  September 2015

  Hi Knottie.  Sorry to see you go and wishing you the best.
  
  

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• Tomerine member

  September 2015

  I'm sorry that it's been so hard, but understand completely.  You have to do what's best for you and your husband- the pressure of all of this definitely creates tension, and takes some fun out of things.  If you should change your mind, we're here.  If not, I wish you all the best as you move forward.

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• ladeuce13 member

  September 2015

  @Knottie16743552 Sorry to see you go. This whole process is so emotionally taxing and I think we can all relate to where you're at. Take care of yourself and your DH, and please stick around as long as you like. Sending you love and peace. 

  Me: 37, DH: 44

  TTC #1 since September 2014
  

  Canada

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• thistle8677 member

  September 2015

  Thinking of you everyday @Knottie16743552 >:D<

  

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• Knottie16743552 member

  September 2015

  You ladies are all so sweet. I really appreciate it and this safe place we all have here.
  
  I'm not sure what the future holds for us but I need to stop obsessing over TTC. I actually went on a kick butt job interview Friday and am crossing my fingers!
  
  Like I said, I still read and catch up on all of you. Now I'm just lurking.

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• thistle8677 member

  September 2015

  @Knottie16743552 fx for the job! That's awesome! Xoxo

  

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• dolphin012 member

  September 2015

  @Knottie16743552 - wishing you all the best on your future paths. Congrats on the job interview and fx for you! Do pop in when you feel like it!!!

  Me (42) w/ partner for 16+ years

  TTC #1: 11/2012 - 9/2013; 6/2014 - present

  Follistim + TI (3x): All BFNs

  Follistim + IUI (1x): BFN 

  IVF #1: 17 retrieved,15 fertilized, Day 3: 15, Day 5/6: 3 biopsied

  Result; 1 frozen blast (inconclusive PGS results)

  IVF #2; ER: 6/22 16 retrieved, 6/25: 5 transferred (CP), 2 frozen

  FET 9/17: BFN

  Current FET -- Transferred 2 day-3 embryos - BFN

  
  

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