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May 2016 Moms
.Kelly.
member
Second time (or more!) mom fears?
.Kelly.
member
The first time mom fears post looks pretty cathartic. Any second-third-fifteenth time fears?
Our first little guy is autistic. With my age (35) and DH's age (47) I'm afraid that we may have another child with autism or a chromosome abnormality. I'm also dreading the hellish first couple of weeks after delivery.
Re: Second time (or more!) mom fears?
My fears are definitely different this time around. I'm not as scared about the birth (will be having a repeat c-section), and now that I know how difficult those first few weeks are, it alleviates some fears, but creates others (ie: doing it with more then 1 kid!)
I'm worried about trying to juggle a newborn and a toddler at the grocery when I can barely handle the toddler sometimes. I'm worried about taking time away from her.
I think my biggest, most irrational fear is that I won't love my second child as much as I love my DD. Everyone says I will and it won't be a problem, but I just don't understand how I'm going to love anyone else as much as I love her.
@.kelly. - You and your husband's ages are very close to ours. I'm 33 and DH is 46. I totally, completely understand your fears. I guess the only thing to say is that everything is out of our hands at this point and all we can do is stay positive. Big help, right?!
@JessicaB0627 I don't think your fear is irrational at all! I look at DS all the time and think "how could I love anything as much as this." Then I remember I felt the same way about my dogs before DS arrived
My biggest fear (I guess more concern -- I'm not exactly fearful) is around an RCS. The recovery wasn't horrible last time but I'm worried this time will be so much worse. DS will only be 15 months old when this one arrives and I'm dreading those early days when everything HURTS. I feel like it's going to be really hard to keep up with everything!
2. That second baby will be preterm. First baby (now 10mo) was born at 28weeks and I'm afraid that its gonna happen again and we'll spend another 3 months in NICU
3. That second baby will be full term and we get sent home after 2 days. With my first baby she was in NICU for 3 mo and they trained her and put her on a schedule of when and how to eat and sleep. She was preprogrammed when I got her. If second baby is full term I have to figure it out on my own.
Now that I'm really thinking and getting myself all worked up...
4. That I'll get fat. I wasn't very big last time so if I have a full term baby will I be able to lose the weight? Fat runs in my family especially after kids. I've always been the oddball skinny one
I know labor will probably be more difficult. First baby was 2lbs and practically slipped out of there (only 6 min of pushing). And I'm kinda concerned about the pain/tearing/aftermath of a REAL 7 lb baby. But my epidural was awesome last time so I'm kinda hoping I won't feel anything again
I kinda feel like I have FTM worries bc my first never felt like a real pregnancy or a real birth.
Right now the first trimester is what scares me most. Aside from that I worry about being outnumbered by the kids now. I know DS1 will be great because he loves DS2 so much and is so caring. I worry about how DS2 will react to not being the baby anymore.
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
@kmalls I'm also looking at a possible RCS.
I pushed too hard after DS and tore open my outer incision a little...and ended up with way more scar tissue than I'd hoped. My doctor has told me that with my adhesions it's probably not a good idea to try VBAC and that he can clean up some of the tissue with an rcs. I know what to expect now at least, but I'm worried that I'll hurt my healing process by chasing around a 2 year old and caring for a newborn. I'm anticipating asking my mom for a lot of help.
Eta: I'm afraid of the back to work transition again. Last time it set me bordering on depression, and pumping consumed my lunchtime and early mornings (I'm still glad that I pumped though). I got very little sleep because DS reverse cycled too, so most of the BF happened overnight. DH is looking for a new job and I really hope that it will put us in a position where I can take a year sabbatical.
The exercise thread brought up one of my biggest anxieties. I was pretty traumatized after delivering DS. It took weeks & months to come to terms with it, but I don't think I'm still emotionally healed.
I've always laughed it off and say "Next time I'll just schedule myself an appointment and then I won't have to worry about any of it!"
But now that it is a reality, I'm realizing how much the whole thing bothers me. All of the old feelings are coming up
Also, with my salary, it just doesn't make financial sense to pay for 2 kids in daycare, so I will be a SAHM once this baby comes. I was working full time, but recently was cut down to 2 days a week and while I love being home with DD, I'm also already finding it difficult to keep her entertained. So trying to entertain her while taking care of a newborn is kind of freaking me out too. Especially since we'll essentially be trapped inside for the first 5 months or so because it's just too hot. Even after that, just the logistics of trying to go anywhere: getting 2 kids in/out of car seats, feeding the little one while keeping an eye on a toddler, etc.
At the top of my list is probably fear about having another bad sleeper--DD gave me a run for my money and still has bad nights sometimes. I'm also terrified of another long recovery while managing 2 kids. And then there's breastfeeding. That was a huge struggle last time and for a while involved a hybrid of breastfeeding and pumping at every meal. It consumed my life for 2 months and almost drove me crazy until I got the hang of things. Ugh, I hope that's easier this time around.
@kmalls @kbrands7- Sorry that you guys also had a not-so-great experience. I know the feelings that can come up can be rough. I guess I will just keep thinking about the end game!
My biggest fear is the reaction I am going to get when people find out I'm pregnant again. Shortly after the girls arrived my mother told me l'd be a fool if I tried again.
She is a not a nasty mean opinionated person, she said it out of concern for my health and wellbeing due to the issues I had during my twin pregnancy and trauma during the delivery. She will be his biggest fan once he gets here. She will fall in love and not even think about the risks we took but until then she will probably not be too happy for us at all.
Work will be an issue.
I lost all my closet friends when the babies came as they are all single and have no children (by choice).
I am worried about finances, the fact we don't have a car big enough, house big enough or a lot of time for saving for retirement.
But we were in a "now or never" situation and decided that trying for this boy was more important than all those other things.
____________________________
Breast Cancer diagnosis 12/01/2010 - Survivor and Cancer free as of 03/22/2011
BFP#1 04/12/2011 - fetal demise - MC 05/28/2011
BFP#2 10/14/2011 - fetal demise - MC 12/13/2011
BFP#3 05/30/2012 - fetal demise - MC 07/23/2012
IVF#1 02/14/2013 - 2 Beautiful Blasts transferred
BFP#4 02/25/2013 - BFP - MC and ectopic 03/06/2013
IFV#2 07/02/2013 -BFP#5 - 07/07/2013
1st Beta 07/11/2013 - 483 (9dp5dt) - 2nd Beta 07/13/2013 1006 (11dp5dt)
1st U/S 07/31/2013 - TWINS! "The Minions"
IVF#3 BFP#6 09/01/2015 6dp5dt
1st Beta 09/05/2015 - 105 - 2nd Beta 09/08/2015 335
1st U/S 09/22/2015 - .......
1. Afraid of mc after 2 losses last year. Very fresh to me still. God forbid, if we lose this one we are done.
2. This will be our 4th child (not counting mc, as I still consider them my children). My oldest will be 11! I will have teenagers and toddlers at the same time. I will have 4 kids and schedules and homework and practices and how can I be everywhere at the same time and how will I ever get enough shoes to fit that many feet!?
3. Terrified of having a repeat c section. I had 2 vaginal births followed by c section with the 3rd (because even though she was head down, she wasn't as engaged as they'd like, so you know, just cut me open then.) It was an absolute nightmare. My blood pressure dropped so fast I nearly passed out. They pumped some drug into me that kicked it up so high I almost passed out. I don't remember her birth, bled so much I needed a transfusion. I threw up for 24 hours, ripped stitches, got all kinds of infections (along the incision, UTI from catheter, which they told me I did not have, so turned into double kidney infection). My scar still hurts 2 year later. I love my daughter but I can't even look at her hospital photos. Please don't make me go through that again... Especially when labor/recovery with my 2nd was like a dream in comparison.
Wow, that was cathartic. Thanks for the vent. Deep breath!
I'm also worried about keeping up with the 2 kids I already have. I'll have 3 kids and only 2 hands!
-DD was a great sleeper. I'm afraid that this one won't be.
-Generally afraid of being outnumbered since I'm a SAHM and am alone with DD a lot.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
@danandvan that sounds terrifying. You're so strong to have recovered well from it! My section scar still hurts in places too, and is numb in places. I've heard that rcs tend to go more smoothly. I'm hoping it's true : )
@nsouplynn - I feel for you! We also co-slept for way longer than I wanted to just because I was so tired I couldn't function.
It seems so small, but how do I start picturing life as a mother of 2? And how do I make sure they both feel loved and special? Mothers do it. Heck, my mom did it and is still doing it to this day. I never felt like she was comparing me to my sisters or favoring one over the other, but...and this sounds terrible...I get along so well with my son. What if this one has a personality that just doesn't fit? We are nerdy and musical and introverted. What if this one is a party animal and we hold him/her back? I know how to provide challenges and stimulation for my son because we speak the same language. But what if this one is just so different?
I know we will figure it out, but things are just so easy right now. I am afraid we will mess up this good thing we have going.
But I know we are adding to our family, not taking anything away.
So many of my fears have been said...
- having a healthy baby first and foremost
-Juggling two children, I feel like I'm finally feeling like I can handle most daily situations with DS (18 months) but I have no idea how I'm going to do it with 2. How do I go to the grocery store?! I was there today and tried to figure out the logistics but it just freaked me out more!
- Finances are definitely scary, trying to decide if daycare is even worth it anymore.
- My husband changed jobs this past spring, which was a huge help with the finance piece but he now works in the city so he commutes everyday and gets home late, so I'm going to be on my own a lot more this time.
- and SLEEP! We were incredibly lucky with my son, he was an amazing sleeper from the get go, but I'm so afraid of how I will function if that's not the case this time around.
ETA: DD still has bad nights sometimes... I really hope I didn't jinx myself by talking about how much better it is now :-?
TTC Since April 09
6 Rounds of Clomid & 4 Rounds Femara
IVF#1 April 2012 ER- 4/9/12 ET- 4/14-12 Beta#1(4/27):160 Beta#2 4/30: 484
My fears include...
1. Miscarriage. I have family members that have had 3rd trimester losses, and that terrifies me.
2. Loving another child as much as the first. Which I realize is ridiculous because I myself am a second child!
3. Another preterm birth and all the complications I faced as well during that time.
4. Life in general with two kids. Schedules, finances, sibling jealousy, a newborn and a toddler.
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)