Things my baby doesn't know...

SassetteSmurfling · September 2015

Things my baby doesn't know:

My nipple is attached to the rest of my body. You can't thrash your head around all crazy with it in your mouth!

What doesn't your baby know?

Kwest1007 · September 2015

SassetteSmurfling said:
Things my baby doesn't know:

My nipple is attached to the rest of my body. You can't thrash your head around all crazy with it in your mouth!

What doesn't your baby know?

This! I swear mine clamps down with her gums and then attempts to wrestle it!

candicejeff2013 · September 2015

Lol yes. My LO just started this. She's like a hungry bear!

carleym93 · September 2015

Even though I smile through the pain, no, I don't enjoy it when you grab my nipple with your fingernails.

& farting and pooping won't hurt forever. In fact, someday you'll enjoy it

jesssssr · September 2015

That mommy cant hold you all day because she needs to eat and nap too. ^#(^

emmacake08 · September 2015

The ceiling fan doesn't love you like I do. Please stop cooing and smiling at it and redirect at mommy please ;;)

abmommy15 · September 2015

Getting a clean diaper is not a bad thing and mommy is not trying to ruin your life by making sure you aren't sitting in your own poop.

prpl11butterfly · September 2015

The thrashing and then there is also the clawing at my boobs. Sometimes I swear he is like a tiger (thrashing his head around, clawing at my boobs, and growling) with a fresh kill....

AshleyM0125 · September 2015

When mommy doesn't pick you up within 5 seconds of you making noise, it's because she is trying to haul her lazy ass out of bed, she isn't just ignoring you. There is no need to scream like you are dying, waking up your hard working daddy who needs his sleep and poor sister who just doesn't understand yet.

carleym93 · September 2015

Also, why are you fighting sleep? Sleep is great. Someday I will be dragging your ass out of bed so enjoy it while you can.

banfrog · September 2015

It's very flattering that you prefer me over everyone else, but screaming while daddy holds you is really killing his self esteem.

SashaDenn25 · September 2015

Daddys nipples dont work like mine do...if only..

pabeybaby · September 2015

carleyec93 said:
Also, why are you fighting sleep? Sleep is great. Someday I will be dragging your ass out of bed so enjoy it while you can.

This!!!

Also, mommy would really love to put you down because she has to pee.

JNOVA2015 · September 2015

When I change your outfit it's not a strange form of torture, it's just not socially acceptable (or hygienic) to wear the same clothes for 3 days.

meli1112 · September 2015

Believe it or not, I am not able to give you a bottle when your hands are in front of your mouth. You like to eat, so why do you make mommy do ninja moves in order to get the bottle to your mouth?

Miz_Liz · September 2015

Your next Dr's appt (2 mos) is really going to suck! I know it seems like mommy is letting people hurt you, but it really is in your best interest (and mommy hurts just as bad if not more putting you through it)! We will have lots of cuddle and boob time immediately after.

EmEeGee · September 2015

Daddy's nose is not a nipple. Scratching your face will hurt, just like last time. Closing your eyes for 5 minutes is not a nap. It freaks mommy out when you smile and stare at the same empty space over and over.

@SassetteSmurfling Breezymeema7 gave us the term "niplash" for when they clamp down and jerk their heads about. It fits perfectly.

toccoaparker · September 2015

@megvaddi DH thinks it is hilarious when LO tries to suck his nose [-(

lrichhx05 · September 2015

Thrashing your arms and kicking your legs like crazy is only prolonging the so-called torture that is changing your outfit

hjphillips · September 2015

If you'd just let me wipe down your face when you spit up, then I wouldn't have to wash your face so much. You hate your face being washed more than you hate being wiped down, it's really only a logical thing.

EmEeGee · September 2015

toccoaparker said:
@megvaddi DH thinks it is hilarious when LO tries to suck his nose [-(

So does mine! I yell at him because it gets her thinking she should be eating even if she just finished.

hjphillips · September 2015

megvaddi said:

toccoaparker said:
@megvaddi DH thinks it is hilarious when LO tries to suck his nose [-(
So does mine! I yell at him because it gets her thinking she should be eating even if she just finished.

Mine freaked out when she tried. He yelled for me to help him because he was scared to move her. Obviously I just took a picture, and halfway through he saw the humor in it.

Seh114 · September 2015

Baths are not torture. You sleep and smell so much better when you've had your bath so stop screaming like I am skinning you alive and embrace the warm, relaxing water.

kjandericka · September 2015

emmacake08 said:
The ceiling fan doesn't love you like I do. Please stop cooing and smiling at it and redirect at mommy please ;;)

This, so much. What is so intriguing about the ceiling fan, anyways? LO talks to it, even when it isn't spinning.

deviduke412 · September 2015

Baby boy, naps are amazing! One day you will love them!

nakoppel · September 2015

I swear nothing is happening at night that is interesting you need to fight sleep. In fact daddy and I are just sleeping too or would like to be.

kjandericka · September 2015

You are not big enough to hold your own bottle so stop trying to grab it and push mommy's hands away.

Also, the strap attached to your paci is supposed to keep your paci from dropping on the floor or getting lost. You like your paci, so stop using the strap to yank the paci out of your mouth.

lilnessi · September 2015

megvaddi said:

Daddy's nose is not a nipple. Scratching your face will hurt, just like last time. Closing your eyes for 5 minutes is not a nap. It freaks mommy out when you smile and stare at the same empty space over and over. @SassetteSmurfling Breezymeema7 gave us the term "niplash" for when they clamp down and jerk their heads about. It fits perfectly.

omg this made me lol...i was convinced with my first DD that we had ghosts in the house because she would always stare at the same space in her room and sometimes smile..it scared the crap out of me especially when i was DH was traveling and i was home alone with her!

SashaDenn25 · September 2015

Miz_Liz said:
Your next Dr's appt (2 mos) is really going to suck! I know it seems like mommy is letting people hurt you, but it really is in your best interest (and mommy hurts just as bad if not more putting you through it)! We will have lots of cuddle and boob time immediately after.

Ugh! Arya got the second part of her hepB today at her one month and I didnt know it was happening until we got there. Poor thing screamed bloody murder, but I was happily surprised how quick I got her calmed down enough to nurse her which made her very happy and content. Now shes sleeping the day away and only waking up to eat. Poor, poor, girl!!

prpl11butterfly · September 2015

That shower mommy took this morning, that was to wash off the stale, sour milk smell. You don't need to mark your territory, I am all yours. Please swallow the milk instead of dripping it down my body.

BabyBean815 · September 2015

It would absolutely make my day if you smiled at me and meant it!

mdfarmchick · September 2015

The right boob tastes the exact same as the left!

ChanelLovesB · September 2015

Bobbing your head on my face will not make it magically become a nipple.

4am is not happy hour.

kettlekitten · September 2015

If you bent and stretched your legs when i told you, changing your nappy would be faster and not result in poo smeared on your feet

bhargrave88 · September 2015

Daddy's nipples don't function like mommys. And neither does your sisters nose. I wish I could hold you all day, but honestly, mommy needs to do things too. So there is no need to scream bloody murder when I can't hold you. I will make up for it eventually.

And no, I don't know why the dog is attached to your hip.. He didn't do that for your sister, but Kasey did. She passed away when your sister was 2 months old. I'm sorry you won't get to meet her, but one day, mommy will have another golden retriever

dkizz82 · September 2015

That 10-30 min 'naps' aren't acceptable.

srm1987 · September 2015

The wrestling of the nipple is not a sport nor is it appreciated, either is clawing and pulling my nipple when I'm trying to feed you. Also the leg bending at the appropriate times will keep poop off your feet and prevent me from having to wash them with a wipe when you're being changed