Plus Size, pregnant and feeling guilty!

stacyrenee820 · September 2015

I've struggled with my weight over the past few years which was always linked to anxiety and depression. Luckily I've got the anxiety and depression part mostly under control (although it's always a work in progress!) But I've still been struggling with my weight. My goal recently was to get in shape or at least loose some weight before getting pregnant however we just found out this week I'm pregnant! We are super excited...everything seems to be falling into place in our timeline we always invisioned...I just can't get one thing out of my head...my weight! Which leads to a million other concerns like at 240lbs (size 22ish) im never going to have that cute baby bump, people won't even be able to tell I'm pregnant, I can't take cute baby bump pictures or have cute maternity clothes, a chance of a c-section increases and worst of all I feel like a terrible unhealthy mom!
I just want to be excited and happy for this new chapter but can't help but feeling like I've ruined the expereince for myself and feeling guilty for everything!

Sorry to be so negative! I just needed to vent so I don't drive my hubby crazy! Maybe it's the hormones :-P

Bookhousegirl · September 2015

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time! It's so difficult not to judge ourselves for what we could have/should have done, but the thing is we can't change what's happened in the past we can only learn and move forward. I'm always judging myself as a mother and thinking about things I could have done better, but in reality we are all doing the best we can! It's amazing that you've taken time to work on your anxiety and depression and feel like you are in a better place because your mental health is just as, if not more, important than your physical health!

Could you talk to your doctor and get some factual answers about the concerns your having? This may help to alleviate some of your worries. And maybe they can also give you some ideas of how to be as healthy as possible throughout your pregnancy. You may not love your body right now but remember that this is the body that is making a baby and that is an incredible thing! Our culture is one that focuses so much on what our bodies look like rather than on what they do, and yours is doing the most amazing thing right now, try not to let societal pressures of what a "cute baby bump" looks like interfere with enjoying that!

mojomama6 · September 2015

I've never been that big when I got pregnant, but I was by the time my first was a year old, and I also really struggled with feeling like I was a terrible, unhealthy mom, and like I had ruined my chances of ever being a fun, active mom,which was of course going to ruin my daughter's entire life. It's hard. The guilt is real, and not always entirely unreasonable.
But just because you're big doesn't mean you have to get bigger, or that you will have complications. Focusing on really excellent nutrition rather than weight will benefit your baby AND you, and can help offset some if the risk of being plus size. I've had more than one friend who was significantly plus sized and still got to wear some cute maternity clothes at the end. Some were able to lose or maintain their weight, others gained, but as long as it was all healthy food, they and their babies did great.
It might help you feel better though, to see a nutritionist, set a healthy diet, and then ask that you not be told your weight at appointments, or have it discussed at all unless it may cause a problem. I did that during my third and fourth pregnancies, and it was bliss. Really just amazing to focus on my baby growing, rather than on my ass growing.
One more thing. While being very overweight increases the odds of a c-section, there is some evidence that a part of that increase is actually due to prejudice. So if you get a sense of that from your doctor at any time, it might be worth it to shop around for a new provider.
You sound like you'll be a great mom. Try to worry a little less, but instead take some sort of action that makes you feel better about it... Even something small.

mcvgal · September 2015

I am in the same boat, my goal was to lose more weight before getting pregnant again. However, it's important to realize you can establish the healthy habits now. Talk to a nutritionist about what you can do now. I like to think that my habits now well help LO in the future.

There are plenty of cute plus size maternity clothes, just look around and I am sure you will be able to find something you like.

stacyrenee820 · September 2015

Thank you all for the support! Luckily I was already on track with eatting healthier and exercising since I was trying to loose anyways but I think seeing a nutritionist is a great idea! Since this is my first pregnancy all the help I can get would be great.
I've always been super hard on myself (making it even harder to loose weight) so I appreciate you guys pointing out the other things to focus on and helping see that there is still hope!

gooberdoofus95 · September 2015

My sister was and still is overweight she has been her whole life. She said the one great thing about being a plus size pregnant woman is that she never had strangers comin up and trying to touch her belly! She was about 310 when my niece was born and she did have to get an emergency CS because they kept losing the heartbeat and they wanted to be safe than sorry. They didn't know if the baby was in distress or not! I agree with PP about getting into a healthier eating habit now and enjoy your pregnancy because it's a beautiful thing no matter what your size it!

I was 220 when DD2 was born (180 at the start) and I'm back at 190 at the start of this one. The struggle to lose weight and eat better is real and hard! But you are not alone!! Keep working on it though!

cortney626 · September 2015

I had a friend who was overweight when she got pregnant and she was put on a diet due to risk of gestational diabetes. She ending up being 5 lbs lighter at 9 months than she was prepregnancy all while having a perfectly healthy pregnancy. Don't worry about the weight that you wanted to lose, but focus on that baby inside of you. Do what's within your control now like eating healthy and exercising. Like pp said, it's not what your body looks like but what it can do. You're growing a human! Good luck!

finnybooboo · September 2015

I felt the same way with my first, and feel the same way again this time! I gained over 60 lbs my first pregnancy and I VOW not to do it again if I can help it. I never did get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight in the 2 years since my DD was born, and the fact that I knew we'd be trying for another didn't help my motivation.

As a mom who gained a ton of weight my first pregnancy, I guess my advice would be to not garner the idea that "I'm pregnant I can eat what I want!" mentality. I had that last time and I paid for it!

KristieA · September 2015

I know this won't help for now, but you can always lose weight after the baby comes. I have known lots of moms in weight watchers who have done it. Maybe you won't get the cute maternity clothes and pictures from this baby but you could with another one. Or you could just love yourself whatever size you are and take cute pictures anyway. I know pinterest is filled with skinny young women sporting bumps, but just because you are plus sized, doesn't mean you can't look cute and feel great.

Focus on loving yourself and growing a beautiful baby and then you can focus on making the healthy choices later

geemarie06 · September 2015

I felt that way with my pregnancies. I have always been overweight and was finally losing weight right before I got pregnant the 1st time. When I finally got pregnant I was 220. I was worried about my health the baby and not being the cute pregnant girl with the adorable baby bump. Although I reached 300lbs when I finally delivered each of my children, I didn't have any complications thru out my pregnancy and DID have a huge baby bump that showed. You have to just enjoy the beauty of the little miracle inside you and enjoy the moments because it only last 9 months

laurenmdrn16 · September 2015

I am obese and was when I was pregnant with my first. I started that pregnancy at 254lb and ended at 240 by the time I delivered. I lost a lot during the first trimester partly because I simply couldn't stomach junk food and craved super healthy foods. While I did have complications, they were not due to my weight. I did have a consult with the head of anesthesiology at the hospital to go over how we would do an epidural/spinal since my back fat obscures anatomical landmarks, so something to consider.

With this one, I too wish I had lost more weight because at 230lb, I know things are going to be a little tougher. But like PPs have said, you can always start a healthy plan now. I find I am more motivated when I am doing it not just for me, but for the baby too. Now I happily sip spinach smoothies knowing I am feeding my baby the good stuff! We can do it, mama!

obryana6219 · September 2015

Everyone is different. I'm 300+ lbs and I had a very cute baby bump at 5 months. Some show more than others. And check out old navy for cute plus size maternity clothes that won't break the bank.

hellogoodbye2 · September 2015

I gave birth at 270lbs with my daughter. I had an adorable bump and no complications throughout my whole pregnancy and delivery. I have since lost weight and I'm at a healthier place for this pregnancy, but that doesn't mean it'll go the same as last time. Every woman and every pregnancy is so different!

Don't be too hard on yourself!

zekesmommy611 · September 2015

I think it's working with what you got. You have already started eating healthy and exercising which are two huge steps in creating a healthier lifestyle.. Two steps I struggle with everyday LOL! Also find some maternity clothes that accentuate your bump.

vintagemomof3 · September 2015

This is my 3rd pregnancy and with my 1st two pregnancies I gained 42 & 44 pounds. It wasn't a huge deal with my 2nd pregnancy because I started thin (110 at 5'1") but this time I'm 145 to start. I am dreading how to lose weight/hardly gain because I feel too tired with keeping up with my 3 & 5 year old boys.

qtpi145 · September 2015

Omg! I'm so happy I came across your post! When I had my 1st, now 3 years old, I was 40 lbs less than I am at the start of this pregnancy. My story is much like yours. I've been dealing with depression/anxiety since I was 4 and I'm now 32

after I had my sin it got even worse with my diagnosis of post-partum depression. I have been on every drug under the moon and I was headed to ECT a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant (9w 3D). I gained 30 lbs in 3 months after I had my son from taking Abilify. It actually worked very well but my body did not react well to it! I also recently found out I have hypothyroidism. I realized I just told you that so I can justify why I'm so overweight, technically obese now. I too wanted to lose weight before having baby number 2. I actually do eat pretty healthy and exercise, well until my 5th week u was put on pelvic rest. However, like you I worry I won't have the cute bump or the clothes or the pictures, etc. I wasn't always overweight and so I am still catching glimpses of myself in the mirror and wondering who that girl is knowing full well I'm only going to get bigger. I'm terrified and it consumes my thoughts.

Sharra13 · September 2015

I have known several very plus sized women who had very cute (and obvious) baby bumps and no complications.

asunna · September 2015

i dont wanna sound blunt i sometimes have a hard time communicating
but if you know you wanna get into more healthy habits , now is really great time to start, because you will be breaking your old habits, and establishing new ones for post pregnancy

i think alot of women wish they were more thinner before pregnancy, whether youre 240, or 140 , just be as healthy as you can be in your eating/drinking habits now because you will know it helps baby and yourself

and work yourself up for a goal after pregnancy, i know you can ask your doctor if you can do prenatal pilates or yoga to start getting yourself into the work out regime

best wishes

Alexandra0223 · October 2015

Hi there. I am also plus size. I read this book during my last pregnancy and i really liked it. https://www.amazon.com/Big-Beautiful-Pregnant-Comforting-Expecting/dp/1569243190

durbie92 · October 2015

Omg I am in your shoes too. Was trying to lose weight before I got pregnant but it just didn't happen. I'm 6w5d and terrified something is going to happen because I'm overweight. Some days i have lots of symptoms (like cramps that have me running to the bathroom to check for spotting) and other days i have nothing so i take a pregnancy test just to make sure i still am. Luckily I stocked up on the cheap ones!

I'm right at 220 but am only 5'3". Hell I look about 7 months pregnant already. But nope, just fat. I am eating very healthy and walking so hopefully I am doing as much good as I can. Best of wishes to all of us! And hey, if you don't get those cute bump pics, there's always photoshop

heyleebaby · October 2015

I was in your shoes when I had my twins and I am again now even though I am 60 pounds lighter. As long as you take care of yourself and try your best you are being a good mom! I am trying to watch my carbs which is the way I lost weight and it works. Last pregnancy I had so much cake...this time I am being mindful.

proudparent2b · October 2015

I understand where you're coming from. I'm 5'10" and was 282 at my highest weight. That was around the time I started to really want a kid, but I was terrified that I'd go over 300 pounds and would never find my way back down. Thankfully I was able to get active and drop over 60 pounds.

I'm still fifteen pounds this side of overweight, but vow to stay active during my pregnancy and keep my weight gain in check so that I can have a healthy delivery and continue to improve my fitness.

You may not be able to change your starting point, but you can definitely make healthy choices. If you haven't been getting much exercise, check with your doctor about walking or taking prenatal exercise classes. Exercise can majorly reduce stress and anxiety, as well as improve overall mood and appetite.

You may also be able to eat healthier, but it depends on your food aversions. Some overweight ladies claim that they only crave healthy food, but that hasn't been my experience so far (I'm not eating super horribly- just a number of holes in my diet in terms of fruits and especially veggies).

Anyway, I think you'll be just fine! Let your doctor know any concerns you might have and he or she will work with you to resolve them and to make this pregnancy a happy and healthy one!

laurenmdrn16 · October 2015

I have to say that I wasn't beating myself up about it too much about my weight until last night/this morning (didn't really sleep). I have an appointment with a MFM specialist today for a genetic test, another US, and consultation. I know I requested to be HR and my OB is being super careful which I love, but I am fully aware that as a 26yr old woman, even with my history of pre-e, I really shouldn't be considered quite as HR as I am, except that I am obese. I know that the extra fat cells contribute to a higher risk of neural tube malformations and it kills me to think that my body shape could hurt my baby. I am really just freaking myself out at this point, but it is comforting to know that there are others who have a similar situation so I know that it's not just me. We can all manage and enjoy this pregnancy, with all the ups and downs, and do our best to give our kiddos the healthiest start possible.

bambee786 · October 2015

I've been feeling the same!
But this is my 2nd pregnancy and maybe I can share some lessons learned. Last pregnancy I started at about 195 (5'7) and ended at about 257. Good news - I had no complications and delivered vaginally. I did have a very cute baby bump too! Bad news - It's been 2.5 yrs and I'm only down to 205 and still look like I have a bump lol. I am worried more this time about my health but I've changed my mindset about pregnancy. I'm no longer thinking of it as an opportunity to eat what I want and be lazy but as an opportunity to kick start a healthier lifestyle. Making good choices in food and letting my self have only one slice of cake instead of 5! Good luck you can do it like everyone said. Check out Asos for plus size maternity wear!

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