TW ~~ TTGP Grad Check-In! 9/11/15~~ Turned Discussion

Litterateur · September 2015

Come on in, Ladies! Let's see those bumps! Give us some updates!

ETA: Date

Litterateur · September 2015

Posted on 1st, 2nd & 3rd Tri
What BMBs would you ladies recommend next?

bsckgb7 · September 2015

Thanks for the reminder on TTGP that I don't have a bump.

bsckgb7 · September 2015

Litterateur said:

Come on in, Ladies! Let's see those bumps! Give us some updates!
ETA: Date

QFP

bsckgb7 · September 2015

Litterateur said:

Posted on 1st, 2nd & 3rd Tri
What BMBs would you ladies recommend next

QFP

Litterateur · September 2015

kgbbsc7 said:

Thanks for the reminder on TTGP that I don't have a bump.

Wow. I'm really sorry to have offended. It's something we used to do to connect/touch-base with those who've moved on... I apologize that I have caused any pain.The QFP wasn't necessary as I have never DD.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · September 2015

Wow, I feel like this at least needs a trigger warning. A grad check-in could be anything.

Litterateur · September 2015

I can put a TW, but I didn't think it needed one, since It only ever used to read TTGP Grad Check-In...

Linsbins · September 2015

ARE YOU KIDDING???

Already down in the dumps today about AF. Don't want to see bump pics here! All those ladies have left anyway!

ETA- thanks for apologizing.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · September 2015

Litterateur said:

I can put a TW, but I didn't think it needed one, since It only ever used to read TTGP Grad Check-In...

Yes, but a check-in could be "how are you doing?" Bump pictures is something else all together and people should be prepared for that. Especially if they aren't familiar with this post from the past. I have been back on the board for a few months and not seen this yet, I wouldn't think there are going to be bump pictures necessarily.

Litterateur · September 2015

CherylAnn789 said:

Litterateur said:

I can put a TW, but I didn't think it needed one, since It only ever used to read TTGP Grad Check-In...

Yes, but a check-in could be "how are you doing?" Bump pictures is something else all together and people should be prepared for that. Especially if they aren't familiar with this post from the past. I have been back on the board for a few months and not seen this yet, I wouldn't think there are going to be bump pictures necessarily.

Ok, I can respect that. Thank you for letting me know. I did not know that the culture of the board had changed that much. I apologize for the misstep.

bsckgb7 · September 2015

Litterateur said:

I can put a TW, but I didn't think it needed one, since It only ever used to read TTGP Grad Check-In...

I must have missed who you were in a former life. You joined August 5th.

Litterateur · September 2015

kgbbsc7 said:

Litterateur said:

I can put a TW, but I didn't think it needed one, since It only ever used to read TTGP Grad Check-In...

I must have missed who you were in a former life. You joined August 5th.

Yes, in my intro I gave my story. Short version: I was going through stuff before the meltdown. Requested deletion. Missed it here. Came back.

newbabymakes4 · September 2015

Wow people are touchy around here these days. OP I don't think you need a TW on this post, I think it's clear enough from the title of your post what is going to be in here. And, for the record, when I was ttc #1 I used to love seeing TTGP grads come back and say hi and show off their bumps.

Litterateur · September 2015

TW - Lots of baby stuff in this thread:
This is the most recent one I could immediately find via search function:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12476104/ttgp-grad-check-in

sorarose · September 2015

I think the TW is a good compromise, and we don't need to see bump pictures. OP is a regular here and she apologized, so why flame her?

m6agua · September 2015

I thought this was going to be about ladies on the TTGP board that were in school. I guess I was completely off on what it would be about. I will add that I don't have a problem with it. However I am only in my 3rd cycle, I may feel different if had been trying for longer.

WinchestertoPittsburgh · September 2015

I didn't realize what it was either, and I honestly thought as @m6agua had said, that it was about those of us who are students or something. I know now, and honestly probably won't ever look at this thread... it's disheartening enough at times to see so many people on TWW get their BFP, let alone look at so many people who have gone farther than I had.

However, I admit that this is just me being emotionally not prepared to see other's successes. Others many enjoy it and if so, I think it's fine to reconnect.

Litterateur · September 2015

Listen, I hear you guys loud & clear. Things change. I can accept that. I'm not gonna DD this thread b/c that's not what I do. I apologize to all who have been hurt by this. It was innocently created.

PrimRoseMama · September 2015

Litterateur said:
Listen, I hear you guys loud & clear. Things change. I can accept that. I'm not gonna DD this thread b/c that's not what I do. I apologize to all who have been hurt by this. It was innocently created.

Hey guuuuuuurl! :-h I remember Grad check ins with fondness, but the board had changed so much since 2012/2013. I realize you didn't know that & I'm sure others can see you didn't do this with hurtful intentions.

I had been wanting to do the Grad check in since returning but realized that it might not work for the tone/regulars that are here now.

Huge kudos to you @Litterateur for your kind words & apology to those that were taken off guard by this post.

I'm not usually a WK-- but I will vouch for @Litterateur that this was common practice in 2011-2014 when TTGP had grads that moved on to their BMBs. The culture had changed some & that's ok. I really don't feel like this was done in a way to hurt others. Just trying to revive an old type of check-in (much like the TFAS one I try to keep up with).

It used to be as common as WTO & TWW.

colesmom33 · September 2015

I think it's a nice reminder that people DO get pregnant who are on here!! I love to see the bfp's because it reminds me that it is possible for people who have struggled in the past to get that wonderful BFP!!

MandyBeeSLP · September 2015

Since there weren't any bumps actually posted, I kinda feel like some of you ladies over-reacted a tad, especially considering the entire website is named The Bump. I realize this is only my opinion, and I haven't been TTC for very long, but I think, especially now that the purpose of the thread it known, it would be nice to see updates from some of the former TTGPers.

calfherder · September 2015

I liked the idea too. Especially if grads could give a brief update about how long they were ttc, if they had to do any special treatments, etc. Success stories make me happy, not bitter.

benicode · September 2015

My whole thought on this is, if you don't want to see this type of thing, don't click on the thread. For those of the ladies that are interested in keeping up - why not?

PrimRoseMama · September 2015

benicode said:
My whole thought on this is, if you don't want to see this type of thing, don't click on the thread. For those of the ladies that are interested in keeping up - why not?

Mostly because I really don't want to step on toes if someone is having a bad day. It's easy enough to keep up with Grads on their BMBs. I know it's just the interwebz but for some this board is a relative safe space free of bumps & tons of baby photos.

In the previous instances the TTCAL & 3T boards were active & easy to create a safe space. Since 2014 though (and The Exodus) TTGP has become the catch-all. So it makes sense that a grad check in could ruffle some feathers. :-??

skilouise · September 2015

I like the check in idea too. @Litterateur mentioned it on another thread this morning and a bunch of people chimed in that they wanted it back as well.

***TW: Discussions of TWs/ causes of TWs/ opinions on TWs below****

Also, do we really need TWs for Every. Little. Thing? I totally understand TWs when a loss is mentioned. But substantively, is there really any difference between "TW: Child /pregnancy mentioned," and just mentioning a child/ pregnancy? Don't both of them just end up reminding you that children/pregnancy exists?

I'm only in my third cycle trying to conceive, so I will concede that maybe I just haven't been trying long enough for this to bother me. If people who been trying longer chime in that yes, they do react differently to "TW: pregnancy mentioned" than to a casual reference to pregnancy, then I will respect that even if I don't understand it. But on the other hand, if the TW doesn't actually *help* anyone, why bother?

RachelT1234 · September 2015

benicode said:
My whole thought on this is, if you don't want to see this type of thing, don't click on the thread. For those of the ladies that are interested in keeping up - why not?

This exactly. Compromise with adding a TW? I agree with what @calfherder said as well. I feel like I need to hear some positive stories. I also feel like flaming @Litterateur wasn't particularly necessary.

didi0308 · September 2015

And THAT newbies Is how you take a little bit of flaming. Thank you @Litterateur for acting like a lady, understanding and apologizing.

benicode · September 2015

PrimRoseMama said:

My whole thought on this is, if you don't want to see this type of thing, don't click on the thread. For those of the ladies that are interested in keeping up - why not?
Mostly because I really don't want to step on toes if someone is having a bad day. It's easy enough to keep up with Grads on their BMBs. I know it's just the interwebz but for some this board is a relative safe space free of bumps & tons of baby photos. In the previous instances the TTCAL & 3T boards were active & easy to create a safe space. Since 2014 though (and The Exodus) TTGP has become the catch-all. So it makes sense that a grad check in could ruffle some feathers. :-??

I can see both sides. Personally, I don't think I'd be interested in following a thread like this - I think it could upset me, as I don't really want to see others with babies or bumps. As a first timer, I even get a pang when I see others signatures with pictures of their kids. That's just me. This board isn't without it's triggers - my whole point was that this would be in a thread where you know not to click on it. Many of the other TW I see are within the thread where you're already there.

I'm not personally invested, but as a practice, I would be open to it.

SummerFall03 · September 2015

Just a question- So once someone graduates from TTC, and moves on to their BMB does that mean they can't come back on TTC or talk to their old friends? I have been off the boards since January, and wandered off to the other side for a bit. I'm just curious if relationships just stick between PM's, or if once you move on, that's it.

Just want some clarification, thanks!

SMA1211 · September 2015

SummerFall03 said:
Just a question- So once someone graduates from TTC, and moves on to their BMB does that mean they can't come back on TTC or talk to their old friends? I have been off the boards since January, and wandered off to the other side for a bit. I'm just curious if relationships just stick between PM's, or if once you move on, that's it.

Just want some clarification, thanks!

This!! I would love to know this! Who knows when that may be for me but I would love to know!

Also;
I love seeing the bumps I feel like it's positive energy in my not so positive self right now!

MEA0320 · September 2015

First, @Litterature, thanks for apologizing and taking some of the push-back like a champ.

Second, I'm not a big fan of what this thread would be about only because if I wanted to see the success stories, I would either go to another board within The Bump, go to a different site, or click on my Facebook friends who are pregnant. However, if others would like to see this thread continue, then I'll just know not to click on it. (just my two cents for what it's worth)

@SummerFall03 - I think you're more than welcome to come back. I think when we receive a question where most of us are unable to provide advice or insight, it's good to know some of the TTGP grads are lurking and can jump in to help point the person asking in the right direction or even answer the question.

jhems776 · September 2015

I am only on my third cycle and I can understand how my feeling may change the more cycles you are....

I like the idea of this thread and knowing what is going on with people once they get their BFPs. This may really for UO or FFF but how much do we need the TW and mostly the losses? A lot of people have a loss mentioned in their signatures and they do not start every post/reply with a TW. I think its good when the pregnant people come and post here as long as they did TTC and not NTNP type.

hboaz · September 2015

FWIW, I thought it was a fun idea. I do often wonder how some of the TTGP grads are doing and miss them around here. I suppose I could go stalk the BMBs, but I don't exactly remember which BMB they all belong to and it would be like sifting through pages of posts that I don't particularly care to see just to attempt to find a post about what they're up to.

mrstmoose · September 2015

I'm coming to the party late but here is my two cents:

I've seen previous regs come back here a post and they are welcome to do so with open arms, as long as they are respectful. This post was something that occurred several years ago (as shown) and is clearly not the tone of the board now, which is fine. I agree with some of the PP who state that we may overuse *TW* in everything (unless loss or BFP).

We all have bad days and days that seeing something will triggers us and there will be days where I get upset seeing a BFP or a picture of a child, but we (I) should not going to flame that person for having a child or BFP, I pull my big girl panties up even higher and look forward to the day that I get a BFP and know that I have an amazing group of women who support me on my TTC journey.

For the noobs who choose not to read or lurk, yes, they are always going to get flamed. Everyone needs to learn the culture of the board and the sense of community it has.

Please don't flame too much, this was not mean in any offense whatsoever because:

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · September 2015

benicode said:

My whole thought on this is, if you don't want to see this type of thing, don't click on the thread. For those of the ladies that are interested in keeping up - why not?

That was sort of my feeling, and for the record, I personally don't mind the bump photos one way or another. That's why I thought just a TW so people who aren't familiar with the concept or don't know there might be bump photos when the open the post would know. I know it might not bother me but it could bother others.

PrimRoseMama · September 2015

SummerFall03 said:
Just a question- So once someone graduates from TTC, and moves on to their BMB does that mean they can't come back on TTC or talk to their old friends? I have been off the boards since January, and wandered off to the other side for a bit. I'm just curious if relationships just stick between PM's, or if once you move on, that's it.

Just want some clarification, thanks!

I can't speak for others-- the tone changes from year to year. So do the "understood/unspoken rules". So, traditionally it was etiquette conscious that a recognizable regular (read: participated actively, gave support for the entire time they were here) not start new threads on TTGP. It was also considered appropriate to add a ticker warning if responding to a post with helpful advice.

I don't know what the general opinion is now. As long as the pregnants are not* PWing it up I think there is tolerance.

There is always PM if you want to keep up with a pg friend & you can follow their posts on a BMB.

Edit: damn I need more coffee. Half my stuff isn't making sense today.

PS- awesome home alone 2 gif! Haha I loved Tim Curry in that roll. Also, I totally still quote Rat Bait.

kaitlink33 · September 2015

Personally, I don't care to see baby bumps and all that because it is depressing enough seeing it in public. However, I have seen that several ladies have asked in different threads why the grad check-in wasn't a thing anymore and wanted it back so I know that OP didn't mean any harm in creating this thread. Like I said, I do not care to see all of it but I would just not look at this particular thread. Just my two cents.

dixie7701 · September 2015

I have to say I am a little shocked by some of the replies on this thread.

We all want to spew the "give support to get support" but we only want to get/give from women who are like us? Those that have successfully gotten their BFP's are no longer welcome to participate and we don't want to know anything about their success because it makes me feel bad about myself. I realize that not everyone on this board is going to be BFF's with everyone else, but I have met some truly wonderful women here.The idea of dismissing them because they've been successful in their journey and I haven't really makes me sad.

Supporting one another means forming relationships and getting to know each other through the good days and the bad days. It really bums me out that there are a lot of women that have been TTGP regulars who have refused to announce their BFP's because they were afraid of hurting everyone's feelings. I had no idea that they had gotten their BFPs until I saw them posting while lurking on a BMB or a Tri board. Does it bum me out sometimes to see others getting their BFP's just as AF has arrived in my world? Absolutely! That doesn't mean that we can't put our big girl panties on and be happy for them!

If there are people here that are so selfish that they aren't willing to be supportive of someone else whose journey is a little different than theirs or perhaps has been successful before them then that's not a community I want to be a part of.

And perhaps I'm just being overly sensitive today. This rant is not specifically towards JUST this thread. This has been something that's been bothering me for a while. This thread just happened to set me off. /end rant

halesh5 · September 2015

calfherder said:
I liked the idea too. Especially if grads could give a brief update about how long they were ttc, if they had to do any special treatments, etc. Success stories make me happy, not bitter.

^this!!! ^ I agree!

sorarose · September 2015

dixie7701 said:

I have to say I am a little shocked by some of the replies on this thread.
We all want to spew the "give support to get support" but we only want to get/give from women who are like us? Those that have successfully gotten their BFP's are no longer welcome to participate and we don't want to know anything about their success because it makes me feel bad about myself. I realize that not everyone on this board is going to be BFF's with everyone else, but I have met some truly wonderful women here.The idea of dismissing them because they've been successful in their journey and I haven't really makes me sad.
Supporting one another means forming relationships and getting to know each other through the good days and the bad days. It really bums me out that there are a lot of women that have been TTGP regulars who have refused to announce their BFP's because they were afraid of hurting everyone's feelings. I had no idea that they had gotten their BFPs until I saw them posting while lurking on a BMB or a Tri board. Does it bum me out sometimes to see others getting their BFP's just as AF has arrived in my world? Absolutely! That doesn't mean that we can't put our big girl panties on and be happy for them!
If there are people here that are so selfish that they aren't willing to be supportive of someone else whose journey is a little different than theirs or perhaps has been successful before them then that's not a community I want to be a part of.
And perhaps I'm just being overly sensitive today. This rant is not specifically towards JUST this thread. This has been something that's been bothering me for a while. This thread just happened to set me off. /end rant

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