Hate to say, but so unhappy

littlelady325 · September 2015

DH has been a total jerk since we found out I'm pregnant. He's doesn't talk to me, we used to spend hours and hours talking. Now we just fight. All the time. I know some of it is my hormones but he's been so unsupportive. He doesn't ask me how I'm feeling, doesn't help at all with the house, doesn't seem to care about whether or not I've eaten and bitches when I take a nap about how he'd love to be able to nap and do "nothing all day". I work primarily from home but I'm very busy in my job and it comes with major responsibility.

We planned this baby. We tried for months, he has a daughter who lives with us on weekends and summer's and I have a son who is with us full time. We planned this baby and now all I feel is unhappiness and fear that I've, yet again, chosen the wrong person to be the father of my child and my partner in life. I've wanted another child for the last 13 years but put it off until I found the right person and the right time... I'm terrified.

I want this baby more than anything but, I have never felt so alone in my life.

saladflambe · September 2015

I'm sorry.

That is an incredibly difficult situation to be in. Would it be possible for you to maybe see a therapist? Or talk with a pastor or trusted friend? Have you been able to talk to your husband about what might be going on with him under the surface? Have you been able to tell him how you're feeling?

BuzzBee614 · September 2015

I am so sorry you are feeling this way right now. I'm also having problems with DH being a bit of a jerk, but sometimes that's how men are. When my husband is stressed or worried he acts like an idiot. If everything was okay between you right before you conceived, maybe he's just working through some inner turmoil. It doesn't make it right, but it might not be as bad as it seems right now.

Maybe you could right him a letter or an email describing how you are feeling? I know my husband responds to be better this way (because when I try to talk to him I end up yelling and not saying what I wanted to say...)

I really hope this situation is just him working through his emotions and things get better for you. Sometimes going together to doctors appointments can help too.

I wish you all the best.

bellamamma23 · September 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think @saladflambe asked all the right questions. A therapist, pastor, or friend could really help you. If you haven't/can't talk with him, how about his parents or friends? Maybe they have an insight on what's going on with him.

Just know that you are not alone, we are all here to listen. I hope you find some comfort and peace. Good luck!

lalala2004 · September 2015

I hope that you can talk to him and tell him how you feel without blaming. If not, I agree with PP that mentioned counseling.

mslovesbo · September 2015

I mean this to be 100% gentle and helpful, but of course I don't know the extent of your situation, so it may be misplaced. But ask yourself if he is truly letting you down and acting wrongly or if he is just not living up to your expectations of being excited/concerned/worried about the early pregnancy phase...or even a little of both. Men are different with pregnancy then we are...it's just not quite as real for them especially at this stage.
Communication is the key. Open and understand communication. Like the other pp said.

JessicaB0627 · September 2015

My DH is an absolutely wonderful father to our DD, but all throughout my pregnancy he was very detached and didn't show a whole lot of interest in the pregnancy. He even went as far to say that MS was all in my head. (He's lucky I didn't murder him in his sleep because the thought crossed my mind many times.)

So starting this pregnancy I am prepared to deal with the emotions of him not being as interested in the pregnancy as I am. I think a lot of his problem is that he doesn't know exactly what I go through and he doesn't necessarily understand all the symptoms that go along with pregnancy.

That being said, don't take his behavior this early on as a sign of something bad. He may just not completely understand or feel left out because he doesn't really have a direct role in the pregnancy part of having a child. Also don't completely write off his behavior as being a jerk. He could also be very anxious about the pregnancy and not want you to see that. I really hope for your sake that he changes as your due date approaches. Good luck!

zekesmommy611 · September 2015

This would be a very difficult thing to go through. There are a couple questions running threw my mind..It sounds like you two were on the same page while TTC so what has changed? If he wanted this pregnancy why isn't he being supportive? What caused the communication to stop? Does he feel like he's being supportive?
My DH was clueless when I was pregnant with our DS. I would tell him I was tired and he would say "why you sit in your office all day, you don't work a physical job". He was being honest but unhelpful. Open communication is key! Good Luck!!

littlelady325 · September 2015

Hey ladies, you were all so good to me and totally deserve an update.

DH had been a total jerk for like two weeks after I found out we were pregnant, however, the day after I posted this, he's completely changed his tune. He's being supportive, he's helping around the house and he's encouraging naps.

I know that when his ex was pregnant with his daughter they didn't live together until the third trimester, so I think he missed a lot of these initial symptoms and I know his sister (who I was crying to) was going to have his mom talk to him. Also his friend at work (who he kind of admires)'s wife is pregnant and right around where I am, so I think they've been comiserating.

Honestly I'm so happy now. Thank you all for the support!

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