What have I done!!

cazza22 · September 2015

I have made a horrendous mistake! My s/o and I lived in a lovely little 2 bedroom house in a fantastic area, my s/o already has a son of 6 who stays with us at least twice a week so both rooms were taken. So I decided to look around for a bigger family home so I could decorate a nursery and have a room ready for our babies arrival, I'm 23 weeks tomorrow. I found the perfect house, not a thing needed doing, it is beautiful, we moved in 3 weeks ago and inside its everything I hoped it would be.

Here comes the dilemma... The area is horrific! My s/o did try and tell me it wouldn't be what we were used to, but me being me shrugged it off and fell in love with the inside and the space. The kids around this area are the worst kids I have ever seen or heard. I haven't heard language come out of a man the way these (I'm guessing) 7 year old girls and boys mouths. They hang around just outside our house as soon as they get in from school until after dark. These type of kids come from parents that would not care if an adult went and complained, in fact I get the feeling they would just target the house more.

So it looks like we are going to be moving back in with my parents and putting all our furniture into storage until we find something else!

( so not only have I left our sweet little house that made us so happy for 4 years, we also now don't have a house never mind a nursery for the baby. I feel like I could cry forever at the moment. S/o totally blames me, he wouldn't dream of saying it but he thinks it I can tell. Can't believe this has happened :-S

Just needed to offload sorry.

AlabamaWorley · September 2015

It's a shame that you're in the situation that you didn't check into the neighborhood before you moved and now are feeling like you have to move again.
Is there anything else wrong with the area? Unsafe? Lots of vandalism or anything? I just can't imagine leaving a new home I love just because the kids in the area are little shitheads.

ChrissyD1203 · September 2015

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that!!! Did you buy or are you renting the house? I just moved the first week of August from right outside of NYC to Maine and I'm going through some major area adjustment too-- I feel way less safe, so I can totally relate. That is such a pain in the neck.

willashbaby · September 2015

Just call the cops. Seven year olds shouldn't be outside it groups along until dark. Child welfare danger and all.

cawalp · September 2015

That's a terrible situation but it seems a little weird to move from a house you love just because the kids are brats. Sure you prolly won't have any neighborhood friends if the parents are like you said but who cares? I live in an apartment and the kids around here throw their balls at our walls and sometimes hit the window, I'm assuming it's because their parents told them not to do it at their own walls. It bothers me but if they break it they are sure going to pay for it. I wouldn't consider moving just for that reason. Our apartment is nice and big enough for us plus baby and on the cheap side for our area. Sometimes you make sacrifices for the important things like loving the house.

SunshineBaby26 · September 2015

I live in an area as well, that I'm not exactly proud of. It's out in the middle of no where with no neighbours or other kids around to play with, and there are train tracks that come on to out property that make it unsafe for our children to play outside alone. But the house is beautiful, and everything we wanted in the house.

I wouldn't move if I were you. It doesn't matter what other people do, but rather what you do. Explain to your children how the other kids are bad and not good role models. Plan family outings to the park when you want to get out, and make you home feel as loving as possible and it won't matter how bad the outside world in, when inside its amazing.

Don't let other people control you. It's your life and you deserve to be happy in the way that makes you happy, and always make the best of a bad situation.

KayTaylor14 · September 2015

They're actually not doing anything illegal, and aside from suggesting they should be supervised the cops can't do anything. Curfew for most areas for kids under 18 isn't until 10 pm.

Edit- this was meant to be a reply to the person saying to call the cops.

Emott13 · September 2015

I nearly fell into the same situation last year. I thank God every day that my mother visited and pointed out the neighborhood faults that I couldn't see through my love for the house we had found. Like they say, it's all "Location, location, location"!

saraellenM · September 2015

I've learned that you can plan as much as you want, but life likes to throw you curve balls. My husband and I worked really hard to buy our first house. I wanted everything to be perfect when we had our first baby. It took us 4 years to get pregnant and by that time my husband had been in a horrific car accident that wasn't his fault was out of work a long time and our lawyers screwed us over. I finally had my precious baby and we were losing the house we had worked so hard for and worked so hard on. It was so emotionally hard but everything is alright. What really matters is that your family is healthy and you all love each other. That's what counts. Yes, a beautiful house that fits all your things and is just the way you want it is nice, but when you get down to it its just a material thing. Good luck to you! I hope you can find a nice place where you feel safe. Just remember that baby only needs you. He/she isn't going to car where they are sleeping or what the room looks like.

ccoleeman · September 2015

A lot of your concerns involve "getting the feeling" and very little action. It seems like you hold a lot back then make big actions on emotion.
-you "get the feeling" that addressing the neighborhood kids behavior with the parents would make it worse. You're not willing to address the sitatuation to solve the problem, but you are willing to relocate your whole family again
- you "get the feeling" your SO is upset with you, but neither of you have addressed how you both feel about making this change.

So basically I would say a good way to prevent making sweeping life changes on emotion later is to confront issues head on, and who knows, maybe you won't have to make big changes so often.

ljalmeida · September 2015

I so feel you with not being happy about and area you live in... Here is what I did and you know what? It actually worked. 3 years ago my husband and I bought a house only a couple blocks from the beach and very close to multi-million dollar homes. Sounds great right? Well we could only afford the not so great section of the neighborhood because we aren't millionaires, but we loved it and had grand ideas of living by the beach and yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, there is an ally way right behind our house, which was basically just a dark place for drug deals and shady people to hang out, and occasionally some homeless people who didn't bother me as much as the thugs because they weren't threatening. We had a drug dealer/tweaker renting the house next to us, and never went a week without being woken up in the middle of the night by something shady and loud happening in the ally. Finally I had enough. I started calling the police for EVERYTHING. I called for drug deals, disturbances, people going through trash, people speeding etc. It didn't matter. If it was against the law and making our otherwise awesome house suck, I called it in. I wrote letters to the police department about what was going on in our neighborhood and I contacted the owner of the house next door. Finally when someone brought a child over to the drug dealers house and they stayed the night, the police and child services came and the man was evicted. The police always let me stay annonymous and I am not kidding when I say that within months there was a higher police presence in the nieghborhood, the crack heads left and slowly I started seeing fewer and fewer drug deals in the ally way. Now I can't remember the last time we were woken at night and some really awesome people are coming out of the woodwork on our street and being friendly because they actually feel safer. We also have better tenants renting the places that are rentals because it doesn't have such a bad reputation. Bottom line, don't move. If you love it, get involved and become part of the solution. Things can and will change. Side note, I have since written the head of our association and the police department thank you notes and have met everyone personally to thank them for making our neighborhood a safer place. Good luck!

maddisonwallace · September 2015

If you're worried about this now, just wait until your kid goes to school. That will be a wholllleeeeee other thing. Learn how to handle it now. Because you can't just keep leaving when things aren't ideal. Plus, why let a 7 year old run YOU out of a house that you love?? Uh uh. Ain't gonna happen.

Snoopylovesbelle · September 2015

You definitely need to talk to your husband. Don't assume he thinks it's all your fault until he had said so or you have talked. Don't borrow trouble. You two need to sit down and make a rational unemotional decision.
Also don't let a couple of kids ruin what otherwise might be great.

l4rk · September 2015

Also, your husband is an adult. Presumably you don't make all the decisions on your own and, even if you do, letting you talk him into moving is a choice he made. You guys are in this together. He is just as responsible as you are for how this turned out.

cazza22 · September 2015

Thanks for all the replies ladies. For those who are saying a group of 7 year olds shouldn't be making us move I can see your point and maybe my original post did make it sound a little like that but that is not the only thing and the only concern. Top and bottom of it is the area is awful and I will not allow my children to be brought up here, they will of cause be told right from wrong but I do not want them seeing the wrong every single day out our windows. I'm sorry if some of you disagree with that but I'm dead against it. Luckily for us we are just renting so it's easy to get out of and our landlord is an absolute diamond, he's even bought another house in a lovely area (that we know) which he said we can have first choice on if we want it so all might not be lost. S/o and I have talked and he doesn't blame me completely for the move, maybe that was my pregnancy hormones making my emotions take over. It's a learning curve that you can't always tell an area no matter how much research you do into it until you actually live there! Stick with what you know I say.
I have to say it is lovely to have a really helpful and supportive group like this. X

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