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July 2015 Moms
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Avoiding "Pass the Baby"

Jessa1404Jessa1404 member
in July 2015 Moms
Hi Everyone,

My daughter's baptism is coming up in a few weeks, and I'm already starting to stress about it.  The party after the baptism will be at my in-laws house with their side of the family and a bunch of their friends--probably about 30-40 people in all.  I don't mind everyone seeing the baby, but I really don't want everyone holding the baby and passing her around.  A few people have already told my in-laws that they're looking forward to holding her.  At that point, she won't have had her vaccines, yet, and I know she'll get overwhelmed and upset by a bunch of strangers holding her.  Plus, I just don't know a lot of these people that well.  Any advice on how to politely decline when people try to hold her??  The only excuse I can come up with is that I have to feed her, and that will only work every two hours when she eats.  My DH is semi-with me on this, but doesn't feel as passionately, and I don't know how enthusiastic he'll be about enforcing it when the time comes.  I feel like I'll need to have some responses ready in case it gets suddenly overwhelming. Thanks in advance for any advice!
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Re: Avoiding "Pass the Baby"

  • benmichelebenmichele member
    My first was born right before Thanksgiving and Christmas, and they really do get so overstimulated in big gathering situations. I suggest wearing her in a carrier, that always prevents the baby pass-around for us.
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  • acciocoffeeacciocoffee member
    Is it possible to put her in a carrier? People rarely take babies from carriers. I usually just say she is grumpy or hungry or sleepy or has a tummy ache and maybe they can hold her later.
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  • eclohoecloho member
    Yup put her in a wrap or carrier!!
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  • holliechoulesholliechoules member
    I wore our LO in the wrap at family events of 30 or so people for a while then they got grabby and would try and take her out while I batted hands aways because they're obnoxiously intrusive. Anyway. I started just saying it over stimulated her to be passed around and since I was the one who would have to go home with a cranky baby they could look from over there for a while longer.
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  • sarahsairsairsarahsairsair member
    Just curious.... Why not make it a smaller party? If it is worrying you that much about the baby being passed around. I mean, this is YOUR babies baptism it should be what you want.
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  • Jessa1404Jessa1404 member
    sarahsairsair said:
    Just curious.... Why not make it a smaller party? If it is worrying you that much about the baby being passed around. I mean, this is YOUR babies baptism it should be what you want.
    I agree with you!  But my MIL kind of took over everything and ran with it (which would be a whole other story for a mother in law rant threat lol). Now the invitations are out, and it's too late to do anything about it.  Sigh.  Thank you all for the great suggestions of wearing her in a carrier.  I didn't even think of that!  I guess at the end of the day, too, her safety and comfort are more important than other people's wishes to hold her anyway, so I should make myself comfortable with politely declining.
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  • mrsjones1012mrsjones1012 member
    You could also be adamant about people washing their hands, not using hand sanitizer actually going and washing them. Could weed out a few grabbers possibly. My girl definitely got overstimulated the other day at the family Labor Day picnic.
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  • ashleytiffashleytiff member
    We just had my husbands family reunion to go to and LO had his first shots the day before we left so he was a little fussy and clingy.
    We used that as an excuse not to pass him around.
    We went back to our hotel so he wouldn't get too overwhelmed and we picked dad up later.
    His great grandma and great grandpa were the only new people to hold him.
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  • MrsTiger123MrsTiger123 member
    I am not as upset about people holding my baby this time around (#2), but I was a maniac with my first.   Not that you're wrong because I think it's too germy as well.   I would put bottle of hand sanitizer everywhere.   You can even make cute labels for it to match decor.   Next, what worked with my little last time was wearing him in our Ergo Carrier.   You can even say he baby is feeding in the carrier- people won't be able to tell.   If people press, say he/she was up all night and needs to rest.   Be polite but firm.   I used to make jokes about my own germaphobia.   I'd be like- "I know I'm crazy" then smile.   What will people say to that?
    Have the baby in your arms for the service and photo then put into the carrier for as long as needed.

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  • kitty61287kitty61287 member
    We had a couple of family functions since I had my LO, and she has 2 older half-sisters who always want to hold her when they are with us, so I made a rule with them that someone can hold the baby, but then, she has to come back to me, and then when she is ready, I can give her to someone else. It helps avoid pass the baby, and let's LO know I'm still there. It's funny because when we are around the family, the older girls will tell the adults that only one person can hold the baby before giving her back to me.
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  • babymorgan72015babymorgan72015 member
    I always either wear baby girl in a carrier, say she's in a clingy mommy mood so she'll scream if someone else takes her, or that her pediatrician told me absolutely no playing pass the baby till she's had her shots :)
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  • shaley29shaley29 member
    I always say she's fussy and sleepy or whatever lol
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  • honeybee530honeybee530 member
    Thank you for posting this!I feel like I could have wrote this post myself! We are heading home to our home town this weekend and my MIL has planned a giant come and go for their entire Italian family to come and meet our LO. I refuse to pass him around like a football and said I would be holding him or leaving him in his carrier the whole time but DH is being a dick about it sayng if people bring a gift they expect to hold the baby. I'm sorry what?!? He said "what are you supposed to do, say no?" I told him I expect his support with this when people start to squwak about it. I refuse to let my baby be overstimulated by 40-some people and suffer when I get him home and have to suffer along with him. I'd rather be the bitch than put him through that. :(
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  • itsrandiyoitsrandiyo member
    Maybe you could try having one of your close friends/family that you are comfortable with holding LO and just have them hog your LO the whole time, if you can get 1 or 2 people on board. 
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  • LibbyC730LibbyC730 member
    I feel the same way and thank goodness DH is onboard. We have a "code" so DH can get LO back from his family and into a quiet room if I or LO needs it!
    We went to a family gathering when he was only 3 1/2 weeks and either myself or my aunt held him most of the time. My dad made a snide comment later that she'd hogged the baby and I told him I was relieved to have avoided LO being passed around! Maybe that's another solution--find someone vaccinated, willing to wash up, and unwilling to give baby up!!
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  • lovehorse77lovehorse77 member
    All of the above suggestions are great. Just wanted to add that I totally understand your concern! Maybe fewer people will ask to hold your little girl if you don't offer? At a couple of larger gatherings I didn't offer her around and people didn't ask even though they insinuated they wanted to hold her. I just kept my mouth shut even though it was a little awkward and no one pushed the issue. If Someone asks, maybe make a comment t about how she does better in smaller groups and that'd be a better time to hold her. Or blame your pediatrician and say she can't get passed bc of vaccines and you don't want to offend people by letting some people hold her and some not. At the end of the day, do what you feel is right for your babe and who cares what people think. I know I'd be more upset with myself for giving in on something I felt was for the wellbeing of my little girl than if a few people were grumpy with me for a while.
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  • tejalptejalp member
    I feel your pain as my MIL is planning a "showing session" for all her friends and I'm already freaking out about it. I used to respect her a lot before my LO was born but after what she did to me I have lost it. She greeted me, baby and hubby on the day we got home from the hospital (24 hrs after-vag forceps delivery with fever during labour). And then we had bunch of visitors from my hubby side to see the baby ( yes-2hrs after we arrived home!!!)

    Her excuse in all this was that she didn't know that they were coming and couldn't say NO! After that whenever she came see her or brought people, even family I used the excuse that baby is cluster feeding or she gets overstimulated and I end up suffering with more! My DH did support me a little on this but he doesn't like it when I do that to his parents.

    Now, I tell everyone that my priority is my LO and My focus is her ABCC (airway,breathing, circulation & comfort)!!
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