Thoughts...

cookies754 · September 2015

I have the afternoons to myself which leads to a lot of thinking. Would you rather stay home with your (future) children and have a smaller house, older cars, etc. or work full time and be able to afford nicer things while paying for childcare? Or, if you already made this choice, what led you to it? I have been back and forth on this so many times and I'm curious as to what other's opinions are on this topic. Thought it might be an interesting subject to discuss. :-?

lotsofsunshine · September 2015

I have 100% chosen to stay home and not have "luxury" anything. I've found that when I'm home with my kiddos our home life is just better. The little money I was making at my job wasn't worth it. It just works better for our family that I am home.

bmo88 · September 2015

For us, the choice isn't about old vs new or luxury vs basic. We have not had children yet, but will start TTC next year. Both of us love our careers and fully intend to work after having a child.

I am an Executive Director of an organization and it's my dream job. I want to return full time after giving birth. DH just got his dream position as an Athletic Director. He may move to part-time if it is allowed and stay home some hours of the week. We could afford for DH to stay home and maintain a comparable life style, but he wouldn't be fulfilled career wise. I could stay home and live off DH's salary and we would have to cut back a bit, but still pretty good. But I too wouldn't be fulfilled.

Raising a child and staying home is an amazing opportunity that many parents love or would love to do. We just do not have that desire to give up our careers entirely. Both of our parents worked full time while raising us and still did an amazing job, so that is our experience. I think either route is fine provided you can afford it and truly desire it.

Xstatic3333 · September 2015

I'm planning to work, but not exactly in either of those categories. I want to work because I value my career and want to keep it going; I work for a nonprofit, so it's not about the "stuff." Both of my parents worked and I never felt deprived, so I'm not worried about that. I think it's more about the quality of the time parents and children have together.

*Of course all choices here are equally great if they're right for you, just explaining mine*

als1982 · September 2015

I just want to have the choice when the time comes. Days that I am stressed and work long hours, I lean to staying home. Days where I feel productive and my work can be accomplished in a typical eight hour work day, I think I'd rather work. When it comes to work life balance, I'd rather tip the scales toward life. Life is too short and children grow up too quickly to be spending more time at the office than at home.

FlightyAquarius · September 2015

I've made my decision, but like Xsantic333 it's for different reasons that what you listed.

I'll continue working as I am the breadwinner in my family. I feel good about myself when I reach my career goals, and have more to reach. As important as family is, I wouldn't want to give up something that defines me. I love my job and what I do. To me, I think it would be good for my future children see their mom working hard.

To handle childcare, my husband would probably switch his work to evening hours and take care of them during the day, although if need be I am not opposed to Day Care. Both of my parents worked, as did their before them. For me, the result was understanding the importance of balancing life.

Honestly I think each family will have their own perfect solutions and values. These happen to be mine, but no solution can fit everyone. We all have to figure out what would make us, and our families, happiest.

cookies754 · September 2015

Thanks all for your responses! I know there's not a one size fits all answer but I really enjoyed reading your thoughts about this. I definitely love how everyone does whatever they can to make themselves and their families happy.

I've always had a desire to one day stay home with my children. Now that the time is getting closer where we will start TTC, I'm getting kind of bummed that the reality may not be that. I've looked into work from home jobs or possibly starting my own home daycare, but the thought of one day quitting my full time job also scares me. Decisions, decisions. :-/

Lysta85 · September 2015

Me and my bf wanted one of us to stay home when we get our first child. Since we started living together we haven't been on vacations (even though other people told us we where being weird) and we are satisfied with what we have (which is old cars, planning on having the same furniture for years, we don't care about shopping etc.) When we bought this house we made it very clear we wanted to be able to pay it with using only one income, but we found out that the bank didn't listen to us. Although that has been taken care of, we had to face the fact (after a lot of tears) that we both have to continue working.

We are gonna make the best of it. When I get pregnant (hopefully somewhere next year), I'm gonna see if it is possible to work for 3-3.5 days a week. And since I work at school I automatically get the holidays off too, so that's convenient too. So it's not what I originally hoped for, but prefer working part time and having kids instead of having no kids.

MrsRo731 · September 2015

This is a very difficult subject for some, because it's not always a choice between having "luxury" things vs. "basic" things; for some, they can't afford health insurance, food, necessities for life without having 2 incomes.

In my case, I work full time because I enjoy having a career, not to have material things. It's interesting because before I had DD I always wanted to be a SAHM but after going back to work and making it through the first few difficult months, we're very happy. Once we got a schedule down for work days, everything clicked. It's definitely not the lifestyle that works for everyone, but it works for us.

GL with whatever you decide.

>-

jenfarm3 · September 2015

This is something I am having the hardest, hardest time making a decision about and we aren't even TTC yet.

In our case, like others, it's not even about choosing lesser over "luxury." My husband is the breadwinner by far and makes well enough money to afford for me to stay to home and not have our current day to day expenses or vacation frequencies change much at all. I don't even make a quarter of what he makes annually, though I still do make a decent annual income. It's not like it wouldn't be missed. But for the first time in my life I really like my job, I love my boss and I actually feel appreciated and valued in my position. My boss and even our general manager tells me all the time how they do not want me to quit. That they would absolutely hate to lose me. And I really feel like they mean it. They pay me well, they are very flexible with my schedule as long as I stay up on my work load and they have been very generous with my end of year bonuses. DH's work schedule has him working about half the year and he really likes to go on vacations and take weekend trips when we can. (Though, this obviously will change once babies happen. Lol.) Technically, I'm only allowed two weeks paid vacation a year and they aren't very lenient with taking unpaid days. You get what you get, and that's it. But once they started to realize my potential and my boss started realizing how much I help her with her work load (I am her secretary), it didn't take long for them to realize they were going to need to work with me on days off or they would possibly lose me. (DH would like for me to be a SAHM and, if my job wasn't as flexible with me now, would have me quit at this point so that I had flexibility with his schedule. I don't need to work. But he is very thankful for my work ethic and that I still choose to work as long as it still works with our lives.) My work has been awesome with all of this and I feel like if I gave this up now, the chances of being able to come back to this or even find anything like this elsewhere would be so difficult.

On the other hand, being able to stay home with my children and experience all their firsts and be there for them and not have to pay someone else to do this, would be so amazing. I know there are so many parents out there that would love to have that opportunity but don't have the means. I know how blessed this makes me and it almost makes me feel guilty to even debate whether or not to keep working. If I still had my last job, I'd quit and be a SAHM mom in a second. In fact, I'd be ready to have babies now just to be able to quit I hated my last job so much. (This is part of the reason I've been wanting to wait on TTC as long as we have so far is because I'm dreading making this decision...)

With some rough calculations I've made currently with child care estimates (for one child, we plan on having two...) and continuing to max out my 401k, I would almost break even. There would only be a couple hundred excess. So I would basically continue working just to continue contributing to retirement. Which is very important to me and my husband. But with child care and retirement eating up my paycheck, it would be like not having a job anymore. So, I'd be giving up time with my children to not have the paycheck I have right now anymore anyway. If any of this makes sense...

Luckily, I have about a year before I really need to make a decision on this and who knows what would change in that time... but it's hard. It's really, really hard for me...

emmaaa · September 2015

Growing up I always envisioned that I would want to stay home when I have children. I wanted to be the mom who could take the kids to school, pick them up, go on field trips, have fun activities planned on days off and supper on the table at 5 every night.

However, I now realize that I like my career and like a PP mentioned, I value that. I worked my butt off in college and am now early in my career and I don't want to give that up. I'm good at my job and I think I can make difference in my field.

I don't think it has anything to do with luxuries for us. Because even now with us both working, we don't have high end cars and luxury items to begin with.

KSMcClary · September 2015

My husband and I haven't started TTC yet, but this has been something I have gone back and forth on. Ideally I would love to be a stay at home mom! I would have so much fun with it!

DH looked into our budget and we could make everything work just the way it is now with his pay. I really enjoy what I do. I worked hard in college to get my engineering degree and am still paying back loans.

I did look into the price of childcare and in our area one of the places is going to cost about 12k a year. I don't know if that is on the cheaper end or not as most of the child care places don't have their prices listed. I really don't want to contact anyone before we even start TTC, but it would be nice to know how the budget needs to change.

If I do get the chance to stay at home I would be going back to work as soon as the little one started school.

lovearoo · September 2015

Absolutely going to figure out a way to stay home. I wouldn't be making enough to make it worthwhile after daycare, gas, etc. Plus I always wanted to be a stay at home mom and personally I just can't imagine leaving my kids with anyone else...

Blonde1817 · September 2015

This is a really tough issue for me, because I've always wanted to stay home. Unfortunately it doesn't seem like that can happen at this point. It's not really and issue of basic vs. luxury, although I guess part of that is being able to save up for those nicer things. I'm hoping that I can at least cut down my hours with baby #1, whenever he/she comes along. My goal is to move into private practice after baby #2, so that I can work extremely part-time and mostly stay home, while keeping my career going. But I am a little sad that I might never get to experience being a SAHM.

MamaBish · September 2015

I could stay home if that's what we decide to do but I like my job so I'm not sure. The plan is for me to continue working however, I may feel differently once a LO is here. My company is very flexible though so they may allow me to work partial days from home. May be the best of both worlds!

cookies754 · September 2015

MamaBish said:
I could stay home if that's what we decide to do but I like my job so I'm not sure. The plan is for me to continue working however, I may feel differently once a LO is here. My company is very flexible though so they may allow me to work partial days from home. May be the best of both worlds!

That is what I ideally would love to do. However, I'm a teacher though so no working from home for me. I'm so stuck on what to do with my life now ha ha. I absolutely love teaching but I know once we have kids, I will want to stay at home with them.

jenfarm3 · September 2015

I'm with both PP's. I may feel how I feel now, but I'm betting as soon as LO is here I'm going to be team SAHM. Hahaha. Part of me thinks I'd go crazy being a SAHM though, but part of me also feels like I'd go crazy being a FT working mom. Meh. I'm so torn. My job doesn't currently allow anyone to be part-time, but I overheard my boss talking to our president a little while ago and she brought up part-time as a possible option for me... My daily workload does not really require me to be here a full 40 hours a week. Especially with how quickly and efficiently I get things done and stay up on my reminders. Technically, I could do my job on part time hours, no problem. I know she's trying to plan ahead and prepare for me coming in with "I'm pregnant" news. I currently only take advantage of the 401k offered through my employer and I have opted out of the insurance because I'm on DH's plan so that could actually help my case. If I'm no longer needing to work full time to keep benefits, they might work with me. Idk. If I could go part-time that would be amazing and probably help my decision so much, so we'll see...

ska8471 · September 2015

Stay home and live on less. Absolutely. I don't need much or care to have a giant house and a new car in the driveway all the time, so I am totally cool with the simple things in life and getting to enjoy my family. Family is everything! That being said, I would still like to keep part time hours once the babes are off to school (I'm a teacher and do enjoy what I do). Perhaps just being a sub and making my own schedule would be wonderful.

misshopeful1 · September 2015

I've worked since I was a teenager. I enjoy working and my job and I want to put my degree to use.
I feel if I didn't work that would be unfair added stress to my spouse as he would then be sole income/provider.
But, different strokes for different folks!

pourmeanothermocktail · September 2015

I ran out of money to continue college, so I've never had a career, only a long line of not very well paying jobs that I normally took/held/kept out of desperation. DH is working towards getting his dream job, while I work part time, but we're now comfortable enough and putting money away monthly. Our original plans were for me to be a SAHM, because I get no benefits at my position and it isn't enough to pay for childcare.

That being said, we're headed off to start the process of taking on a lot of responsibility at a family business (my family). I imagine I won't be able to entirely stay out, but as it's our business, I see myself bringing the LO to work with me, when I must be there, at least until he/she is mobile. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there, but I hope to be able to work remotely by then for at least the computer aspects. Some of the work will involve physically making drawers out of wood - so if I need to step in there, I guess we'll figure something out. Trying not to worry too much and just know that everything will find a way to work out because we always manage to do so!

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