Funny side up - infertility stories

HBamama2B · August 2015

so... As I enter this next 2ww I'm trying to distract myself. I'm not going to stop obsessing, let's be real. But I'd like to share and hear from you about the funnier side of infertility.

One thing I didn't know and would never have expected is how hilarious some of this journey has been with my partner. A lot of great moments I can't really share with others, like the time he compared my cervix to the Death Star. So please share your funny stories! I'd love to read, I'll post mine too!

KidShrink · August 2015

We have a good one from our very first appointment with our new GP (we had just moved). At that time, we were 29 and TTC for 8 months. When he asked us whether we had anybhealth concerns, we told him we were just started to worry about infertility. Our GP is fairly young (30-35 max) and definitely gay. He's really awesome and greets us with 'Hey guys, so nice to see you!' every time we go-but this was the first time, so we didn't know how awesome he was yet. So he suggests that we get some testing done right away so he can make the referral to an RE if need be. He explains to DH that he needs to produce a sample and make sure to bring it to the lab within an hour. Only thing is the lab in our town doesn't do SA and he needs to bring it about 30 min away (which can easily turn into 90 min away in traffic). So DH turns to him and asks whether it would be best for him to just do it in the car in the parking lot. I was so embarrassed, but then GP kept joking with DH about it!

kwozniak330 · August 2015

I love this idea! So the day of my retrieval my mom, husband, and I go to the RE office. I do my thing and my husband does his. Everything went well but we were all a little anxious as we were leaving the office. First thing my husband says as we are pulling away, "well, if it's a girl we have to name her Christie." Referring to the "helpful materials" he used to give his donation. It was sooo inappropriate but so funny we all just started laughing!

A second one would be my husbands little ritual to get himself ready to give me my progesterone shot everyday. He hates needles so he has to psych himself out to do it. Lots of deep breathes and affirmations haha! I love teasing him about it, poor guy!

Colleen0516 · August 2015

Love this!
I go to acupuncture for fertility. Every appointment he will ask if I have any pain. Recently I've had agonizing pain in my lower back, right side. He has me roll my shorts down, very low, and he sat on a chair (butt level) behind me. He pressed on some points, massaged a few areas asking if I experience pain in those places. Then proceeds to tell me to bend over (butt exposed). I wasn't thrilled but I did it. I bend over at normal speed (his hands on my hips) and as I do it, he creepily says "slowerrrrr". I paused, and thought, "what the hell is going on" lol. Then he quickly says "okay jump onto the table." I laid there afterwards thinking, "what the hell happened just now" lol; he didn't even address my back afterwards.

It was a good story, and good laugh for my husband later!

AdorkablePixie · August 2015

I wish I had a funny story, maybe by the end of this I will. The only stories I have are that the only two times my DH went with me to an appointment, he passed out BOTH times when the RE started talking about what all needs to happen to get pregnant. I couldn't believe it when it happened the second time! /:)

KidShrink · August 2015

Wow, how graphic was your RE and what was he talking about?! I sure hope you never have to do PIO injections!

beckihall · August 2015

The majority of the mornings that my husband gives me my progesterone shots I can't stop laughing. Not about anything in particular, it's just so ridiculous what we have to go through. It definitely helps with tolerating the shots.

Also when I woke up from my egg retrieval I kept asking the nurse to take special care of our embryos, tuck them in at night, and sing them a lullaby lol

krbjoy · August 2015

The funniest thing for us was definitely waking up from the ER. There was a nurse named Shoshana and I kept shouting her name according to my DH. I don't remember. I remember her name being Shoshana which I like. Oh, the other thing was when I was setting up for the transfer, there was like 4 people talking to me at once. I kept hearing "scoot down on the bed" so I did and apparently if your legs aren't in the stirrups yet, and you scoot too far, the whole bed tips forward. Everyone freaked out, including me, but everything was cool. I didn't fall out or anything lol. That would have been embarrassing. All exposed from the waste down, sprawled out on the ground.

AdorkablePixie · August 2015

@KidShrink he wasn't graphic at all. I don't know what my DH's problem is. He was just saying how the brain has to send the signals for the eggs to be made for ovulated and whatnot to occur. And was saying how once the sperm is released it takes a lot more than just that to conceive. Nothing inappropriate or super detailed. I think that kind of stuff just freaks him out. He's terrified of the dentist as well, so I shouldn't have been surprised.

KidShrink · August 2015

@AdorkablePixie : wow he really is super sensitive! When I was in grade 7, a guy in our sex ed class passed out just looking at pictures of a naked woman (not a person's picture, but a drawing). He was exempted from all sex ed from there on. I always wondered what happened to him, and your story just reminded me of that! Hopefully your DH can be supportive outside the RE's office

HBamama2B · August 2015

These are great! Thank you for sharing!

The morning of our first IUI, we also had to do our genetic test as they had lost the orders earlier (grr). DH and I came in at 7:30 but had to wait a while till he could do his part around 8:30. They decided to do our blood draw while we waited for the IUI (my part) which would take an hour for the wash. I gave blood and came back out no problem, but was surprised at how many vials they took!

Around 9:00 they take DH back for his blood draw. I was reading and didn't notice for a bit how long it was taking. When I looked at my phone and realized it was 9:30 I was confused. Where had he gone? Apparently he had gotten very faint when they finished the blood draw from the 'double' collection of blood and semen combined with no breakfast.

He asked for a soda or juice to drink before standing up. The nurses decided to mess with him and gave him the sugar solution for ladies pcos glucose tests. They eagerly watched him drink it and asked how it tastes. He didn't understand why they were laughing until later. Then they kindly helped him to a room to lie on the examination table, of course one with stirrups and an u/s machine. By the time I found him returning down the hallway, the nurses were laughing and holding their sides and his tan skin was beet red. I felt bad for him, but have to admit I laughed just as hard as the nurses and silently applauded their sense of humor. They were still giggling about it as we left.

AdorkablePixie · August 2015

@KidShrink I know, it's terrible. He's already told me he doesn't want to be in the room when I am in labor. I was like WHAT?! Then he told me that he doesn't mind being in the room he just doesn't want to see anything or be down there. I was like "I don't want you seeing that all stretched out and gross anyway!!" If he does end up passing out in the delivery room I'm going to have to kick him out because that makes me upset/uneasy. He's such a baby.

@HBamama2B That is hilarious!

Joyzie77 · August 2015

Thanks everyone for sharing.

It was much needed today.

ohGeeze · August 2015

Going in for my FET, my DH was eating a muffin and had a coffee. He walked up to the receptionist (our clinic is awesome!) and asked if it was alright to have them here. "I don't wanna have the room burst into hormone flames" 8-}

FatPony · August 2015

These are great! One of our funniest moments was during the egg retrieval. I was so doped up and nervous that I kept blabbering on about my mini pony (the one in my profile pic). I'm mean, he's adorable, but not 15 minutes worth of background on him! Luckily the nurse and doc humoured me and it was done before I knew it.

HBamama2B · August 2015

One of our funny moments happened before we made it to the RE. We went for our preconception apt and the obgyn states baldly, "of course I'll refer you due to your age, but I'm positive you'll be pregnant before you even see the fertility dr! Just use an OPK and you'll see!"

Now I've heard this a lot over the years, that "if you're having a period surely you must be fertile." But I'm anovulatory with PCOS so I just nod and walk away from the rather uninformed dr. But my DH and I dutifully tried out the cycle and decided to do OPKs to try to identify the supposed ovulation.

Now I had heard that OPKs didn't work with PCOS, but not why, so I was absolutely certain of see a big fat doughnut in the digital window. The first day I poas (OPK) I went into shock to see a smiley face. I was ovulating?!?!

I ran out and presented the stick to my DH who promptly shouted at the top of his lungs, "You're pregnant!!!" And got insanely excited. Now, he was with me when we bought the kit and I had told him just before I went into the bathroom what I was testing, and we hadn't BD recently as we were waiting for ovulation.... I just stared at him as he danced around the room.... "Umm Hun?? Hun?? Definitely NOT PREGNANT!" Apparently it's in guys code to see a pee stick and immediately think baby. I almost died laughing as I explained no I wasn't but we needed to hurry up and get down so I would be.

Of course, the next day I got a smiley face so we BD again. The day after that I got a smiley so we BD. by the 7th smiley day in a row we were no longer smiling and I had googled to discover that the reason it doesn't work is PCOS gals have high LH--which causes false positives. By then we were so happy to pitch the stick and not BD that we became just as excited. It's a running joke between us now.

MKLEWIS2010 · August 2015

These stories are great, they really made my day today. My story is not as funny as some of you ladies. After my ER I was so drugged up I was apparently flirting with all the nurses, telling them how beautiful they were and I loved them. LOL I don't remember any of this and my hubby told me about after I was so ashamed of going there for the transfer because I didn't want to see them again after that. But needless to say I have seen them a lot since then and they haven't said anything and have been really nice.

HBamama2B · August 2015

@mklewis2010 that's adorable!! I'm sure the nurses thought you were too cute for words. That seems to be pretty common when coming off anesthesia.

MKLEWIS2010 · August 2015

lol @HBamama2b yeah also apparently the first thing i said when i woke up was i want ice cream lol. I am such a kid but who doesnt love ice cream?

aollie · August 2015

My doctor suggested a cavity exam at my last visit. My husband and I stared at each other and started laughing. We couldn't decide if a dentist or a TSA agent was walking in the room next.

After my transfer (still doped up), my husband was asking how I felt and what happened during the procedure. I loudly exclaimed that my vagina was hanging out. He still tortures me about it to this day.

AdorkablePixie · August 2015

I do kinda have a funny, and embarrassing, story! The first time I went in for my ultrasound and blood work because I was having no AF they drew my blood laying down because I wasn't good with needles (way better with them now.. Lol) Well, for some reason I wasn't thinking and while I waited for them to come draw my blood I didn't even think to much my bottoms back on. Oops. The phlebotomist came in and was like oh, you didn't get dressed? Go ahead and get dress and I'll come back. I felt like such an idiot!

HBamama2B · August 2015

Oh lord! That sounds like something I would do!

I have a new one for you all - TMI warning tho!

This morning at my day 2 u/s, I asked the nurse where the restroom was to 'prep.' She must have caught on BC she asked "Are you currently in your period?" I'm thinking day 2 bw lady.... But just nod. She says, "Ok, I'll get the room ready."

I left her there with my DH, having no clue what she meant by 'ready' and came back to find DH grinning ear to ear. "Hun! Look! What is it!?!" He asked, pointing. I look at the U/S chair and there's a pad. I blink a few times in shock. "Oh." I blink again....
"It's a wee wee pad!" He said gleefully.

Sure enough right on top of the too thin tissue paper was the same exact pad we train our puppy on. I blink some more then hopped on up, what else could I do?

DH is still amused so I tried to change the subject. "Who do you think our dr will be today?" I asked. DH put on his best announcer voice: "who knows??? Today, let's play Wheel O' Doctors! Bruuuurruuttickticktick!" (He does this complete with spinning motions.)

"No, stop!" I say, "don't make me laugh, I'll mess up the wee wee pad!!" Then we both start laughing and can't stop. Anyway, TMI but also too funny. Today my RE put me on a doggy pee pad. Last shred of dignity down the pooper scooper!

AdorkablePixie · August 2015

LOL!! @HBamama2B that is too funny!

dvg716 · August 2015

During my Saline Sonogram, my doctor said in a very soft voice, you have such a beautiful uterus. It took a minute and then I burst out laughing. My doctor was laughing too, and said bet you never heard that one before!

It was one of the easier moments in this journey!

HBamama2B · August 2015

Bwahahaha! Wow.

lilmissslp · August 2015

@dvg716 I had a very similar experience! During my saline sonogram the doctor had a hard time with the catheter and said it was difficult because I have "a tilted cervix, but what a beautiful cervix it is!" I didn't even know how to respond.

KLake42 · August 2015

A few days ago, we were at the RE's front desk scheduling the IUI, and I remembered that I needed to sign the consent to thaw my donor sperm. My wife was there with me. The nurse was talking about "here's the consent for your donor sperm" in a normal tone of voice, then looked out at the waiting room and dropped her voice really quiet, apologizing. I asked what was wrong, and she was worried about outing us to strangers as people who were relying on donor sperm.

Outing the lesbian couple. At the RE's office. For relying on donor sperm.

I told her (in a regular volume) not to worry, that we weren't embarrassed about my wife having a low sperm count.

HBamama2B · September 2015

Hahaha!

Designermomma · September 2015

These are hilarious! Thanks for sharing. I don't have any funny stories except kinda funny, I went to an appt. and the power was out. It was hot and the had to open the blinds for light. I was like really, I can reschedule. I wish they had called me before going. Talk about a nightmare! They were still seeing patients! No thank you!

Another funny story of my cousins I thought I would share is they decided they didn't want to have kids (well give birth to any anyway) and so her hubby got snipped. Something went wrong and he was in incredible pain for weeks and finally recovered. My cousin found out weeks later that she can't even have kids after all that! Lol! He gives her a hard time about it.

AdorkablePixie · September 2015

@designermomma The thing about the power being out and them still seeing patients still is disturbing. I'm actually pretty sure that's illegal, it is in the state I live in anyway. I would have left. The blinds open? No thanks! Lol

mskeenan · September 2015

I had a nurse tell me she "loved doing (my) ultrasounds " . Didn't know if I should be wierded out but I took the compliment nonetheless haha !! I didn't know how to respond, " you give the best ultrasounds " ?!! Awkward

mskeenan · September 2015

Also I had a dilemma one day I went into the RE before work . The doctor told me I needed to have my trigger shot as soon as I left my appointment . I could not be late for work so I had my husband meet me in a Starbucks parking lot during a short break . He gave me my trigger shot in the car in the parking lot . I felt so sketchy having my husband jab me with a needle in a car but I had to just laugh it off . The crazy things we do bc we have to !

Knottie24173360 · September 2015

I love to give the fertility interns a run for their money. The is an adorably young male "baby"doc that was observing my procedure last month. So as the UST is doing her thing she say "wow very tight squeeze but there you go madam barbie whoha".... the poor doc looks up and goes is that a med term( I honestly think he was picking on her) and I go... "No I special ordered it from Mattel last month just to prepare for this u/s.... I have never seen a man blush so hard

TheLabyrinth · September 2015

Couple of weird, funny things:

- I joked with my tech that at this point I could do the U/S myself, and she told me that one of the techs who worked there did just that for her infertility treatment. We then spent the next couple of minutes speculating how she does it, complete with possible poses.

- When I got a hysteroscopy, the OR just had the nurses and the anesthesiologist were all women and asked me if I was okay with the music. It was Maroon 5 and I said it was fine because Adam Lavine is my secret boyfriend. They all started laughing hysterically and talking about how beautiful of a man he was.

- During an IUI with U/S and a full bladder the tech said that my bladder looked really good. At the end they offered to let me do a wrap around with that paper blanket to dash to the toilet down the hall.

AdorkablePixie · September 2015

@TheLabyrinth haha We will probably all feel like medical experts at the end of this! lol

HBamama2B · September 2015

So yesterday I had my saline sonogram. I went by myself having no clue what to expect. When the nurse shows me back to the room I set my bag down in the corner and survey the examination table set up. The nurse shows me the hook and the back of the door and I dutifully hoist my bag off the floor and onto the hook before preparing to shed everything from the waist down. I came straight from work and it was chilly in the room, so I left my blouse and blazer on.

The exam table had the most heavy duty leak pad I have ever seen and I smiled a wryly as I struggled to sit without slipping or tearing my paper mâché cover. I mostly succeeded with just a few rips by the time the RE came in. The speculum must have been larger then normal BC my eyes piped out of my head when he ratcheted it up to the max. I couldn't help a mumble and squirm.

Once the procedure started I was in for more shock. I knew it was a "saline sonogram" and that theoretically water would be injected into my uterus, but I wasn't prepared for the cold waterfall running down my backside!! I tried to keep my face blank as the frigid water rolled down my butt cheeks. Luckily the procedure was fast, but afterwards the RE was thanking me and leaving and I was afraid to move or put my legs down, so I just waved awkwardly.

My legs were still splayed and I was strategically considering my next move as the nurse showed me the sanitary wiped and a teeny tiny panty liner packet that I could use before she left the room. I gingerly got up and stared at the soaked pad. Yikes! Everything seemed ok though and I wasn't feeling any pain, so I turned to grab my clothes, when WOOSH! a tidal wave flooded out of me and onto the floor. I stood staring at the not insignificant puddle in shock as water dribbled down my legs and foot. There I was, half naked/ half ready for a business meeting and completely clueless as to what to do about my saline fluid on the floor! All I could think was, I guess I'll know what to expect when I have a water break someday....

Thinking quickly I mopped it up with my ragged paper mâché cover and the sanitary wipes, so terrified more might gush out that I kept looking down behind me to see if I was trailing more mess. (This is as ridiculously awkward as it sounds.) Why I didn't think to just leave it and get dressed first, I have no clue.

Finally ready get dressed and make a break for it, I stared at the tiny panty liners-what the hell had she thought that would do?!?! I put it on anyway and head gingerly home certain that I'd be tying my blazer around my waist to hide salt water stains by the time I made it home. So lesson learned ladies! Always, always, always...hang your bag on the door.

AdorkablePixie · September 2015

@HBamama2B I literally LOLd at this story. Thank you for sharing!

You're a great story teller. I think we should try to publish a book with all our funny/awkward moments were experience at the RE office and during tests. I bet it would be a best seller!

HBamama2B · September 2015

@AdorkablePixie we absolutely should!

KidShrink · September 2015

I agree with you @AdorkablePixie ! That's really funny! But how much water did they shove in there @HBMama2B ?! I had a saline ultrasound and I think they said it's about the equivalent of a tablespoon or so that they injected! Mine was way less eventful (and I'm glad, although it does make a great story!)

emsmama15 · September 2015

Oh my goodness @HBamama2B! Thanks for the share. I have my saline sonogram on Thursday and I'm really nervous about it, but this did make me laugh out loud, so thank you!

HBamama2B · September 2015

It was WAY more than a teaspoon! At least a cup. My RE was maybe a little overzealous with the saline??? Lol.

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