New mom anxiety...anyone else relate?

mkeip · September 2015

So FTM due 8/31...still waiting.

I get along well with my in laws for the most part ( I swallow and vent to my husband later about what i dont like lol) but have found them annoying since i have been pregnant. Especially as i am currently waiting to get this baby out lol

I know i need to let them see the baby. I know its the right thing to let them come see him in the hospital before I leave. but I have so much anxiety about it. Is this normal?

I'm dreading the visits to our house when we get home. Hubby will have 3 weeks off with me and i just want it to be us to be honest. Whenever i think of that initial visit and the ones afterwards in the beginning, and i think of other people holding my baby other than my side of the family i just get sooo anxious. I know they wont hurt him or anything. My inlaws have 5 other grandkids and they are SUPER involved...like way more than they should be. this is because my husbands older brother is one of those dads where if he has to stay with the kids he just goes over to his moms with them. He is a beta male...no back bone. just an idiot really. and his wife is a mooch but that is another story. I on the other hand am very independent as is my husband. I want to do things on my own. and if i need help i have my own mother. can anyone else relate to this?! I am just dreading having to share my baby with them. I know i HAVE to to an extent. Maybe this will pass. Just having never been a mom before and going off of what other people say those first few weeks are like....i really don't want to have them over while my boobs are dripping and im trying to learn what to do, and you've got a massive pad on because you are bleeding, ive got messy hair, no makeup, etc etc. I just want to recuperate and rest, just the 3 of us. Im one of those people that if I am having company over i like to look nice and have my house in order and I wait on my house guests. Obviously, they can drop dead if they think ill be up for that! lol

Any tips from you moms that have been through these feelings before?

I know people say they love the help ...but my mother will be helping already as will my sister who is the godmother and that for me is PLENTY.

hubby and i both agree that his mom and step dad dont need to visit until I am ready in the hospital AFTER baby gets here and we have our initial bonding time. But once they come, how do i get them to leave? I really dont want them there long. and i know as soon as i get home the calls are going to start for visits.

For those of you that dealt with these feelings how did you work through it? What is a reasonable time to allow them to visit at the hospital? How many days can i wait (without looking like a bitch) after baby comes home before I should let them come over and visit? and again....when i want them to leave any suggestions on how to politely nudge them out? How frequently should i say yes to them coming those first few weeks? and how do i get over this anxiety about my inlaws holding my baby after he his born. I just picture it and it makes me irritated and anxious. Ugh, I wish we all didn't live so close to each other.

CaliforniaDream87 · September 2015

I get where you're coming from but I also don't think it's fair to exclude his family while your family gets to experience your baby. You also have to think about your H and how he feels. That being said, you should create boundaries for sure. It's your baby, your call.
As far as the in laws *holding the baby* you'll get through it lol. One thing I've learned as a STM, is you really can't control every aspect of your child's life. Just make sure you're right there while they are holding baby. I'm sure that will make you feel 10X better.

GL.

mkeip · September 2015

I realize that @californiadream87. In fact, I typed out that very thing in the post. I stated that i know I should share, that it is the right thing to do, but my feelings are pulling me in the opposite direction.I posted this in an effort to move passed my feelings and see how other people dealt with it and moved passed it. That's all. My husband doesn't have the anxiety about it he just wants the time to ourselves too. He is very private and independent from his family.

Kimk1616 · September 2015

I didn't think I wanted my own parents around right away and I was sure I didn't want my mom to hold her (long story). But when she actually came, I called my parents and asked them when they were coming, the sooner the better. And I was happy to hand over my DD to my mom occasionally.

I also like to look nice and put together for visitors. Forget that, people were lucky if I changed out of my PJ's and had a shower sometime within the last 48 hours. I just didn't care.

I think you might change your mind about all of this after your baby gets here. Try not to stress about that part!

MamaMandy2015 · September 2015

It's normal to feel anxious, on many aspects. Feeling anxious to let your in-laws hold your babe is something you will have to set aside for the moment, trust me when they come to visit you, whether it's in the hospital or at home, and they hold your baby, the feeling will disappear, I felt the same way for awhile and this is my 3rd child! I understand the letting your family help and visit when you're not looking the best because it's your side of the family and you feel more comfy letting them see you that way. My advice, is to just breathe and go with the flow. When they visit more times than not, if in the hospital, they will only stay for less than an hour. Home visits, let them know you want a couple days to bond and get into the groove of things. Don't worry about how your house or you look and don't worry what they'll think, most likely they won't even care because they know you just had a baby and are a little zapped and in no shape to be cleaning. My motto is if they don't like the way my house is, they can help clean it or not come over lol. Your family, in laws too, just want to share in the excitement and joy of a new and beautiful life you and your DH created. Let all family members, from both sides, be a part of your baby's life. Trust me, once you have your baby all that stress and anxiety kinda melts away. Good luck sweetheart, and try not to let the little things stress you out

drummondst · September 2015

I had the same anxiety as you before my son was born. My mother in law came up for two weeks and I was so stressed about it. Let me tell you - what was I worried about! She was amazing! I actually cried when she left and already want her to come back. What I'm trying to say is don't worry too much about the future - you will be in a love bubble with your baby. If they DO end up bothering you just say you are shattered and take yourself, baby and hubby away to your bedroom. Good luck for everything! It's never as bad as what you think

taylorharber1108 · September 2015

It's hard to share your baby with anyone. I have had such a difficult time with people coming over to see my LO. I have no clue why it bothers me so much but it does. I just feel like there is a line of respect and privacy that my family constantly is crossing. I'm still trying to figure out how to get through it. Good luck!

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