How to tell a family member who doesn't want you to be pregnant that your pregnant?

bride22me · September 2015

soo I'm pregnant with my third baby. I wanted to have my babies young so I can still be active with them. I am 21 years old and my children's father has a stable job and I am attending school although it hurts my heart because I've wanted to go to school for so long I feel like I should set it aside because our daycare bill is abnormally large and I feel I need to go to work and put off school until we are a bit more stable. My oldest is going to be 3 and my youngest just turned 1. Both boys and now I am having a girl. I go next weekend to make sure she is still a she lol. Anywho my nana (the person I am afraid to tell) seems to know already but I haven't told her , my mom knows and is excited but my nana also plays a big role in my life. She texted me yesterday and said she had a dream that I was pregnant...she is on vacation so I told her no because I am not going to tell her over text, she said yes or no and again I told her no. A couple weeks ago she asked me and I said no and she said thank goodness. Also my uncle and his wife who are not in a stable marriage and have big money issues and two kids as well told her she was pregnant and my nana got really upset because they are in no position to have another baby.I don't know how to tell her I feel she will be upset as well. Any suggestions?

KateLouise · September 2015

I get that your Nana is an important person to you, but honestly it sounds like Nana needs to let the adults make their own decisions and calm down about it all.

At the end of the day her getting upset isn't changing anyone's choices.

I'd just tell her up front and directly, one on one. If she gets upset, then so be it. She'll get over any upset.

delujm0 · September 2015

I would have just told her when she asked, because now she's going to be mad about both the baby and the lying.

But I agree...you're an adult, and it doesn't sound like Nana is involved in supporting your lifestyle in any way, so it's really not her business. You're already a mom of two - you shouldn't be afraid to tell your grandmother that you're pregnant again. I mean I could see her being mad if you were living in her house, or she was providing you free child care, or something...but this doesn't seem to have any bearing on her, so she can get over it.

bbiutmcph · September 2015

bride22me said:

soo I'm pregnant with my third baby. I wanted to have my babies young so I can still be active with them. I am 21 years old and my children's father has a stable job and I am attending school although it hurts my heart because I've wanted to go to school for so long I feel like I should set it aside because our daycare bill is abnormally large and I feel I need to go to work and put off school until we are a bit more stable. My oldest is going to be 3 and my youngest just turned 1. Both boys and now I am having a girl. I go next weekend to make sure she is still a she lol. Anywho my nana (the person I am afraid to tell) seems to know already but I haven't told her , my mom knows and is excited but my nana also plays a big role in my life. She texted me yesterday and said she had a dream that I was pregnant...she is on vacation so I told her no because I am not going to tell her over text, she said yes or no and again I told her no. A couple weeks ago she asked me and I said no and she said thank goodness. Also my uncle and his wife who are not in a stable marriage and have big money issues and two kids as well told her she was pregnant and my nana got really upset because they are in no position to have another baby.I don't know how to tell her I feel she will be upset as well. Any suggestions?

Well lying isn't going to make it better. The fact you have already lied multiple times is going to likely make her more upset. Part of being an adult and having people respect your decisions is to own them. You and your SO made the decision to have another child and you are the ones having 3 at a young age. By lying it doesn't give off the impression of a strong adult who is ready for all that is coming. It's your life and you can live it how you choose and people are always going to have concerns for those they care about. Perhaps your Nana is just worried about you guys, the fact you are going to have to push schooling back some, the financial aspect of another etc. The best advice I can give is be an adult and own it. Be prepared for your nana to be angry you lied and you should have solid answers as to why you did and how you are prepared for another child. 21 is quite young but it's your life and as long as you have stability and solid plans no one can say negative things about you providing for your children

ChiccoBeanz · September 2015

I agree with PPs. Just tell her and let it go. If she has an issue with it, that is HER issue, not yours. It's great she is important to you and all, but this isn't something that she has a stake in. Also, the lying isn't going to help you in the long run.

djdawn29a · September 2015

Honestly.. She's a grandma.. She knows ur lieing..

cMichelle0423 · September 2015

You're grandmother needs to realize your an adult and let you make your own decisions regardless of she agrees with them or not. You're not a child anymore so don't act like it. Like pp said, she's your grandma and probably already knows you're lying. Personally I think lying about it makes the situation worse. Just sit down and tell her. There's nothing she can say to change the fact that you're pregnant. So hopefully telling her sooner rather than later, can get her to get over it quicker so she can be excited for more of your pregnancy.

2-Step · September 2015

I don't think lying to her was the best choice, but now that you have I think you might as well tell her. Maybe tell her you were afraid she would judge you, which is not an excuse for lying but it could help her realize she is alienating people in her life by being judgmental. That being said, in close knit families it is hard to avoid people having opinions about each other's lives. She wants the best for you and as she gets older she is probably worried about your future. I've noticed my grandmother gets more and more caught up in all of our lives and problems than she used to. I feel like maybe its because she knows she won't be here to help us out if something goes wrong later on, so try to cut her some slack at the same time. She loves you and wants the best for you.

kyraaD · September 2015

I'm 21 & having my first child with my boyfriend. it was hard telling everyone because the pregnancy was unplanned & I'm not in the best position right now (but definitely working on it).
most of my family reacted well, however my Nana was not too impressed. she lectured about hoe hard it's going to be & how she never wantes this for me so early, etc. but it's been a few weeks & she's actually really into it now. going to look at baby things & wanting to be more involved.. just tell her. there's nothing she can do about it & eventually she will work through her disappointment or whatever it is that's making her upset. eventually she will find out, so the longer you put it off, the worse it's going to be. especially if she hears it from someone else!

good luck, i hope we've all been able to help you a little!

Unknown · September 2015

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DrillSergeantCat · September 2015

I'm going to address a different aspect...can you switch your classes to hours when your husband is home or does your school offer childcare services? If you have a community college near you that has an early education program, you might be able to get your kiddos in there while you are in classes.

As far as grandma, when you do tell her just apologize for lying, but let her know you wanted to tell her face-to-face.

MamaHolland · September 2015

Like everyone said just tell her, obviously she is going to find out sooner or later. Besides that my perception of it isn't that she doesn't want you to be pregnant but rather that she is concerned about your choices. Children are a blessing that cannot be negated however she may be concerned that you will have three children with someone you are not married to (the fact that you said "children's father" rather than husband gives that impression). In addition it seems you haven't met educational/vocational goals which would allow you to be able to support yourself and the number of children you are have be if need be. Nana is probably concerned about what happens if your relationship doesn't move to marriage or last that long & you are 30+ with 3+ children, no education & no work experience.

Nana is probably just concerned because the longer a person has lived the longer you see more scenarios of life paths that people choose & how those choices may pan out. Yes you can still end up going back to school & finishing a degree in your twenties while having 3 kids but of course it's a lot more difficult because you have more family responsibilities than a student who doesn't have multiple children.

Like I said just tell Nana but also remember the less helpful she may choice to be with offering babysitting, money or even a listening ear as you choose to have additional children. Just because we are adults and make adult decisions does not mean the people who love us have to support those decisions as a moral or financial support.

I don't know that she does help you out in that way but it's just a heads up. She's going to love all your children to pieces regardless but she just wants to make sure you are investing in yourself & your future/stability.

wisemomma24 · September 2015

My step grandmother is like that she always ALWAYS tells me I should've stuck with 1. And when I got pregnant with my second she went CRAZY. And now I'm pregnant with my 3rd I don't even see her. But as I say. She isn't the one making the babies she's not the one going to be raising it, she's not gonna be doing anything for it anyway. But I know you're close so sooner you tell her the better!! Good luck!!

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