First rant! My phone memory is so full from pictures of my kids that I have no memory available. I don't have a computer, so we went to my parents house tonight to transfer my pictures onto a USB drive. Well I have like 5000 pictures, so it's going to take a while. The twins got hungry, so I quit what I was doing and we came home to feed them. My dh was pissed that it was taking so long to transfer my pictures, and he kept saying little jabs towards me. Made me feel like a shitty parent. I'm sorry that I don't want to lose all the pictures of our kids.
DH got up early for work because LO was fussing a bit. But then LO fell back asleep so he left for work early. Of course, as soon as he left, LO woke up. Whatever, it happens. But i walk out to the kitchen and DH didnt make a fresh pot of coffee AND he left me with the crying baby at 6 am! He's a monster. Hahaha
@JessHeppell I hear you on the whole weed>family thing. Not cool
he is using it for depression/other things but he will leave with the roommate, then be gone for a few hours, and he definitely smokes when they're hanging out. its just so frustrating for me because i dont like that he smokes and it takes him away from his/our son who he says he missed so much when he goes to work.
on a different still related topic, he asked me on a "burger date" at this point i dont even know if that text was meant for me
Seriously, when am I going to stop getting stomped on?! DH moved up to jersey from Philly with us (hooray) we're working on things (hooray) he's helping with the baby more (forced, but hooray) but now he's accused of stealing from my best friend's family. Wtf
We went over on Sunday to see them and hang out for a bit. Love that family. They had a couple of friends and other family over. Yesterday my best friend calls me to tell me $300 went missing from her dad's wallet and the only person they didn't know that night was my husband. She called me not to accuse or ask for the money back, she called to give me a heads up and to keep an eye out since we are staying with my parents. They were so torn whether to say something to me or not but decided it's best to tell me so I can watch out. I totally appreciate it, I do. That being said, I looked through all his stuff and didn't find any cash. I mean, I even looked inside his shoes. When I finally confronted him about it, he had a totally different reaction than when he lies when he told me he didn't do it. I am so torn. I spoke to my best friend and she was like, "we want you and Brooke to keep coming over but we don't really feel comfortable with Brian coming over" and I totally see where they're coming from but I don't think he did it. At the same time, he has screwed me over so much recently that I feel I can't defend him. I have no grounds to. I am in such an awkward situation and I am supposed to go over there this afternoon. I feel embarassed.
Seriously. When are things going to start going right in my marriage?!
@JessHeppell I just feel bad you're going through rough times with your DH too. From first hand experience I know how much it sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.
@JessHeppell I just feel bad you're going through rough times with your DH too. From first hand experience I know how much it sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.
at least we have people to talk to, and people that we can relate to even if its due to a sad situation.
but i know i put myself in this situation, i noticed things were not as i now feel they should have been within the 1st year, but i was just so happy and infatuated. its my first relationship, highschool sweethearts. i had to get my parents to sign for me to get married. i made some not so great choices and now im dealing with the not so great consequences. oh if only i could have told the future. but then i wouldnt have such an adorable baby. :x
so im just trying to go everyday and take care of and try to give my LO the best i can
Everyone from friends and family to random strangers we encounter, keep remarking how much LO looks like his dad. DH visibly swells with pride every time. It's adorable. And also prompts DH to take larger and larger roles in caring for LO - pushing the stroller and burping him after every feed.
Today I had a meeting at work about my return. DH did LO's laundry then got LO ready, and they came and picked me up at the office to go have lunch with my grandmother. He's a good husband.
Not a rant nor rave: DH is staying home with LO for the first two weeks I am back at work. It's been 4 days and he tells me he's working on classic conditioning of our child. Like a dog or a seal. "So every time she grabs this toy successfully I give her her bottle". "Sometimes when she's chugging her food like crazy I take it away for a second then give it back so she understands it's not going anywhere".
Yeah, I'm not sure DH knows how the brain of a 3 month old works... Hey at least she's safe! Lol. I'm just waiting for him to train her to fetch a stick or something.
Whatever gets him through the day, I guess! Would be nice if it involved giving her a bath but so far no dice on that one.
DH is really into swimming and diving. He is really jazzed about showing LO the joys of pretty much anything water. To this end, he has started not using the baby tub for LOs baths and instead filling up the tub a little, and climbing in with LO. He will put his legs together and let baby lie on his thighs partially submerged, or will hold him by the shoulders and neck to support his head and let LOs body just float and kinda swirl him around the tub. The first time LO totally freaked out but DH just kept talking to him and swirling him and eventually LO calmed and finished the bath. Today we did another bath like that and DH was swirling LO again and LO was just staring up at DH... And LO didnt cry once this time. It was pretty awesome to see my two guys bonding like that.
My not so DH really has been dropping the ball on all fronts since LO was born. He is working not even 20 hours a week atm (driving me crazy) and as far as I'm concerned you also then qualify as a SAHD. He doesn't believe this so he does nothing. I took him back to his home country for a surprise for his 30th, he had a holiday and left me with LO for the full 3 weeks. Then The other day I had LO clothes in the washing machine ready to wash, he pulled them out, washed 1 pair of his pants and left LO's clothes on the floor. He isn't cleaning up after himself. The other morning he was awake at 5 playing on his phone, LO woke up, he then woke me up to feed LO a formula bottle. And then he expects sex. So I let rip, and told him what I thought of the situation and that I'm going to sleep in the spare room. He's just so naturally selfish and has to be reminded but I hate reminding him
This fixed all issues, slept in uninterrupted until 10 and everything has been done. I hope this isn't temporary him helping, if he was working full time I'd understand but he's not.
My not so DH really has been dropping the ball on all fronts since LO was born. He is working not even 20 hours a week atm (driving me crazy) and as far as I'm concerned you also then qualify as a SAHD. He doesn't believe this so he does nothing. I took him back to his home country for a surprise for his 30th, he had a holiday and left me with LO for the full 3 weeks. Then The other day I had LO clothes in the washing machine ready to wash, he pulled them out, washed 1 pair of his pants and left LO's clothes on the floor. He isn't cleaning up after himself. The other morning he was awake at 5 playing on his phone, LO woke up, he then woke me up to feed LO a formula bottle. And then he expects sex. So I let rip, and told him what I thought of the situation and that I'm going to sleep in the spare room. He's just so naturally selfish and has to be reminded but I hate reminding him
This fixed all issues, slept in uninterrupted until 10 and everything has been done. I hope this isn't temporary him helping, if he was working full time I'd understand but he's not.
My husband works full time and I fully expect him to share the load when he's home. I don't think it's unreasonable - They're our kids, not just mine!
My not so DH really has been dropping the ball on all fronts since LO was born. He is working not even 20 hours a week atm (driving me crazy) and as far as I'm concerned you also then qualify as a SAHD. He doesn't believe this so he does nothing. I took him back to his home country for a surprise for his 30th, he had a holiday and left me with LO for the full 3 weeks. Then The other day I had LO clothes in the washing machine ready to wash, he pulled them out, washed 1 pair of his pants and left LO's clothes on the floor. He isn't cleaning up after himself. The other morning he was awake at 5 playing on his phone, LO woke up, he then woke me up to feed LO a formula bottle. And then he expects sex. So I let rip, and told him what I thought of the situation and that I'm going to sleep in the spare room. He's just so naturally selfish and has to be reminded but I hate reminding him
This fixed all issues, slept in uninterrupted until 10 and everything has been done. I hope this isn't temporary him helping, if he was working full time I'd understand but he's not.
My husband works full time and I fully expect him to share the load when he's home. I don't think it's unreasonable - They're our kids, not just mine!
I always thought its my job in the working week and shared on the weekends. This new baby/marriage thing is hard work.. Thank god I wasn't 15 in this situation.. I have no idea where those kids find the strength to pull it together and raise a baby.
^^^ I hear ya. It's not split 50/50, especially since DH's boobs are not functional. And I do try to let him sleep when he has to work, but he is there if I'm at my wits end trying to soothe LO. He also usually gets him changed and ready for me to feed. Or just watches DS1 in the evenings when he is home.
I've noticed that on weekends, LO's routine gets completely out of whack and it makes her super fussy. A big reason for this is that every other Saturday, I'm at my part-time job (I got hired by my internship), so DH is home with her and since he's at work during the week, he has no idea what our patterns are. Well, today is my off week so I'm at home and I'm trying to show DH the routine so hopefully we can make the weekend a little easier for everyone. It's naptime now, so LO started getting cranky. DH's solution: let's put her in the swing right away, it works every time. Meanwhile, I know that if we sit in the glider for 10 minutes, she'll go right to sleep and then she'll nap in the crib for 45 minutes to an hour. So I said, let's try this first because that's what we do everyday and he gets all pissy because I didn't want to do the trick that works faster every time because I don't want the trick to stop working and then be lost when we really need it to work.
In the end, we went with my way, but now DH is crabby because I took over. I'm trying not to boss him around, but seriously, when we mess up the routine, LO is miserable, and the swing is my last resort that I only use in desperate situations - I really don't want to mess that up. I'm hoping that we can both drop any attitudes that we may be unintentionally getting so we can get through the day, DH can learn the routine, and this weekend and those that follow will go better.
^^ my DH is also impatient when it comes to taking care of LO. He rushes him accepting the bottle and gets annoyed when LO splutters. At the first whimper he assumes baby is tired and its time for a nap (presuming we are between feedings) and goes immediately to swaddle him arms down and tucked away. Which is something I am reserving for night time only, because LO knows it as a sleep cue, and I'm hoping it helps him to go down at night easier (seems to, usually he is down within a half hour), and also it definitely keeps him asleep longer. So, likewise, I don't want to overuse a good thing. And then DH gets frustrated with me and is telling me LO won't sleep with his arms loose. Dude, he will, you've just got to be patient about it, and besides, its good for him to get used to different things / sleeping situations.
Men. Just so eager to get the quick result they don't plan long term.
So after some hellish fights and weeks, I think DH and I are back on track. We had one last terrible fight where we both behaved very badly. Afterwards, I told DH that I just felt dead inside - couldn't even find the energy any more to be upset or mad or anything. It wasn't a tactic, just true. But it scared the crap out of both of us. We had a long talk and then just like that, overnight, things changed.
Suddenly he's nicer to me, I'm nicer to him, and we like each other again. We were getting ready to try marriage counseling, but it's not necessary if things stay like this.
I will say, this did coincide with my not complaining about him on here. I've worked really hard to be appreciative and not criticize (not easy for me - I'm a very critical person). And he's worked hard to give me breaks, and be easier to be around, even when things are stressful (I kind of like chaos; he hates it, and gets stressed and mean).
Sometimes DH is so clueless. When LO gets scared, she seriously cries, and it's much more intense than a typical complaint-cry. When DH has her and she does this, he tries to distract her by making her stand up. Which doesn't work. Ever. Normally, I don't intervene when he has her, but after 5 min of her practically hyperventilating tonight, I grabbed her and swore at him that maybe she doesn't want to play and he should try comforting her. A scared baby doesn't want you to hold her up, arm's length away. This isn't your first kid. I expect you to be able to realize when she's really stressed and have an appropriate response. Especially when I'm dealing with the toddler having a meltdown.
Not a rant nor rave: DH is staying home with LO for the first two weeks I am back at work. It's been 4 days and he tells me he's working on classic conditioning of our child. Like a dog or a seal. "So every time she grabs this toy successfully I give her her bottle". "Sometimes when she's chugging her food like crazy I take it away for a second then give it back so she understands it's not going anywhere".
Yeah, I'm not sure DH knows how the brain of a 3 month old works... Hey at least she's safe! Lol. I'm just waiting for him to train her to fetch a stick or something.
Whatever gets him through the day, I guess! Would be nice if it involved giving her a bath but so far no dice on that one.
I just laughed so hard I woke DH up! He thought I was crying and came racing down to make sure I was okay. That was my rave I guess.
He's the stay at home parent and he definitely started off parenting DS1 exactly this way. They do get better!
I'm going to speak out for the fathers for a minute. In most cases at this age mothers do know the babies and routines better and fathers do things differently, but different doesn't always mean worse.
Case in point, LO just woke up for the day after a five hour stretch. We both happened to go to her room to get her. After I unswaddled her and changed I was going to feed her (obviously, right?) but DH picked her up and put her her in crib saying she likes to stretch a little first. He was stretching her arms and legs for her and she was grinning huge grins and cooing and rolling to her sides. She loved it. So even though I initially thought "what are you doing, it's been five hours, she wants to eat not play" he was totally right. His different was better in this case. The end.
Rant: I have a plugged duct for the first time today, so I told DH I needed to take it easy as much as possible and feed LO every couple hours. He was great this morning and let me nap, but when I woke up to feed LO, he said he really needed to sleep and went to lay down, leaving me to wash my pump parts, pump, and figure out lunch while also dealing with LO.
DH made me quesadillas for lunch and is now grocery shopping. Definitely a rave today
Also, just to clarify, I wasn't blaming him for not knowing the routine yesterday, and there have definitely been instances when his different has been better. But we have had several Saturdays when his different has caused excessive crankiness for LO, particularly when naptime is involved. Again, not his fault. But it is something I wanted to avoid, especially since he is going to be spending every other Saturday with her.
DH loves cuddling LO. He will often try to do it right as LO is about to sleep - which is a time where LO just needs to be left alone with his hands, with one of us lying next to him. Lying next to him, but not touching him!
DH tries to snuggle LO, wakes him up, holds his flailing arms down so LO can't get his hands... And then when LO cries, DH picks him up and keeps asking, "What's wrong? What's wrong, baby?" (DH knows the issue, but feels guilty so we have to pretend it's not his fault, lol!)
It's cute because DH just can't get enough of LO. Loves on him til he cries, lol
So I'm guessing that this would be a rant, more like heartbroken & not sure what to do. So I ended up having to have a c section, had to go back to work not even 6 weeks after. My supply was great I would pump at least 12 ounces every time I worked. Now it's almost 10 weeks since I've had my son, when I pump, I get about 6 ounces. Plus a couple days ago I got in trouble for pumping at work, got a written verbal warning saying that I take too long, that it's misconduct, insubordinate, unprofessional, & unacceptable. Mind you I only pump once a shift, maybe twice if I'm lucky. It takes me 30-45 minutes to pump. But basically management gets all pissed off, they don't say it, just act it whenever I pump, they just want me to be a slave. I love breastfeeding, but I don't think I can do it much longer, my son couldn't even get enough yesterday from both boobs & cried for a bottle =// I don't want to stop, but I'm probably gonna have to, I don't want to loose my job over pumping, of course management would say it's other reasons for loosing my job. I've even had employees tell me that they think they are trying to get rid of me. I've been with this company since 2007 & am the most experienced knowledgeable employee here, so it's not like I'd loose my job because I don't know what I'm doing. Ughh I know it's all a scrambled mess of a rant, oh well =//
@agonynicole If I were you I would start documenting everything. Keep a diary of every time you pump and for how long and if you use an app to keep track take screenshots. Not sure where you live but there may be free or low-cost legal help available, too. I'm pissed on your behalf.
@agonynicole there are some pumping groups on FB. Great for strategies for supply, workplace issues, etc. Sorry you have to deal with that. The stress won't help your supply (sorry to say that, I hate when people tell me that)
Re: DH/SO rants & raves 8/19-8/25
on a different still related topic, he asked me on a "burger date" at this point i dont even know if that text was meant for me
edit: forgot some words
We went over on Sunday to see them and hang out for a bit. Love that family. They had a couple of friends and other family over. Yesterday my best friend calls me to tell me $300 went missing from her dad's wallet and the only person they didn't know that night was my husband. She called me not to accuse or ask for the money back, she called to give me a heads up and to keep an eye out since we are staying with my parents. They were so torn whether to say something to me or not but decided it's best to tell me so I can watch out. I totally appreciate it, I do. That being said, I looked through all his stuff and didn't find any cash. I mean, I even looked inside his shoes. When I finally confronted him about it, he had a totally different reaction than when he lies when he told me he didn't do it. I am so torn. I spoke to my best friend and she was like, "we want you and Brooke to keep coming over but we don't really feel comfortable with Brian coming over" and I totally see where they're coming from but I don't think he did it. At the same time, he has screwed me over so much recently that I feel I can't defend him. I have no grounds to. I am in such an awkward situation and I am supposed to go over there this afternoon. I feel embarassed.
Seriously. When are things going to start going right in my marriage?!
just say screw males and go live in a totally new place.
or maybe i just think that would be awesome. 8->
but i know i put myself in this situation, i noticed things were not as i now feel they should have been within the 1st year, but i was just so happy and infatuated. its my first relationship, highschool sweethearts. i had to get my parents to sign for me to get married. i made some not so great choices and now im dealing with the not so great consequences.
oh if only i could have told the future.
but then i wouldnt have such an adorable baby. :x
so im just trying to go everyday and take care of and try to give my LO the best i can
Today I had a meeting at work about my return. DH did LO's laundry then got LO ready, and they came and picked me up at the office to go have lunch with my grandmother. He's a good husband.
I don't give him enough credit.
Yeah, I'm not sure DH knows how the brain of a 3 month old works... Hey at least she's safe! Lol. I'm just waiting for him to train her to fetch a stick or something.
Whatever gets him through the day, I guess! Would be nice if it involved giving her a bath but so far no dice on that one.
Edited, stupid phone
My not so DH really has been dropping the ball on all fronts since LO was born. He is working not even 20 hours a week atm (driving me crazy) and as far as I'm concerned you also then qualify as a SAHD. He doesn't believe this so he does nothing. I took him back to his home country for a surprise for his 30th, he had a holiday and left me with LO for the full 3 weeks. Then The other day I had LO clothes in the washing machine ready to wash, he pulled them out, washed 1 pair of his pants and left LO's clothes on the floor. He isn't cleaning up after himself. The other morning he was awake at 5 playing on his phone, LO woke up, he then woke me up to feed LO a formula bottle. And then he expects sex. So I let rip, and told him what I thought of the situation and that I'm going to sleep in the spare room. He's just so naturally selfish and has to be reminded but I hate reminding him
This fixed all issues, slept in uninterrupted until 10 and everything has been done. I hope this isn't temporary him helping, if he was working full time I'd understand but he's not.
In the end, we went with my way, but now DH is crabby because I took over. I'm trying not to boss him around, but seriously, when we mess up the routine, LO is miserable, and the swing is my last resort that I only use in desperate situations - I really don't want to mess that up. I'm hoping that we can both drop any attitudes that we may be unintentionally getting so we can get through the day, DH can learn the routine, and this weekend and those that follow will go better.
Men. Just so eager to get the quick result they don't plan long term.
Suddenly he's nicer to me, I'm nicer to him, and we like each other again. We were getting ready to try marriage counseling, but it's not necessary if things stay like this.
I will say, this did coincide with my not complaining about him on here. I've worked really hard to be appreciative and not criticize (not easy for me - I'm a very critical person). And he's worked hard to give me breaks, and be easier to be around, even when things are stressful (I kind of like chaos; he hates it, and gets stressed and mean).
So, yeah. I'm pretty relieved.
Marriage, man. It ain't easy.
He's the stay at home parent and he definitely started off parenting DS1 exactly this way. They do get better!
Case in point, LO just woke up for the day after a five hour stretch. We both happened to go to her room to get her. After I unswaddled her and changed I was going to feed her (obviously, right?) but DH picked her up and put her her in crib saying she likes to stretch a little first. He was stretching her arms and legs for her and she was grinning huge grins and cooing and rolling to her sides. She loved it. So even though I initially thought "what are you doing, it's been five hours, she wants to eat not play" he was totally right. His different was better in this case. The end.
Also, just to clarify, I wasn't blaming him for not knowing the routine yesterday, and there have definitely been instances when his different has been better. But we have had several Saturdays when his different has caused excessive crankiness for LO, particularly when naptime is involved. Again, not his fault. But it is something I wanted to avoid, especially since he is going to be spending every other Saturday with her.
DH loves cuddling LO. He will often try to do it right as LO is about to sleep - which is a time where LO just needs to be left alone with his hands, with one of us lying next to him. Lying next to him, but not touching him!
DH tries to snuggle LO, wakes him up, holds his flailing arms down so LO can't get his hands... And then when LO cries, DH picks him up and keeps asking, "What's wrong? What's wrong, baby?" (DH knows the issue, but feels guilty so we have to pretend it's not his fault, lol!)
It's cute because DH just can't get enough of LO. Loves on him til he cries, lol
https://apps.americanbar.org/legalservices/findlegalhelp/home.cfm