Overwhelmed

Kitta+1 · August 2015

I had known from the time that I was even aware of the childbirthing process that I wanted a natural birth. I didn't think it would be so hard to just find an environment conducive to it.

Insurance won't cover a home birth. No midwives here have hospital privileges. The one single birth center in Arkansas turned me down because my pre-preg BMI was 1.4 points over their recommended BMI. So ... it's either battle it out in a hospital or unassisted. I would honestly prefer unassisted, but I live too far from medical care to make that a sane decision - should something go wrong, it would take too long to get to a hospital. Unfortunately, it seems like just stepping foot in a hospital puts you at risk for interventions - especially in Arkansas, which has a horrifying c-section rate and some really crappy ideas about what women should and should not be 'allowed' to do during labor and delivery.

I really wanted a water birth, but there is no hospital here that allows it. The not-so-funny thing is, the research says that though it's common practice to assume an overweight woman is at risk for shoulder dystosia that's not actually scientifically supported. Even if it is true, the best way to naturally circumvent a shoulder dystosia is waterbirth, which allows greatest support and flexibility to maneuver your pelvis in a manner that may allow the baby to navigate the birth canal better. It seems the hospitals much prefers just jumping to a c-section.

Besides the waterbirth, though, I think I could stand the rest of a hospital birth by just telling them to leave me alone. I know hospitals have policies and procedures, but to the best of my knowledge they can't kick you out in active labor just because you refuse their 'routine' procedures nor can they force you to have an intervention you don't want. I plan on laboring at home as long as I can, and them going in the hospital and promptly telling them to stay out of my hair unless I request assistance. I may consent to thinks like intermittent monitoring and stuff, but the pushier they are the more likely I am to just shut them out and tell them to save themselves some trouble and write NO across my chart in the boldest sharpie they've got.

I just feel really angry and worried, because I wanted my baby's entry into this world to be special and I didn't want the added stress of having to fight about interventions. I feel like I won't be able to concentrate and spend my energy on the birthing process if I am scared of the medical hyenas trying to harass me into interventions that aren't necessary or beneficial. On top of that, besides my darling fiancee none of my family are supportive about natural birth. It's gotten so bad I don't even want them involved anymore, but I don't want to cause myself even more stress over fighting with them. My grandmother is even derogatory about simply breastfeeding, and mom just laughs and tells me "You say you want it natural, but you'll be screaming for an epidural as soon as the contractions get going." Even my grandpa, who is normally really supportive and well educated has made comments like, "Whatever, if you want to be in pain be my guest but you need to listen to the professionals." What I really need, is someone to listen to me.

If it wasn't for my fiancee being so incredibly supportive I'd feel utterly alone - he's the only one keeping me strong, but he has no knowledge of natural birth or how to decide if an intervention is truly necessary or not, so it's a long slow process to try to educate him about all the things I know (and that is by no means everything, anyways) so he can advocate for me while in labor. Not to mention, I feel like he'll be put in a horrible position having to fight both my family and the medical staff. I am hoping to find a doctor that will honor my preferences, but it seems highly unlikely.

It doesn't help that although I may be sassy at times, I am truly kind of non-confrontational and it bothers me when others are mad at me, even when I feel I am in the right. Why is it so hard to tell people that my body and my baby are not theirs to control? Why is it societally OK to be so condescending towards a natural birth? It's just crazy to me.

Sorry for the long post, just had to get it all off my chest. I've been feeling so stressed over the whole thing.

KateLouise · August 2015

Ugh that sounds like a tough situation to be in, but it's great that your fiance is in your corner.

Have you considered hiring a doula?

Also what kind of facilities does a birthing suite at the hospital have? I found the shower invaluable for my last two births. The hospital shower has safety bars that you can lean on, and an endless supply of hot water

I would stop discussing my plans with people who aren't helpful.

Also if you do turn up at hospital well into active labour, they're unlikely to hassle you about interventions. And if you turn up and you're not as far along as you might have thought, you can always leave again, so that you don't get put, "on the clock" Even if you just go and wait at a nearby park.

Best wishes for your birth. I've had two natural births, and was overweight for both of them. Both of them were hassle free, and DD2 was born on the bathroom floor (unintentionally)

DD2 was 10lbs 2 oz. Getting her shoulders out was a bit of a mission, but I blame that on the fact that I was flat on my back on the bathroom floor. I had been upright in our shower, but the ambulance people on the phone to DH, had me get on my back on the floor. I think they did that to a) slow baby down and b) so that DH as an amateur had a good view of what was going on. I've always felt that if I'd still been upright/on my knees that my pelvis would have been able to stay open more readily.

Kitta+1 · August 2015

I think you're right - I have slowly been losing my frustration tolerance and I think by the end of this I'm going to just tell them support me or get out of my way! lol

The hospital I was looking at did have a tub you can labor in but they don't want you delivering in ... but short of manhandling a woman in active labor I don't see any way they could do anything about it lol. I have a feeling I'm not going to be invited back to whatever hospital I use, but that's ok with me because I don't plan on having any more babies and if I change my mind I'll save up for a midwife. I had thought my insurance was supposed to cover it and it turned out they didn't, and to use one I'd have had to come up with the 3200 upfront.

I have thought about a doula, the midwife I consulted with said they cost around 500 to 800 around here. I am not sure if it's worth the money, though, or if it would be just as well to coach my fiancee into being my liaison. Being a nurse, I know more about my rights as a patient than most of the women they try to coerce lol.

samara267 · August 2015

Will your insurance issue a GAP Exception since there are no in-network homebirth midwives within 30ish miles? That's what I'm doing in NJ since there are no homebirth midwives that are in network in the entire state.

Kitta+1 · August 2015

I am not sure, that's not an option I was aware of, but thanks for the tip - I'll look into it!

I originally found the midwife service through my insurances "in-network" search, which is why I thought it was covered, but when I spoke to the midwife, she said that blue cross (I have Health Advantage through blue cross) won't pay for a homebirth at all, and only pay for the prenatal visits and care and possibly the well-baby care afterwards. She says they have tried everything even taking them to court and can't get them to cooperate. She also said it's state specific - blue cross in other states have been known to pay up, but in Arkansas they have had no luck.

SharonB222 · September 2015

I'd suggest you have a patient advocate as you'll be in la-la land and may not (most likely won't) be able to enforce your wishes. I wanted to labor in water but the 1st pg when the L&D nurse asked me if I was ready I thought she was crazy - how was I going to put a bathing suit on?!!! La-la land for sure! Of course all I managed to do was shake my head. The 2nd pg I told the L&D nurse to insist (bless her heart she did when I gave an initial protest - you want me to move?!!!!) and all was well. I'm sorry your geography challenges your choice and safety - I know it's extremely unlikely - but I'd say live with relatives or friends 3rd tri in a friendlier state to deliver. Lots of folks fly with newborns (but that has health risks also of course - more or less - I don't know). Wishing you and your babe well.

Kitta+1 · September 2015

My mamma lives in memphis right now - I am not sure if it's any better over there, but it does expand my options a little. I wasn't sure if insurance normally pays out of state, but I suppose that's silly - just because you're in another state doesn't mean you won't need healthcare, lol. I could go visiting up that way. It sucks that babies don't (always) come on a schedule, lol. It would be much better if the little one could give me a couple weeks notice like "Hey, I'm coming on this date at this time, so make preps!" lol

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