Dealing with people's constant nosiness and questions

Ktina29 · August 2015

I have been struggling with some people asking me questions about my pregnancy and things completely unrelated to my pregnancy; things that are simple to answer and things that are difficult to answer. There are a few close friends in particular that I am most annoyed with, but I've been trying not to show it. How do I politely ask them to stop with questioning me about EVERYTHING? I feel bad because I know it's just my hormones for the most part, but I'm still struggling with just keeping my cool with it all. This is also my first pregnancy, and I'm 20 weeks along; the annoyance has only gotten worse as I progress in the pregnancy. I'm usually a very closed off person, but since I have gotten pregnant, everyone seems to want to know everything about me and my little family. Again, how do I politely tell people to respect my space, and to inform them that if I want to talk with them about baby stuff or life stuff, I will do it in my own time, without any prying?

Thanks y'all, I appreciate you reading this and helping me understand.

Monilee1017 · August 2015

Oh this is only the beginning. Wait until you 38 weeks and people are asking you how much sex you're having and telling you to make sure DH goes in you. (Edit your to you're)

cawalp · August 2015

I am also pretty private with personal stuff and with all the questions, I usually just say that it's none of their business. From my experience, most people are just trying to talk to/relate to you and a few are just being nosy. Either way, if they are asking you too personal questions, just tell them that you'd really not like to talk about that or ask them a similarly personal question and see how they like it.

mysquishy18 · August 2015

Just because they are asking doesn't mean you have to answer. I think by not answering, politely redirecting the conversation, they will start to get the hint. If not you're going to just have to be honest and say that's private. Share what you're comfortable with not just because they are asking.

l4rk · August 2015

I'm just polite, and don't elaborate. "I'm good." "Things are going well, yeah." By not drawing attention to it, people are less likely to talk about it again after they get their initial questions out of the way. But if you mention your pregnancy, I think you are inviting all future conversation about it. It's an easy small talk subject.

KaraEpp16 · August 2015

OP, your post seems kind of vague - Are they questions that people really shouldn't be asking or are they just checking in on you to make sure you're healthy/happy?

I know that my family and close friends are very excited so they like to check in. I haven't had a lot of questions other than the normal "How are you feeling?"

I guess it's hard for me to give you my opinion or advice without really knowing what it is that's annoying you...

MrsB915 · August 2015

When people ask about my pregnancy I often jus say "I feel good" or "the baby is doing great." Sometimes I'll give a little more info such as "we felt the baby move last week" or "the baby's moving a lot today." Pregnancy gives people something to talk about and since I'm an introvert I like to have something to talk about, especially among people I don't know well.

You can politely give a short answer to their questions and then redirect the conversation by asking them about themselves. If it is a particularly prying or rude question I've always wanted to say, "that's an awfully personal question, why do you ask?" This often puts them on their heels and gently tells them they are overstepping.

If we had more details on what kinds of questions you're getting we might be able to be more precise. Good luck.

Knottie1452445632 · August 2015

I'm in the opposite boat - since sharing our news (it's no 4) we had the "oh was it planned?" and " how did that happen?" (Wtf seriously) as most people know it wasn't planned just yet anyway. But then it all went quiet - it's like because it's my 4th pregnancy, everyone just expects me to get on with it and carry on as normal, despite feeling crap or worn out etc. so much so that hubby rarely mentions it unless I start the conversation and neither do my Inlaws. When I said to MIL today that I'm exhausted and also feeling well today (twice) she said "well I'm really exhausted (as if it was a competition) as I've been to work and running errands etc" - seriously? Because that's so much harder than doing all those a things and growing a human!!!! Grr - a little attention would be nice - esp as this will be my last pregnancy! Not that I expect special treatment, just the odd comment on how I'm feeling and acting as if they cared at all would be nice

Kelley421 · August 2015

The "were you trying" question really annoys me. Pretty sure I know how to prevent, I'm a responsible adult with a husband, child and career.
Expecting multiples makes for even more unwanted questions. Conception of a child is a very personal thing, yet it seems perfectly fine for anyone (even strangers) to ask about fertility treatments.
"How are you feeling?" Can be annoying even when someone has good intentions. If I obviously look like crap and green with nausea, I don't want 20 people asking me how I'm feeling.
@Scullahoo bring on the MIL rants. Pregnancy and MILs do not mesh well- we may even need a sticky for MIL rants!

TinkMonroe · August 2015

When people find out my sister and I are both pregnant and due a week apart they always ask "did you plan that?" Yes because I text my sister and ask her if she is having sex and what her cycle is. Such a stupid question. When people ask other questions I just give a vague answer and move on.

SummerFall03 · August 2015

I love being asked if I was on fertility drugs, if my kids were planned, how I plan to have my children, "why" I chose that name, oh and I'm getting really sick and tired of hearing "Oh you look like you are due any day now!?"... Nope I still have until January!

thebeefamily · August 2015

All last week I was getting harassed (how I felt anyway) about what my daughter's name is going to be. Back in June my sister helped me pick out a name if the baby was a girl and I was on the fence about using it even after my anatomy scan. I kept telling everyone I didn't know, but that didn't stop the nosiness. So I finally told the father her name which made me comfortable with telling everyone else.

Honestly some people have no lives and are extremely nosy especially when it comes to life changing events like weddings, pregnancies, and death. I can't tell you how many times I heard aunts, cousins, and etc. gossip about a person at their own funeral!!!

And this week I've been beyond angry because my mom is going around telling my sisters, brother, and nieces how I was never infertile and that I don't have PCOS. Why is she saying that? Because I'm pregnant after five years of diagnosed infertility...this is why I'll probably request that my mom not be allowed in the delivery room. Some people don't know when to shut up.

babyprest · August 2015

Sometimes I am just very short and vague when I respond to people's questions. Questions I don't respond well to are: "Are you going to breastfeed?", "Was this birth planned?", "Are you going to have a natural birth?", "how much weight have you gained?", "are you having twins?".... Basically if I'm not happy or annoyed I am very vague and respond with, "I have not decided or I don't know".... And I leave it at that.I give no other information and the conversation usually comes to a hault. Just be short with all of your answers.

l4rk · August 2015

One of my oldest guy friends asked me a rather personal pregnancy question today and I just said, "Thaaaat is none of your business!" We both laughed it off, but he then let it go. I've been finding that just being really friendly when telling people I don't want to say more has been pretty effective. I'm going to keep going this route...

maddisonwallace · August 2015

I had a friend of mine today tell me she was concerned about how much weight I've gained and that I look like I'm swelling up and she thinks I need to go to the doctor ASAP because "it cannot be normal to gain that much so quickly".... I'm almost 19 weeks and I've gained 15 lbs... As she drilled me on questions about my diet and workout regime, previous weight etc.

CaraBoonie · August 2015

Still have yet to receive any questions I found annoying, rude, or personal. Most people just ask how I'm feeling, which I don't find annoying, it usually is asked with genuine interest/concern, and I usually at this point in the pregnancy answer "Great, just hungry!" Close friends and family ask more, but that is because I'm open with them and don't mind it (such as my cousin who is a doctor asking me about epidurals, but we had a GREAT conversation because of it and I didn't find it at all intrusive...my other cousin said at the same family wedding "Wow, that's some dirty dancing for a pregnant lady!" to which I replied "I had to get pregnant somehow!" to give an idea of our dynamic, lol) But so far everything has been within the dynamic of my relationship with the person, nobody has asked anything they would know I would find offensive! I'm consistently surprised at some of the crap people (especially strangers!) have said to some of the ladies on this board!

MommaB16 · August 2015

I never was too open pre-pregnancy and being a FTM most of the time I just want to respond 'what do you care?! Oh that's right you don't you're just nosey!'. I don't think my co workers should ask me if I plan to breastfeed.... If I do or don't, even as a FTM I know little will go as planned so I'm more go with the flow. Asking now if I plan to breastfeed only leads up to asking, are you still breastfeeding and/or how long do you PLAN to breastfeed, when I get back from maternity leave.
I also despise people contastly asking how I'm feeling, I don't want to talk about it whether I feel great or like hell. Mostly I feel the later. What, has the fact that I've resorted to messy buns for the last 4 months given you the indication that I don't feel super? Gee I thought I was hiding it so well.
Are you going to find out what you're having?! 'Yes'. Most common response: why?!
A co-worker of mine recently asked if another co-workers wife had to have a c section like a week after they had their baby and I overheard it. I was so thrown off. Like why is any of your business if their baby came out her vag or not?!
I really am just not one for small talk...

Dealing with people's constant nosiness and questions

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