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Help my in-laws are crazy

kimbaby6kimbaby6 member
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months
So try this...I moved from Illinois to Washington State. My in-laws put their house up the second I was pregnant and moved here when my daughter was just barely 3 months. My girl and I had a routine/schedule, great sleep, etc. We did the normal sleep around 20hrs a day. Well now they're here and their stupid Chihuahuas who sh!t and piss on the floor (already had to rip up carpet in my daughter's room). Anyways I'm lucky if we even get a nap in the day and she now gets up to 10hrs (if we're lucky) and no naps thanks to the lack of care for noise. The more I ask, the worse it gets. Oh and they tied their money into a CD and are too proud to take lower wages so they're home with me all day. Spokane don't pay like Chicago, but living costs aren't like it either. They keep forwarding me jobs and telling me to apply at others even after their son and me have made it very clear we want me as a stay at home mom until she's at least a year old, then part time work. I will never be a police officer again as I don't want to risk my life now that I'm a mommy. (FYI the MIL didn't go back to work for 11 1/2 months) Anyways, I'm burnt out, her daddy is burnt out. I spent 6 months of my pregnancy on strict bedrest so we never fully unpacked. They have gone through my home and threw things out which we never got to go through, now theyre posting ads on craigslist to sell our vehicles (our RV and a '76 blazer) cuz we have too many (4 mind you) My MIL just opens any door, our bedrooms, bathrooms and comes in, then gets offended if I shoosh her or tell her to get out. (Im 30) I can't get away from their noise. She has a loud voice that carries, cell phone on speaker full blast, dogs constantly yap. The FIL deliberately makes noise and will actually stand in front of me blocking me from leaving a room and takes my daughter from me and when I say...we have a schedule she needs to nurse and nap..he walks away with her out of the room sometimes outside and says.. "What happens if we break the schedule mommy" while making faces to my daughter trying to teach her that her mommy is an idiot (which he says to her) BTW he doesn't listen for the answer, he has no respect for me as a parent. I barely know his parents and if my daughter cries and even yells "ma ma" and looking at me he or she will turn her away from me, walk away from me, and pass her off to each other. They don't know her. They never allow her floor time, she constantly has to be held. I no hide as best as I can in my bedroom and will even skip food and water to not be bothered or chance them taking her. Oh yeah and the dad drinks a 6pack every day and smokes and the mom drinks vodka daily. I don't drink or smoke, I also don't watch or own a TV. I'm miserable and can't kick them out. They say the f' word in every sentence and call each other jerks. It's only been a month and theyre here for at least a year. What do I do?
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Re: Help my in-laws are crazy

  • saric83saric83 member
    Oh my god.  How does your husband feel about it?  There's absolutely no way that I could stand that, and we would be kicking them out.  But frankly, I never would have been cool with them coming in the first place.  

    To mentally survive for now, I would put locks on the door of your bedroom and bathroom, get multiple noise machines to help drown out any sharp or loud noises they make, and I would be leaving the house with DD a LOT, going for walks wherever.  Go spend the day at the park.  

    But overall, you have to drawn boundaries with them, and your husband needs to step up and help with this.  Do NOT let your FIL take her out of your arms - just turn and walk away saying, "She's going to feed right now.  We'll be back out later."  They do it because they can, and it's your job to advocate for her and not let them get their way. 
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  • NLB2009NLB2009 member
    My blood was boiling just reading that.  I can't imagine how stressed you must be!  I'm a domestic violence advocate and it honestly sounds to me like your FIL might be emotionally abusive, especially how he's trying to turn your daughter against you by calling you stupid and sabotaging your routine with her.  You said that you can't kick them out but didn't say why?  Are you just concerned about where they would go or is it because of your husband?  Realistically this is a good litmus test for your relationship with your husband.  He needs to take your side on this and he should be the one to start putting a plan into motion for them to leave.  He should be firm with them and tell them that they need to get jobs (and set a deadline for this) and then move out (deadline to be established after they get jobs).  If they refuse to get a job by the deadline, have him give them the numbers for some homeless shelters.  I know it sounds tough but if FIL is abusive like I suspect, things will only get worse unless you get them out.  If your husband is unwilling to do this, I'd be concerned about how much of his dad he has in him.  As unfair as it is to you, you may have to be willing to leave, at least temporarily, if he won't get his parents out.  I'm very worried about you; keep us updated!
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  • crpsebridecrpsebride member
    This made me so angry while I was reading this. I don't know how you don't snap, of it was me I would have went off after a couple days. You need to be firm and set boundaries with them and tell them how it's going to be out they can leave, it's your house and your child, and make sure your hubby is going to back you up on this. That's horrible that they take hey away from you and when she's crying for you completely ignore her. I would scream at them to give me my child if I was in your shoes. I think you just need to give them the rules and if they don't like them they can leave and maybe get a carrier that keeps her real tight against your body, won't be as easy for them to take her from you.
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  • mdaugherty8mdaugherty8 member
    Get them out of there now! You're baby is suffering! And so are you!
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  • NickiochNickioch member
    Completely an unhealthy environment for you and your family in SO many ways. I am so sorry. I agree with everyone, they need to get out and your husband needs to help advocate. It's so early in your family's new life, now is the time, before this becomes "it". Reach out for help locally. Hell, report them to health and Human services. Do not let them steamroll you this is your life. Just as you left police work to protect your child and family, take that same courage to protect her from these monsters. I wish you the best and wish I could help. Stay positive and stay safe ❤️
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  • NickiochNickioch member
    Excellent idea about baby wearing so that they keep hands off !!
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  • ldmwldmw member
    It is way beyond time that they go! Change the locks and out they go!
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  • toimadness1toimadness1 member
    I agree with PPs it is definitely time for them to leave. They are creating a more stressful and even harmful environment for you and your little one. Your husband also needs to stand with you and talk with his parents. From how you've described them I don't think they would change their ways after a talk. I had a similar problem (but not near as bad as yours) with my mother in law with our first child and didn't confront her and it ended up blowing up into a huge fight where the rest of the family took sides. She wouldn't talk to my husband or I for months. But after finally getting everything out in the open it slowly got better and she now with our second child realizes she doesn't have a choice but to respect my decisions in regards to my children if she hopes to be a part of their life. It's improved our relationship and now we actually have begun to enjoy some of our time together.
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  • MyCousinVinnyMyCousinVinny member
    edited August 2015
    They need to go and you don't need to be nice about it.

    Next time they leave the house to go anywhere, I'd put all their belongings on the front lawn, change the locks, and wash my hands of it all.  If they make a scene, cops get called.

    Where does your husband stand in all this?  He needs to make this change and make it happen now.
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  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    MyCousinVinny said:
    They need to go and you don't need to be nice about it.

    Next time they leave the house to go anywhere, I'd put all their belongings on the front lawn, change the locks, and wash my hands.  If they make a scene, cops get called.

    Where does your husband stand in all this?  He needs to make this change and make it happen now.

    This.
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    jdunn86 said:
    So try this...I moved from Illinois to Washington State. My in-laws put their house up the second I was pregnant and moved here when my daughter was just barely 3 months. My girl and I had a routine/schedule, great sleep, etc. We did the normal sleep around 20hrs a day. Well now they're here and their stupid Chihuahuas who sh!t and piss on the floor (already had to rip up carpet in my daughter's room). Anyways I'm lucky if we even get a nap in the day and she now gets up to 10hrs (if we're lucky) and no naps thanks to the lack of care for noise. The more I ask, the worse it gets. Oh and they tied their money into a CD and are too proud to take lower wages so they're home with me all day. Spokane don't pay like Chicago, but living costs aren't like it either. They keep forwarding me jobs and telling me to apply at others even after their son and me have made it very clear we want me as a stay at home mom until she's at least a year old, then part time work. I will never be a police officer again as I don't want to risk my life now that I'm a mommy. (FYI the MIL didn't go back to work for 11 1/2 months) Anyways, I'm burnt out, her daddy is burnt out. I spent 6 months of my pregnancy on strict bedrest so we never fully unpacked. They have gone through my home and threw things out which we never got to go through, now theyre posting ads on craigslist to sell our vehicles (our RV and a '76 blazer) cuz we have too many (4 mind you) My MIL just opens any door, our bedrooms, bathrooms and comes in, then gets offended if I shoosh her or tell her to get out. (Im 30) I can't get away from their noise. She has a loud voice that carries, cell phone on speaker full blast, dogs constantly yap. The FIL deliberately makes noise and will actually stand in front of me blocking me from leaving a room and takes my daughter from me and when I say...we have a schedule she needs to nurse and nap..he walks away with her out of the room sometimes outside and says.. "What happens if we break the schedule mommy" while making faces to my daughter trying to teach her that her mommy is an idiot (which he says to her) BTW he doesn't listen for the answer, he has no respect for me as a parent. I barely know his parents and if my daughter cries and even yells "ma ma" and looking at me he or she will turn her away from me, walk away from me, and pass her off to each other. They don't know her. They never allow her floor time, she constantly has to be held. I no hide as best as I can in my bedroom and will even skip food and water to not be bothered or chance them taking her. Oh yeah and the dad drinks a 6pack every day and smokes and the mom drinks vodka daily. I don't drink or smoke, I also don't watch or own a TV. I'm miserable and can't kick them out. They say the f' word in every sentence and call each other jerks. It's only been a month and theyre here for at least a year. What do I do?

    Is this a cultural issue? What is your culture? Your husband's? I only ask because I have friends from different countries (I am in the US, but my IL are from Taiwan).

    You have a husband problem here, though. Your husband needs to tell them to GTFO or work with them to find an affordable living space. Culturally, its common on my husband's side for the IL to move in with a son (usually the eldest, but in our case the first ones to have children) and "take over" the baby raising etc. Yeah, NO. I told him when I married him that this would NOT be ok and I wouldn't be doing this no matter how hard his parents pushed for it.

    He held ground for me and still runs interference for me, because my MIL is also a trip.

    So-- I say this with love, but you have to get your husband to intercede on your behalf. You can't have your IL bad-mouthing you in front of your own child and blocking your means of exit. They are over-stepping and they need to go ASAP. You are the mistress of your house and you deserve respect.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. It was a major fear of mine and I'm still paranoid of getting railroaded and bulldozed by my IL. Sending you all the coffee (and all the vodka).


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  • NickiochNickioch member
    Update, @jdunn86? I think about you and this heart wrenching post often; super concerned about you and baby. Any news for us? Be strong, lady.
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  • CharminglySouthernCharminglySouthern member
    MyCousinVinny said:

    They need to go and you don't need to be nice about it.


    Next time they leave the house to go anywhere, I'd put all their belongings on the front lawn, change the locks, and wash my hands of it all.  If they make a scene, cops get called.

    Where does your husband stand in all this?  He needs to make this change and make it happen now.
    This 100%
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