need to vent

MKLEWIS2010 · August 2015

My MIL is coming to our house for a surprise visit tonight ( I already had plans for my nieces to come) regardless as soon as my DH told her I was pregnant she said make sure she doesnt drink. She did know of the fertility treatments and everything. I cant deal with someone telling me things 1. I already know and 2. why would she think I would do something to jeopardize my pregnancy when I tried so hard to get pregnant. It drives me crazy that people always want to tell you what to do and not to do. First of all I feel like I know way more about my body and the process of getting pregnant and the reasons for losses, etc than most other people. People who dont have fertility issues or getting pregnant by breathing are usually in my opinion somewhat clueless as to how the body functions. I am not looking forward to her visit because the last thing i need right now is someone telling me anything when I am pretty sure I know more about this than they do. I am already nervous enough and doing everything I can and I know if "God Forbid" something happens it wouldnt be because of something I did or did not do. And the crazy thing is for the most part we have a good relationship. Do any of you guys feel the same or am I being petty?

Kelley421 · August 2015

No, it's like a freaking MIL thing. My MIL is driving me crazy. One of the first things she asked when we announced to them- "are you taking vitamins?"
Seriously. I told her I take a lot of medications, with a very "duh" tone of voice.
It's only gotten worse. She questions everything we do and makes plans for us. Apparently I'm getting a new couch and she has already planned my babies sleeping arrangements. She has perused our registry and told DH her opinions on the items.
Thing is, we used to have a good relationship too.
GL. I hope it turns out better for you. But you aren't being petty, IMO.

MrsBwIVF · August 2015

I don't think you're being petty! I feel it's ridiculous to tell any pregnant woman not to drink or smoke or jump off a building - it's all common sense and knowledge at this point. And to say it to someone in you/our position is even worse.
The only thing I can say is maybe she doesn't know what to say to someone who has struggled. I know my mother and in laws know of no one else who have struggled with fertility, so it was hard for them to ask questions or talk about it. Maybe your MIL is only saying things she knows for certain - you shouldn't drink- because she's at a loss for other things to say.
I have been told things from family that I thought were crazy but when I calmed down and thought about their perspective, it made a bit more sense. And I have gone on to explain to people that while I appreciate their input, my DH and I know way more about pregnancy and my body than most people because of our struggles and we probably understood more than they thought. That seemed to help both sides of it and would often lead to a bigger and better explanation from us on how fertility works and about our journey.
If she starts it up again tonight, try and take a deep breath and use it as a teaching moment. The better she understands your side, the less likely she'll continue to say things out of place that could upset or hurt you.

fuzzbumble · August 2015

MILs get batshit when grandkids come. bat. shit. Just tell her, "Listen, it took me a really long time to get here, and I've done nothing but research how to get and stay pregnant. I am aware I should _______________________________(insert stupid advice here)" and leave it with that.

Mine tried to tell me that as a dental hygienist I shouldn't take x-rays because its bad for babies. Not only telling me how to be pregnant but how to do my job as well. ::Huge eyeroll::

Justone13 · August 2015

Not pety at all!! Just tell her to stfu and keep moving. Thankfully both my mil's didn't do that. But I did get stupid advice from coworkers who don't even have kids. Bye Felicia.

kcbarbo78 · August 2015

Yeah, your annoyance is justified, I think. It's quite a patronizing thing to say. On the other hand, since you have a good relationship with your MIL, perhaps her intentions were good, and perhaps she didn't mean for her "advice" to sound so clumsy and insulting. I would wait to flip my lid and see instead if such patronizing comments become a habit. I'm preparing myself mentally for all the indignities - strangers and friends and family alike all taking a proprietary interest in my body because I'm expecting, people I don't know trying to touch my stomach, all manner of intrusive strangers from lactation consultants to internet trolls treating me like an idiot and insisting that I, the mother, am the least qualified person to judge what's "best" for my baby that I've nurtured in my own body for nine months. Even though pregnant women are the ones coping with maddening hormones, it seems everyone else around them are the ones who go insane. In any case, I feel extremely lucky to be pregnant, and I'm going to do my best to ignore all the white noise and enjoy it. Congratulations! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy

MKLEWIS2010 · August 2015

Thank you all for your advice. I think @mrsbwivf and @kcbabo78 are right she probably didnt mean anything by it and doesnt know what to say. I remember when I was telling her about the the process of IVF and I gave her the info she didnt really try to understand she said its too much for her. Also when it didnt work the first time she said it would happen naturally and when we told her she said see I told you it would happen naturally. We were like no we did another round, If we have been trying for 4 years and it never happened I highly doubt it would happen naturally for us. I think for some people getting to really know your body and the process of pregnancy and having a baby might just be too complicated. She also changed her mind in coming over last night since we already had plans for my nieces to stay. I really appreciate all of your advice. Its crazy how people can be intrusive and think that they know everything about babies because they have one, I always wonder why they dont remember how annoying it was when they were in our positions. Happy and healthy pregnancies and babies to all of you

Want a personalized experience?

need to vent

Re: need to vent

Choose Another Board

Search Boards