What is the doctor's responsibility?

Wigglesx2 · August 2015

I'm trying to figure out if I've just failed at this or what. What's my doctor's responsibility?

Should he be actively telling me my test results or should I be asking? (I do ask but sometimes he says not to worry as an answer)

Should he be asking what birth methods I prefer or should I be telling him?

Should he be telling me to leave the birth decisions to him and he'll make the best call or should I be concerned?

Should he or the nurse be easing my worries?

Should he be telling me the size of the baby every visit? I don't know the measurements at all. I don't know my weight or blood pressure or anything.

There's more to this story but I'm just trying to figure out what I've done wrong first.

leighann1 · August 2015

Don't know about "shoulds" in all cases, but this is based on my experience with my OB.

Should he be actively telling me my test results or should I be asking? (I do ask but sometimes he says not to worry as an answer)

-Unless there is an abnormal result, I have to ask. For example, I was told I failed my 1-hour glucose, but to find out the exact number, I had to ask.

Should he be asking what birth methods I prefer or should I be telling him?

-This is a discussion I will have with my doctor but haven't yet. I plan to ask at my 32-week appointment when she prefers to discuss birth plans.

Should he be telling me to leave the birth decisions to him and he'll make the best call or should I be concerned?
-Umm...I would take serious offense to a doctor telling me all decisions are his call. I expect to be able to have a conversation with my doctor and feel as though I am being heard. Obviously it is the doctor's responsibility to make decisions in case of emergency or complications, but doctor/patient relationship should include input and conversation from both parties.

Should he or the nurse be easing my worries?

-Depends on the context of your question, I guess. They should answer any questions you have, but it is probably your responsibility to make sure those worries are brought up at appointments. My visits now are very, very quick, so unless I have a list of questions, it's sort of a "hey, good to see you. feeling okay? feeling baby move? okay, let's check heartbeat and fundal height. see you later." My doctor will absolutely take the time to answer my questions, I just have to be ready with them.

Should he be telling me the size of the baby every visit? I don't know the measurements at all. I don't know my weight or blood pressure or anything.

Nope. Third trimester baby measurements are terribly inaccurate. It actually surprises me how many ladies here are being told specific measurements. I am told the fundal height. I have to ask to check my weight gain from week to week - they don't bring it up unless there's a concern. The nurse usually says what my bp is as soon as she takes it, but if she forgets, I just ask.

KLHauck12 · August 2015

I don't hear test results on my urine (I suppose I would I abnormal) but I my iron levels, hemoglobin, etc is usually gone over by my midwife at the appointment following the one where it was taken. But I knew many of the instant read ones when they were taken since there is a lab directly in my doctors office. The nurse always tells me my blood pressure. But they don't say anything about baby's measurements....other than what my uterus is measuring. I'm measured every appointment and they always tell me. As far as birth plan, questions, and concerns. They usually just go over things with me if I ask - which I have made sure to do. Usually they just ask me if I've had signs of labor, tell me what will happen at upcoming appointments, and maybe go over common symptoms at my stage of pregnancy.

christina4436 · August 2015

For my regular OB I walk in, she measures my stomach and does the Doppler then basically asks any questions. At first I was very caught off guard. After asking around seems more common to have appts like that if all is on track. She did bring up when I had to take glucose test and get ultrasounds but other than that it's more me asking.

EllioCor · August 2015

I don't know that it's super consistent and I don't really pay attention (because my numbers have all been good), but they do always tell me my numbers. I get the fundal height belly measurement (and the first one they told me it was behind), they tell me what my bp is when they take it and say "that's good", they tell me the heartbeat "that's good", they tell me my urine was "normal" (or one time had a little extra protein- not to be worried about). My glucose, they told me "you go to the lab, they only call if you fail. if you'd like to know your results in the next 2 days, you can call"- otherwise no news is good news. And then at my next appt (which was 2 weeks later) they did tell me what my sugar and iron were, what range they were expected to be in, and that the numbers were good.

I have a lot of different doctors (I go to a teaching hospital), so we haven't discussed my birth plan, but I have several copies printed and in my go-bag, and am mentally steeling myself and DH for anything that needs discussion.

alinic916 · August 2015

Your doctor's responsibility is to ensure that you and baby are healthy throughout your pregnancy and answer any questions you may have. Many doctors are pretty short and quick unless you have specific questions. I suggest making a list of questions you have before each appointment so you can get them answered. Ultimately, it is your responsibility. Some doctors are more hands on and educational than others. The nurses and physicians are not there to ease your worries or console you per se, but by answering your questions that should be able to ease your mind some. Although, a good nurse can be very helpful at putting your mind at ease.

You have a right to your test results, but they don't usually tell me mine unless there is something abnormal. You can ask what the numbers are and expect an answer. You should be seeing your blood pressure and weight when they are measured, or you can ask the nurse what they are during your visit if they don't offer the information. The doctor should also be measuring your fundal height and baby's heart rate with the doppler. You can ask for these numbers as well if they don't say.

I don't know about discussing birthing plans/methods. Some doctors prefer to discuss it when it is close to the end of a pregnancy, while others may prefer to wait until you are at the hospital because if you are seeing a group of physicians you don't know who will be delivering your baby until that day. Ultimately, birthing decisions are up to you, but a physicians input should be taken into account when making those decisions since that is their expertise. If you are worried about birthing decisions, I suggest taking a birthing class so you are familiar with what you will be going through and what decisions you will need to make.

maiatene · August 2015

Most doctors operate on a need to know basis. My doctor doesn't explain everything she does to me but I am free to ask. Regarding test results (anatomy scans, glucose tests, defects scanning) she'll say everything looks good and keep it moving. If it's not good news (me being anemic) she'll call me to tell me. I hope I never find out what happens if it's bad news, but i think she would schedule an appointment so you can hear it from her and give you the support you need.

As far as roles and responsibilities, I believe your doctor is there to educate you but you should take the lead in guiding those conversations. If you have questions ask. I used to keep a notepad with questions for each appointment and sometimes called if I didn't want to wait. My doctor does measurements but doesn't say anything other than you're on track unless I ask specific questions... same with my weight and bp.

Doctors can't tell you the birth method you should use... you have to research and determine what you're comfortable with, discuss that and ask what the procedures are at the hospital. Ideally both the doctor and the nurse should have a comforting demeanor but they won't hold your hand. Comfort usually comes from ones you love, medical staff is about facts.

I love my doctor bc no matter how ridiculous the question she will answer... she may giggle but our relationship is friendly so I don't mind. And when I cried in her office she gave me a hug and called the next day to check on me. Not all doctors are like this.

Mom2b100915 · August 2015

I walk in the NP takes my weight, BP, and listens to heart rate with Doppler. She then asks if I have any questions, which up until this point I just say no (cause I really don't).
That's it I'm in and out in 10 minutes or less.
I go to a large practice with 9 different doctors, so I will not know who will deliver me.
I have a birth plan written up that the office assures me is in my chart and will be reviewed and followed (if all goes smoothly) during L & D.

jenspeake · August 2015

Whenever I meet with my doctor he goes over my weight and results from last appt and usually says oh this is fine. Does your hospital offer an online portal where you can see your results? Mine does and checking them tend to freak me out. I called the nurse because my blood levels were looking anemic and she said it wasn't at that point.

Should he be actively telling me my test results or should I be asking? (I do ask but sometimes he says not to worry as an answer) If he is saying not to worry then I wouldn't worry. I'm sure if something were wrong he would let you know but you shouldn't be afraid to ask either.

Should he be asking what birth methods I prefer or should I be telling him? We kind of went over this in a birth class that we took. Have you taken a class? These were also questions my DH and I had to go over together and submit with our pre-registration when we took the class. Again though you shouldn't be afraid to approach this question with your doctor. And remember you can make birth method decisions in advance but I also realize that I may change my mind during.

Should he be telling me to leave the birth decisions to him and he'll make the best call or should I be concerned? I would have in mind what you want but be open minded if he suggests something during the birth and find out why he is suggesting it.

Should he or the nurse be easing my worries? If you have any worries or concerns and you ask the doctor/nurse they should at least be answering your questions.

Should he be telling me the size of the baby every visit? I don't know the measurements at all. I don't know my weight or blood pressure or anything. Usually mine will measure my belly and say 31 weeks! If he doesn't tell you just ask right after he measures....what am I measuring at?

Is the issue that you're asking questions and maybe he's getting snarky back at you for asking? If he is he shouldn't be!

Wigglesx2 · August 2015

He does get annoyed when I ask questions. He tells me just to google things. When I do it always says to consult your doctor! And he gets annoyed that I stop asking questions.

The pharmacy was concerned about a medicine he gave me and didn't want to give it to me. They did in the end when my husband fought them but I asked him about it at my next appointment and he got insulted and short with me about it saying never to listen to the pharmacy.

And here in lies the part of my concern, I've asked and he tells me I'm fine. Tells me my levels are fine. The nurse calls me that my glucose test was fine. Then suddenly the doctor tells me all my levels are dangerously low and I barely passed my glucose test. He says I've gained too much weight (though I've been asking if I'm okay every visit). My feet have been very swollen and bruised and he says that's my fault.

My last visit he said I was going to have complications but he won't tell me what complications. Just that I'll have them and we will have to see what they are.

He told in the beginning not to take the classes, just read. Now he's saying to ask the classes. Which we can't because we can't take off work to take the classes at this point.

I'm 33 weeks at this point and slowly becoming depressed and terrified at every visit.

leighann1 · August 2015

Wigglesx2 said:
He does get annoyed when I ask questions. He tells me just to google things. When I do it always says to consult your doctor! And he gets annoyed that I stop asking questions.

The pharmacy was concerned about a medicine he gave me and didn't want to give it to me. They did in the end when my husband fought them but I asked him about it at my next appointment and he got insulted and short with me about it saying never to listen to the pharmacy.

And here in lies the part of my concern, I've asked and he tells me I'm fine. Tells me my levels are fine. The nurse calls me that my glucose test was fine. Then suddenly the doctor tells me all my levels are dangerously low and I barely passed my glucose test. He says I've gained too much weight (though I've been asking if I'm okay every visit). My feet have been very swollen and bruised and he says that's my fault.

My last visit he said I was going to have complications but he won't tell me what complications. Just that I'll have them and we will have to see what they are.

He told in the beginning not to take the classes, just read. Now he's saying to ask the classes. Which we can't because we can't take off work to take the classes at this point.

I'm 33 weeks at this point and slowly becoming depressed and terrified at every visit.

You should absolutely change doctors. He sounds like an incompetent asshole.

Edit: iPhone typo.

MandahGirly · August 2015

Switch doctors. Ain't nobody got time for that. I know it is late in your pregnancy but you need a doctor that is on your side and will answer all of your questions, not tell you to check Google.

Wigglesx2 · August 2015

I thought maybe I was expecting too much. My friend's doctor proactively goes over everything with her and tells her the baby's size and what to do (exercise, eating, etc). I wasn't sure if maybe it was me or what. He was great and it was little things here and there that seemed odd but this last appointment just upset me so much.

Half the people on my life tell me this is just pregnancy and the other half are telling me there's something wrong. I kind of just thought the doctor would tell me something

christina4436 · August 2015

Wigglesx2 said:
He does get annoyed when I ask questions. He tells me just to google things. When I do it always says to consult your doctor! And he gets annoyed that I stop asking questions.

The pharmacy was concerned about a medicine he gave me and didn't want to give it to me. They did in the end when my husband fought them but I asked him about it at my next appointment and he got insulted and short with me about it saying never to listen to the pharmacy.

And here in lies the part of my concern, I've asked and he tells me I'm fine. Tells me my levels are fine. The nurse calls me that my glucose test was fine. Then suddenly the doctor tells me all my levels are dangerously low and I barely passed my glucose test. He says I've gained too much weight (though I've been asking if I'm okay every visit). My feet have been very swollen and bruised and he says that's my fault.

My last visit he said I was going to have complications but he won't tell me what complications. Just that I'll have them and we will have to see what they are.

He told in the beginning not to take the classes, just read. Now he's saying to ask the classes. Which we can't because we can't take off work to take the classes at this point.

I'm 33 weeks at this point and slowly becoming depressed and terrified at every visit.

That is terrible. I would ask to see someone else.

jstmbgh · August 2015

Wigglesx2 said:
He does get annoyed when I ask questions. He tells me just to google things. When I do it always says to consult your doctor! And he gets annoyed that I stop asking questions.

The pharmacy was concerned about a medicine he gave me and didn't want to give it to me. They did in the end when my husband fought them but I asked him about it at my next appointment and he got insulted and short with me about it saying never to listen to the pharmacy.

And here in lies the part of my concern, I've asked and he tells me I'm fine. Tells me my levels are fine. The nurse calls me that my glucose test was fine. Then suddenly the doctor tells me all my levels are dangerously low and I barely passed my glucose test. He says I've gained too much weight (though I've been asking if I'm okay every visit). My feet have been very swollen and bruised and he says that's my fault.

My last visit he said I was going to have complications but he won't tell me what complications. Just that I'll have them and we will have to see what they are.

He told in the beginning not to take the classes, just read. Now he's saying to ask the classes. Which we can't because we can't take off work to take the classes at this point.

I'm 33 weeks at this point and slowly becoming depressed and terrified at every visit.

I would Run. I know it's a pain but it can be done. I am 31 wks today and switched doctors on Monday. My new ob mentioned that they have accepted new patients up to 36 weeks. You should absolutely feel comfortable with your doctor. Good luck!

J1D · August 2015

Switch doctors asap.

maiatene · August 2015

@wigglesx2 he sounds like a dick that would make you have a c-section because he wants to play golf... I would switch doctors but when you call to make the appointment ask if they're taking new patients.

ROrtiz07 · August 2015

Please switch doctors! After reading your initial post and the comments, I was sure you just needed to speak up until you gave us details. I'll be damned if my doctor told me to Google something. That right there is reason enough to run away as fast as you can. I'm a ftm so I might overreact but if I had the concerns you have, I'd go into the hospital and ask them to run tests in the meantime.

baconlady · August 2015

@wigglesx2 to google it? Wtf ? I don't expect love and nurturing from my Dr but if I have a darn question the least they can do is answer it. Actually, my dr always suggests not relying on Dr Google . Sorry , you have to deal w that. Good luck.

Wigglesx2 · August 2015

I have one more appointment with him to see. My husband is coming with me this time to see if it's just me over reaching or him. My family is on the fence to whether that's just the way a doctor is or whether to switch.

Sballerina · August 2015

@Wigglesx2: According to what you have said aboit your interaction with this doctor, you are NOT overreacting! Not at all. Is yoir husband saying you may be overeacting? I hope that if you described what you did to us, that he would see you are not. It's possible your husband has no frame of reference for how an OB should support a patient, but I would not want to go to even a general practitioner who has this bedside manner! I see many red flags.

I understand that getting feedback from your family is good and important. However you are the best position to protect yourself and your child medically. I wouldn't trust this OB, after all you described, even if a bunch of people I asked said there was no issue. I would argue that since you are developing a stressful reaction to going in for visits, you should switch. Pregnancy has enough stress without needless stresses added! Though other posters' doctors are all different and there are different approaches and levels of interaction, we're all saying the same thing: get a different doc.

leighann1 · August 2015

I wouldn't even wait for the next appointment, honestly. This sounds like more than just a doctor with a bad personality or terrible bedside manner. This sounds incompetent and dangerous. Start calling new doctors now!

vamomtobe · August 2015

Wigglesx2 said:

I have one more appointment with him to see. My husband is coming with me this time to see if it's just me over reaching or him. My family is on the fence to whether that's just the way a doctor is or whether to switch.

Doesn't sound to me like you're overreacting, but in any case, even if your husband or family say he's fine, you are obviously uncomfortable with this doctor, and yours is the opinion that ultimately matters. Do what's right for you!

Wigglesx2 · August 2015

So today he was nice and answered all our questions. However he changed his tune on some of the answers.

I did ask about my levels again and he said we will find out at birth. Wtf? What if they dip lower?

I told him I get dizzy and my vision will blur. He said that's normal. Or I could be dehydrated (doubtful since I am always drinking water) or my sugar levels could be low.

I'm asking around to find another doctor.

christina4436 · August 2015

Yea if he can't even clearly answer questions you don't need to worry about that day of. Get someone who can !

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