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TTC After a Loss
MamaRoni
member
the GRIPPING fear
MamaRoni
member
I think we've just crossed over from ttc after loss to pregnancy after loss... and let me Tell you...
I was blissfully naive of my emotions. I feel I had hit rock bottom and everything in between. But here I am.... just over 4 weeks.... and FREAKING OUT..
NOT ONE HAPPY MOMENT YET. I am scared to absolute death.
How are we supposed to do this?
I was blissfully naive of my emotions. I feel I had hit rock bottom and everything in between. But here I am.... just over 4 weeks.... and FREAKING OUT..
NOT ONE HAPPY MOMENT YET. I am scared to absolute death.
How are we supposed to do this?
Re: the GRIPPING fear
There is no real way to get around the fact that ttc after a loss sucks. We've all lost the ability to be blissfully happy during pregnancy. I'm sorry that you've had a loss and are struggling with the fear you are left with. It's a very hard thing.
The thing with pregnancy, as we are all aware, is we have zero control over what happens. So, the way I see it, we all have two choices. We can either let the fear over take us and have it color everything in our lives or we can choose to try to get a handle on the fear and be cautiously optimistic and have a chance at enjoying more of life. The second choice is very hard, and it definitely is not a skill acquired over night.
I have had two losses back to back in 6 months. The second time I was pregnant I also struggled with fear but each day I told myself until anyone tells me other wise I am pregnant right now. I didn't think too far in advance that time and it helped. I was able to be cautiously optimistic. Unfortunately for me it still ended in a loss, but Now, as I sit on the other side after losing that pregnancy I still plan to make the same choice if given a third chance at pregnancy.
Fear ruins everything. We have to fight against it. Have you ever seen a counselor or therapist? I highly recommend it. They can give you tools to fight the fear.
I wish you the best of luck with your rainbow baby.
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
I've had 2 1st tri losses and possibly a chemical pregnancy in the last 6 months. The second pregnancy was tough after the loss. I was excited but still nervous. When I got the BFP on the third I could not be excited. I was terrified and shocked. All I could think about was potentially going thru another level of hell with a third loss before my original due date! The reason I say it's possibly a chemical is because the doctors won't confirm if it was a new pregnancy or residual hcg from my miscarriage. We weren't very careful before my first cycle after the D&C. I did not at all realize the emotional state I was in until seeing that second line again. I honestly wanted to be happy but I just couldn't manage. I couldn't hold back the fear. Now that I've had a cycle I'm feeling a little better but I'm still worried about getting that next bfp. I'm afraid that another loss will break me beyond repair and I have all but lost any optimism about pregnancy that I had before. Maybe I will get some of that back once I make it thru 1st tri of a pregnancy. I hope so.
Just know that you aren't alone in your feelings. Anyone who has been pgal knows that feeling to some extent. You have terrible memories to overcome and you have been thru hell. But you have this wonderful community to lean on. There is a whole board dedicated to PGAL. That's an amazing place to start. I'm sure you will have some other pgal mommas in your bmb too. Sending t&p your way!