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November 2015 Moms
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delivery room

Ninjette22Ninjette22 member
in November 2015 Moms
OK so the other day I was asked who all I wanted to be in the delivery room when I have my son and when I said that the only person I really wanted was my husband... both of my sister pretty much told me to suck it and that they were going to be there whether I wanted them to be or not. And then my mom was like well if Lynn (mil) is going to be in there that she would feel left out and im just like well you know i really don't want any of you in there lol (i didn't actually say that). and believe me I'm not complaining that they want to be there.. I just think I would be more comfortable with less people in the room instead of a room full of people looking at my junk you know what I mean. And know I feel like I can't be like non of you are aloud in my room because I was aloud in their rooms when they gave birth and I just feel super overwhelmed with all of this. Sorry for the long post I just needed to get it off my chest lol thank you!
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Re: delivery room

  • desiredshotsdesiredshots member
    Remember you are in charge! This is your body, your baby, your birth experience! You get to choose no matter what. I am a birth photographer and I have been there when my SIL gave birth along with her dad, step mom and 5 sisters and brother (my husband filmed it!). A lil much i think but everyone has different thoughts and feelings on it. I plan on sending a mass email to my family and his family outling that i do not want anyone else in the room but my mom and husband and our photographer and explain that im trying to achieve a peaceful, calm space there. Im also going to let them all know i dont want anyone coming into my room until we are in our recovery room and i am rested. I might also say that i dont want any visits the first week except one day of planned visits haha. I just want mellow not overwhelming! You get to chose! Good luck!
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  • bellie1223bellie1223 member
    edited August 2015
    I definitely don't want anyone there except my husband, even while laboring I can't imagine I'm going to want people there distracting me, I've told all my family this and I know my mom was disappointed, but I don't really care that much. This is about me and my husband and our new family, not at all about them. My mom keeps making comments about how I might change my mind closer to the due date and I basically just ignore her! Also just because they allowed you to be in the room while they delivered does not mean you need to reciprocate. I hate it when people do things, make offers, etc. with strings attached. If they didn't really want you there, they should not have offered in the first place!!
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  • Gapeach83Gapeach83 member
    It's your choice and you have the right to refuse anyone in room. Plus most hospitals have a 2-3 extra people limit. They do not allow crowds it's distracting and they need room in case something goes wrong. If you are rushed to c section only 1 person can go.
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  • KeHill08KeHill08 member
    You have every right to tell them you don't want them in the room. Don't be afraid to tell them, and don't be afraid to tell them if they are overwhelming you! This is about you, your husband, and your baby. It's not about them. It's wonderful that they are so excited, but they can still be excited at home while you are in labor. I have already decided that the only ones who will know I'm at the hospital will be my parents, sister, and her BF as my mom and sister will be in there with me (DH will be deployed). I don't want waiting room warriors because I know that will probably cause me some stress and anxiety, and I have no problem telling people I will let them know after I deliver and have time to rest a bit. It's about what makes YOU happy and comfortable, and they need to respect that!
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  • rubirubi89rubirubi89 member
    Come pushing time, only husband and medical staff can come in. Everyone else get THE F OUT!!!
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  • geologynerdgeologynerd member
    Time to practice being a mom and tell these people what you want is what matters. It's not a tit for that situation. You're gonna face a lot of this as you raise your baby, gotta learn to stick true to yourself.
    I'm dealing with a mother who smokes and sees no harm smoking around my baby. I've made this my mantra. If I'm going to be a mom then I gotta stand up for the one that can't speak for themself.
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  • KatieSetlerKatieSetler member
    If you are uncomfortable telling them to bugger off, then let the nurse know. The nurse's biggest concern is you and your baby, and they are NOT afraid if tell someone to take a seat in the waiting room. :)
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  • angelinthepit23angelinthepit23 member
    I agree. If you only want your husband then it's time for your family to respect your decision. If you don't put your foot down now be prepared for them to walk all over you.
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  • jamiem522jamiem522 member
    Oh my gosh, you set the expectations of what you want now! I had a come to Jesus talk with my MIL and FIL who think they are welcome to be in the room. I don't understand why people feel the need that they need to be there in the first place. We told them we will call when we are ready to have them come and that time will most likely be when I'm in the recovery room. No one is welcome besides my husband, my doula and medical staff when necessary.
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  • rachswirachswi member
    My hospital only allows 2 people in the room when it comes time to push. Others can be in the room before that but just 2 people once the time comes. While they may want to be in the room, this is your little family's moment.
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  • FilbertTreeFilbertTree member
    Make it very clear to all and sundry now (and as often as is needed until you deliver) that only your husband is allowed in with you. If you dont want them even at the hospital, make that clear too.
    Ask your OB what the hospital's policy is. Make sure your wishes are clearly included in any written birth plan and vocalise those wishes when you register. If people are turning up regardless, your nurses will happily go to bat for you and make people leave.
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  • oliveoil95oliveoil95 member
    Do what feels best for you! For some reason people think that their opinions and wants really matter when it comes to someone else's baby. News flash it doesn't. Do you wanna look back on giving birth to YOUR child and have any regrets.

    I decided I want no one in there with me. It would just make me uncomfortable.
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  • eilykylieeilykylie member
    I completely understand, I'm kind of going through the same exact situation. My whole family wants to be in the room, like we're gonna have a picnic on the hospital bed, before he comes or something lol. Ive chosen to have nobody in the room with me but the doctors and everyone who is necessary. Not even the father, we are not on good terms and despite all of the haste I'm getting for this, I'm grounded on my desicion. This is my first baby and I just wanna be able to take a moment alone to just breath in all the beautiful coming from him & to just meet the most important Person to me now. I just wanna take a minute to meet the one I've been carrying for 9 months then everyone can come in and tell me how precious he is and be excited lol. Remember this is something that matters to you they will get over it and be just as excited a couple moments after he's already there.
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    I said my mom and sister and husband and MIL and my best friend could be in there before he's born but once he starts to come out nobody but my husband is allowed in there.. Once he's here nobody is allowed in there for an hour and a half because I want time where it's just my husband and I with our son since he will be fresh into the world and j don't want a bunch of people around him straight out of my vagina when I will feel like crap and I'm sure I will want to Atleast brush my hair and look decent before people see me..
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  • lyankowilyankowi member
    edited August 2015
    My mom invited herself in and I said OK but I still feel awkward about it. I hired a doula because the last person I want in there is the baby's father. I think he thinks he is going to be in there WRONG! While we are technically still married he did nothing to help me through my first L&D
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  • nikki1223nikki1223 member
    My husband will be the only person in there. He thinks that we should wait until after the baby is born to even call family. Not sure how I feel about that as I think I at least want my fam in the area in case we need anything.
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  • aimabelaaimabela member
    You're lucky,where I live only 1 person is allowed to enter with you.And its so hard choosing who you want so you don't hurt anyone's feelings!
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  • katiedhunterkatiedhunter member
    eilykylie said:

    I completely understand, I'm kind of going through the same exact situation. My whole family wants to be in the room, like we're gonna have a picnic on the hospital bed, before he comes or something lol. Ive chosen to have nobody in the room with me but the doctors and everyone who is necessary. Not even the father, we are not on good terms and despite all of the haste I'm getting for this, I'm grounded on my desicion. This is my first baby and I just wanna be able to take a moment alone to just breath in all the beautiful coming from him & to just meet the most important Person to me now. I just wanna take a minute to meet the one I've been carrying for 9 months then everyone can come in and tell me how precious he is and be excited lol. Remember this is something that matters to you they will get over it and be just as excited a couple moments after he's already there.

    I'm not trying to tell you how to do things, but I will say that you may want to think of someone to have with you. Maybe not once pushing starts if your uncomfortable with that. And I'm not saying the husband, but maybe a sister or a BFF. I was in labour for 25 hours with my second and I couldn't imagine if my husband hadn't been there. For support and just for other things as well. The nurses won't walk around the halls with you and hold you up while you have a contraction. Just something to think about.
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  • gkfkgkfk member
    One of my friends chose not to tell anyone that she was going in to labor, other than her husband, who then contacted her parents after the baby was born. I think you need to tell your family sorry, but no, you can't come in. DH, doula,and maybe my mom will be it for me, no matter what.
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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    I allowed myself to be steam rolled into allowing everyone in the delivery room with me when I had my first.  It was a terrible experience for me, in part because they were assholes who ate in the room while I couldn't and decided by popular vote that we would all watch Tru TV's marathon of World's Stupidest . . .   After I kicked them all out (including my then spouse) I took a nap and woke up to my baby crowning.  It was awesome and I wished I'd done that from the beginning.   
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • scw89scw89 member
    TacoSarah said:

    I find it quite extraordinary the number of posts I have seen on this topic and how much of an issue it is in North America. I don't think I have seen a single post regarding this on any UK based mums forums. This and the whole baby shower guest list, registry thing blows my mind.

    Perhaps because our hospitals only allow 2 birthing partners max, no visitors on the labour ward, no waiting rooms, and only immediate family and grandparents can visit on the maternity ward. 

    I cannot believe the gall of all these people demanding to be in the room and getting pissy if they are told no and then saying they are going to push their way into the room. Yeah, sure thing MIL, you come stand just by my right foot, let's hope I don't 'accidentally' kick your teeth out when little grandbaby crowns - oopsie! 

    Currently dealing with this dilemma with my own mother. She thinks she has the right to be in the room. Haven't told her yet that she won't be, when she asked me when I was first pregnant I said we hadn't made a decision. So now I'm waiting for her to bring it up again so I can tell her the truth like I should have all along! She will probably throw a fit and threaten to take back all the gifts she has gotten me which is fine because we can buy our own stuff. And she will bully me into guilt. I wish in this sense our hospitals in America were more like the UK
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  • katiedhunterkatiedhunter member
    @TacoSarah Ya I'm in Canada and I don't know a single person who's actually gone through this. I've only read about it here on TB. Although I'm sure somewhere here it has happened. I just thought it was common sense that unless your asked to be there your not invited. Also the visitors after baby, I've never had anyone just show up. Everyone knows to give space and wait for us to tell them when we're up for visitors.
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  • Ninjette22Ninjette22 member
    Well this was very helpful thank you guys I think I have the courage to tell them all how I really feel... and I wish I could blame it on the hospital but it's the same one that one of my sisters gave birth at so everyone already knows the rules and they are pretty lenient. I would never hear the end of it if I just didn't tell anyone that I'm in labor... I think I would rather just tell them they can't be in the room lol but anyways thank you ladies for the support.
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  • flasflas member
    katiedhunter said:

    @TacoSarah Ya I'm in Canada and I don't know a single person who's actually gone through this. I've only read about it here on TB. Although I'm sure somewhere here it has happened. I just thought it was common sense that unless your asked to be there your not invited. Also the visitors after baby, I've never had anyone just show up. Everyone knows to give space and wait for us to tell them when we're up for visitors.

    Same here. I live in Canada and I've only heard about these issues from ladies in the US.
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  • flasflas member
    Ninjette22 said:

    Well this was very helpful thank you guys I think I have the courage to tell them all how I really feel... and I wish I could blame it on the hospital but it's the same one that one of my sisters gave birth at so everyone already knows the rules and they are pretty lenient. I would never hear the end of it if I just didn't tell anyone that I'm in labor... I think I would rather just tell them they can't be in the room lol but anyways thank you ladies for the support.

    Good plan! I never understand when someone says that they won't call and that the person will get over it. Yeah right I would love to be there the day they finally got over not being told their grandchild was born. I would bring my ice skates along so that I could skate on all that hell Fire after it froze over.
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  • kababykauaikababykauai member
    I am in the USA and also can't believe these threads. I've never heard of anyone I know having this issue. I'm having the first grandchild on both sides and all of our family has been super respectful and almost overly cautious about when to visit. No one would dream of trying to be in the delivery room. My parents will be the first to meet her after delivery and they will come from out of town when we are at the hospital and stay at our house until we give the word that we are ready for them to gone, probably a few hours after birth, depending on the time of day of course. It seems absurd and so disrespectful to me that without being invited, family and friends would behave the ways some of you have described.
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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    kababykauai said:
    I am in the USA and also can't believe these threads. I've never heard of anyone I know having this issue. I'm having the first grandchild on both sides and all of our family has been super respectful and almost overly cautious about when to visit. No one would dream of trying to be in the delivery room. My parents will be the first to meet her after delivery and they will come from out of town when we are at the hospital and stay at our house until we give the word that we are ready for them to gone, probably a few hours after birth, depending on the time of day of course. It seems absurd and so disrespectful to me that without being invited, family and friends would behave the ways some of you have described.
    Ditto.  It's so strange to me that this is an issue as my hospital flat out won't even let anyone in the room that you don't want there.  To the OP I suggest letting folks know you're in labor, but that you're not allowing anyone into the delivery room so to wait for a follow-up call regarding when to come by.  Not certain why so many folks feel entitled to stare at a loved one's "bagina" nowadays.  
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  • foozmeister9foozmeister9 member
    I told my mother and MIL that the only one that will be in there with me is my husband and the only reason that they would be allowed in there while I am in labor is if my husband is on tour (He is in two bands that are becoming sort of a big deal). And both of them were l saying how they hope he is so they can be in there. I straight up told them after they said that that they will no longer be allowed to be in there regardless if he is on tour or not if they keep up with that mentality. They shut up real quick after that.
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  • DAnglenDAnglen member
    This is my 3rd baby. All modesty I may have had... Gone.

    My mother and I are very close. She is my best friend. My everything. She will be in there with me along with my hubby. I offered my MIL to be in there if she'd like. My husband is the baby out of 4 kids and this is his first baby. I was being nice. lol

    Our hospital has a 2 person limit, but I've already ok'ed it with my OBgyn that my MIL might be there as well.

    *shrug*
    Idc what the rest of my family or his thinks. My cooter. My baby. I win.
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  • fitmama89fitmama89 member
    geologynerd said:

    Time to practice being a mom and tell these people what you want is what matters. It's not a tit for that situation. You're gonna face a lot of this as you raise your baby, gotta learn to stick true to yourself.
    I'm dealing with a mother who smokes and sees no harm smoking around my baby. I've made this my mantra. If I'm going to be a mom then I gotta stand up for the one that can't speak for themself.

    Yes, yes, yes! Once you are a mom you absolutely have to start sticking up for yourself & child(ren) regardless of hurting other people's feelings. Obviously, be tactful about it ... Delivery is one of the first of many situations where you will see this to be true.
    I had always wanted my mom & husband in the delivery room with DD. My MIL is super manipulative & pushy and I definitely didn't want her in the room so I decided it would be easier just to say no moms... Cause that's "fair" & whatnot. Long story short- came time to push and I called my mom and had her come down. Screw being fair. I needed the support of MY mom.

    Goodluck & do whatever makes you feel most comfortable.
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    I've already told people if they don't like what I have planned for my personal comfort they don't have to show up.. And that if they don't show up it won't bother me at all not one bit.. I haven't gotten another complaint since I said that.. People just need to see and realize that it's your decision and what you say goes..
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  • sadyy131sadyy131 member
    Resurrecting this thread because I'm in need of some advice.

    Long story short, my parents were extremely supportive of my pregnancy at first (I'm 20), but soon decided that SO was no longer allowed to be in the picture because I "need to live as a chaste Christian example to fix the role model I life for the youth of our church). My parents are extremely religious. I disagree and after many extremely bad arguments I decided it was best for baby and I to move out. I got an apartment with my SO and since we both have stable jobs, we have been completely finically independent. My parents basically disowned me and I've never looked back.

    Since neither of my parents have been there emotionally for me, my SO's mother and I have gotten really close. She offered her home to us for a few weeks while we found an apartment and has been an extreme emotional support for me through this pregnancy. She has been a positive role model and definitely someone who has brightened my day. She only speaks Spanish, and while I'm learning, the language barrier is sometimes difficult. Tonight she asked me who I planned on having in the delivery room, and I said her son. And she said that since my mom is not involved, that if I wanted she could be there too. She was in the delivery room when SO's sister had her baby last year. I told her I would let her know.

    This is my dilemma, I never planned on having anyone by SO in the room. I am a pretty private person and definitely wouldn't want my own mother witnessing me birthing a child, even if we were on good terms. SO is indifferent about it, but I'm torn. Part of me wants to let her because she has been a huge emotional support for me through the pregnancy so she may be during delivery too. But there are downsides. For one, the language barrier will cause me to have to think extra hard during delivery. SO and her will probably speak Spanish back and fourth and I'll have to think of how to formulate coherant sentences (hard enough in your native language during a contraction) but I'll have to be translating in me head. My other fear is that since her, SOs sister, and basically all of their friends had "med-free" births (it seems common in Latin culture, but I don't know if that's true), I feel like I'll be judged for having an epidural. I know that it is my body and my decision, but I don't want my SO and I to be on different pages because his mother is a heavy influence in his life.

    I know I can always say no, but I'm trying to decide whether it could turn out to be a positive thing.
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