Lab tech comments about 35 plus moms

alanna3622 · July 2015

Hello ladies,

I was wondering if you gals had any tips about how to deal graciously with ignorant comments about maternal age.

At my first US, the tech and I were discussing that I was "elderly primate gravidas". I shared I was surprised by the label, since I am only 37 years old. She then said, "Don't worry, I see a lot of women older than you who are willingly pregnant. "

Willingly? Ugh.

This echoes a number of comments that people have made about my age. I am in a profession that required additional school and the comments are along the lines of "So you put your career before pregnancy." This is after we have openly explained that we had chosen adoption rather than medicalize any fertility issues.

We had an adoption fall through last year at the last moment a year ago and it broke our hearts. The rxns that family have had to my unplanned-but-incredibly-welcome pregnancy are ecstatic, and stand in high contrast to the guarded and suspicious false cheer when we were "expecting" the adoption.

This was meant to be a single question but has now morphed into me pouring out my whole heart. I guess I am just a big mess of emotions dreading when we have to tell people outside of the inner circle. Any responses, to any of this, would be welcome.

PlainJane8350 · July 2015

Do you see a high risk specialist? I find that they're more used to us "old mom's" than regular OBGYN. I'm a sarcastic person, so I just say something back even more ridiculous than what they just said. "I'm already on calcium for osteoporosis, so at least I won't have to take extra calcium" or when I go to get up, "Do you see my cane? I guess I left it in the car again. Sorry, between dementia and pregnancy brain I don't know whether I'm coming or going." They usually either laugh or realize how offensive their currents are and keep their big mouths shut next time! Either way, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with that, but a huge congratulations on your pregnancy! From one "old mom" to another.

Knottie22779748 · July 2015

I can't stand the term "advanced maternal age". Really?? I feel like I'm just where I'm supposed to be on this journey in life so whether I'm 35 or 25 or 45, whatever works for you!!
Can empathize with you!

alanna3622 · July 2015

Thanks so much for the comments ladies. I am only just now getting a referral. I also am just getting out of first trimester and am feeling much less emotional. Which always helps

browneyes_326 · July 2015

Oh my ... I have not had any comments YET. I say yet b/c up until now I have been seen at a military hospital in California ... Both are just more used to seeing 'older' moms and other than the norm situations. We just arrived in a small town in Alabama and I am in the process of making my first appt with a civilian OB. I am bracing myself for comments! Our new neighbor (probably 10 years my junior w/ 3 kids older than mine) didn't say a word when we told her we were expecting ... Awkward.
Oh and I'm 39 ... At 37 I can't believe there would be any comments. I was 34 & 37 with my first 2 and thought of myself as young still LOL

Mack2342 · July 2015

I haven't heard any comments about my age. I'm a FTM at 40. I still think of myself as a 29 yr old! Lol. My doctors were very supportive of my decision to have a child. However, yesterday, I had a stranger point at my belly and say "you look like you are about to pop!" I would never say anything like that to a stranger!

Erinka · July 2015

Luckily I live in an urban area with many educated working professional mothers. I don't get these comments.

TarHeelMomToBe · July 2015

Unfortunately the medical terminology is somewhat insulting on it's own -- I am classified "elderly multigravida" because I am 35+ pregnant with my 2+ child. The tech's comment was a bit thoughtless. With all the medical advances, I wouldn't be surprised if the specific designation for AMA was changed to an older threshold. My doctor's office says they don't do anything different for 35-40 with the exception of having a level 2 anatomy scan.

When I went to get my NT scan for my first (I was 36) the male receptionist told me after checking my ID "Wow, you don't look that old!" - I think he thought it was supposed to be a compliment. I've also had an NP tell me that I shouldn't be worried about GD this pregnancy (had it with my first) because I might have changed my eating habits - yeah, not what causes GD. Most of the women on my mom's side have had GD - it's genetic. Ignorance often translates to inadvertently insulting comments. Just try to shake it off!

strauber · July 2015

When I was checking some lab results on our electronic medical record I saw that my official diagnosis was "elderly multigravida" (38 with 4 previous losses). I just stared at the screen saying "elderly! Elderly!!" In an increasingly exacerbated fashion. Even as a doctor I didn't know that I would be classified this way. But now I use it as a joke whenever my age comes up in pregnancy. People may think i am a little old to start having kids but no one agrees that this momma looks elderly.

HWKI · July 2015

I work for a hospital that specializes in women and children and they have a baby blog. One of the posts was about a woman proud to be a "Hollywood mom" (over 40), sounds much nicer than elderly!lol.

DrillSergeantCat · August 2015

I cried today when I saw my EOB listing me as elderly. I'm 38, not 83!

siospirit79 · August 2015

My EOB didn't even look at the father and simply sat there and adimitly said "We are VERY happy with these results , you should be very proud of yourself and have no worries about these last tests." The test were for genetic disorders like Down syndrome.

Erinka · August 2015

That's maddening. Like it was a product of your hard work or something. And what about couples who do have babies with problems. Should they be ashamed. Awful.

And... Aging sperm also contribute to abnormities!

khf221979 · August 2015

I hate being reminded of my "advanced maternal age". I am only 35 but everyone is making me feel like I'm too old! It really hit me when we went to our genetic counselor and he said it was a good thing I had the OB I had bc she is a high risk dr(which I didn't know) and she can handle my advanced maternal age. It drives me nuts!

kbworks · August 2015

I think I have everyone beat I am 45!!!! This is my first pregnancy. I have not heard any comments yet, but I think I am in awe myself we obviously never thought it was possible. Don't worry what the kids are saying, I am enjoying each and every day. Good luck!

Ellsmac · August 2015

I get the frustration.

When my doc sent my FMLA paperwork to my employer - under the section for "additional relevant info regarding the medical condition" for which leave was requested - they references this being an elderly pregnancy (In the med terms- obviously I'm paraphrasing). As I've been lucky enough to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy- I have no idea why that info would be "relevant" - sheesh! And now my employer is put on notice that I am an "elderly" mother to be. Sigh. Could have done with out that - seems gratuitous.

holly12017 · August 2015

Its all just medical terminology. Don't let anyone deflate your balloon. Celebrities have babys when older all the time. This is my first and I am 37. I feel great and got pregnant instantly. We used ovulation sticks in july and boom it happened. People with comments can suck it. I waited to find the right guy and get married, we are responsible tax paying individuals, ready for family. Paying our own way and not sucking off the govt and other tax payers.

Lisamarie0128 · August 2015

I will be 41 when lo is born. I havnt had anyone say anything about my age, but when I seen the word "elderly" on my paperwork I was like, REALLY? (eye roll) I dont feel "elderly" lol!

djdawn29a · September 2015

Omg!!! Elderly...I am 43 and I sure hope I don't see that. Peeps at work ask my friend Aly where I have been and when she tells them, they r like... How old is she???? I have to laugh..lol

MrsO11/24/2006 · September 2015

I am 35 and will be 36 when baby is born so I am on the low end of the "advanced maternal age front" but I know I will be met with eye rolls from family bc of the age difference b/c my kiddos. My hubby and I always knew we wanted three kids and with two miscarriages b/w our children this is just how it worked out. I had my first DD at 29 and my DS at 31 and life just happened. I got a nursing degree and now I am in the pefect place to bring another baby into the world ( I just work weekends so I can be home with the baby during the week). So people and culture can have their eye rolls, my baby, my family, my decision. I am excited to have ea 6.5 years b/w my oldest and youngest b/c she will be over the moon to have a "real baby" to take care of. This age difference I know will prove much easier than the 25 mth age gap b/c my first two. I am a nurse i know the risk and I know the benefits and the benefits far exceed any risk.

blacklace08 · September 2015

While I haven't experienced comments from others, Ive had a few for myself. Ive been a mom since I was 18 yrs old. Im 37 now and I already have four children ages 11, 13, 15, and 18. This is a Very Surprising pregnancy as my husband and I were told over 10 years ago I couldnt conceive anymore, ( due to PCOS) not that we wanted to. When I was told Im having twins it literally felt like my life just passed me by, I thought, who'd want to be 50 with kids in the house?? I wanted my kids while I was young for a reason...

gingercatNJ · September 2015

If it helps any...I will be 39 in a few weeks, and am FTM. When I said something about "my age" he said, "I don't want to insult you, but you're not that old."

He also told me about a third of his patients are over 35.

Lab tech comments about 35 plus moms

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