Flame Free Confessions

minivanmafia · August 2015

minivanmafia · August 2015

Ok, so this is going to be my FFC because I am sure not everyone will agree but I have to say this now due to last nights event, to clear the air if you will. I can only speak for myself here, no one else, but here is the reason why I am "so mean, judgmental and rude." For the record, I say that loosely because I don't think I am those things at all.

I have only been apart of this community this time around since June, just like most everyone else. I have lurked The Bump for years but very rarely posting (and with another screen name that I can't even begin to remember) The snarkiness and "judgmental" comments that some view as so rude, this is nothing new… and let me tell you why I believe is the reason…. Because even though you are lurking, you still don't get it. It didn't take me long to get it and its frustrating how some just don't... "get it". Its a public forum. There are woman, and probably some men (and maybe even teens), on here from ALL OVER THE WORLD. All different beliefs and views. You have first time moms and you have third time moms. You have woman who have gone through hell to get here and some that don't know how losing a baby feels. There is bound to be some disagreement on just about every thread because we all don't believe the same or function the same way. Imagine this, and I have said it on here before, that there is a motherhood/parenting/pregnancy conference of some sort with woman from all walks of life. We are together in fellowship. You walk into a group of woman chatting away, not knowing one of them, and start talking about feeling a baby move at 10 weeks… or hand them your ultrasound and ask if they think its a boy or a girl…. OR begin to tell them that you are upset because you wanted a boy and instead your having a girl. What do you think would take place? Well for one, they would all look at you like you are completely crazy. First you walk into a group of woman that you havent even contributed anything to the group and jump right in with a story…. not knowing their own backstory. Not knowing if they just had a still born or miscarriage and would die for a healthy baby, no matter the sex. Not knowing if they are going through fertility problems or have gone through fertility problems and just want to have a positive pregnancy test or sticky baby. You don't know if they have a history of genetic disorders and are waiting on their results on pins and needles. But you jump in anyways and then get pissy that you don't get the reaction you wanted. Why do people feel that normal human interaction etiquette is any different on a public forum? There are many daily threads posted that would be more appropriate for a statement like that (which still may get flamed because face it, your not feeling your baby at 10 weeks. Debatable topic, I KNOW!) and you will get a much much nicer response. If I am in a group of women that I am getting to know I am not going to just start talking about myself… I will listen and get the feel of said women and contribute to the conversation like normal and in an appropriate manner. Introduce yourself, tell everyone your story and jump right in posting your views and throat punch stories, flame free confessions and first world problems.

If one finds this ridiculous then I am assuming you don't do well in social situation. (And yes Im introvert but I still know how to react and discuss matters appropriately.)

If you are aware of someones situation, their struggles and a little about their awesome personality you are much more likely to get a genuinely happy response to a sex revel post or something alike than someone that has posted once or twice that screams IM HAVING A BOY to you "while walking down the street." Also, the ladies that post on this board that one may feel are the most "snarky and rude" are likely the first to respond to a very serious post about a scare or health issue with genuine concern, advice and support.

I, for one, am glad to be here and an active poster. I have a few experiences under my belt, some not so good, so I feel like I can give some advice that others can't and vice versa on some topics. I feel like I give true advice and support, though some may not agree thats okay. I don't feel like I have been rude, judgmental or policing on any thread.. nor do I feel like anyone on here has. The things I say on here I would most definitely say in real life with a face that screams WTF sometimes. I don't have a good surprise face, you pretty much always know what I am thinking, thats the only thing "being behind a computer screen hides" for me.

So, with all that being said, I challenge anyone who is "lurking" and "scared" to post to actually say something today, you may actually have a connection with someone and build a friendship. You could make someones day and give them that advice and/or support that makes them smile and "pay it forward". Just a thought.

Sorry for the long rant but I feel like it needed to be said. If you made it this far, thanks

*Sorry, I have been dying to use this GIF and this will probably be my one and only "board vent" post. So….

jaimeruns · August 2015

I think that what people forget is that this is social media and everyone is different and has different opinions and experiences. When we use any form of social media we are opening ourselves up to the thoughts and ideas of others, and we have to keep in mind that not everyone will like or agree with what is said. I think it would help everyone to keep these things in mind and remember that we're all different, not everyone needs to think the same- might help protect feelings a little bit.

Also.... I tried to upload a .gif, but suck at it. I'm on a mac. So if anyone has advice would you mind sharing? Pretty please?

BBEA2006 · August 2015

dragonfly321 · August 2015

@TheBeggsBunch very well written! It's been my opinion that people blasting onto a forum and expecting everyone to pet them and tell them how pretty they are- are the same women who have friends that would rather tell a lie to their face than give them reality. Insensitivity isn't welcomed here.

wisco29 · August 2015

Well said @TheBeggsBunch.

Twindling · August 2015

@dragonfly321 - "expecting everyone to pet them and tell them how pretty they are" HAHAHA!!!

) I'm dying. Nailed it.

@TheBeggsBunch - perfectly executed. If I had a cookie....I'd at least split it with you. (I'm not a good sharer)

SarahS06 · August 2015

@TheBeggsBunch

Eta: mobile gif fail! Imagine a slow clap here!

Twindling · August 2015

My confession: the more I watch women on YouTube have unmedicated vaginal births, the more I want to schedule another planned csection. It all seemed empowering until I actually became pregnant. That and I'm so afraid that since my odds of having identical twins were so slim, I'll probably end up in that slim percentage of people who end up with a uterine rupture....because, that would be my luck.

mandym4 · August 2015

Lol I've been a major lurker since my DH and I found out I was pregnant at 6weeks (I'm now 14) I've just never felt that I had anything to add. But I have read enough to know exactly what you are talking about @TheBeggsBunch. My hubs and I were fortunate that we didn't have any struggle getting pregnant but it's totally irks me when I see someone "disappointed" in a certain sex. Pregnancy is difficult (or at least it has been for me) I'm just hopeful everything goes smoothly and we have a healthy baby. I just can't fathom how someone would be so upset as to publicly post their disappointment in having a boy or a girl. Any baby is blessing and it makes me incredibly sad for these peoples future children that they won't be as wanted because they were born with the wrong parts.

Edit: typing is hard

wisco29 · August 2015

@Twindling - almost my thinking. As awesome as it would be to have the "perfect" labor story as a redo from dd, I have too much anxiety around the fact that I could labor for hours and then end up with a c section again. I'm opting for scheduled c section. I know what I'm going into now and my main regret was not having pics of me taken while holding dd for the brief moments I got so that what I want this time! To be able to look back at those moments.

Aussiechicka · August 2015

@TheBeggsBunch very well said.
I was the "snarky and rude" one last night. Hubby and I are both carriers for Krabbe Disease. Having children at all because of that was a huge dilemma and those two weeks while we waited for the results to see if we would loose our child by the age of two was terrible.

So yes, I commented that I wasn't really thinking about the sex in those two weeks. I'm sorry she got offended but that test isn't for sex discovery, and I'm glad she's having a healthy baby.

Edited for typos

Monkeybutt80 · August 2015

I don't understand the appeal of med free birth. I was induced last time at 41 weeks. We started with cervidil, but pulled that out sooner than expected because my labor progressed quickly, and water broke naturally. Once the contractions started, I got the epi. My epi experience was perfect. I could feel my legs, move my legs, but felt no pain what so ever. I have no desire to do this without meds, and I frankly don't really understand the appeal.

I am not a med happy person usually, I don't like taking cold medicines or even over the counter meds. I hate prescription pain killers because it does nothing but make me feel foggy. But when it comes to laboring and epidural, I am all about it.

BBEA2006 · August 2015

Monkeybutt80 said:

I don't understand the appeal of med free birth. I was induced last time at 41 weeks. We started with cervidil, but pulled that out sooner than expected because my labor progressed quickly, and water broke naturally. Once the contractions started, I got the epi. My epi experience was perfect. I could feel my legs, move my legs, but felt no pain what so ever. I have no desire to do this without meds, and I frankly don't really understand the appeal.
I am not a med happy person usually, I don't like taking cold medicines or even over the counter meds. I hate prescription pain killers because it does nothing but make me feel foggy. But when it comes to laboring and epidural, I am all about it.

My other 2 experiences were just like yours except w/ DD I didn't have to have cervidil.They were perfect and painless but for some reason that I cannot explain, and I know makes me crazy, I really want to try go go for a med-free, water birth. I guess it is just something that I want to say I have experienced. Again, I'm crazy, I know! I'm just hoping come game time, I don't chicken out. I doubt I will though, I'm pretty strong-willed.

minivanmafia · August 2015

Thanks guys for the support, seriously. Creepy internet hugs. I knew that post could go either way and I mean about what I said "Lurkers come out." @BBEA2006 that GIF was perfect. If one thinks this community is harsh then the nice lurkers should come out and contribute. @Twindling I would gladly eat half of your cookie because I have no shame with my sugar obsession.

@jaimieruns I have a mac! I always search on google, "right click" and save image. When you come back to the forum click the attach file button down at the bottom and pick the gif you saved. I have a folder actually for GIFs and I always rename them so I can remember which one it is. Hope this helps, if not let me know and Ill go back through my steps on my computer to make sure I didn't miss anything, because pregnancy brain is totes real.

lindseywildman · August 2015

I'm a FTM and I really want to go med free, on the floor on all fours kind of birth. But the more I speak to women who have had the epi, the more I lean towards it. I just want to be able to feel my legs!

Edited: Half of my writing got cut off when I posted this....

Twindling · August 2015

I have no excuse to not try for a vaginal birth this time so that's what I'll do. It's just having the courage to actually DO it.

The appeal to me for having a med free birth stems from my own opinion of what's best for the baby and my recovery.

jaimeruns · August 2015

TheBeggsBunch said:

Thanks guys for the support, seriously. Creepy internet hugs. I knew that post could go either way and I mean about what I said "Lurkers come out." @BBEA2006 that GIF was perfect. If one thinks this community is harsh then the nice lurkers should come out and contribute. @Twindling I would gladly eat half of your cookie because I have no shame with my sugar obsession.

@jaimieruns I have a mac! I always search on google, "right click" and save image. When you come back to the forum click the attach file button down at the bottom and pick the gif you saved. I have a folder actually for GIFs and I always rename them so I can remember which one it is. Hope this helps, if not let me know and Ill go back through my steps on my computer to make sure I didn't miss anything, because pregnancy brain is totes real.

Yay thanks!!! I'm gonna try it later. I always like reading your posts and what you have to share- keep it coming! Have a great Friday everyone!!!

minivanmafia · August 2015

On the pain free birth- I am all for it. The appeal to me personally is to do and prove to myself (only myself) that I can do it. I have struggled with anxiety and depression and am trying to manage it med free right now. I also quit smoking several years ago. Both of those have made me realize that I am a strong person and can handle a lot. I feel if I was able to do a intervention free birth I will know "I can handle anything" and I crave that empowering feeling. Does this make sense? My last 2 births were vaginally and started with my water breaking. With my first I got the epi as soon as I could. With the second I caved at 6 cm. with pitocin and my water broken the contractions were bearable but I was nervous, unable to concentrate and caved. I want to try it differently this time… though I am not sure if Ill make it intervention free and if not, thats truly okay. I have been watching documentaries, have a few books on the way and have talked to several people about it and its important to me to try.

Plus, that second epi had my back hurting for DAYS. I would like to avoid that IF possible.

@MonkeyButt80 How in the world were you able to feel anything? I was DEAD from the waist below. I could feel a bit of pressure but that was all.

BabySeaTurtles · August 2015

I had an epi and I couldn't feel my legs. So you know what I did? I fell asleep. I totally 100% kid you not. I slept from 4cm to 10cm. (It was 4 in the morning by the time I was settled in the room). Best labor ever. I am definitely doing the epi again and don't care if I feel my legs or not.

Monkeybutt80 · August 2015

@TheBeggsBunch I know! The nurses were saying that it was text book epi results. They still didn't let me walk around in case I collapsed, but I did stand up on my legs a couple of times while on epi (got caught once and they just told me to get back on the bed). I am positive I could have walked around.

Yeah, I still don't get the whole thing. I can see how it would be very empowering knowing that you've done it, and I applaud ladies with the will power to do it. But I tend to favor the easy way out if I can! I know it'd be empowering to know that I can run 20 miles, but I think I will just drive to get there instead

minivanmafia · August 2015

jaimeruns said:

TheBeggsBunch said:

Thanks guys for the support, seriously. Creepy internet hugs. I knew that post could go either way and I mean about what I said "Lurkers come out." @BBEA2006 that GIF was perfect. If one thinks this community is harsh then the nice lurkers should come out and contribute. @Twindling I would gladly eat half of your cookie because I have no shame with my sugar obsession.

@jaimieruns I have a mac! I always search on google, "right click" and save image. When you come back to the forum click the attach file button down at the bottom and pick the gif you saved. I have a folder actually for GIFs and I always rename them so I can remember which one it is. Hope this helps, if not let me know and Ill go back through my steps on my computer to make sure I didn't miss anything, because pregnancy brain is totes real.

Yay thanks!!! I'm gonna try it later. I always like reading your posts and what you have to share- keep it coming! Have a great Friday everyone!!!

Aw, your so sweet. Im off today so my friday rocks already. \m/

minivanmafia · August 2015

BabySeaTurtles said:

I had an epi and I couldn't feel my legs. So you know what I did? I fell asleep. I totally 100% kid you not. I slept from 4cm to 10cm. (It was 4 in the morning by the time I was settled in the room). Best labor ever. I am definitely doing the epi again and don't care if I feel my legs or not.

HOW did you do that!?!? I tried to "rest" during both my labors but couldn't due to my nerves and excitement. I tried, OH I so tried. Today, you are my hero.

bookqueen · August 2015

I'm too lazy to find a gif, lol. But I applaud you @TheBeggsBunch, very well said

Jellybelly119 · August 2015

I think people are also confusing the terms "community" and "support group."

My confession: I drive really fast, like way too fast to be safe. And I use my phone while driving. I need to get that in check before February.

ohbaby714 · August 2015

Very well said @TheBeggsBunch !

My FFFC, I fed my kid ritz crackers and a hot dog for breakfast today because she won't eat anything else and I'm too tired to fight with her.

Achae · August 2015

I dealt with a rude "customer" this morning (8 am is too early for your bitching lady!) who demanded I drop everything I was doing to finish her task. I confess I will now take longer to get to her task because even though I could drop everything, I won't because she has been so rude.

eta: spelling is hard

dragonfly321 · August 2015

My full-flame confession? I have dirty dreams about some damn good looking men! ;;)

tigeraj8170 · August 2015

@TheBeggsBunch - *applause* very well said.
I've only been lurking here for maybe a week but I've been lurking on The Baby Bump and WTE apps for a couple of months, so I'm really hoping I know the etiquette by now on social forums. :-) I've introduced myself on the Introduction post (page 31 half way down, just in case anyone has missed it :-) ). I've tried to contribute to a couple of posts. I haven't contributed to too many, only because I don't know what to say or I feel it's safer for me to not say anything due to hormones running rampant and I'd really rather not end up in an argument that shouldn't even happen.

@Monkeybutt80 - I don't understand the appeal for a med free labor either. I have had 3 children. My first two, I had to get induced with pitocin. With my first, the night nurse messed up and induced at 30ccs of pitocin when she was only suppose to put it at 10ccs, which lead to me being thrown into labor so fast that I was in tears within the first hour. I tried to be strong and wait on the epi, but I didn't make it too long. Then when I finally got the epi, I was in too much pain for it to actually work. I felt everything and boy did it hurt! With my second, I was also induced with pitocin but I was smart and didn't even try waiting before getting an epi. That one actually worked. With my third, I had to have a c-section because my ds decided he wanted to be breech. I don't think I'm even brave enough to attempt a no med birth.
More power to the women who want to try or have tried! :-)

minivanmafia · August 2015

@jilmce19 Ugh, I feel ya. I have put my phone down because I am terrified I will run someone over because it only takes a second. I have calmed down my road rage since my oldest has made driving comments to other drivers.. I was like WOAH! He does listen. Crap!

@ohbaby714 Yeah, been there done that.

:-S I told my husband the other day that the youngest had "a few bites of his hot dog, a piece of peach.. ummmmm, a dorito. OH and a piece of cheese. That was enough right?" He is sssooooo picky and I tried SO hard for it to not be that way. Mom fail.

@achae I wouldn't do it right away either. People don't understand that being nice will get you much much further when you need something. I hung up on a patient yesterday for yelling at me. I told the office manager where I work and the doctor that I refused to talk to him. He is a rude, degrading, gruff man anyways but hey, you are not going to yell at me. In that argument, I won.

)

@tigeraj8170 Thank you and can we be friends? Roll Tide!

Edit: tag fail.

BabySeaTurtles · August 2015

TheBeggsBunch said:

BabySeaTurtles said:

I had an epi and I couldn't feel my legs. So you know what I did? I fell asleep. I totally 100% kid you not. I slept from 4cm to 10cm. (It was 4 in the morning by the time I was settled in the room). Best labor ever. I am definitely doing the epi again and don't care if I feel my legs or not.

HOW did you do that!?!? I tried to "rest" during both my labors but couldn't due to my nerves and excitement. I tried, OH I so tried. Today, you are my hero.

Lol! After I was settled and numb and all comfy, the nurse dimmed the lights. And of course H falls right asleep. And that just made me sleepy so off to dreamland I went.
I felt kind of bad later. They put me in the only room that had a tub available so if any lady really wanted that room and came in after me they couldn't have it. And I wasn't even close to needing/using it.

tigeraj8170 · August 2015

@TheBeggsBunch - Of course! Would love to be friends! Roll Tide! :-)

DrillSergeantCat · August 2015

I'll confess that I think it's stupid to pay more than a few hundred dollars for a crib. I don't care how wealthy you are, it's a piece of furniture that you'll only use a couple of years.

cbou · August 2015

@TheBeggsBunch - Thank you. Can we pin this as the new welcome?

minivanmafia · August 2015

cbou said:

@TheBeggsBunch - Thank you. Can we pin this as the new welcome?

Ha, I would love too but unsure if the bump gods would agree.

minivanmafia · August 2015

KittyCatKCCO said:

I'll confess that I think it's stupid to pay more than a few hundred dollars for a crib. I don't care how wealthy you are, it's a piece of furniture that you'll only use a couple of years.

Well that and not knowing if you will actually use it. I know that may sound crazy for some but sometimes you end up bed sharing or maybe you end up using a bassinet or co sleeping bed instead. I agree, I have several different places for the baby to chill (rock n play, crib, pack n play, swing, vibrating seat etc.) because you have no idea where said baby will prefer to be.

kbedfox · August 2015

KittyCatKCCO said:
I'll confess that I think it's stupid to pay more than a few hundred dollars for a crib. I don't care how wealthy you are, it's a piece of furniture that you'll only use a couple of years.

Please be the person to talk some sense into me. DH and I found one we LOVE at Target (not PBK or Restoration Hardware Baby or anything expensive even!) but it's like $380. I'm trying to come up with every reason not to buy it, but I really want it lol. I know cribs exist that are just as reliable for like $100-$150, the baby will probably just chew on this one, I feel kinda guilty spending all that money on a crib just because I like the way it looks, etc..... But I can't bring myself to let it go haha.

minivanmafia · August 2015

natsfans84 said:

I'll confess that I think it's stupid to pay more than a few hundred dollars for a crib. I don't care how wealthy you are, it's a piece of furniture that you'll only use a couple of years.
Please be the person to talk some sense into me. DH and I found one we LOVE at Target (not PBK or Restoration Hardware Baby or anything expensive even!) but it's like $380. I'm trying to come up with every reason not to buy it, but I really want it lol. I know cribs exist that are just as reliable for like $100-$150, the baby will probably just chew on this one, I feel kinda guilty spending all that money on a crib just because I like the way it looks, etc..... But I can't bring myself to let it go haha.

Ill help. My mother bought the crib that my youngest is in now. It will turn into a toddler bed so thats a plus. However, it is a deep wood color and very pretty. My mother paid almost $500 for it. I am not sure why but she did. We went shopping for it, she fell in love with it, I liked it a lot and LOVED the fact I was adding to the nursery so she offered and I took it. (That was her gift to us) but we have moved it around so much there are scratches in the wood and the toddler has chewed on the top rail and I feel so bad that she spent that money and I couldn't get $100 for it right now. However, it will be used for this baby and turned to his/her toddler bed so we are getting our moneys worth but thats an awful lot of money.

Jellybelly119 · August 2015

natsfans84 said:

KittyCatKCCO said:
I'll confess that I think it's stupid to pay more than a few hundred dollars for a crib. I don't care how wealthy you are, it's a piece of furniture that you'll only use a couple of years.
Please be the person to talk some sense into me. DH and I found one we LOVE at Target (not PBK or Restoration Hardware Baby or anything expensive even!) but it's like $380. I'm trying to come up with every reason not to buy it, but I really want it lol. I know cribs exist that are just as reliable for like $100-$150, the baby will probably just chew on this one, I feel kinda guilty spending all that money on a crib just because I like the way it looks, etc..... But I can't bring myself to let it go haha.

If it converts, I say go for it. If not, too much for such a short-lived item!

Achae · August 2015

natsfans84 said:

I'll confess that I think it's stupid to pay more than a few hundred dollars for a crib. I don't care how wealthy you are, it's a piece of furniture that you'll only use a couple of years.
Please be the person to talk some sense into me. DH and I found one we LOVE at Target (not PBK or Restoration Hardware Baby or anything expensive even!) but it's like $380. I'm trying to come up with every reason not to buy it, but I really want it lol. I know cribs exist that are just as reliable for like $100-$150, the baby will probably just chew on this one, I feel kinda guilty spending all that money on a crib just because I like the way it looks, etc..... But I can't bring myself to let it go haha.

To me that seems reasonable, the one we currently have is a convertible and was about $500. My dad bought it for us as a gift, but even so I loved the style, its real wood and sturdy, etc. I'd spend that much and more just on a mattress for myself, so why not for my baby? She'll get to use it for years.

DrillSergeantCat · August 2015

natsfans84 said:

Please be the person to talk some sense into me. DH and I found one we LOVE at Target (not PBK or Restoration Hardware Baby or anything expensive even!) but it's like $380. I'm trying to come up with every reason not to buy it, but I really want it lol. I know cribs exist that are just as reliable for like $100-$150, the baby will probably just chew on this one, I feel kinda guilty spending all that money on a crib just because I like the way it looks, etc..... But I can't bring myself to let it go haha.

If it's convertible, it will last a lot longer than a couple years and then it's more of an investment than just throwing away money. The crib I bought was close to $400 new, but I bought it from a friend for $150. It's convertible and I hope I can still find a conversion kit.

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