I'm not one to rant..but I feel violated right now...

Rawr052992 · August 2015

Id Like to start with I've had friends touch my belly, they almost always ask first. and if they seem to be waiting for a kick & I think its going to take some time, or kicks are happening and theyr just not feeling them, Ill tell them that I think hes sleeping, or that hes just not super active at the time. I think the longest Ive had someones hands on me, other than my BFs, has been a minute at most. & I kinda figured that the only reason they'r wanting to touch my belly is because they KNOW Im pregnant, not that I actually look it when dressed.

I've even had people come up to me while someone was touching my belly and ask if I was pregnant and if they could feel as well, which Ive always apologized and politely told them Im not open to having strangers touch me.

But Not Today....

Now I know Im really starting to show now, & its not just noticeable while naked.....because I had an older lady (mid 40s, maybe even early 50s) in my apartment complex walks up to me as I was unlocking my mailbox...& heres our conversation...which I honestly just wanted to walk away from from the start, but I was trying to be nice, even with it being over 100 degrees outside with barely any breeze...

HER - Oh My Gosh. How Far Along Are You?
ME - I'm Just Over 5 Months.
HER - Boy Or Girl?
ME - Its A Boy.

(I thought that was the end of the conversation, Id answered pretty bluntly in hopes of ending the conversation. I went to turn away, but she started talking again, so I turned back, Stupid me.)

HER - Oh Wow. I Never Got To Have Kids, Must Be Nice. (she decided, without asking or any warning to put one of her hands on my belly, and the other in the curve of my lower back)
ME - What The Fuck Are You Doing? Why Are You Touching Me? (exact words, sorry, not sorry)
HER - I'm Waiting For The Baby To Kick, He Is Kicking By Now, Right?
ME - Take Your Hands Off Of Me, Or I'll Be The One Who Kicks. ( I took a gentle step backwards to try to make my point)
HER - Just One Second. (she moved her hands with me)
ME - You Realize This Is Constituted As Molestation Since Ive Told You Not To Touch Me, Right? I Could Call The Cops Right Now.
HER - Its Not Like Im Wanting To Touch You. I;m Just Waiting On The Baby.
ME - Thats Enough. Hands Off! (I finally had more than I could take, I removed her hands, & as I was removing them, she jerked her hands from me)
HER - Don't Touch Me. You Have No Right.
ME - You're Not Fucking Serious? (once again, exact words, sorry not sorry)
( Before I let myself decide whether or not I wanted to hit her, scream at her, call the cops, or all of the above I walked away, also walked away before she would be able to decide to touch me again)

I Have To Say, Ive Never Felt So Violated. I Understand That People Seem To Think That A Pregnant Belly Is The Most Wonderful Thing In The World...But Ask....Atleast Fucking Ask. Cuz I Honestly, DO NOT Like To Be Touched. Especially Not By Some Random Fucking Lady.

mrussello · August 2015

That is my worst nightmare and she defended herself when you were clearly upset. She is a grade a JERK. I'm sorry that you went through that. I couldn't even imagine.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

I knew at some point someone was going to just reach out and touch my belly, but to the extent she did it, I felt if Id have jerked away, the hand she had behind my back would have held me there anyway, or worse, Id have fell since the mailboxes are right on a curb.

I now feel even in my own apartments, I need to take my dog with me everywhere, even to go to the mailbox (shes a pitbull, and most people wont approach due to her breed, others wont approach because she wont let them she has her own little arms length rule, if you get too close she'll sit down and growl til you step back to where you belong & then shes fine again)

spottedginger · August 2015

Sorry you had to deal with this. She sounds unstable. That type of entitlement to your body would make me furious, too. Her lack of self-awareness and lack of boundaries could present an escalating situation if she sees you again. I would keep an eye out and try to check mail when she is not in sight. I hope you have a much better rest of your day!

Edited because words are hard.

spottedginger · August 2015

@Rawr052992 Perhaps you can also contact management and file a report/ complaint with them? That way if you have any future run ins with her, there is a record of her behavior.

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

OK, I'm going to be honest and tell you that at the beginning of this, I was prepared to roll my eyes. But that's honestly horrible! You need to get one of those shirts that says, "I will let you touch my belly if you let me punch you in the face."

Taylovesbrad · August 2015

I re ally think you should get tshirt made that the pp suggested. I hate being touched too. Xoxo

rmarie13 · August 2015

That's just nuts!! You did everything right and she went way too far. It really sounds like she's unstable. The whole "must be nice" comment and disregard for you (because she was "waiting on the baby") is alarming. I don't think you'd be out of line reporting her to management. I would do it. There are lots of whack jobs out there so be careful!

hardlyhannah · August 2015

I may or may not have purchased a 'Don't touch my muggle' tshirt today for this same reason. I don't even let moms or friends touch the belly. DH hasn't been able to feel kicks yet. Once he does I will invite those I'm comfortable with to feel a kick as well. But that's not a wide circle.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. And then she has the nerve to get mad at you for touching her. Unbelievable.

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

I'm proud of you. I would have most likely flipped my shit, been yelling and most likely hit her in self defense. Or called security, since we have them at my complex

Rawr052992 · August 2015

spottedginger said:

@Rawr052992 Perhaps you can also contact management and file a report/ complaint with them? That way if you have any future run ins with her, there is a record of her behavior.

Thing is I dont even know her name or what building shes in, My Apartments have 26 Buildings, all with 8 units per building, All I know is shes in the later half of the alphabet to be going to those mailboxes (she didnt even open a box while I was there). The best I could do is give them a description of her & hope they could narrow it down, but my apartments dont care about much.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

BostonBaby1 said:

OK, I'm going to be honest and tell you that at the beginning of this, I was prepared to roll my eyes. But that's honestly horrible! You need to get one of those shirts that says, "I will let you touch my belly if you let me punch you in the face."

Only bad thing about having that shirt would be is in the moment Id hit them and say they were warned, & then Id be in trouble too. My cousin is sending me some of her maternity shirts, so hopefully I have no reason to go outside until they arrive.

She has one that her Husband had custom made ( I have to return it afterwards ) but it has a baby with a bow tie and it says "Touch Me & She'll Taze You" & she did taze one person during her pregnancy, at the very end a man in a parkinglot approached her while she was alone and asked questions and touched her stomach. She got off scot free, due to it being used for protection. So I might just need to buy a Stun Gun..

ACarter0914 · August 2015

I would have FREAKED out. Literally. I'm sorry that happened. Some people just don't know boundaries or the whole "personal bubble" thing. (Baby is included in that bubble - inside or outside)

Rawr052992 · August 2015

Taylovesbrad said:

I re ally think you should get tshirt made that the pp suggested. I hate being touched too. Xoxo

I dont like being touched, I never have, All my generation is girls, and we were taught that nobody touches you. If someone touches you, itd better be because you want them to. The men in my family do not go in for the hug, they will ask for one, and we were taught thats how things are suppose to be. So having someone pretty much grab me....I nearly screamed, instead I cussed....maybe next time Ill scream..I posted a response in the belly touching post the other day of a video I found of Steve Harvey(?) & I should have just screamed..

Rawr052992 · August 2015

ChiccoBeanz said:

I'm proud of you. I would have most likely flipped my shit, been yelling and most likely hit her in self defense. Or called security, since we have them at my complex

We only have night-time security here. During the daytime its just the cameras on the gates monitoring whos coming in and whos leaving.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

So I just called the front office, they said Id have to file with the local police department for them to do anything on their end. But I know the cops will want to know actually WHO she is....soo I guess I get to be escorted everywhere from now on..if BF isnt home, then Xena will be my escort....she doesn't like people when shes on-leash. We have a cocker spaniel too, but he tries to greet everyone no matter what, so I dont think he'd be very good security for the bump. lol.

EDIT: The picture was taken in the winter, she likes her scarf when shes cold, just like she likes her blankets. I dont dress up my pittie just for the hell of it. lol.

kvassolo · August 2015

I would have fucking lost it and shoved her away. Even if you're someone who is comfortable with people touching your belly, when someone says not to touch them that person better listen or they will get a huge slap to the face! I'm sorry that happened to you...I can't even imagine being in that situation!

ssn109 · August 2015

You have a lot of self control. And she is clearly missing a lot of brain cells.

However, when she got mad that you touched her, I would have specifically and bluntly told her that she had no right to complain since she just violated you in the exact same way. I then also would have told her I was taking a picture of her with my phone, and if she ever came near me again I would be providing that pic to the police and filing charges.

celainev · August 2015

Rawr052992 said:
So I just called the front office, they said Id have to file with the local police department for them to do anything on their end. But I know the cops will want to know actually WHO she is....soo I guess I get to be escorted everywhere from now on..if BF isnt home, then Xena will be my escort....she doesn't like people when shes on-leash. We have a cocker spaniel too, but he tries to greet everyone no matter what, so I dont think he'd be very good security for the bump. lol.

EDIT: The picture was taken in the winter, she likes her scarf when shes cold, just like she likes her blankets. I dont dress up my pittie just for the hell of it. lol.

I would file a police report... You don't need a name to do that. Give them a description.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

ssn109 said:

You have a lot of self control. And she is clearly missing a lot of brain cells. However, when she got mad that you touched her, I would have specifically and bluntly told her that she had no right to complain since she just violated you in the exact same way. I then also would have told her I was taking a picture of her with my phone, and if she ever came near me again I would be providing that pic to the police and filing charges.

I wasnt even thinking in that moment about taking a picture of her or anything like that. I wish I would have now tho, since my apartment is unwilling to do anything. Plus I just wanted away from her before I blew up and got myself extremely stressed out. When I get stressed I have a tendency to get anxiety attacks and start getting shaky and it takes forever for me to calm down all the way. During first trimester I dropped a vase my grandmother gave me, and it shattered. Took me almost 2 hours to calm all the way down since I couldnt fix it. BF had to force me from the livingroom cuz I was trying to get all the pieces. My hormonal emotions still havent fully settled & I dont wanna know what that level of stress could do little man.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

chaelainev said:

So I just called the front office, they said Id have to file with the local police department for them to do anything on their end. But I know the cops will want to know actually WHO she is....soo I guess I get to be escorted everywhere from now on..if BF isnt home, then Xena will be my escort....she doesn't like people when shes on-leash. We have a cocker spaniel too, but he tries to greet everyone no matter what, so I dont think he'd be very good security for the bump. lol.

EDIT: The picture was taken in the winter, she likes her scarf when shes cold, just like she likes her blankets. I dont dress up my pittie just for the hell of it. lol.
I would file a police report... You don't need a name to do that. Give them a description.

BF says hes going to talk to the apartment when he gets home and see what they tell him. He told me to just leave it alone for the time being and he'll handle it. So maybe he has an idea of finding a way they'll atleast make note of it..? He has a way with words, so he usually does better with the office than I do.

BrookeBrown2015 · August 2015

Yeah, I would DEFINITELY file a police report. I am not trying to freak you out more than you already are, but she could be one of those crazy ladies who would try to steal a baby out of a woman's belly. She sounds like she could be that crazy.

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

Honestly, I think using a taser on somebody may be going a bit too far.

Taylovesbrad · August 2015

I totally get where your coming from. I actually had a home invasion 3 years ago. Nothing happened to me but I woke up to some guy in my room. It makes me more protective of my space. People should be.more careful because grabbing someone or touching someone could be really traumatic for that person. Maybe get pepper spray or a whistle. Dogs are great, I have two

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

Taylovesbrad said:
I totally get where your coming from. I actually had a home invasion 3 years ago. Nothing happened to me but I woke up to some guy in my room. It makes me more protective of my space. People should be.more careful because grabbing someone or touching someone could be really traumatic for that person. Maybe get pepper spray or a whistle. Dogs are great, I have two

I completely understand where you're coming from. I have PTSD myself so I understand not wanting to be touched. I just think that using a taser on somebody is pretty intense. I personally would try screaming first. That usually throws people off.

*ETA- unless if they're in your home, then feel free to shoot them or whatever.

LauraSmarterSpam · August 2015

BostonBaby1 said:

Taylovesbrad said:
I totally get where your coming from. I actually had a home invasion 3 years ago. Nothing happened to me but I woke up to some guy in my room. It makes me more protective of my space. People should be.more careful because grabbing someone or touching someone could be really traumatic for that person. Maybe get pepper spray or a whistle. Dogs are great, I have two
I completely understand where you're coming from. I have PTSD myself so I understand not wanting to be touched. I just think that using a taser on somebody is pretty intense. I personally would try screaming first. That usually throws people off.

*ETA- unless if they're in your home, then feel free to shoot them or whatever.

Seriously...WTF

We have our biometric gun safe on our nightstand. Anyone comes into my house, our cameras will let me know. They will be face to face with my glock, and won't know what him them over and over again.

fmraglio · August 2015

Taylovesbrad said:

I totally get where your coming from. I actually had a home invasion 3 years ago. Nothing happened to me but I woke up to some guy in my room. It makes me more protective of my space. People should be.more careful because grabbing someone or touching someone could be really traumatic for that person. Maybe get pepper spray or a whistle. Dogs are great, I have two

Holy crap that is really scary, and actually one of my biggest fears.

OP, that is seriously so awful! I would feel violated too. And completely pissed off when she said you had no right to touch HER. That made me mad just reading it in your post.

LMJL · August 2015

Ugh! This gave me the heebie jeebies! And I'm not really that opposed to belly touching (if people ask & I ok it 1st) I feel like I would have instinctively kneed her in the stomach, or slapped her hand really hard. I have a strong gut reaction to things like that, (although it used to be unwanted touching from guys!) Poor thing! I hope your man can get some kind of incident report & you never have to see her again. It's not right that you can't feel safe picking up your mail! I'd definitely bring your pup with you if you can. While it can be sad that people are afraid of pits & other big dogs, they do make you feel safe! I remember how I felt walking my big rottie mix girl around jersey city at night. She was a total mush, but no one knew that & would cross to the other side of the street when we were coming! Now I have a cute little beagle mix who looks like a puppy. He wouldn't deter most people, but he'd probably go berserk if someone was touching me & I wasn't happy about it!

rachel10488 · August 2015

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I actually don't mind being touched so much but this sounds terrifying and honestly she sounds like she's not mentally right which is concerning since you live so close to her. I wanted to say tho that my husband is a property manager at an apartment complex and there is unfortunately nothing that they can do other than provide the police with information on this woman if you file a report. Which honestly, I would do if I were you. I would file a report for assault and they will probably take a description and then *hopefully* go down to the management office and be able to get in contact with her based on your description. But legally the management can't provide you with any of that information, only the police. My husband deals with police ALL the time. I used to work at a condo association at the front desk and I actually did once as well. I had a detective come in looking for a felon and was able to look up his name and unit number then they set up a sting to get this guy and it was pretty intense. But that information only could have been provided to the police.

ketobaby · August 2015

Well that creeped me out. Sorry you had to deal with that craziness

RSB1982 · August 2015

I agree with others about filing a police report. This lady definitely sounds 'off'. I would want a record of the event. Who knows what this crazy lady might say or do? I would be afraid she would file a report against you since she said 'don't touch me, you have no right'.

Not that I think you should do this or anything, but with an event like this you might even be able to talk to property management about letting you out of your lease. You may be more comfortable living somewhere else. I know moving sucks and depending on your situation might be impossible, but I just wanted to throw that out there.

skcaulder · August 2015

That is something that makes my skin crawl. I haven't had anyone besides family touch without asking. It's uncomfortable to me as well because I'm not quite showing yet at 20 weeks. But I read something the other day that I thought was hilarious. It said if someone touches your belly without permission, you hold (the thing said boob but that will probably cause more issues) your hand on them and make intense awkward eye contact. If they can make you feel uncomfortable, it's only fair to make them feel the same way. Hopefully she will not bother you anymore. I can't believe she told you that you had no right to touch her when she was all up in your personal space. People shock me daily.

momotheflyinglemur · August 2015

This is just awful. It makes me glad that I pretty much don't go out of my apartment with out my dog with me. He is a bull terrier that wants to greet everyone, but his muscle to size ratio leads most people to give him plenty of space.

This lady is a pyscho. I would keep your eye open around the complex to see if you can find out which apartment she lives in because that would be enough to file a report. It is assault because you told her to stop touching you and she refused.

rain0831boww · August 2015

That's not okay and I agree you should get in contact with management. It would have been one thing if she immediately backed away but she didn't. Not saying she is but just be cautious around her especially once you have the baby. It's crazy what strangers are capable of. I know this sounds dramatic but she can be a complete nutcase or just annoying. You just never know.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

rachel10488 said:

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I actually don't mind being touched so much but this sounds terrifying and honestly she sounds like she's not mentally right which is concerning since you live so close to her. I wanted to say tho that my husband is a property manager at an apartment complex and there is unfortunately nothing that they can do other than provide the police with information on this woman if you file a report. Which honestly, I would do if I were you. I would file a report for assault and they will probably take a description and then *hopefully* go down to the management office and be able to get in contact with her based on your description. But legally the management can't provide you with any of that information, only the police. My husband deals with police ALL the time. I used to work at a condo association at the front desk and I actually did once as well. I had a detective come in looking for a felon and was able to look up his name and unit number then they set up a sting to get this guy and it was pretty intense. But that information only could have been provided to the police.

The Lady actually went up to the office yesterday afternoon trying to complain that me and my dogs were being disruptive, we found out about it when my BF went to talk to the office. She apparently knows my apartment number, and they figured it was her since she has no animals in her apartment and is 3 buildings away. They decided to make note of it, without having to get the police involved. They told us they just told her they would handle it, and they let us know that she's been out of hand before. So maybe something will actually get done? Not sure what all they are legally allowed to do, but atleast now they know who it is.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

Taylovesbrad said:

I totally get where your coming from. I actually had a home invasion 3 years ago. Nothing happened to me but I woke up to some guy in my room. It makes me more protective of my space. People should be.more careful because grabbing someone or touching someone could be really traumatic for that person. Maybe get pepper spray or a whistle. Dogs are great, I have two

I own a gun for if anything like that were to happen. I think my dogs ward off most people from messing with my apartment though, due to their breed, which sucks at the same time, but my neighbor, apartment right next door was broken into last year shortly after I moved in, so Ive kept it handy, just in case. BF has agreed to allow me to get a stun gun, he knows I have the patience to not just taze anyone. So if anything like this happens again, God forbid, Ill give a solid warning to not touch me. if that doesnt work, Ill bring it out, give the warning again. & if it comes to it, Ill taze them and walk away. Its the same 3 step rule I was taught for handling a gun in self deffense. So if it works for guns, I would think a stun gun would be okay to follow the same rules, since a stun gun is anyone within arms reach.

Note for those who dont know the difference between a Tazer & Stun Gun. A Tazer shoots prongs, & you have to be certified to use it, just like a gun. A Tazer is what the police carry. A Stun Gun, is a handheld, that you have to make physical contact with & hold a button down on, & it discharges voltage. ANYONE can carry a stun gun.

hummingbird35 · August 2015

Hmm. I would be afraid to carry a stun gun. The potential for an accident (or someone wrestling it from you and using it on you instead) would scare me.. What happens when a pregnant woman gets a shock like that? Wouldn't pepper spray be equally effective and cheaper?

redfallon · August 2015

Rawr052992 said:

rachel10488 said:

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I actually don't mind being touched so much but this sounds terrifying and honestly she sounds like she's not mentally right which is concerning since you live so close to her. I wanted to say tho that my husband is a property manager at an apartment complex and there is unfortunately nothing that they can do other than provide the police with information on this woman if you file a report. Which honestly, I would do if I were you. I would file a report for assault and they will probably take a description and then *hopefully* go down to the management office and be able to get in contact with her based on your description. But legally the management can't provide you with any of that information, only the police. My husband deals with police ALL the time. I used to work at a condo association at the front desk and I actually did once as well. I had a detective come in looking for a felon and was able to look up his name and unit number then they set up a sting to get this guy and it was pretty intense. But that information only could have been provided to the police.

The Lady actually went up to the office yesterday afternoon trying to complain that me and my dogs were being disruptive, we found out about it when my BF went to talk to the office. She apparently knows my apartment number, and they figured it was her since she has no animals in her apartment and is 3 buildings away. They decided to make note of it, without having to get the police involved. They told us they just told her they would handle it, and they let us know that she's been out of hand before. So maybe something will actually get done? Not sure what all they are legally allowed to do, but atleast now they know who it is.

Wow. Seems like they would need to get someone involved if she's been out of hand before. I wonder why they don't want to get police involved.

spottedginger · August 2015

Wow. Seems like they would need to get someone involved if she's been out of hand before. I wonder why they don't want to get police involved.

Quote fail

Maybe because if a police report is filed at the address, it becomes a statistic that potential future residents can see on the public record. I would like to believe that they would care more for the safely of their current residents than potential stats and future sales, but I am also cynical.

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

Rawr052992 said:

Taylovesbrad said:

I totally get where your coming from. I actually had a home invasion 3 years ago. Nothing happened to me but I woke up to some guy in my room. It makes me more protective of my space. People should be.more careful because grabbing someone or touching someone could be really traumatic for that person. Maybe get pepper spray or a whistle. Dogs are great, I have two

I own a gun for if anything like that were to happen. I think my dogs ward off most people from messing with my apartment though, due to their breed, which sucks at the same time, but my neighbor, apartment right next door was broken into last year shortly after I moved in, so Ive kept it handy, just in case. BF has agreed to allow me to get a stun gun, he knows I have the patience to not just taze anyone. So if anything like this happens again, God forbid, Ill give a solid warning to not touch me. if that doesnt work, Ill bring it out, give the warning again. & if it comes to it, Ill taze them and walk away. Its the same 3 step rule I was taught for handling a gun in self deffense. So if it works for guns, I would think a stun gun would be okay to follow the same rules, since a stun gun is anyone within arms reach.

Note for those who dont know the difference between a Tazer & Stun Gun. A Tazer shoots prongs, & you have to be certified to use it, just like a gun. A Tazer is what the police carry. A Stun Gun, is a handheld, that you have to make physical contact with & hold a button down on, & it discharges voltage. ANYONE can carry a stun gun.

Not here. Not in Massachusetts you cannot.

spottedginger · August 2015

I won't re-quote all that, but @BostonBaby1 is correct: personal weapons laws vary greatly from state to state.

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