After reading this thread I'm kinda glad I live in the middle of nowhere with no family close by. I was a little upset about our location and being so far from family. we live on 103 acres in Wisconsin. And most family is on east coast. I guess this can be a plus. Lol. I haven't thought too much about germs until now.. So much to think about before giving birth!!
Have only had preemies that have needed long nicu stays. If this baby is "normal"; to term, no nicu, I will probably still keep it in a glass box and not let anyone touch it.
I understand just how you feel and think it is completely normal.
I don't mind the thought of my closest friends and family holding the baby for a little while but I'm all about bonding time during the first few days and I don't want tons of visitors at our house the first few weeks - so I guess that limits it. While DH is off I just want to focus on new baby and getting DD acclimated. I think constant visitors and a new sister would be a lot for her to handle and I want to enjoy that family find just the 4 of us. I'm not sure how strict I'll be but I'll prob try to avoid my phone and ignore most the "can we come see baby" requests for awhile. I'm learning how to be selfish!
There are only a couple people I'll be willing to let hold my newborn. My hubby is even more unsure about anybody holding the baby than I am. We have very opinionated families who think it's gonna be a free-for-all despite my constant protests. They keep telling me I'll change my mind or I'll be too tired/drugged from csection to care which makes me want to say no even more. I tell them I most certainly will care and if they keep it up they wont be invited to see the baby at all. It's my mom and dad and my hubby's mom and dad (not his dads gf) nobody else. Anybody who makes an issue of it can leave and come back when they understand he's my baby and they dont get a say.
I feel the same way about SO's family, I don't want anyone of them near the baby really. They all smoke and drink, and I'm not comfortable with it. I actually got in a screaming match with his mom that she is not going to be in the delivery room. My SO understands but doesn't understand that my family is completely different than his family. I'd have no problem giving my mom the baby for a few hours while I sleep, but my mom was a nanny my whole growing go and now works for a daycare. She has a degree in early childhood education and knows what to do and not to do with a baby. She also asks how her grandbaby is doing not like his sister (who I use to be extremely close with) who refers to the baby as "our baby" no sweetie it's MY BABY or mine and your brothers baby you have nothing to do with it. She's gearing her kids up that they think of it as another sibling(she has 6 of her own) sorry but no, your 5 year old who is in kindergarten germ city and 18 month old will have very limited contact with my child, my niece and nephew again like the rest of the family are completely different my sister had a NICU baby so yeah she KNOWs what it's like. SO is bound to get upset when we go up to NY for the welcome baby party because I'll let my friends who I've known for years who won't see the baby again for months if not a year hold our daughter, but his family will see her all the time, case and point my pregnant self is sleeping on MIL's soda because we slept over last night and I couldn't get comfortable in the bed, and he doesn't get why I was telling him I'm waking him up early and we going home so I can go back to bed in my own bed, I just know with everything going on in MIL's life she needed a girls night with her favorite daughter. Kind of bad that I'm the favorite daughter when her daughter exists
I'm feeling the same way. This will be our first and I cannot STAND my mother in law so I really don't want her touching my child. My husband doesn't get it. She smokes like a chimney. She smoked constantly around me when we visited her and she didn't care cause "she smoked through her whole pregnancy". Well she had my husband 2 months early. Soooo.... He's allowing her to think she is coming to visit with her yucky boy toy when the baby is born. Uhm no. My mother will be here for me. She doesn't need to be here. I am going to be so stressed out if she comes. I want privacy. I will be breast feeding and I don't need a crowd of people just hanging out.
This is me & my bf's first child. Thankfully, everyone around me has already had babies (all boys, and Im adding another boy to the mix). With everyone already having babies, Ive gotten to see the things everyone has done differently. One of my cousins had the first boy, and she didnt want ANYONE to hold him, nor did she want to put him down. She wanted him to be mama's boy and wanted there to be a strong connection. The first month, nobody except her and her husband held the baby, except the few people they allowed to visit in the hospital & that was literally just for pictures. Even for the few people that came and took pictures with her new baby boy, she set ground rules.
1. if you smell of smoke, alcohol, strong perfume, or sweat, you wont be holding the baby.
2. if you bring young children & they make alot of noise or are being disruptive, you wont be holding the baby, and you will be asked to leave.
3. if you show up unannounced, you wont be holding the baby.
I really liked her rules for in the hospital, & those rules followed on to her next little boy too. except she decided that if people abide by those rules when it was time to visit at home, she didnt mind others holding the baby. She always had hand sanitizer on hand and requested everyone use it before touching or holding her boys, nobody ever refused it.
I think thats the route we'll be going, as I love having family and friends around, & they are already very good at asking first. Ive actually got my Grandmother flying in a few weeks after baby is born to spend time with me and baby. & then a few weeks later my BF's dad & his wife will be visiting as well. I know my Grandmother will be holding baby ALOT, but its not something that bothers me. & since my BF is excited for his dad coming, Im more than okay with them holding the baby to their hearts content too. I plan to be breastfeeding and pumping, so if someone is holding baby boy and he cries due to being hungry, I dont mind allowing them to bottle feed him if they want (I know my Grandmother will offer to so that Im able to rest a little, I dont know if his parents would or not, but either way is fine to me).
My look on it is babies are only babies for a little while, so with having family thats wanting to be involved & willing to throw about around a grand into plane tickets to come see the baby. I dont mind sharing the baby with them for a few short days.
When it comes to local family and friends (we play softball every week), theyd still have to sanitize, but I wouldnt allow them to hold and handle baby too much, probably just a few minutes and then get him settled back down, they live in the area, so I dont see a need to allow them to hold baby nonstop.
Question for STM+, those of you that didn't really let others hold your baby, did you find that it was harder for your child to acclimate to others once you did start wanting/letting others to hold?
A friend of mine didn't let anyone else hold her baby, and now at 10mo she starts hysterically crying whenever not with mom (even the dad, gparents and siblings (let alone moms best friends) have a hard time/can't holding baby bc she starts crying). Perhaps in this situation its both nature of child and nurture but was wondering if anyone else found this happened?
I understand being mindful of not letting just anyone hold baby, but I definitely want my baby to feel ok about not being held by just me. I'd like my parents, SO parents and siblings and my close friends to be able to hold, connect and establish relationships with baby.
Just looking for what others may have experienced with this, thank you!
@Jmdavin I have a cousin who rarely let other hold her baby. When it came time for people to babysit when she wanted a night out the baby would cry uncontrollably for hours once mom went away.
I will let all visitors hold the baby. I will not be asking people to get a flu shot to hold the baby. I will ask people to wash hands but that is it. I have had two winter babies with no troubles. All three of my kids are healthy and have never had any major issues. I truly believe that those of you that don't "expose" baby to NORMAL circumstances from a young age are only asking for chronic health issues later on. I have a couple of friends who isolated their babies and are germ people and their kids are sick all of the time. Ear infections, tonisilitis, allergies and hospital stays and all common things for them. People also overuse antibacterial lotion and sanitizer too. Those kinds of things can also kill good bacteria in our bodies that help us fight off normal infection and germs. Hand washing with regular soap and water should do the trick.
I can totally understand the whole smoking thing though. If someone was a chronic smoker, I would hesitate to let that someone hold my child. Especially if that person had no regard to me when pregnant, then they will have no regard to a newborn either.
I think it is a common feeling in FTM's but I personally couldn't wait to show off and pass around my child once they were born. I agree with the statement about it taking a village to raise a child.
@Jmdavin, my twins are now eight months old and they almost never care for anyone else to hold them. I have one who will go to anyone to wants to hold her and she smiles and laughs and doesn't have a care in the world. The other does normally want to sit in my lap and stare at new people first, and sometimes she has to see Hadley be held/played with by said new person and then she will be totally fine. But honestly, I don't want them to want other people. I'm still an emotional damaged mess because of all of the bonding time I missed out on during the first two weeks of their life due to their NICU stay and my recovery from severe pre-eclampsia.
@BriannaCaitlin thanks for sharing. My friends baby also spent about 5 days in NICU with an infection so it makes sense that mom would feel even more protective then if she hadn't been in NICU?
So Sorry to hear you are still recovering from your experience! I can imagine how scary that must have been. Hope you find healing soon.
@SunnyD2015@ketobaby thanks for sharing! I agree it takes a village to raise a child and think there is so much benefit for a child to have deep bonds and look up to adults other than just parents. By default of being mom I know my bond with baby will be unlike anyone else's. In the situation with my friend, I selfishly feel a little sad that I don't really have a connection to the child because she literally does not interact with anyone other than mom. Obviously it is not my place to say anything to her, as I know she will find her way and figure out what's best for her and baby. I just know I want my best friends and close family to be able to interact and establish relationships with my baby. Not only that, I can't even imagine how exhausting to be the only one to be able to put baby down to sleep, comfort, play with, feed, etc! Hopefully DH at least will be able to do all of these things too!
Question for STM+, those of you that didn't really let others hold your baby, did you find that it was harder for your child to acclimate to others once you did start wanting/letting others to hold?
A friend of mine didn't let anyone else hold her baby, and now at 10mo she starts hysterically crying whenever not with mom (even the dad, gparents and siblings (let alone moms best friends) have a hard time/can't holding baby bc she starts crying). Perhaps in this situation its both nature of child and nurture but was wondering if anyone else found this happened?
I understand being mindful of not letting just anyone hold baby, but I definitely want my baby to feel ok about not being held by just me. I'd like my parents, SO parents and siblings and my close friends to be able to hold, connect and establish relationships with baby.
Just looking for what others may have experienced with this, thank you!
Not really. No one but DH or me held her for at least the first two weeks of her life because we were the only ones home. The nurses held her in the hospital, but that's it. She had no issues being passed around at Thanksgiving or Christmas. There were people she did not like holding her, but there were people that she was fine with holding her. It had nothing to do with no one holding her in the hospital or for her first couple of weeks.
ETA: She was born near the beginning of September 2013.
@redfallon thanks for sharing, good to hear your experience. We prob won't have too many people holding baby in first few weeks too, but i imagine after that I'll have family and close friends hold. With my friend it's been 10mo and no one really other than her and sometimes her DH hold the baby.
@redfallon thanks for sharing, good to hear your experience. We prob won't have too many people holding baby in first few weeks too, but i imagine after that I'll have family and close friends hold. With my friend it's been 10mo and no one really other than her and sometimes her DH hold the baby.
She went through a phase when she was a couple months old that she didn't want anyone holding her other than me - DH couldn't hold her, either, or she went BSC. That was trying.
Re: I don't want anyone to hold my newborn. Normal?
A friend of mine didn't let anyone else hold her baby, and now at 10mo she starts hysterically crying whenever not with mom (even the dad, gparents and siblings (let alone moms best friends) have a hard time/can't holding baby bc she starts crying). Perhaps in this situation its both nature of child and nurture but was wondering if anyone else found this happened?
I understand being mindful of not letting just anyone hold baby, but I definitely want my baby to feel ok about not being held by just me. I'd like my parents, SO parents and siblings and my close friends to be able to hold, connect and establish relationships with baby.
Just looking for what others may have experienced with this, thank you!
I can totally understand the whole smoking thing though. If someone was a chronic smoker, I would hesitate to let that someone hold my child. Especially if that person had no regard to me when pregnant, then they will have no regard to a newborn either.
I think it is a common feeling in FTM's but I personally couldn't wait to show off and pass around my child once they were born. I agree with the statement about it taking a village to raise a child.
So Sorry to hear you are still recovering from your experience! I can imagine how scary that must have been. Hope you find healing soon.
@SunnyD2015 @ketobaby thanks for sharing! I agree it takes a village to raise a child and think there is so much benefit for a child to have deep bonds and look up to adults other than just parents. By default of being mom I know my bond with baby will be unlike anyone else's. In the situation with my friend, I selfishly feel a little sad that I don't really have a connection to the child because she literally does not interact with anyone other than mom. Obviously it is not my place to say anything to her, as I know she will find her way and figure out what's best for her and baby. I just know I want my best friends and close family to be able to interact and establish relationships with my baby. Not only that, I can't even imagine how exhausting to be the only one to be able to put baby down to sleep, comfort, play with, feed, etc! Hopefully DH at least will be able to do all of these things too!
ETA: She was born near the beginning of September 2013.
Jamie
Jamie