Coping with others caring for baby

Re: Coping with others caring for baby

• morgansWed105148 member

  August 2015

  Or come get you out of the shower lol, tell him how you feel and next time remind him not to feed the baby to come get you if he can't soothe him.

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• babinante member

  August 2015

  I struggle with watching others try to comfort my baby when I know exactly what she needs. I even tell them she needs "this" and they don't listen thinking they know better or something...drives me nuts and breaks my heart that she is crying longer than she needs to.

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• blitzy23 member

  August 2015

  Yes. I guess I was trying not to be controlling about the situation, but next time, I'll be very clear..

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• kgabhart member

  August 2015

  I feel the same way about others caring for my LO too. I think my ocd mommy instincts are too strong sometimes. I feel bad that I tend to second guess DH sometimes and I hover really bad. I just can't turn it off!
  
  And then there are the mistakes people make too. For example DH's aunt decided DD needed some water while babysitting. I never wanted to let her babysit again! But I gave in with stern instructions to only give her formula.
  
  And then my mom mixed her formula wrong last week while babysitting. DD recently went from drinking 4 ounces per feed to 5 ounces per feed. I told mom her formula dispenser had 5 ounces of formula now and she acknowledged. Then I call from work to check on them as they're feeding and she told me 4 ounces wasn't enough in the first bottle and that DD had been still hungry after eating. Since they had just started the second feed of the day, I told her to just add another ounce of water to her bottle and prayed the first bottle like that hasn't caused harm. DD is fine, but I was pretty mad.
  
  I want to trust her with others and I want to feel okay about going to work or an occasional night out with DH (our anniversary is this week), but it's kind of hard to do!

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• morgansWed105148 member

  August 2015

  kgabhart said:

  I feel the same way about others caring for my LO too. I think my ocd mommy instincts are too strong sometimes. I feel bad that I tend to second guess DH sometimes and I hover really bad. I just can't turn it off!
  
  And then there are the mistakes people make too. For example DH's aunt decided DD needed some water while babysitting. I never wanted to let her babysit again! But I gave in with stern instructions to only give her formula.
  
  And then my mom mixed her formula wrong last week while babysitting. DD recently went from drinking 4 ounces per feed to 5 ounces per feed. I told mom her formula dispenser had 5 ounces of formula now and she acknowledged. Then I call from work to check on them as they're feeding and she told me 4 ounces wasn't enough in the first bottle and that DD had been still hungry after eating. Since they had just started the second feed of the day, I told her to just add another ounce of water to her bottle and prayed the first bottle like that hasn't caused harm. DD is fine, but I was pretty mad.
  
  I want to trust her with others and I want to feel okay about going to work or an occasional night out with DH (our anniversary is this week), but it's kind of hard to do!

  Can you pre make formula bottles? I breastfeed and I pre make my bottles for my mom. I put the entire bottle nipple and all together and only give enough for those hours I'm gone... I know how my mom is and if I left more she would of over fed him.
  

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• kgabhart member

  August 2015

  I could, but I felt like I left simple enough instructions! Next time we'll either pre-make them or I'll put a sticker on the dispenser with a reminder on it. We have definitely learned from that mistake!

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• prplz member

  August 2015

  babinante said:

  I struggle with watching others try to comfort my baby when I know exactly what she needs. I even tell them she needs "this" and they don't listen thinking they know better or something...drives me nuts and breaks my heart that she is crying longer than she needs to.

  This!! I hate it when i tell them to carry her a certain way because she likes it so she will stop crying and they say "ohh I had 5 kids you think you can teach me something about holding a baby". This happened her first month with people visiting and now I get anxiety whenever anyone wants to hold her to the point where im just try to avoid them holding her. My MIL says i am very distrustful with anyone (including her) caring for DD, its true, that she has now decided to visit us when im at work.

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• justkeeptrying member

  August 2015

  babinante said:

  I struggle with watching others try to comfort my baby when I know exactly what she needs. I even tell them she needs "this" and they don't listen thinking they know better or something...drives me nuts and breaks my heart that she is crying longer than she needs to.

  This. Exactly.
  
  I feel like I'm fighting with people about it. DS will be crying and I'll tell them he's tired. They respond with that he wants to play, look how awake he is, or that he just slept. I know how much he napped during the day, and I know when it isn't enough. I actually had to leave the room the other day because my grandma was arguing so much with me about it. I said fine, handed her the baby and went outside for a walk. DH was still there. When I came back, DS is screaming and my grandma just looks at me and says I don't know why he's so upset. I practically screamed HE'S TIRED. Why does no one listen to me?!
  
  I also want to be able to let stuff go and allows others the chance to soothe him in their own way. But I am being very picky (at least for this first while when he's so young) about who is babysitting. My in-laws are at the bottom of the list.

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• saloved member

  August 2015

  i feel extremely blessed after reading this. I am a single mom to twins and it just isn't possible to do everything myself. I have an amazing sister who helps me out and watches them during the day when I am working. I trust her more than I trust myself sometimes. Having said that I don't really trust others with them. I get nervous and anxious when I have other people just wanting to hold them. But I do feel blessed that the person I leave them with I can trust whole heartedly!

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• ashleyandely member

  August 2015

  I can totally relate to how you feel. It's exhausting. But I would never dump any of my breast milk! (Well I guess I can't say never.. But definitely not that soon after pumping)
  
  https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/milkstorage/reusing-expressedmilk/
  
  I don't know your situation and I'm not trying to change how you parent but that article has some good info.
  
  Good luck!

  DD: Ophelia 5/18/15

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• moreno3 member

  August 2015

  I can totally relate! My OCD is crazy strong when it comes to my LO. I have to constantly remind myself to breathe and my DH be when he has him, but it is HARD! I've made the mistake of just letting DH do what he's going to do, but then it just causes a fight.

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• danibonello member

  August 2015

  I won't even get started on MIL. I do feel the need to hover with DH sometimes. The main issue is that he wants to spend time with her when he gets home from work, but he also wants to relax/watch tv/be on his phone. I get that.. but sometimes I just want to scream at him to pay more attention to her. She's old enough now that she needs more interaction, so just being held and bounced by him while watching tv doesn't cut it like it used to. I find myself telling him "She's trying to make eye contact with you, you know!". Last night I basically told him that I've stopped having the tv on during the day and that very soon we will also have to turn it off in the evenings until she's in bed. Sometimes when he feeds her a bottle, he gets so distracted that he apparently doesn't hear when she starts sucking air. I, of course, hear instantly even from the other room and yell at him. I've given up trying not to nag, lol.
  
  He's really a great dad... unfortunately he needs to figure out that he can't relax at night like he used to.

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• justkeeptrying member

  August 2015

  danibonello said:

  I won't even get started on MIL. I do feel the need to hover with DH sometimes. The main issue is that he wants to spend time with her when he gets home from work, but he also wants to relax/watch tv/be on his phone. I get that.. but sometimes I just want to scream at him to pay more attention to her. She's old enough now that she needs more interaction, so just being held and bounced by him while watching tv doesn't cut it like it used to. I find myself telling him "She's trying to make eye contact with you, you know!". Last night I basically told him that I've stopped having the tv on during the day and that very soon we will also have to turn it off in the evenings until she's in bed. Sometimes when he feeds her a bottle, he gets so distracted that he apparently doesn't hear when she starts sucking air. I, of course, hear instantly even from the other room and yell at him. I've given up trying not to nag, lol.
  
  He's really a great dad... unfortunately he needs to figure out that he can't relax at night like he used to.

  This is EXACTLY my DH. I love him so much and I know that he loves our son like crazy. But he very much misses his alone/relaxing/being lazy time. He has no problem sitting on the couch watching hours of TV with LO. The only time I have the TV on during the day is when DS is sleeping. I don't know how to explain to DH that he only has a couple of hours a day with DS between work and bedtime. He needs to spend it interacting as much as possible so that DS knows him.

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• aacorb31 member

  August 2015 edited August 2015

  chambersbaby2015 said:

  danibonello said:

  I won't even get started on MIL. I do feel the need to hover with DH sometimes. The main issue is that he wants to spend time with her when he gets home from work, but he also wants to relax/watch tv/be on his phone. I get that.. but sometimes I just want to scream at him to pay more attention to her. She's old enough now that she needs more interaction, so just being held and bounced by him while watching tv doesn't cut it like it used to. I find myself telling him "She's trying to make eye contact with you, you know!". Last night I basically told him that I've stopped having the tv on during the day and that very soon we will also have to turn it off in the evenings until she's in bed. Sometimes when he feeds her a bottle, he gets so distracted that he apparently doesn't hear when she starts sucking air. I, of course, hear instantly even from the other room and yell at him. I've given up trying not to nag, lol.
  
  He's really a great dad... unfortunately he needs to figure out that he can't relax at night like he used to.

  This is EXACTLY my DH. I love him so much and I know that he loves our son like crazy. But he very much misses his alone/relaxing/being lazy time. He has no problem sitting on the couch watching hours of TV with LO. The only time I have the TV on during the day is when DS is sleeping. I don't know how to explain to DH that he only has a couple of hours a day with DS between work and bedtime. He needs to spend it interacting as much as possible so that DS knows him.

  Ditto. Especially the part about baby trying to make eye contact!! Totally kills me. I fully understand wanting to come home and have some down time.. It's so hard for me find the fine line between being a nag and being understanding. Weekends are better with lots more focused family time so I try to tell myself that it will all balance out and LO isn't ruined by sitting in front of the TV with daddy, haha. Also, I'm hoping it will get better in a few weeks when I am back to work and the evening routine will be more of a partnership.

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• danibonello member

  August 2015

  FutureMrsSteelers said:

  chambersbaby2015 said:

  danibonello said:

  I won't even get started on MIL. I do feel the need to hover with DH sometimes. The main issue is that he wants to spend time with her when he gets home from work, but he also wants to relax/watch tv/be on his phone. I get that.. but sometimes I just want to scream at him to pay more attention to her. She's old enough now that she needs more interaction, so just being held and bounced by him while watching tv doesn't cut it like it used to. I find myself telling him "She's trying to make eye contact with you, you know!". Last night I basically told him that I've stopped having the tv on during the day and that very soon we will also have to turn it off in the evenings until she's in bed. Sometimes when he feeds her a bottle, he gets so distracted that he apparently doesn't hear when she starts sucking air. I, of course, hear instantly even from the other room and yell at him. I've given up trying not to nag, lol.
  
  He's really a great dad... unfortunately he needs to figure out that he can't relax at night like he used to.

  This is EXACTLY my DH. I love him so much and I know that he loves our son like crazy. But he very much misses his alone/relaxing/being lazy time. He has no problem sitting on the couch watching hours of TV with LO. The only time I have the TV on during the day is when DS is sleeping. I don't know how to explain to DH that he only has a couple of hours a day with DS between work and bedtime. He needs to spend it interacting as much as possible so that DS knows him.

  Ditto. Especially the part about baby trying to make eye contact!! Totally kills me. I fully understand wanting to come home and have some down time.. It's so hard for me find the fine line between being a nag and being understanding. Weekends are better with lots more focused family time so I try to tell myself that it will all balance out and LO isn't ruined by sitting in front of the TV with daddy, haha. Also, I'm hoping it will get better in a few weeks when I am back to work and the evening routine will be more of a partnership.

  Yep, the eye contact part is hardest for me, too. I highly doubt she is laying there heartbroken when he doesn't notice and look back, but I'm heartbroken for her! I have no problem bringing it to his attention when I feel like he's not noticing her.
  
  I'm lucky enough (willing to be dirt poor) to be a SAHM, so the bulk of the responsibility will always fall on me, which is fine. I just keep telling myself that soon enough she's not going to let ANYONE be distracted, lol! Before we know it, our LOs will be running the show!

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• blitzy23 member

  August 2015

  Thanks @ashleyandely for that information:)
  
  I have so many more issues with my MIL. She doesn't have much intuition when it comes to my babe, and it's just awful. My LO cries every time she holds him. Arg!!! Some people have that natural touch, and others don't!

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• Mari621 member

  August 2015

  My husband can't recognize the difference between a hungry and tired cry. Last night I just bf my son but he starting crying soon there after bc he couldn't fall back asleep. My husband tried to pull out a bag from my stash and got annoyed at when I told him why he was crying. I told him if he was going top him off to use formula. Then he was going to use hit water from the tap. He always tells me that I'm micromanaging him. Sure enough he fell asleep within 30 minutes.
  
  I would of been really pissed if he wasted a 4 oz bag. The man drives me absolutely insane sometimes. So don't feel like you're the only one going through this issue.

  

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• alliebsmith member

  August 2015

  Maybe I'm a huge bitch but I take such a Mama Bear approach to my baby! If someone is holding her and she's really upset and I say "oh she's probably tired hold her this way" or something and they don't take the advice I will take my LO back and say "I think she just needs her Mama" and walk away with her. My MIL always makes passive comments but I'm the mother and I know my child better than anyone else, my husband included. My LO doesn't know how to regulate herself and if she is upset and I can fix it then that's what I'm doing. My husband went to put her to bed the other night and I told him what her nighttime routine was and of course he didn't listen he did it his way and she did not fall asleep and he got really frustrated and I had to go in and out my LO down. I told him that he is going to watch me do the bedtime routine so that there aren't issues in the future. Be firm, you know your baby the best out of ANYONE else!

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• hcar86 member

  August 2015

  I wa

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• Taebeck member

  August 2015

  Reading all this makes me feel so much better about my struggles. Overall I do well with leaving him, I know that I have too. But it is hard. The biggest thing I've struggled with is feeding. My mil and his great grandma always imply that I'm not feeding him enough, but when I up it he spits up much more. Then when he went to his sitters for the first time she fed him almost 8 oz when he was normally eating 4

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