DH going out for a guys night and drinking...

bumptink · August 2015

how do yall feel about this so late in the game? I feel like anything could happen at any time, and I really don't won't him leaving me for a night of drinking. I would be fine with it if he were not drinking and could easily drive back home if something were to happen, but I know that won't be the case.

Just wanting opinions to figure out if I am being a crazy preggo or rational!

MiromiM · August 2015

I'm hoping there's a DD. Couldn't this person drop him off if something were to happen?

jen83mn · August 2015

Totally understandable! I programmed my husband's phone so that even if it's on silent or do not disturb, it will still ring if I call it, and I'll only call it when I'm going into labor (we already discussed it). I also have his direct work phone number and email (and his boss's number) in case I can't get in touch with him right away at work (his work can be over an hour away in rush hour traffic, so he'll need to leave right away). I would be ok with him going out as long as I knew my call would be answered right away and as long as he was close by and only having one or two drinks. However, I would not be cool with him getting totally drunk at this point because you never know when baby will be making an appearance!

cjstats87 · August 2015

I wouldn't stress over it...my hub is having an overnight bachelor party over an hour away next week (I'll be 35w) and this is baby 3 so she could come before he gets back! I feel like men in general are stubborn and if you push them not to drink they will have more pressure to drink from buddies.

bumptink · August 2015

He's going to a friends house, so no worries about a dd. however, if he does end up drinking too much he won't be able to get to me quickly.

npierce19 · August 2015

I would be fine with this if he wasn't going to be too far away, and made sure he was going to have his phone on him at all times. That said, my DH is not a drinker. He never has more than 1-2 drinks and is usually home before midnight. Your situation may be very different.

chelseajeanene · August 2015

It seriously bugs and worries me. My DH went golfing yesterday and I said make sure your phone is on loud in case something happens, but he came home drunk and slept for 3 hours instread. Thankfully nothing happened but he definitely isn't allowed to drink until after baby now

JessicaS0914 · August 2015

I'm still 5-6 weeks out, so it wouldn't really bother me. DH has evening work cocktail events up to a week before my due date. It just is what it is.

ForeverEverAfter · August 2015

I'm ok with it, because it's kinda their last hurrah for a while. DH was out at a bar with a friend when I was hospitalized last pregnancy (at 32w). I tried to let him finish his night by just driving down for an EKG, but I kept popping back into a high heart rate and they kept me in, so I had to call him to bring me pjs and a snack. He had to leave his buddy, cab home and cab to the hospital. This time he said he had no interest in going out after 30w haha-doesn't want a repeat!

Texascat · August 2015

That doesn't bother me. My husband went on a 3-night work trip to Chicago last week when I was 36 weeks. I kept telling him it was fine but I think subliminally something happened because I did end up in L&D being monitored. But it wasn't a big deal and I don't regret letting him go! I'm sure your husband could get home and get sober in the time it takes you to go from zero to new mama...most of the time that doesn't happen in just an hour or two!

mriandabusto · August 2015

FTM here, I wouldn't make too much of it. I understand that he's under a lot too and needs to relax before he becomes a first time dad.

rachelkawesome · August 2015

My husband doesn't drink, so I might not be the best advice-giver, but I feel like you can make a compromise that he can drink but not so much that he wouldn't be able to drive you to the hospital/be there for you etc if you happened to go into labor. Labor also takes a long time! Assuming he's not like passing-out drunk, he's most likely going to have time to sober up between you telling him you're going into labor and actually needing to go to the hospital.

WDDCH · August 2015

Drinking? No. Hanging out? Yeah, that's fine. Maybe tell him this should be the last drinking hoorah until birth, just to be safe!

bumptink · August 2015

He is gone and said he wouldn't be back until tomorrow.

I get that he needs to relax and all before baby, but I sure as heck don't get that chance! I know I am still 5 weeks out and most FTM's don't go early, but he is about 30 minutes away and wouldn't be sober enough to drive within the time I would want/need him here.

I'm trying to not be a crazy wife, but I feel like he is being so selfish and inconsiderate. My entire life has already changed and it seems like nothing is different for him. I'm the first out of my closest friends to have a child, so thank yall for listening to me and for advice!

magsprag1 · August 2015

I wouldn't worry about it...he is a big boy...and can make his own decisions...the way I look at it...imagine he gets drunk...something happens and he misses his child's birth...who do you think will regret that more??? We have too much to worry about as it is..
I said to my husband...he would never live it down if he missed it cause he was partying!!!

KYmama9286 · August 2015

Having 3 kids has made our days of heavy drinking a thing of the past so I don't mind if he goes out with the guys for a few drinks. I know it's only going to be a few drinks because he knows if he drinks too much he still has to get up early with the kids or for work.

I would just ask him to try and keep track of how much he's drinking. Relaxing and having a few drinks is fine but not getting drunk and make sure you have his friends numbers. The few times I haven't been able to get dh on his phone I can always get one of his friends and reach him that way but again, our group is a bunch of other parents so none of us ever get very wild anymore ;-)

jennsuzanne87 · August 2015

Me and my DH actually had this exact situation and conversation a few nights ago. He went out to a friend's house for drinks, and after we discussed that it was time for him to be available at all times. If he were A) sober and able to drive, he would have been available. I told him I wanted him to spend time with his friends as much as he wanted in these last few weeks but to make sure he were available if anything were to happen. It also goes with the outdoor sports he likes- no where out of cell service and no where over an hour away. Just be available. He was very receptive to it. I think it's a very reasonable request.

baker1jm2 · August 2015

I didn't put restrictions on him until this week. .I'm a little over 36 weeks. He hasn't really been drinking but his thing is mountain biking with no cell service for hours on end. I don't think you're being unreasonable. I was trying to be understanding about it bc I get that just bc I can't go do stuff doesn't mean he should have to be home ALL the time but I finally had a meltdown. It's not fair for me to be stuck home pregnant alone while he's out.

monicaP · August 2015

I JUST had this conversation with my husband. He wants to go out next week and I will be 37 weeks 3 days, the exact time I had DD2. I said sure to going out but that he had to be able to drive. He totally understood.

mriandabusto · August 2015

mgv&sks said:
He is gone and said he wouldn't be back until tomorrow.

I get that he needs to relax and all before baby, but I sure as heck don't get that chance! I know I am still 5 weeks out and most FTM's don't go early, but he is about 30 minutes away and wouldn't be sober enough to drive within the time I would want/need him here.

I would be furious if he was going to be gone until the next day, hopefully he keeps his phone on loud and has the decency of not getting tanked. I'm sorry but I hope you make it through the night alright, take a bath and do some relaxing since he's not there to bother you:)

PregNancyClark · August 2015

This had not occurred to me yet! We probably better talk about it before it gets to be that serious. I'm only 35 weeks now so maybe he can go to his friends events a couple more times. They usually get together once a week. Thanks for bringing this up!
I agree with you that DH being fairly inebriated or unable to drive would be bad!!!

paine0925 · August 2015

I am so sick and tired of the excuses we give men... "It might be their last hurrah for a long time!" "I'm sure he could sober up before the baby actually arrives!" No. Just... No. These are GROWN men. Women give up drinking for 9+ months... Can't we expect men to do that just the last handful of weeks so that they are 100% prepared and able to drive?? And I'm sorry but if I went into labor and had to WAIT for my husband to sober up... I would be beyond livid. C'mon guys, we aren't 21 anymore, this shit and the excuses are getting old, this baby is BOTH the mother and fathers responsibility. There is nothing wrong with having fun and letting loose, but when it's this close to the due date I think it's time to focus and be prepared, even if only so the mother feels secure and supported.

mriandabusto · August 2015

paine0925 said:
I am so sick and tired of the excuses we give men... "It might be their last hurrah for a long time!" "I'm sure he could sober up before the baby actually arrives!" No. Just... No. These are GROWN men. Women give up drinking for 9+ months... Can't we expect men to do that just the last handful of weeks so that they are 100% prepared and able to drive?? And I'm sorry but if I went into labor and had to WAIT for my husband to sober up... I would be beyond livid. C'mon guys, we aren't 21 anymore, this shit and the excuses are getting old, this baby is BOTH the mother and fathers responsibility. There is nothing wrong with having fun and letting loose, but when it's this close to the due date I think it's time to focus and be prepared, even if only so the mother feels secure and supported.

Being who I am I completely agree with this but men don't think like we do. I feel like my hubby is getting nervous and just wants to drink to get it out of his system. I'm not mad because he won't be doing it after LO is born!

adtaylor2015 · August 2015

paine0925 said:
I am so sick and tired of the excuses we give men... "It might be their last hurrah for a long time!" "I'm sure he could sober up before the baby actually arrives!" No. Just... No. These are GROWN men. Women give up drinking for 9+ months... Can't we expect men to do that just the last handful of weeks so that they are 100% prepared and able to drive?? And I'm sorry but if I went into labor and had to WAIT for my husband to sober up... I would be beyond livid. C'mon guys, we aren't 21 anymore, this shit and the excuses are getting old, this baby is BOTH the mother and fathers responsibility. There is nothing wrong with having fun and letting loose, but when it's this close to the due date I think it's time to focus and be prepared, even if only so the mother feels secure and supported.

This. So much! I am thankful my husband has no interest in partying or living like his life is going to end once the new baby arrives. Maybe these are younger guys?? I don't know but I can't imagine dealing with that crap at this stage of my life. I hate the whole "boys will be boys" mentality.

jessbruxanovaa · August 2015

SO knew last night that he had to be up at 4:30 am for work today but he is so stubborn and went to the bar with his friends anyway. SO came back from the bar at 2 am stumbling, vomiting, making all this noise & waking me up. He drove home from the bar like that and didn't wake up for work. Went in for only half a day. Terrible. To me It IS a problem if your partner doesn't know how to behave. I'm 2 days away from 37 weeks. Anything could happen and I need him good and sober just in case.

Rachelsbaby · August 2015

My boyfriend went out a few times this weekend with his friends and one night came home at 2. I have been cool about it but told him at 37 weeks he needs to chill on going out. He totally respects that because I've not said anything about him going out. He also never comes home wasted I think him knowing I could call at at time makes him a little more cautious.

mejennieunot · August 2015

I think whether or not it bugs you depends on how much you used to hang out with friends prior to the pregnancy. I was a bartender, out all hours of the night and then things changed for me, not for him at first. Im sure you've heard that Daddys dont become Daddys until the baby is born. Very true for my husband. It has been easier with this second pregnancy since I have my 15 month old son to stay home with and cuddle on. Although I agree with others: any later than 36 weeks and he's getting wasted = total issue.

verveine407 · August 2015

Idk, but if it was a woman who couldn't give up drinking for a few weeks (for w/e reason) friends might wonder of she had a substance abuse problem. Unless these dads to be are in fact frat boys still in college I can't even understand why a grown man would need to party away from their spouse until they were so intoxicated they had to stay away a night or drove themselves home drunk. Having been hit by a drunk driver I am appalled at just this aspect alone.

My DH and I are very social gamers and he is a sports fan and we serve alcohol at our functions. Our friends figure out who is drinking and who is driving because, I assume, they are capable of thinking about cause and effect, reasoning, and aren't completely selfish. I will just tell you straight up that if any of the married guys acted like this at our house there would be a lot of raised eye brows and exchanged looks and then people would assume he was a total loser. (Yes, people would think a man who leaves his pregnant wife to hang out with friends and drink to the point of being drunk is a loser. Sorry. Not sorry.)

I am however, really sorry you are in this situation but if your DH can't moderate his alcohol intake the best thing he can do is stay where he is until he has regained his faculties. Maybe you can get a back up support person/ride to the hospital?

serenityuy01 · August 2015

adtaylor2015 said:

paine0925 said:
I am so sick and tired of the excuses we give men... "It might be their last hurrah for a long time!" "I'm sure he could sober up before the baby actually arrives!" No. Just... No. These are GROWN men. Women give up drinking for 9+ months... Can't we expect men to do that just the last handful of weeks so that they are 100% prepared and able to drive?? And I'm sorry but if I went into labor and had to WAIT for my husband to sober up... I would be beyond livid. C'mon guys, we aren't 21 anymore, this shit and the excuses are getting old, this baby is BOTH the mother and fathers responsibility. There is nothing wrong with having fun and letting loose, but when it's this close to the due date I think it's time to focus and be prepared, even if only so the mother feels secure and supported.
This. So much! I am thankful my husband has no interest in partying or living like his life is going to end once the new baby arrives. Maybe these are younger guys?? I don't know but I can't imagine dealing with that crap at this stage of my life. I hate the whole "boys will be boys" mentality.

I agree with both of these absolutely ^^ my husband isn't a big drinker but even if he was me and his unborn child are his first priority and he is adamant about making sure even from the beginning of my pregnancy that he is available to be there for me at a moments notice. Going out with the guys once in awhile close by is fine. Have a couple bears fine. Staying out all night and getting drunk especially at this point in the game = inexcusable to me. I do understand not all guys are as completely ready from the beginning as my husband is to be fathers and get freaked out a bit especially at this point. However they are also adults with responsibilities and they need to be reminded obviously that even baby aside we as their wives, girlfriends, partners ect... Need their support right now more than ever. It's time for them to get over themselves and be there for their families.

tlc11934 · August 2015

Sounds like a one time thing, not a regular habit, so I'd be ok with it. Do you have a standby person who can drive you to the hospital just in case he can't?

LoveLee85 · August 2015

I'm sorry to anyone who has to deal with this. Yikes! I can't imagine and wouldn't put up with it. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones...my DH won't leave my side and it's amazing. His 'boys nights' are far behind him, and he doesn't feel like he needs 'one last chance at fun'. This is his dream: Happily married and a son for a first child around the corner!!!

Then again, I probably wouldn't have made it to marriage with him if he was the kind of guy who needed guys nights all the time! I just can't imagine the extra stress of him running around and drinking...or having to worry about him being sober for the birth of our child. I'm sorry to all you ladies dealing with this.

amp61470 · August 2015

My DH went away Friday overnight. I was nervous and he wouldn't have gone had I asked. I did have a back up plan if I needed to go to the hospital because he was 2 hours away. He doesn't drink so that wasn't a concern.
If I were the OP I might be upset but unless I had reason to think I could go at anytime and it wasn't a weekly thing I wouldn't complain. Yes, it sucks that we can't just go do whatever we want but there are benefits to being pregnant. Our LOs are kicking and letting us know they are there. There is more reality to us then the dads. We get to feel the miracle, it's still just a thought to them.

iamk4y · August 2015

mriandabusto said:

paine0925 said:
I am so sick and tired of the excuses we give men... "It might be their last hurrah for a long time!" "I'm sure he could sober up before the baby actually arrives!" No. Just... No. These are GROWN men. Women give up drinking for 9+ months... Can't we expect men to do that just the last handful of weeks so that they are 100% prepared and able to drive?? And I'm sorry but if I went into labor and had to WAIT for my husband to sober up... I would be beyond livid. C'mon guys, we aren't 21 anymore, this shit and the excuses are getting old, this baby is BOTH the mother and fathers responsibility. There is nothing wrong with having fun and letting loose, but when it's this close to the due date I think it's time to focus and be prepared, even if only so the mother feels secure and supported.
Being who I am I completely agree with this but men don't think like we do. I feel like my hubby is getting nervous and just wants to drink to get it out of his system. I'm not mad because he won't be doing it after LO is born!

But as mothers aren't we nervous too? We're going through the pains and the fatigue and we have to go through the labour and we also have to bring a new life home as well as the father. Yes, we're maternal and everything but it's still a huge change!
It doesn't make it acceptable for us to drink does it?

My SO came home on Saturday after my baby shower absolutely wrecked! (I was 37w+2d)
I was absolutely heartbroken and terrified all night long!

It's not fair and it's not worth it in my opinion!

jbettles · August 2015

As a STM, I've noticed things are totally different between my first pregnancy and this one. With my first, hubby was bound n determined that being a dad wouldn't "change" him the way it "changed" his friends (as in, they stopped going out n whatnot). So he went out to the bar with a buddy a few times while I was pregnant if I was too tired to go. It was like he had to prove a point, almost. Fast forward to now... He wouldn't DREAM of going out without me - I think he'd actually laugh in my face if I suggested it. It's only been 4 years, but hubby had to accept that, yes, having a child changes your priorities. He feels guilty going golfing at the local country club once in awhile now!

lovesgummies · August 2015

I have mixed feelings about all this. The fact that you were concerned and it sounds like he didn't work through it with you annoys me. He should consider your feelings.

A grown man getting drunk with his buddies sounds lame to me, like how old are we? But that's me. Since it sounds like it is just this one time, I'd probably be ok with it as long as I had a backup for getting to the hospital.

martel.missy · August 2015

I actually just went through this with my hubby. His best friend wanted to take him out for one last hurray before becoming a dad. I just discussed with him that it sucks that there is no last hurray for me and I didn't like the thought of him possibly bejng hung over the next day which was our baby class at the hospital. He understood my feelings and I still let him go out. Sometimes you just have to talk to him about why it is bothering you.

v1wwo · August 2015

I am a chill person and don't mind my husband going out to a local bar or friends house to get a drink once in a while and he asks me first. But I know he will not get drunk and will be home by midnight (and also I know our friends are supportive and will not give him a hard time.) But that almost never happens because he does not want to leave me alone and thinks in unfair for him to have fun while I am at home tierd and in pain. And he is right.
There is a time where men have to grow up and become supportive, reliable husbands. We talked about this before having a baby and he promised to be a good father and that starts way before the baby get here.

grannah · August 2015

I would be saying go out but not to drink. My hubby loves a beer and was joking about getting a taxi to the hospital and then I said do you want to be drunk when your child comes into the world and feel a bit hungover if it's a long labour and it hit him. I'm 3 weeks out and it's his birthday tomorrow so I've said he can drink tomorrow but then after that he has to be able to drive just in case! I quit in one day, he's had 9 months of drinking and a free taxi so I think enough is enough as I also loved a wine! Watching him and out friends drink all the time has been tough!!

lochligirl · August 2015

My husband and I discussed that at 36 weeks going forward he's on a 2-drink limit at any social function. Period. And he's totally fine with that. He's having his diaper party/dadchelor bash at 35 w 5 d and then onto the 2-drink limit. Not only does he have to be able to drive, but he also has to be SOBER when I'm in labour... I can't imagine having a drunk support person, that would be awful!!!

wilcoxev · August 2015

I get tired of nagging at my dh about things. He is a grown ass man and needs to make his own choices. I told him last week the baby could come at any time so think about the decisions he is going to make. I respect that he will make the right choices and if not he will have to deal with the consequences.

bumptink · August 2015

Well he ended up coming home around 1 this morning-- he was totally fine to drive by then and had sobered up.

He did offer to leave at a decent time if I went with him, but I had to work today and knew that he wouldn't end up wanting to leave.

We are younger-- 25, and his other friend that has a child is a terrible father.

I like the idea about after 36 weeks putting a limit on how much he can have if he/we do go out! I feel like if I talk to him rationally about it and explain how much it means to me he will be just fine with it.

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