Are you telling people you're TTC or keeping it private?

MrsFL2015 · August 2015

Are you keeping you TTC journey private or are you sharing it with you family/friends? DH and I were married this year and we keep getting the question, "So, when are you having a baby?" I've always found the question a little invasive. DH and I have decided to go off BC, but we're keeping our decision private. I just don't want everyone in our business, I don't want the unsolicted advice, the questions, etc. Plus, I just think it's a special decision/time between a husband and wife.

I'm wonder what everyone else is doing. Are you telling people/talking about it or keeping it private? What's the reason for your decision?

jenfarm3 · August 2015

I plan on keeping it private. Now, whether or not my sweet DH can keep his mouth shut when it comes time to start TTC, we'll see. He's already blabbed the fact that we've laid a tentative date down for it... to practically the whole family at a father's day get together. Smh. I literally just looked at him like, 'WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!' The last thing I want is for people to jump to picturing us knocking boots. I mean, I get it, we're all adults but let's be honest. It's awk and people totally do that.

When he did that we had a conversation on the way home about how I'd prefer if he kept our plans to ourselves for now. We hadn't discussed that previously so I think we're on the same terms now and that'll help. Lol. I know he's just really excited and can't wait to share with everybody, but let's just wait for that time and place, please...

Aside from people jumping to deed visualizations, I just really don't want to end up having trouble conceiving and have people's questions added on top of it to make it worse. I'd like to just privately start TTC, get pregnant and make the announcement after the first trimester. Especially with our first pregnancy, we just don't really have any idea what might happen...

ETA: I TOTALLY agree with you on it being a private decision between a husband and wife (or partners, etc. etc. etc.). It really is such a big decision and there are so many if's, and's or but's that could happen. It's totally fine to keep to yourself about it.

ladeuce13 · August 2015

We're mostly keeping it to ourselves, with the exception of our close friends. We're a bit older (36 and 44) but just got married last year. Some people ask if we're going to have kids, and other people don't. I usually just keep it vague with a "we'll see!" to just avoid the Spanish Inquisition.

We've been TTC for 11 months now and still nothing. In a way I'm glad that it's not out there for everyone to ask/comment on, but at the same time, sometimes I wish people knew then I might have a bit more support. It's hard to bring up in conversation, you know?

MrsFL2015 · August 2015

Kaydeeaye said:

Some people ask if we're going to have kids, and other people don't. I usually just keep it vague with a "we'll see!" to just avoid the Spanish Inquisition.

I use this line too, but it always amazes me how inquisitive and rude people can get when they don't get a detailed answer. I had a friend say to me, "Well, have you even had this conversation with your husband?" She said this in front of a group of people. Talk about RUDE! I was mortified!

ladeuce13 · August 2015

Oh, I know! Sometimes, people are just too much!!

We were at a family gathering a few weeks ago with DH's family and I got singled out. I responded with "not yet!" and DH's dad asked if we needed help being shown how it's done. Talk about awkward!! I started talking about sports.

LavenderBrown1018 · August 2015

I want to keep it private but got a little excited and told a few close people! I told my 3 best friends, my sister and my SIL. I wasn't going to tell the in-laws but my SIL is a bump veteran and a FF veteran so I've had so many questions for her.

@kaydeeaye I LOL'd at the "Spanish inquisition" comment. Perfect phrase to describe that line of questioning from some people.

Schumerator · August 2015

I don't think we will tell anyone when we are officially TTC (sometime around next summer/fall) but most of my friends know that I officially have my HBC removed. They are all convinced that I will become pregnant immediately and I try to inform them about temping and avoiding TTC that way but they are still in shock I think lol. A lot of my friends are in serious relationships but not yet married so the idea of babies is still quite far away for them! They would all be happy for us though

I am mad at myself currently because I let it slip when I had been drinking with the in laws that we decided to take out my BC. DH's mom is baby crazyyyy since she turned 50 this year and I don't want her constantly asking if I'm pregnant so I had not planned on her knowing that, smh at myself lol.

patriciahomol · August 2015

We will only tell our families and extremely close friends.

cjt121413 · August 2015

I've only told my mom, but DH has told his co-workers. I guess he couldn't handle the excitement.

It's okay, though, because his co-workers are pretty far removed from our social and family circle. We might tell DH's sister, because we're close, but the rest of his family won't know until I'm KU. I may tell my BFF if the topic comes up.

People do ask us if we're planning on having any more kids, because DS is 6. I usually say maybe someday. I don't want the pressure of people around us getting excited and asking about it all the time. I think about it enough without getting external pressure.

Also, for career reasons, it isn't something I'd like my employer to know about in advance.

amandarins · August 2015

We kept it to ourselves but I'd talk to my sister about it just to have 1 person to go to last time. I think we will do the same for the next, I like to have privacy and don't want people asking me about it if it's takes time.

firefly0928 · August 2015

I didn't mean to, but I was anxious about not getting my period after 5 months off BC, so I talked to my mom and best friend about it. We aren't officially TTC, but when we do we plan to keep it between us. I don't know if I'll be able to keep it secret until after the first trimester though. I'll tell our moms and some close friends as soon as it happens, more than likely.

yogahh · August 2015

Some friends know, but we haven't told family. Once we have a bpf, I don't know how I will keep it a secret for 12 weeks!

RiverSong15 · August 2015

I don't tell people when I have recreational sex, so I don't intend to tell them about TTC. It's essentially telling people about your sex life, and I have no intention of doing that. It invites unwanted opinions and questions. No thanks!

StarbucksShip · August 2015

No one's outright asked us, but we have shared that we're ramping up to start a family when appropriate. Those conversations are mainly about certain life goals or financial concerns, but I have no problem discussing the logistics of TTC if someone assumes it'll be super easy and a baby will be here in 9 months (looking at you, sis!). The reason for being so open is because I think there's a lot of ignorance around conceiving and fertility. I'm not planning on lecturing everyone, but if we naturally fall into a conversation where I can share what I've learned from these boards and many books it's a win. It also helps make it easier to talk about infertility if that becomes an issue for us.

BlueBirdMB · August 2015

We have no intention of telling a single person when the time comes. I also have no intention of telling anyone when we are pregnant until 12 weeks, unless they guess before that (my mom and I are really close and she will probably guess before 12 weeks)

vampbride99 · August 2015

We are totally used to the question, we've been married 5 years so we've had our share of being asked. In fact, I was just asked by someone yesterday! Only 2 cousins of mine know we are planning to TTC, but only 1 friend of mine actually knows when. We don't plan to tell any family until we get a bfp and I've made it to 12-16 weeks. Although, I won't be surprised if my mother finds out. She can tell things like that, so if anyone knows before then, it will be her lol

HookEmNelson · August 2015

Most know we will eventually have another one, a couple know that we do have a time frame, but pretty much everyone has backed off asking now that our son is almost 4. It hasn't happened, but will and I'm totally ok with that.

I surprisingly got pregnant a month after we got married, so I never got the full experience with those asking about when our 1st would happen. Let's see what happens with baby #2!

Katm89 · August 2015

I have a gf that just got married and she is ttc this month and I will be trying in November so we tell each other everything so that we can vent and not feel like telling our close family. My mother knows I went off BC and that we want a baby, but she doesn't know when we will be trying. I want to keep it a secret for 11-12 weeks, so I don't want anyone expecting or suspecting.

Xstatic3333 · August 2015

H has asked me not to share our specific timeline with friends, but they know it's something we'll be doing "pretty soon." H is probably smart; I'm pretty private about medical stuff and wouldn't want to deal with questions if we end up having trouble. Sometimes it's hard not to blab when I get excited though!

Family will know at about 12 weeks. All of our parents are worriers, and I wouldn't want to have to comfort them if anything went wrong.

satuttle1014 · August 2015

We didn't tell anyone when we were trying. I told one of my closest friends that I was going off the pill but that was it and didn't speak about it until I got pregnant. I think keeping it a secret is best because like you said then you won't get everyone's opinion, advice, etc. It is between you and your SO.

Britt428 · August 2015

@HookEmNelson I'm on the exact same page as you. We also got surprisingly pregnant a month after getting married so never had all the questions as to when we were going to start TTC. However now that DD is almost 3 people are always questioning when we are going to have another. I just always answer with 'someday'. I plan on keeping it a secret though. Just because it happened so easily the first time doesn't mean it will the next go around.

jhems776 · August 2015

I had no intentions of telling anyone except two close friends, but I seem not to be capable of keeping my mouth shut.... I am glad I told my mom, but not one of my coworkers (first month off BC and I felt sick for two weeks and she kept asking how I was feeling and it slipped).

HookEmNelson · August 2015

@Britt428 I absolutely agree. That is why I'm planning on treating this next time like the first.

MrsRo731 · August 2015

We will keep it quiet, like we did with our first. However, we will tell our parents early on in the pregnancy so we have support in case anything, God forbid, goes wrong.

Katm89 · August 2015

@ MrsRo731 My husband and I are having a hard time with deciding when to tell our parents

satuttle1014 · August 2015

Katm89 said:

@ MrsRo731 My husband and I are having a hard time with deciding when to tell our parents

I told my parents, my siblings, his grandparents and mom early on in the pregnancy just so they knew but they had to promise not to tell anyone. Then once I hit 12 weeks and got the clearing from my doctor that everything was healthy I told the world.

MrsRo731 · August 2015

Katm89 said:

@ MrsRo731 My husband and I are having a hard time with deciding when to tell our parents

Originally we were going to wait but then decided we would want their support and also wanted to share our excitement. I think we told them around 6 weeks. It was nice having them to lean on in the beginning when I wasn't feeling great. However, it's definitely different for everyone.

Katm89 · August 2015

I'm worried about my family not being happy about keeping it a secret. One of my coworkers was talking about how her sister told the immediate family at 2 weeks and how she thought it was entirely too early... and I would hate for family to be thinking that instead of being excited. I guess time will tell how I feel later. Thanks for weighing in on it for me

MrsRo731 · August 2015

Katm89 said:

I'm worried about my family not being happy about keeping it a secret. One of my coworkers was talking about how her sister told the immediate family at 2 weeks and how she thought it was entirely too early... and I would hate for family to be thinking that instead of being excited. I guess time will tell how I feel later. Thanks for weighing in on it for me

I think it's entirely up to the couple on when they want to reveal their pregnancy. It's actually pretty sad that her sister judged them for telling so early; there's a huge stigma attached to parents who reveal before 12 weeks that I think is unfair.

Katm89 · August 2015

I agree and I shouldn't care... but I do...

jenfarm3 · August 2015

Katm89 said:

I'm worried about my family not being happy about keeping it a secret. One of my coworkers was talking about how her sister told the immediate family at 2 weeks and how she thought it was entirely too early... and I would hate for family to be thinking that instead of being excited. I guess time will tell how I feel later. Thanks for weighing in on it for me

I've already told everybody now that when we start TTC to not expect a pregnancy announcement until I'm through the first trimester. Figured better to warn them now than have them be mad later. Lol. I'm not tellin'!

Katm89 · August 2015

I'm actually worried that my mother will be hurt... but I feel like its unfair to tell her and keep my MIL in the dark and DH wants to wait.. its difficult but hey as long as I get a BFP I will deal with the hard decisions.

ska8471 · August 2015

We are not telling any family that we're TTC. my two best girlfriends know, mostly because one of them will also be TTC soon as well.

We'll tell family earlier than the public of course when we are pregnant but I think I want a few weeks at least to just share it with DH. I am a little concerned about my step mother's blabber mouth ways though and that she might blow it wide open. Time will tell I suppose.

little_bren · August 2015

A few of my closest friends knew and that's how I'd do it again. I didn't tell my fam for the reason PP said... Awkward bc everyone knows how babies are made. My family doesn't talk about that stuff. Commenting that someone farted was taboo.

Edited to correct typo

little_bren · August 2015

Katm89 said:
I'm worried about my family not being happy about keeping it a secret. One of my coworkers was talking about how her sister told the immediate family at 2 weeks and how she thought it was entirely too early... and I would hate for family to be thinking that instead of being excited. I guess time will tell how I feel later. Thanks for weighing in on it for me

Don't worry about making others happy. Do what's best for your family and what you're comfortable with. If for some reason they are upset, just say you weren't ready to share. They have to respect that.

cortney626 · August 2015

Just last month I took out my IUD, and while everyone knows I would eventually I'm not telling them exactly when. Our moms have been bugging us since before we got married. My mom and I are close so she does know. But she's not asking questions because she wants to be surprised. I've told my closest friends. One is going through TTC right now so it's nice to have someone to discuss things with. I have an 7 y.o. daugher and she's probably the worst one about asking when we're having a baby!

greeneyes14 · August 2015

So I wasn't going to tell anyone just because it's such a private thing and also we aren't sure the exact month we are going to start (sometime this winter I am hoping for no later than January) but then my friend announced she was pregnant and my parents kept saying "when are you guys gunna start trying" so when we decided after my chemical we were gunna wait a few months I ended up telling my sister and mother and then my mother I think told my father and he tried to act like he didn't know so just the three of them know so far and I think I wanna keep it at that. It's hard cause it's so exciting but it's so personal and all the questions are already starting to come in even "what names do you guys like?"

Katm89 · August 2015

@Courtney626 and @Greeneyes14 My DH's Family knows nothing but my mother knows we threw out the pills a month or two ago and are temping/charting to avoid... I talked to her alot my first month because she used to temp and I wanted info about her charts lol. My parents know we want a child soon, but they don't know what month we will actually "try", mainly because I want our space and I dont want to tell one group of parents before the other

greeneyes14 · August 2015

@Katm89 that was smart of you to not tell them exactly when.
I tried asking my mom about when she conceived my brother what she did and all I got was "I just kept my toothbrush next to your fathers" ew. Lol ! Thanks mom X_X

KaeJudd · August 2015

With my first we kept it very private, and my second was a complete surprise. I am thinking that we will keep it private again with our third. It doesn't really seem like something I want to share with others. I'd rather just wait and surprise everyone with the pregnancy announcement.

catrb89 · August 2015

Our families have a faint idea. They know I hate my job and plan to go from FT to per diem while pregnant (depending on how sick I get) and they know Portugal is our big trip before considering family and potentially venturing elsewhere job-wise. So some may have a clue, but my mother-in-law will be the last to know. She'd pee test me constantly (she's a mother of 4!).

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