I will BF my kid whenever, wherever she's hungry. My honey badger daughter was much more pleasant to be around when eating, not waiting to eat.
Also, this modesty thing is killing me. Using a cover while breastfeeding is not a modesty thing. Puritan women were massively more modest than almost anyone in today's society and they didn't use covers. Hush with your whole modesty thing.
Who are you to tell other mothers what they should be comfortable doing? With regards to my body, my expectation of modesty and my comfort level are the only things that matter.
I would never tell a mother not to use a cover if that's what she's comfortable doing. But to make a modest woman try to feel immodest because she doesn't use a cover, I'm railing against that. It is NOT immodest to not use a cover.
I will BF my kid whenever, wherever she's hungry. My honey badger daughter was much more pleasant to be around when eating, not waiting to eat.
Also, this modesty thing is killing me. Using a cover while breastfeeding is not a modesty thing. Puritan women were massively more modest than almost anyone in today's society and they didn't use covers. Hush with your whole modesty thing.
Who are you to tell other mothers what they should be comfortable doing? With regards to my body, my expectation of modesty and my comfort level are the only things that matter.
Exactly. My version of modesty may not be yours @tralalablah but that doesn't make it wrong. If the Puritan women or anyone else felt comfortable bf'ing in public more power to them. Every woman should stay in HER comfort zone. Not someone else's.
Classic example of mom shaming. Damned if you do damned if you don't.
No. I'm not telling any woman what to do. Mom shaming is trying to make a modest woman feel like she's immodest by not using a cover. It's happening all over due to World Breastfeeding Week. Many people saying that if you're modest, you'll use a cover. That's simply not true. You can be a modest woman and you don't HAVE to use a cover.
I will BF my kid whenever, wherever she's hungry. My honey badger daughter was much more pleasant to be around when eating, not waiting to eat.
Also, this modesty thing is killing me. Using a cover while breastfeeding is not a modesty thing. Puritan women were massively more modest than almost anyone in today's society and they didn't use covers. Hush with your whole modesty thing.
I think judging someone's reasons for use of a cover is just as bad as judging someone for not using a cover.
Feed your babies however you are comfortable, whether that means you use a cover don't use a cover or don't breastfeed in public. But don't shame or judge others for their choice of how they will breastfeed.
Again, not shaming. Simply standing up for modest women (which I am not one) everywhere, who choose not to use a cover. It is not a modesty thing. You can choose to use a cover if it makes you comfortable, but it doesn't make you immodest if you don't.
@tralalablah It sounds like a case of miscommunication. Honestly, the way it was worded I thought the same as others that it was shaming, in a way of telling women that modesty isn't an excuse to cover.
I'm understanding now that was in no way the intent. I'm now understand it was meant to say women shouldn't be pressured to cover for modesty. Correct?
@tralalablah please don't tell others to "hush with their modesty." There is no reason for you to be offended that some women choose to be covered or choose not to breast feed in public, just as there is no reason for anyone else to feel offended by someone choosing to bf in public. None of this would be a hot topic if society didn't make it one and I honestly feel like both sides of the argument are guilty of perpetuating the issue. If women would like to bf in public, so be it. If others feel too modest to bf in public, who cares? The fact that social media is a buzz with this topic is just continuing to make it a big deal. I believe in every single person's right to choose. The only thing I do have issue with is the men (or women) who have made anyone uncomfortable for their own choice in a country that protects that choice by law. As for me- I have no idea what I'll do-but whatever it is I choose will be just that- my choice and it is my right to make it.
Again, I can't make this clear enough. What a woman chooses to do is her business. What is not okay is to say it's immodest to BF without a cover. I know many modest women who BF without a cover. With World Breastfeeding week right now, it's a very popular thing to say, that a modest woman would use a cover. That's what's shameful, shaming mothers and calling them names for feeding their children without a cover.
@tralalablah It wasn't clear in your first post and what really set me off was "hush with your whole modesty thing" which came across as those women (myself included) who said they would prefer to cover should be silenced.
I appreciate you returning to comment and offer some clarification
@tralalablah It sounds like a case of miscommunication. Honestly, the way it was worded I thought the same as others that it was shaming, in a way of telling women that modesty isn't an excuse to cover.
I'm understanding now that was in no way the intent. I'm now understand it was meant to say women shouldn't be pressured to cover for modesty. Correct?
Yes. Thank you. I posted that after a long discussion on a friend's FB page (she's military and a photographer) who was posting some beautiful pics of military moms breastfeeding, and one of the commenters was talking about how back in her day (the 40s and 50s) women were modest, not like today's women and it turned into a big thing. That really bugs me because the cover thing is a recent phenomenon, she even tried to tell me that Mary would have used a cover when feeding Jesus and that it was just the painters who decided to paint her breastfeeding him in the open. Gah.
@tralalablah Your post does make much more sense now, especially in that context. I think as @duckinoven said, it ruffled a lot of feathers here after so many women saying they use covers for their own comfort.
I actually talked to my mom about this after reading this discussion. She was one that really helped me feel comfortable with breastfeeding. She's talked about times when formula was really pushed and women were shamed for chosen to breastfeed over formula feeding. Thankfully this thinking has changed and it gives me hope that negativity toward breastfeeding in public will change with time.
Ive always openly nursed all my kids and still nurse my toddler. I have never or will never put a blanket over then while they eat. I think they deserve enough respect to eat the way they are comfortable. And a cover is not comfortable for them. (Its great if you and your baby are comfortable with it though)
I also post photos all the time. Why? Because i think its beautiful. The same way reason post beautiful pics of my kids sleeping or playing. Its very normal for me, my friends and family.
I was featured in this meme from breastfeeding mama talk lol Its my favorite
I will say, it was a shock when I first sat down with a friend who whipped out her boob and breast feed while we were talking. It was last year and that was the first time I had ever had close contact with someone breast feeding in public (we were in a coffee shop).
I intend to bf, if i can, without a cover anywhere I need to. But, i've never been modest. I really think this is a to each their own/do what you're comfortable with topic and don't understand why anyone would care if someone else bf's in public or not.
I also think it's interesting when women discuss this with their husbands- I already know mine would be fine with anything I choose. For women who have felt they've had to bring up that convo, are they supportive, worried, hesitant? So curious!
@kleshelle i think the fact that you used the word tits, used a teen mom from an mtv show as an example, and talked about other people looking at you as a sexual object stops people from listening to anything you say.
I've been too busy eating popcorn to chime in ... but here goes.
I've got huge boobs. Like big ones. And they're even bigger now that I'm pregnant, and God only knows how big they're going to get once I'm BFing. I can guarantee you that trying to be discrete in public while BFing will be a challenge. The struggle will be real. I'm certain my boob will fall out, people will see things, nipples will show ... and honestly, I have no clue how I will feel about it. Only time will tell.
Likely I'll be nervous or embarrassed at first, simply because I do happen to be modest in certain situations. Then those feelings will likely diminish as I get used to it, realize more specifically the needs of my baby (cover, no cover, quiet space vs loud space), etc. and I will cater to my child's needs ...
... because that's what this comes down to ... what the child needs.
I completely understand doing what you're most comfortable with -- covering up, going to another room, etc -- and I would never judge or question anyone's decision either way ... do what you need to do ... but in the end, even your own personal preferences should take into account the needs of your child.
That's my plan. Do what's comfortable for me in relation to what my kid needs.
So I guess in reality that means I don't have a plan ... my only plan is not to cater to public preference or scrutiny. Aside from that, whatever happens will happen based on what WE, my child and I, are comfortable with.
If my child can BF in a loud or a quiet environment, then I'll decide based on how I'm feeling ... perhaps I WANT to get away from things for a few minutes and like the idea of a quiet room. Perhaps I'd prefer to stay at the table/wherever I am and do it there.
If my kid will only BF in a quiet space or gets too distracted, then yes, I'll always try and find a quiet space.
If my kid hates a cover then I won't wear a cover.
If my child likes to be covered up then I'll use one (and likely ones of those awesome scarves that looks pretty to boot).
The possibilities are endless ... but the day you see me catering to the random person at the next table over simply because it 'makes them uncomfortable' will be a very very cold day in hell.
@kleshelle i think the fact that you used the word tits, used a teen mom from an mtv show as an example, and talked about other people looking at you as a sexual object stops people from listening to anything you say.
I was trying to figure out a way to say this, but I couldn't think of a polite way of phrasing it. I'm glad you did though. Those three things really took away from whatever point she was trying to make.
ETA: having quote issues...I'm not sure what's happening right now...
My husband and I have talked about this @CMDD I was curious on how he felt about this exact subject I posted on. I just asked him nonchalantly like "hey babe what would you do if you were at a restaurant or at the mall and you saw a women take out her boob to nurse her kid?" He said "I don't know, probably just look the other way, give her some privacy" I was so proud! Hahaha even he gets it! Then we went on to further discuss that he doesn't care how I have to feed our baby that it won't bother him in the slightest if I choose to not or can't use a cover while breastfeeding. He has never been a macho type man who has referd to me as "his woman" or "those are my boobs" he knows damn good and well that these boobs are mine! Lol I swear I fall more in love with the man every day.
@adbrading Your husband is a bigger man than mine. He admitted he'd be jealous although he also said he knew it was for the baby and he could be fine with that. He said it was mostly the thought of someone else seeing. Once our son was here he got past it and it seemed to just be normal for him
I also remember him having a deep facintion with my pump. Any time he saw it out he had to play with it and figure it out and ask all sort of questions like if it hurt or felt weird.
@Mizuiro007 he's just a different kind of man. I'm a very independent but I couldn't survive without him is what I tell most people lol. He's just a real laid back type of person i think. I don't think there's anything wrong with the way your husband feels or initially felt. I think it's probably like 50/50 of men's responses to this question. I think as long as there's a conversation about it, a discussion, that's the most important thing. And I cannot wait for my guy to get a first hand look at all the new little gadgets. I think it's going to be hysterical!
I breastfeed my first child for 15 months. I'm not a flaunt it kind of girl. I honestly didn't give a hoot about what anybody thought! It's natural and I'm feeding my child. I found myself places where I forgot my cover up and just went for it. What can you do? If anyone looked at me funny, I just looked straight back at them...dead in the eye. Lol.
I wasn't born or raised in the USA and in my Caribbean culture it's completely normal to whip it out and just feed your baby and keep it pushing. No one stares or makes you feel weird. Luckily I'm not modest either so when the time comes if someone slips a peep at a nipple I'd care less and it wouldn't make me feel weird. I just understand that within this American culture a lot of people sexualize the breasts even when they're performing their most basic function...nourishing. No covers for baby MusiQ and I just because I don't think it's normal to cover my baby like I'm ashamed of it, my body or the action I'm performing. Y'all gone deal with it.
But that's just me. Not judging anyone else for their choices. I may not agree or understand it but far be it from me to tell you it's wrong.To each her own.
I personally wouldn't mind doing it but my husband isn't comfortable with me doing it without a cover... Well not in front of family anyway. I understand his point, it doesn't upset me in the least... I can only imagine what it's like for a man to know that his wife's breasts are out. Not that I would be flaunting them or anything but just the sheer fact that they are there when that's something that until this point has been reserved just for him.
I don't mind having to cover up. There are a lot bigger things to deal with with breastfeeding and a blanket isn't going to make me or break me.
For the husbands that are bothered by it, what do they think when you wear a swimsuit in public? Or are they worried that you are going to be showing a lot more? Most of the time, when you are nursing in public, you see less than what is shown in a bathing suit.
My husband and I have talked about this @CMDD I was curious on how he felt about this exact subject I posted on. I just asked him nonchalantly like "hey babe what would you do if you were at a restaurant or at the mall and you saw a women take out her boob to nurse her kid?" He said "I don't know, probably just look the other way, give her some privacy" I was so proud! Hahaha even he gets it! Then we went on to further discuss that he doesn't care how I have to feed our baby that it won't bother him in the slightest if I choose to not or can't use a cover while breastfeeding. He has never been a macho type man who has referd to me as "his woman" or "those are my boobs" he knows damn good and well that these boobs are mine! Lol I swear I fall more in love with the man every day.
I'm so glad to hear this. I was talking to Dh about this last night and he said he couldn't believe any man would care..but i think some do.
I just wanted to share that my first experience with breast feeding was when I was little and at the park. I saw a woman bfing and asked what she was doing, it was actually my father that explained to me that that's how mommys feed their babies, and when I was a baby, that's how mommy fed me. At the time, I thought nothing of it, looking back, I'm so proud of how my dad handled that! It was no big deal.
Dh and I have had talks about breastfeeding and he absolutely wants me to bf anyway I'm comfortable and that he wants to do whatever he can to help.
That's so awesome @yl1m32015. My dad is very conservative however he always supports breastfeeding women. My mother breastfed both me and my brother for over a year. I LOVE when men are supportive. I think that if a child can grasp the concept that a woman is feeding her child and a man can grasp the concept that a woman is feeding her child. What the hell is up with the women. Women should be other women's biggest advocate. Especially women who are mothers. Who have struggled in one way or another in the raising of their children. Whether it was getting their children to latch or finding the right formula. We all have our own struggles in the subject of motherhood why oh why do we want to knock down other mothers, who are just trying their best, when we should be raising them up.
I think respect does go both ways and being discreet in public should be expected- I'm not talking about a slip or latching/unlatching but please do not let your breasts hang out while re positioning your kid or putting them back in their carseat. Jamba Juice is forever ruined for me because of that situation I think it's so funny when men get offended that boobs have practical use and sexual use, like, hellllooooo i'm pretty sure you use your penis to pee AND for sex, you idiot.
Re: Hot topic. Breastfeeding in public.
Jamie
I'm understanding now that was in no way the intent. I'm now understand it was meant to say women shouldn't be pressured to cover for modesty. Correct?
I actually talked to my mom about this after reading this discussion. She was one that really helped me feel comfortable with breastfeeding. She's talked about times when formula was really pushed and women were shamed for chosen to breastfeed over formula feeding. Thankfully this thinking has changed and it gives me hope that negativity toward breastfeeding in public will change with time.
*stupid quotes
I think they deserve enough respect to eat the way they are comfortable. And a cover is not comfortable for them.
(Its great if you and your baby are comfortable with it though)
I also post photos all the time. Why? Because i think its beautiful. The same way reason post beautiful pics of my kids sleeping or playing. Its very normal for me, my friends and family.
I was featured in this meme from breastfeeding mama talk lol
Its my favorite
https://www.google.com/search?q=vintage+breastfeeding+photos&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAWoVChMIocLLr9iSxwIVRY8NCh2d5wXh&biw=1281&bih=771#imgrc=_
Jamie
I also remember him having a deep facintion with my pump. Any time he saw it out he had to play with it and figure it out and ask all sort of questions like if it hurt or felt weird.
But that's just me. Not judging anyone else for their choices. I may not agree or understand it but far be it from me to tell you it's wrong.To each her own.
I don't mind having to cover up. There are a lot bigger things to deal with with breastfeeding and a blanket isn't going to make me or break me.
Jamie
Dh and I have had talks about breastfeeding and he absolutely wants me to bf anyway I'm comfortable and that he wants to do whatever he can to help.