Am I the only one who thinks pregnancy is hard?

taylorherrgesell · August 2015

My baby's father(don't know what else to call him to be honest not really my BF anymore) acts like I am completely out of line when I say this is hard. I am the only one of us working currently(just short of full time because being on my feet for so long hurts) but 6 days a weeks and I'm on my feet the whole time, I've payed for every baby thing that we have and he's spending every dime he gets on partying and doing God knows what with his friends. I've found conversations between him and other girls too and I'm honestly losing my mind every person I've talked to said he's just taking advantage of the rest of his freedom but I feel like I'm the one being taken advantage of. Am I just hormonal and crazy or is this really an issue? I'm so exhausted and confused I'm not sure what to think anymore I'm done feeling guilty but I don't want my daughter to grow up without her dad.

taylorherrgesell · August 2015

Sorry for the random rant ladies I just need some sort of insight from people in my position

jessilee15 · August 2015

Ummm...he sounds like a total dick. Have you tried talking to him about it? Like suggesting that he can go out on Saturday nights but be with you on Fridays? Men can be dense about pregnancy and infants, and he may be acting out a bit because he's panicking about having to be a responsible parent, but he needs to get his head out of his rear end pronto. Your child needs a father who is a help and a role model, not a hindrance.

modanz1 · August 2015

Yea, he does sound like a dick. I'm not sure I get what your relationship status is but here are my suggestions. If he is your BF, then do as the previous poster suggested, talk to him and find some common ground. If he is not your BF, tell him to shut his damn mouth and don't worry about whether he thinks it's hard or not. He would have zero experience or reliable information regarding what it feels like to be pregnant so he can suck it and his opinion is irrelevant. In either situation, he is a dick and a huge loser. Get rid of him and be grateful if some other girl takes him off of your hands. You are in no way out of line or being hormonal. He sucks. Move on with your life before your baby comes he/she does not need any of that crap in their life. Good luck & stay strong!

ETA for spelling

Soyyoyary · August 2015

There's a phrase in Spanish " its best to be alone than to be in bad company" sweetheart yes pregnancy can be difficult more some than others, especially if your busting your ass at work. Looks to me than you have this under control and just don't need him by your side to be her father. Good luck

taylorherrgesell · August 2015

i just said I don't know what to call him because as I was typing this I was sitting in bed alone for the 3rd night in a row doesn't feel like I have a BF anymore but thanks ladies it really helps to hear so other opinions

VexedMommy · August 2015

If he's not working and is spending money partying while you're pregnant you need to leave. He's not going to change once the baby gets here and it makes no sense to continue throwing good money after bad trying to support two kids instead of only the one.

ETA: I know that sounds harsh, but it's the voice of experience which is harsh. My ex was like this. I ended up supporting his 18hr a day WoW habit, my baby and myself. I kept it up for four years, because "a child needs her father." A child needs to be around good role models and stable adults. My daughter still has issues 5yrs later due to my choice to stay with her father for far longer than he deserved. It's not something I would wish on any other mother or their child.

Motomama67 · August 2015

Yes, everything vex said! My sons "eh father?" Was the exact same way when I was pregnant. He would leave for long periods of time and shut his phone off and come home like nothing happened. I had people tell me all the other women he was sleepin with as they were concerned he may have contracted some sort of std and my baby may be in some sort of danger. (I got tested and nothing) but then my son came and I though the same as you, maybe he'd change once baby came. Nope! While I was pushing my son out, he was smoking pot in the parking lot of the hospital with his "bros" .. Celebrating... (Haha what an idiot right?!) anyway, once we brought LO home he was the same piece of shit he was before. It didn't take me long to pack everything my DS had and everything I had and get out of that sespool...
My son is 5 years old and hasn't seen his biological father for almost 4.5 years. Last I heard he was in Colorado blazing up. Good for him....

My DH is more than excited about baby and is more than supportive and has been/is more of a father than douche bag could have ever been. You will make it. I promise.. There are two types of men out there and I think you got a lemon babe. Ditch the dick!

Edited bc I'm tired and spelled like a hillbilly.

taylorherrgesell · August 2015

You guys are awesome!! And @Motomama67 I can honestly see him doing some of the same things you're talking about thank you all so much it's so different actually seeing all of this written out than just letting it run through my crazy hormonal brain all day lol

modanz1 · August 2015

taylorherrgesell said:

You guys are awesome!! And @Motomama67 I can honestly see him doing some of the same things you're talking about thank you all so much it's so different actually seeing all of this written out than just letting it run through my crazy hormonal brain all day lol

I am so happy to hear you say this. Please know that there are men out there who will work their ass off to show you how loved you are, who will do anything to make sure you are comfortable and be as involved and excited about the baby as you are. You deserve better than this guy and I hope you act on it.

Motomama67 · August 2015

Can I add that my father met my mother when my oldest sister was only an infant. he married my mother and adopted her at the age of 3 and we never knew that he wasn't even her biological father until my mother let the cat out of the bag 2 years ago (my sister is now 34) After my parents divorced he paid child support for her and spoiled her rotten.

There are good men out there . you did get one good thing from this loser, Soon you will have a beautiful little girl that will make you forget all of this and you will then realize it truly is HIS loss.
Keep your chin up and try not to stress.

urby87 · August 2015

Motomama67 said:

Can I add that my father met my mother when my oldest sister was only an infant. he married my mother and adopted her at the age of 3 and we never knew that he wasn't even her biological father until my mother let the cat out of the bag 2 years ago (my sister is now 34) After my parents divorced he paid child support for her and spoiled her rotten. There are good men out there . you did get one good thing from this loser, Soon you will have a beautiful little girl that will make you forget all of this and you will then realize it truly is HIS loss. Keep your chin up and try not to stress.

My "Papa" is not my biological grandfather, and I was old enough when I found out (maybe 8 or 9?) that I remember the distinction being made. I didn't know any different, and even now that I have known for quite some time, it doesn't change anything. He's amazing. He doesn't have any biological children, but my mom and my aunt are unquestionably his daughters regardless of genetics; he LOVES his daughters, grandkids, and great-grandkids. I met my biological grandfather and spent some time with him here and there when I was in middle school, but he was never my grandfather; he was just Fred. In the same way, I adore my SS. His mom is the custodial parent, so it's not the same situation, but I love him to pieces and I can't imagine my life without him in it. You will find somebody better, OP, who is head-over-heels for you AND your LO. I'm sure of it.

kmkrushi · August 2015

DH's Poppy is not his biological grandfather but he is family. My husband is actually named after him.

I hope you listen to all this great advice and get out of that situation. You'll find someone worthy of you and your daughter in the future. But if not you'll still be better off with just the 2 of yall than with someone who brings you down.

elizabethtfashion1 · August 2015

Far out. Pregnancy has been hard as hell for me and ive had such.good.support by my husband. You deserve the best! If he is a Hinderence then do whats best for u. 6 days work! Fk is he clueless? I would have killed my husband had he not been awesome during this time. Take care

taylorherrgesell · August 2015

You guys are all amazing if be losing my mind without all of this! Definitely taking all this wonderful advice and using it

estick814 · August 2015

Chin up. Pregnancy is hard

nmwheel1 · August 2015

You have gotten some amazing advice! Never ever ever feel like you need to settle just because a guy contributed some sperm. Your daughter needs amazing role models in her life, not a biological father who is an immature jerk.
The thing I always tell friends when they question if they should stay or leave the father when they are unhappy is that would you want your daughter to end up with a guy like her father? If you say no, then you should leave, give her a better role model so as she grows up she knows how a real man should treat her.
Wishing you the best of luck!

bboldery84 · August 2015

taylorherrgesell said:
i just said I don't know what to call him because as I was typing this I was sitting in bed alone for the 3rd night in a row doesn't feel like I have a BF anymore but thanks ladies it really helps to hear so other opinions

Was he like this before? I have a friend in a similar position and I'll tell you the same thing I tell her. If your man is a douche most likely he's gonna stay a douche. I'm not sure of his age, but most guys don't grow up and start thinking of anyone but themselves till they are about 25-30. There are a few exceptions to the rule of course.
If he was this way before you got pregnant then you can't expect him to totally change just because unprotected sex happened. He has to want to be responsible and realize that he's gotta take life seriously now. This may never happen.
I hope it gets better for you. My advise is not to expect miracles. If he is any type of a man and a good person, once the baby arrives he will grow up. But you can't nag him through the process.
Good luck!

japostolova · September 2015

Some men will do as little as you allow them to do. I was with my sons father for 6 years when we got married & pregnant and while I was working, buying baby stuff, going to appointments alone, he was going out getting drunk coming home at all hours making scenes & getting into arguments. One late night my new husband tried coming home at 2 am drunk and acting like an idiot and I said hell no! Enough is enough! I told him the only reason this relationship works is because of my amazing ability to disregard his many short comings and put up with his garbage. I kicked him out and felt glad at least I had myself to depend on.... Days later he came crawling back apologizing saying the going out and acting like an ass weren't ever going to happen again. He wanted to be fully invested and we started preparing for our son together. It was tough when our son was born bc you re both sleep deprived tired hungry and broke ( I had unpaid maternity leave). There are some arguments before it gets easier but it's nice to know if they re all in or all out. It's not the type of situation where you can deal with part time or weekend commitment when it's convenient for them. So my advice is tell him how it's gotta be and if he can't put his big boy pants on kick him to the curb without another thought

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