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Shower Question

modanz1modanz1 member
in November 2015 Moms
My best friend is throwing me a shower and asked for an invite list.  I gave her a list of my personal friends and a few close family members.  My SIL is also throwing a shower for my husband's side of the family.  They recently got together and decided to throw them together as one shower.  Works for me.  Well tonight my husband asked me about his friends (the women)...I didn't add them to either list, not because I didn't want them there, it just didn't really occur to me honestly.  For our wedding, the groomsmen's mothers threw a shower that involved those girls, so I suppose it just didn't cross my mind.  I think my husband kind of has his feelings hurt now that some of his close friends aren't involved but invites are already out and I don't want to ask my bestie and SIL to host any more people (the guest list is already at 50).  These girls aren't really anyone who I would hang out with, unless it was a couple's thing, so I am not even sure if they would want to come to my shower.  Anyways, I guess my question is what is the etiquette on this?  I don't want any one to feel left out or have my husband's feelings hurt, but I don't want to inconvenience the two wonderful women going out of their way to throw me an already large shower either.
YCSWU 



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Re: Shower Question

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    helsbels222helsbels222 member
    I would talk to your best friend and SIL about this and see if they wouldn't mind also sending these women an invite. Let them decide if they want to come or not and it will make your husband happy to at least invite them.
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    MargaretC5MargaretC5 member
    helskos said:

    I would talk to your best friend and SIL about this and see if they wouldn't mind also sending these women an invite. Let them decide if they want to come or not and it will make your husband happy to at least invite them.

    I agree. And with 50 people I am sure you will get some decline, so inviting a few more may not have an impact on the total number they are planning for.
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    ks24119ks24119 member
    It's worth a discussion. We are fairly close with my husbands friends wives, so all of them were also added to the list. Our list was around 70 people, invitations mostly to respect family that wouldn't actually travel. Only expecting around 30 of 70 to attend.
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    MargaretC5MargaretC5 member
    ks24119 said:

    It's worth a discussion. We are fairly close with my husbands friends wives, so all of them were also added to the list. Our list was around 70 people, invitations mostly to respect family that wouldn't actually travel. Only expecting around 30 of 70 to attend.

    Question about inviting people you don't expect to travel, is this normal?
    My cousin got married last year and we decided the invite because of travel and she had a no kids wedding. After I declined the wedding I got the invite to the shower, I felt it was just a gift grab. Did I judge her too hardly?
    I did not invites any cousins to either of my showers (wedding, baby) because we are not close and I knew they would not travel. Did I mess up?
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    ks24119ks24119 member
    MargaretC5 said:

    ks24119 said:

    It's worth a discussion. We are fairly close with my husbands friends wives, so all of them were also added to the list. Our list was around 70 people, invitations mostly to respect family that wouldn't actually travel. Only expecting around 30 of 70 to attend.

    Question about inviting people you don't expect to travel, is this normal?
    My cousin got married last year and we decided the invite because of travel and she had a no kids wedding. After I declined the wedding I got the invite to the shower, I felt it was just a gift grab. Did I judge her too hardly?
    I did not invites any cousins to either of my showers (wedding, baby) because we are not close and I knew they would not travel. Did I mess up?
    Not sure, think it depends on the relationship. It was my moms and MILs decisions to invite relatives that probably wouldn't travel. They felt that their feelings would be hurt if they weren't at least given the option of coming.
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    ks24119ks24119 member
    MargaretC5 said:

    ks24119 said:

    It's worth a discussion. We are fairly close with my husbands friends wives, so all of them were also added to the list. Our list was around 70 people, invitations mostly to respect family that wouldn't actually travel. Only expecting around 30 of 70 to attend.

    Question about inviting people you don't expect to travel, is this normal?
    My cousin got married last year and we decided the invite because of travel and she had a no kids wedding. After I declined the wedding I got the invite to the shower, I felt it was just a gift grab. Did I judge her too hardly?
    I did not invites any cousins to either of my showers (wedding, baby) because we are not close and I knew they would not travel. Did I mess up?
    I will add not all of the people Invited and not coming are from out of town, it's late summer and some friends/family already have plans.
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    RVAMommaRVAMomma member
    You would invite his family that you don't know so I think close friends are the same. They should be invited.
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    Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    Tough spot, but worth bringing it up to your best friend and SIL.  My shower was a surprise so my folks just took our wedding guest list which already included DH's friends.  DH's friends were really excited for us (mostly him as I also am not that close to them) so I can kind of see why your SO feels this way.  
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    ash413ash413 member
    MargaretC5 said:

    ks24119 said:

    It's worth a discussion. We are fairly close with my husbands friends wives, so all of them were also added to the list. Our list was around 70 people, invitations mostly to respect family that wouldn't actually travel. Only expecting around 30 of 70 to attend.

    Question about inviting people you don't expect to travel, is this normal?
    My cousin got married last year and we decided the invite because of travel and she had a no kids wedding. After I declined the wedding I got the invite to the shower, I felt it was just a gift grab. Did I judge her too hardly?
    I did not invites any cousins to either of my showers (wedding, baby) because we are not close and I knew they would not travel. Did I mess up?
    We are inviting my DH aunts, even though I know they will not attend.

    In your case it is also possible she gave the shower invite list to the host prior to you declining, or they invited all the females to the wedding that were invited to the wedding. The hostn may have just been later getting the shower invites out. I probably wouldn't side eye her too much unless she has a history of similar behavior.


    Op I would talk to your hosts. Let them know you totally forgot these people, but it is important to DH they are invited. See if you can squeezes them in.
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    modanz1modanz1 member

    Thanks ladies.  It was totally my fault being flighty.  As I said, since my wedding showers were separated by groups, in my head this would be that way too.  I will see if the hostesses can't squeeze these ladies in.  Thanks again!!
    YCSWU 



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