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October 2015 Moms
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Baby fat-shaming.

ems028ems028 member
in October 2015 Moms
https://www.refinery29.com/2015/07/91425/baby-fat-shaming#.mwmyph:vyQc 

So, I just read the article above.  What do you think?  Is the author projecting her body conscious attitude onto her daughter?

Personally I think she is too sensitive.  No one is 'fat-shaming' her child, they're merely commenting about the size - actually I think that's a normal thing to do.  When I see a newborn I usually end up saying 'Awwh they're so tiny and cute!' does this mean I'm saying they're an unhealthy child?  No.

Anyway, discuss away...

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Re: Baby fat-shaming.

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  • Sbrouwer0706Sbrouwer0706 member
    edited August 2015
    I agree with @DeeGreer. I feel like there is a huge difference between referring to a baby as "chunky" and making it seem like there is something wrong with the child. 

    Weight is just such a touchy subject. Personally, I feel like unless you know someone well and personally or are their healthcare provider, there is no need to comment on their body. I can understand how people might think it's okay, especially if they aren't doing it with any ill intent, but I just think it's something that strangers need to bite their tongue about.

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  • ems028ems028 member
    ilikestars089 said:
     Interesting article and topic, thanks for sharing!
    You're welcome! ;)
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  • Krysta6Krysta6 member
    I've never been the stranger to comment to your kid or about your kid, probably because I'm a FTM I just smile. But I agree with PP I wouldn't be annoyed with chunky monkey but if someone described my child as huge or enormous I would probably put them in their place. I'm curious as to when this stops because do people comment when your child is old enough to understand? I would flip out on an adult for saying something like that to my toddler - they have impressionable minds.

    I also read an article on how we speak to the little girls (people tend to say how pretty they are instead of asking them about school or favorite books). That really made me think because I don't want my future daughters to think superficial things are what is important!
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  • bbiutmcphbbiutmcph member
    edited August 2015
    My first son was huge.  He had rolls for days and my SIL and MIL would constantly make comments about how fat he was.  Honestly yes it hurt my feelings. SIL would call him chunky, fat, enormous, every single chance she could.  He was healthy, growing and my baby and hearing people poke fun hurts plain and simple.  I'm sure my relationship with my SIL/MIL didn't help as they are always the type to make everything a competition but even my husband would get tired of the comments.  Now my SIL has a daughter that is also very large and in fact larger than my son ever was.  It's my husbands sister so he did say something and joke around one day which caused her to flip and MIL to flip.  He said how the hell do you think me and my wife felt for 2 years when it's all you two did.  Not so funny anymore is it.  Sure it was no better of him to do it but the fact is it still bothered him obviously 5 years later.  I know that I never comment on the size of a baby because I have been there and it hurts.  I just feel like it's ridiculous to make weight comments in general but even worse to an infant.  

    edit on the flip side DS2 is incredibly small for his age and people will ask what's wrong with him.  I just don't get why commenting on size is ever appropriate.  I wouldn't do it to an adult and we teach our kids not to so why would we do it babies.


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  • MamaOwl15MamaOwl15 member
    My son was skinny till around 4 months old, then he started filling out, and he got these rolls on his thighs that I thought were adorable (and in the little skin folds he was super-ticklish). I don't remember Abyone saying he was fat, but if they had, I probably would have been offended. First, how would that stranger know that just months earlier, I was worried that my little boy would be labelled "failure to thrive" and that he had to have an ultrasound of his heart to make sure that wasn't contributing to his lack weight gain and constant spitting up. How would a stranger know that his chubby thighs, to me, we're a sign he was healthy?
    Now that he's 2, my son's thigh chub has leaned out and been mostly replaced by muscle, and he's no longer skinny. I'm told often how big he is. Yes, he's a big boy. At 38 inches tall, he's in the 98th percentile for height. His fall clothes are all size 4T. Yep, he's about the size of an average 3 year old despite just having turned 2. "He's so big" doesn't really seem like an insult. I just smile and say, "yep he's going to be tall just like his daddy."

    But I wonder if this will feel different if it's my daughter. I haven't been fat my whole life, just since around 12 or 13 when puberty and also PCOS hit and made gaining weight easy and losing it hard. I wasn't even truly fat till a few years ago, but my weight and body image have been something I've battled with for two decades now. I DON'T want to project this onto my daughter. I don't want her to feel shamed if she takes more after her father than me, and grows tall and thick and not wispy and petite. (Is it just me, or does society seem to think it's more ok for boys to be big than for girls?).

    If she's a chunky baby/toddler, and people comment, I'll try not to be offended. I think the author of the article is being a little too sensitive. But at the same time, any comments like "don't worry she'll lean out when she's older" or anything suggesting that the mom of a fat baby might need to worry about having a fat kid . . . Those comments would bother me. I hope that maintaining a healthy weight comes pretty easily for my kids, as long as we eat reasonably and stay active as a family. I hope they don't have to battle obesity as young adults. But I don't want to have a culture of fat-shaming in my household . . . Or coming from strangers.

    So with that, I think I'll make a concerted effort to only refer to other people's babies as "adorable" instead of commenting on their size. And if someone says something about one of my kids, I'll just smile and say, "yep he/she is perfect!"


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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    I've commented on babies weight occasionally.  Usually along the lines of, "Aww look at those chubby little cheeks!  I could just kiss them!" and always with people I know.  Chubby babies are cute in my opinion. 

    I've only come across one person whose child's weight is concerning and I (and the rest of my family) have talked to her about it seriously.  The child is 2yrs old and wears size 8 clothing.  He had developmental delays in sitting up, crawling, and walking because of his weight.  (All info from the pediatrician that his mother shared with the family.)  He is prediabetic and his mother does not make healthy food choices for him.

    My DD is tiny and always has been.  The only roll she had as a baby was when she rolled over.  People commented constantly on her size and worried that she wasn't healthy.  It was very frustrating and scary for a first time mother - all these people can't really be wrong, can they?  It turns out they were wrong.  She was fine according to her pediatrician. 

    Anyways, I guess my point now that you've got a bit of my background is that size shaming (the itty bits get it too) is a thing, but sometimes people are just giving compliments or trying to be nice when they comment on your baby's adorable little rolls.  There also comes a time when comments are no longer about asthetics and are about health and only those from your pediatrician need to be paid any attention.
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • plumpousplumpous member
    BTW any derogatory comment on a baby (or any person, really) is bad in my book.

    I was visiting a friend who has 18 month girl. The girl's hair is short. It doesn't grow long. Seemed bizarre to me. So I was like, what's up with your girl's hair?
    She calmly said to me, please don't bring this up. Everyone's been on my case on it, it's out of my control, and I don't want the kid to start feeling self-conscious about it.

    I dropped it immediately and realized we have to stop commenting and criticizing so much. I won't do that again to anyone, and I will probably push back gently if someone did that to me.
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  • CocoR04CocoR04 member
    My DS is 2.5 and in the 10th percentile for weight and height on a GOOD day, so I've constantly worried about his small size since he fell to that percentile at 3 months. He is happy, healthy, and faster at running than any other toddler we know, so I'm not really concerned, but man oh man, when other moms point out how much more their 15-month-old weighs or how short my son is compared to theirs (after inquiring about his age) my heart freezes and I wonder if this is the day that he will start noticing these comments. I don't want him to label himself as tiny when boys are "supposed" to be big and strong.

    I feel for the author of the blog post. Size - and people's comments - is a hard subject for those of us on both ends of the spectrum.
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  • MamaOwl15MamaOwl15 member
    CocoR04 said:

    My DS is 2.5 and in the 10th percentile for weight and height on a GOOD day, so I've constantly worried about his small size since he fell to that percentile at 3 months. He is happy, healthy, and faster at running than any other toddler we know, so I'm not really concerned, but man oh man, when other moms point out how much more their 15-month-old weighs or how short my son is compared to theirs (after inquiring about his age) my heart freezes and I wonder if this is the day that he will start noticing these comments. I don't want him to label himself as tiny when boys are "supposed" to be big and strong.

    I feel for the author of the blog post. Size - and people's comments - is a hard subject for those of us on both ends of the spectrum.

    I feel like our society has messed up standards for a person's size - for boys AND girls. Like it's OK for a girl to be really tall, as long as she's thin. And it's ok for a boy to be tall, in fact, boys are EXPECTED to be tall, and the ones who are more petite in stature are seen as somehow less masculine. What's worse, though, is that we project these expectations onto toddlers. A 15-month old who's in the 10th percentile for height/weight, but is a healthy eater, active, meeting developmental milestones and consistently growing isn't something to worry about (anymore than a child on the other end of that spectrum is).

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  • DeeGreerDeeGreer member
    I was the smallest kid. I started kindergarten at 36 pounds and still wore a 3T. I was like a real life thumbelina! ;)
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  • jenn2132jenn2132 member
    My son was born over 9lbs and stayed in the 98th percentile for height and weight up through his toddler years. My doctors weren't worried since his height and weight along with his head circumference matched up. He was a chunky baby with rolls for days and I loved it! However I would get comments pretty frequently from both family and strangers on his size. They'd ask "wow what are you feeding that kid?" To which I would respond, "steak and potatoes". I tried not to take the comments to heart only because I felt pretty confident he would slim out as he got older since my siblings and I were all chunky babies but not overweight children nor was my DH. As I predicted the baby rolls started falling off as soon as he started walking and now he is average size kid.

    Now fast forward to his first year of school kindergarten. My son came home and asked me what "chubby" meant. Immediately my radar went off and wanted to know where he heard this word. Before he would tell me he wanted to know the definition so I told him it meant a little pudgy or overweight. He said "oh" and got very quiet and then told me an older girl on the bus had called him chubby. 5 years old!!! First week at school!! I was beyond livid and honestly I cried. My son is far from overweight but knowing how I struggled with body image issues since middle school I was not about to have some snot nosed kid give me son a complex! Eventually I calmed down, I explained to my son that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and that he was absolutely perfect just as he was. Words hurt, so we need to choose them wisely. I never comment on babies/kids weight because who knows if that mom isn't already concerned? Maybe she knows something's off, maybe the child has a condition? You really never know and no mom wants to hear judgements about their kids.
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