Daddy diaper shower etiquette — The Bump
December 2015 Moms

Daddy diaper shower etiquette

DH has had friends suggest having a daddy diaper shower and he is really excited about the idea. Would it be tacky for him to host it himself? He's never been to one so we don't really know the etiquette or lack thereof.

He was thinking of inviting some guys over to our house to watch an a&m game, drink shiner, and maybe play some Mario kart. Thoughts?
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Re: Daddy diaper shower etiquette

  • LMJLLMJL
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    I think that's a really sweet idea & totally fine for him to host himself. Especially since it just sounds like an excuse to have the guys over. ;) I don't usually stand on ceremony, but even those that do shouldn't have a problem with him hosting as it's really a new thing, so it's not like there's much tradition like with the regular shower. Also, it's a bunch of guys who probably don't care or think about that stuff!
  • Is his mom in the picture? That may be a better option. I mean ppl host events for themselves all the time, but I've learned here on the bump that hosting your own gift giving events may be seen as gift grabby. I think maybe having it simultaneously with your shower and having a friend of his or someone close to him host it may be a better option. Just a suggestion though.
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  • His family lives about 17 hours away so they won't be able to make any showers, much less host one. No friends have offered and I feel like it would be more rude to ask someone to throw you a party. Lol

    We would definitely try to get it coordinated with my shower and have them at the same time though.
    ChiccoBeanz
  • Totally understood. I guess you should do what you think is best. I'm sure no matter what you choose, it will be wonderful.
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  • I think you could extended the invite with "Diapers for brew. Come watch the game this Sunday. Let's celebrate xxxx becoming a dad".
    LMJLammnam14
  • If it's a party where people are going to bring diapers (gifts), then yes it would be rude for him to host.  A person should never host their own gift giving event.

    On another note, I find these types of events sort of ridiculous.  Why can't he just hang out with friends and call it a day?  Having specific parties where people are being told what to gift someone is extremely rude.  You (general you) should never tell anyone what they have to give you as a gift.

    I get that he's excited about celebrating but I'd just arrange a small get together of his friends on the day of your shower.  No gift requests, no 'entrance fee', nothing.  Just have food and drinks available.
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    wassuphoesDylansCandyBarkmcc14
  • I think it's fine if he hosts it himself. The ones I see in my area have been the dad hosting it with the invite simply suggesting if you supply the diapers I'll supply the booze and snacks.
    Gingermom15
  • guys are just going to hang out and go to a local bar during my shower. thats good enough for DH!
  • Gingermom15Gingermom15
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    edited August 2015
    I don't see anything wrong with hosting it himself, his friends even suggested it right? Men, at least the ones in my life, aren't exactly concerned with following Miss Manners rules to a T and wouldn't think twice about it being "poor etiquette". They probably wouldn't think about any of that at all, actually. Also, I bet the main reason none of his friends have offered is because they are men and just don't think the way women do. If he asked, I'm sure one of them would be happy to. But, they are men and you usually have to ask for what you want.
    Send an invite out that says something like "I'll supply the beer and wings in exchange for a pack of diapers". Trust me, the guys will be happy just to get together. Once the game is on, the diapers are going to end up in a corner somewhere forgotten by them while they drink beer and watch their game.
    awebb29grkgdss00LMJL

  • sarahgn said:

    I don't see anything wrong with hosting it himself, his friends even suggested it right? Men, at least the ones in my life, aren't exactly concerned with following Miss Manners rules to a T and wouldn't think twice about it being "poor etiquette". They probably wouldn't think about any of that at all, actually. Also, I bet the main reason none of his friends have offered is because they are men and just don't think the way women do. If he asked, I'm sure one of them would be happy to. But, they are men and you usually have to ask for what you want.
    Send an invite out that says something like "I'll supply the beer and wings in exchange for a pack of diapers". Trust me, the guys will be happy just to get together. Once the game is on, the diapers are going to end up in a corner somewhere forgotten by them while they drink beer and watch their game.

    Good God, do not say the bolded.  

    Using the excuse that they are men isn't a reason to brush aside being polite.  Don't ask someone to host a party, that is beyond rude.  And you shouldn't have a party where you are telling people what to bring you as a gift.

    Does no one care about manners anymore?  When did the world stop being polite and start asking for handouts?


    Mmmm we are in need on newborn diapers until the baby grows into his cloth. I think this is EXACTLY what we will do :)
    LMJL
  • redfallon said:




    redfallon said:

    OMG WTF is the big deal???? It's a bunch of guys getting together to watch a football game and drink beer with the excuse of it being a daddy diaper shower. I think he can invite people over and tell them about bringing diapers. People, get off your high horse about all this crap. Geez. Who is it hurting? Is it hurting you? No. Are his friends going to think he's a gift grabby prince? No. They suggested it in the first place! It doesn't have to be such a big deal. Seriously.

    It's not about the diapers. He is not asking for handouts. It's a fun excuse to get together with his guys. And no, just having them over would not be the same thing because then it would just be a regular guy get together and not a "daddy shower" which is what his friends suggested. I'm so tired of all this nitpicking all the time over this stuff.

    Asking for diapers in order to come hangout IS asking for gifts.  A 'daddy shower' (if people are really getting into this ridiculousness) should then be treated the exact same way as a baby shower.  Someone hosts a party for the FTB, people bring him gifts that THEY want to bring and that's it.  It's not an excuse to be all nonchalant and rude.

    It's not about being on a high horse, it's about being polite.  Holy smokes, people, have some manners.

    Also, how do you know what his friends are going to think?  If his friends suggested it, then they should throw it.  

    Because they are men. They probably aren't clutching their pearls because Joe asked them over to watch football and drink beer and asked them to bring diapers along.


    taysunhplunkett2883Ken122014
  • redfallon said:
    redfallon said:
    OMG WTF is the big deal???? It's a bunch of guys getting together to watch a football game and drink beer with the excuse of it being a daddy diaper shower. I think he can invite people over and tell them about bringing diapers. People, get off your high horse about all this crap. Geez. Who is it hurting? Is it hurting you? No. Are his friends going to think he's a gift grabby prince? No. They suggested it in the first place! It doesn't have to be such a big deal. Seriously.

    It's not about the diapers. He is not asking for handouts. It's a fun excuse to get together with his guys. And no, just having them over would not be the same thing because then it would just be a regular guy get together and not a "daddy shower" which is what his friends suggested. I'm so tired of all this nitpicking all the time over this stuff.
    Asking for diapers in order to come hangout IS asking for gifts.  A 'daddy shower' (if people are really getting into this ridiculousness) should then be treated the exact same way as a baby shower.  Someone hosts a party for the FTB, people bring him gifts that THEY want to bring and that's it.  It's not an excuse to be all nonchalant and rude.

    It's not about being on a high horse, it's about being polite.  Holy smokes, people, have some manners.

    Also, how do you know what his friends are going to think?  If his friends suggested it, then they should throw it.  
    Because they are men. They probably aren't clutching their pearls because Joe asked them over to watch football and drink beer and asked them to bring diapers along.
    Thank you for elaborating on your very obvious gender stereotype.  Some men actually do care about manners.  

    To each his own.

    8-|

    Jamie


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    Gingermom15Mother0fDragonsKen122014
  • I think he should do it. We were going to invite all of our friends to the baby shower my MiL was throwing but then as we were asking who would be interested (guys and girls) we found it would be WAY to many people for her to accomidate! They, our friends, demanded that we throw one ourselves for them. None of them have the time or the know-how to plan and throw one for me so we are doing a backyard BBQ at their request. We put the invite out on Facebook and in the event page the highest liked post is to ask us where we are registered with my babyli.st in the comments. Seriously, if people are excited for you and want to get you things, there is no reason you shouldn't do it. They asked me to have a second party. I am sure there are plenty of you out there who know that you don't have a friend who would be able to handle arranging such a thing without having a panic attack.

    Like my SO keeps reminding me, you WANT people to be excited about our family!
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    Gingermom15
  • If it really an informal gathering that your SO would be hosting and you're concerned about offending people, he could just tell his buddies to come over for a football party as a last hurrah before he becomes a dad.  If your SO is like my husband, there wouldn't be any formal invitations--just a guy asking other guys to come over.  Most polite people would ask if they could bring anything.  If they do ask (and only if they ask), he could say that he's got food and beer covered, but if they wanted to bring a pack of diapers/wipes for the new baby that would be appreciated. 

    That being said, we didn't get offended when my DH was asked to attend an official "diaper BBQ" and bring a pack of diapers for his buddy.  We thought it was a cool idea since most guys would bring a 6-pack of beer anyway to something like that.  I think it all depends on the audience.  Do whatever you are comfortable with.

  • redfallon said:
    Fine, sure, let's treat it like a regular baby shower. So, first of all, they need to ask one of his friends to host it (tacky, right? even though they suggested it). Then they will need to order some invitations and make sure that those get sent out at least 6-8 weeks in advance. And even though it's a daddy diaper shower, make sure that they don't mention anything about diapers because that would also be tacky.

    Tacky, tacky, tacky.

    Sorry OP, I guess the whole idea is a big tacky mess and your SO will not be able to have his daddy diaper shower (that his friends suggested) without all of his friends ostracizing him and you for the rest of your lives. It's probably going to start some huge turf war between you guys and all his former friends and your children and grandchildren will have to keep fighting the good fight all throughout the rest of time. :ar!

    Seriously, I think it's a fun idea and you guys should do it however you want to do it. Here is an article that I found about it: http://www.today.com/news/man-showers-more-dudes-celebrate-dads-be-1D79574387

    There is a website that also helps to plan them that's mentioned in the article: http://www.manshower.net/
    Ok, in response to your first paragraph, if they are going to treat it like a baby shower, then one of them would have to throw it.  Even if they suggested it, if no one is willing to throw it, then he doesn't get one.  Same with a baby shower.  If you're throwing your own baby shower, that's a whole other story for a different thread.

    Second, yes they'd have to get invites.

    Third, it shouldn't be called a Daddy Diaper Shower.  There should be no mention of diapers.  Just a shower.  People will bring whatever gift they want because it's rude to dictate how and what your guests spend their money on.

    So your whole first paragraph is moot because you clearly don't understand how it works.  But thanks for playing.
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  • fmragliofmraglio
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    edited August 2015


    redfallon said:

    Fine, sure, let's treat it like a regular baby shower. So, first of all, they need to ask one of his friends to host it (tacky, right? even though they suggested it). Then they will need to order some invitations and make sure that those get sent out at least 6-8 weeks in advance. And even though it's a daddy diaper shower, make sure that they don't mention anything about diapers because that would also be tacky.

    Tacky, tacky, tacky.

    Sorry OP, I guess the whole idea is a big tacky mess and your SO will not be able to have his daddy diaper shower (that his friends suggested) without all of his friends ostracizing him and you for the rest of your lives. It's probably going to start some huge turf war between you guys and all his former friends and your children and grandchildren will have to keep fighting the good fight all throughout the rest of time. :ar!

    Seriously, I think it's a fun idea and you guys should do it however you want to do it. Here is an article that I found about it: http://www.today.com/news/man-showers-more-dudes-celebrate-dads-be-1D79574387

    There is a website that also helps to plan them that's mentioned in the article: http://www.manshower.net/

    Ok, in response to your first paragraph, if they are going to treat it like a baby shower, then one of them would have to throw it.  Even if they suggested it, if no one is willing to throw it, then he doesn't get one.  Same with a baby shower.  If you're throwing your own baby shower, that's a whole other story for a different thread.

    Second, yes they'd have to get invites.

    Third, it shouldn't be called a Daddy Diaper Shower.  There should be no mention of diapers.  Just a shower.  People will bring whatever gift they want because it's rude to dictate how and what your guests spend their money on.

    So your whole first paragraph is moot because you clearly don't understand how it works.  But thanks for playing.

    EDIT FOR QUOTE FAIL -----------------
    You've obviously never been to one. Because she's exactly right on how it works...
    Mother0fDragonsredfallon
  • @MyCousinVinny really, over a few diapers?  It's not like people are spending outrageous amounts of money here, besides you can never have too many diapers with a newborn!!
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  • Gingermom15Gingermom15
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    edited August 2015
    In my eyes, a handout is asking people to make deposits into the baby's savings account or requesting money in lieu of gifts.
    the people in our group all have children and have had baby showers themselves. A few have had daddy diaper parties. We have seen nothing wrong with this process and wouldn't think twice about having one for SO. All of of daddy friends would be happy to attend.
    LMJL
  • Holy cow. It's SO rude and tacky to get all judgemental over some one else's party etiquette. There is alot to be offended about in this world. You'd think people would just state an opinion and move on if this was such a big deal to them. The snarky, nasty way that some folks are being...in defense of proper manners is kind of funny.
    Gingermom15LMJLKen122014wscopeland
  • soulfish said:
    Holy cow. It's SO rude and tacky to get all judgemental over some one else's party etiquette. There is alot to be offended about in this world. You'd think people would just state an opinion and move on if this was such a big deal to them. The snarky, nasty way that some folks are being...in defense of proper manners is kind of funny.
    Um, I've stated my opinion and continued responding because people were responding to me.  It's called a 'conversation'.  Typically that includes more than one person having dialogue with others.  

    And yes, I do judge people who completely ignore the rules of etiquette in order to get what they want.  It annoys me that so many people are willing to take advantage of their loved ones all for the sake of a few diapers.  It shows zero class and there's nothing rude about me saying that.  It is what it is.

    People doing things differently doesn't mean it's not tacky.  Etiquette is what it is, it doesn't change.  The only thing that has changed is that people are choosing to side-step around it.  
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  • beccabeeeebeccabeeee
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    edited August 2015
    **Removed for TOU Violation**   


    OP, I think that sounds like fun! I've actually mentioned something similar to my husband and he thought it was a cool idea because he would much rather go pick out a pack of diapers and drink beer and eat some burgers. If him and all his friends are for it then go for it! =]
    LMJL
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