Gender disappointment.

jschulz9988 · August 2015

I really wanted a girl. And I'm having a boy. I'm super happy that baby is healthy but I'm scared about it being a boy. Anyone else? I hate feeling like this cause I love him..

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

I'm calling MUD

duckinoven · August 2015

Congrats on your healthy baby boy and welcome to team Blue! I'd advise you to use the search function on similar topics, there have been several folks disappointed in the sex of their otherwise healthy baby in recent weeks. Generally, this topic doesn't go over very well. Not sure if you have been on here much, but several women who either have had losses or serious health concerns about their baby. It's not exactly the ideal audience for this kind of complaint. Especially when the odds of boy vs girl are 50/50. In my opinion, this is a topic better suited for your partner, family, friends, and medical team who may be more sympathetic.

I hope this disappointment is fleeting and you can start to get excited about your healthy baby. Wish you all the best.

MrsBwIVF · August 2015

Gingermom15 · August 2015

BostonBaby1 said:
I'm calling MUD

I would like to as well. However, a woman I work with is horribly disappointed about having a girl. She bled, went to the ER, had a cerclage done and almost lost her baby and actually sounded upset that she didn't. It made me sick.

breezypip · August 2015

taysun · August 2015

If you're truly nervous, and not disappointed, I suggest a title change.
Maybe a post asking advice from mamas with boys would be more appropriate and help ease your fears.

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

sarahgn said:

BostonBaby1 said:
I'm calling MUD
I would like to as well. However, a woman I work with is horribly disappointed about having a girl. She bled, went to the ER, had a cerclage done and almost lost her baby and actually sounded upset that she didn't. It made me sick.

Wow that is freaking nuts and gross

ChiccoBeanz · August 2015

Hey, I agree with pp about editing the title. I'm sure you will get WAY more helpful responses if you talk about your fears of having a boy. That is super common and I'm sure you can find some support on this forum for that. But please remember, this is a forum, and not a support group.

Congrats on your healthy baby boy and welcome to team blue!

spottedginger · August 2015

jschulz9988 said:
I really wanted a girl. And I'm having a boy. I'm super happy that baby is healthy but I'm scared about it being a boy. Anyone else? I hate feeling like this cause I love him..

QFP. OP- congrats on your baby boy!

Peanut1128 · August 2015

You can actually pay now to have a doctor only implant the embryos you would like. I believe I saw somewhere that Kim & Kanye opted for this option to ensure they would have a boy.

yl1m32015 · August 2015

Another one?! How many times do we have to have the same discussions/arguments around here?

yl1m32015 · August 2015

OP, I understand being afraid, but I can't understand being disappointed. It's ok to be nervous about raising a boy. There are tons of books you can read on raising sons that might be helpful.

Evvi121515 · August 2015

Can someone tell me what MUD is?? I keep seeing it but can't find anywhere what it means. I'm guessing it's super obvious but I can't figure it out.

littleSkittle14 · August 2015

Evvi121515 said:
Can someone tell me what MUD is?? I keep seeing it but can't find anywhere what it means. I'm guessing it's super obvious but I can't figure it out.

Made up drama

Taylovesbrad · August 2015

Not this again.

tesary · August 2015

Hawaiianmama17 · August 2015

Holy crap!!! Are we running out of things to post about???? Let's go back to hot dogs and taco bell!!!!!

duckinoven · August 2015

Hawaiianmama17 said:

Holy crap!!! Are we running out of things to post about???? Let's go back to hot dogs and taco bell!!!!!

Please, let's never talk about sausage again.

hplunkett2883 · August 2015

littleSkittle14 said:

Evvi121515 said:
Can someone tell me what MUD is?? I keep seeing it but can't find anywhere what it means. I'm guessing it's super obvious but I can't figure it out.
Made up drama

Meaning people post about "hot topics" to stir the shit pot on the board.

vppittman · August 2015

Please please please, OP, for the sake of everyone involved here...use the search function for information about this topic. Even a dirty delete would be acceptable at this point.

leek71983 · August 2015

vppittman said:
Please please please, OP, for the sake of everyone involved here...use the search function for information about this topic. Even a dirty delete would be acceptable at this point.

Agree with this! Search search search. Ugh!

kdoak2015 · August 2015

Yep calling MUD and not even giving this post the time of day.

MegStark · August 2015

"cause" does not = "because"

Congratulations on your healthy baby.

Rawr052992 · August 2015

Depending on what you mean by "disappointed" is whether I understand or not.

I found out I was having a boy, and the only thing I could call it when talking to my Hunni was disappointment. Not so much in the fact we were having a boy, but in the fact it wasnt a girl. Which to some, see no difference in the two. But heres my reasoning, and OP might, I cant speak for her though, but...

Im from a family of all girls, everyone has little boys though, but I was raised with an all girl family, so I feel Id do better at raising a girl. When it comes to the thought of raising a boy Im disappointed, not with it being a boy, but with myself. Somewhere in me, I dont think I can do it. That I'll make some HUGE mistake somewhere along the lines. Thankfully, I know even though it feels like disappointment, its just nerves. In the week since I found out I was having a boy instead of a girl, Ive put my focus on asking questions. Lots & lots of questions, & thankfully with all of my cousins & sisters having little boys (my generation was all girls, and we've all had boys, guess we're evening the scales). With them all having baby boys, the oldest being 6, youngest being 3 months, it makes it so I feel a little more secure now. I know I have help if I need it. Which has eased my "disappointment".

I know many people see that word and automatically jump to 'Just be happy you have a baby, some people cant conceive".

Well coming from one of those people who was told she never could, even I got that disappointed feeling. Its just hormones, you dont exactly get to choose your emotions.

holly1811 · August 2015

Ahhh here we go again! And also Why are all these "disapointment" threads because there having boys!! Up the boys i say

beccabeeee · August 2015

Mother of god, really?!? Please tell me this is MUD. There was just a nasty discussion about this that has been shut down.

Mother0fDragons · August 2015

So much MUD!! OP hasn't been active since posting this thread.

Earthed · August 2015

Ladies, if you don't like the topic, don't open the post. This should be a safe place to get feedback from other women that may have similar experiences and feelings.

I will find out the sex of my baby on Friday. I too think I would know how to raise a female but with a male, I don't know what to do! How do you raise a boy to navigate a world from a male perspective? You will figure it out and all you can do is your best. Good luck and I am happy for you!

redfallon · August 2015

Earthed said:

Ladies, if you don't like the topic, don't open the post. This should be a safe place to get feedback from other women that may have similar experiences and feelings. I will find out the sex of my baby on Friday. I too think I would know how to raise a female but with a male, I don't know what to do! How do you raise a boy to navigate a world from a male perspective? You will figure it out and all you can do is your best. Good luck and I am happy for you!

Being nervous about raising a boy when you aren't sure about it is different than being disappointed over something that he can't control.

taysun · August 2015

Earthed said:
Ladies, if you don't like the topic, don't open the post. This should be a safe place to get feedback from other women that may have similar experiences and feelings.

I will find out the sex of my baby on Friday. I too think I would know how to raise a female but with a male, I don't know what to do! How do you raise a boy to navigate a world from a male perspective? You will figure it out and all you can do is your best. Good luck and I am happy for you!

This is not a support group, and TOU allow for disagreement. Posts of this topic are nearly always shut down because of those who can't accept that many of us feel this forum is not the place to discuss disappointment.
By all means, feel free to start a post seeking advice from mothers who have sons if you are nervous about raising a boy, but it's truly upsetting to some that so many mothers are disappointed that they are having a boy. If no one had boys, none of us would have our SOs or possibly even be around to have our babies.
Girls are great, but so are boys!

BostonBaby1 · August 2015

I am beyond disgusted to see people on here supporting sex disappointment. Saying it's okay of loving the posts that do. ESPECIALLY considering the fact that there is a woman here who just lost her son yesterday!!! Shouldn't this also be a safe place for her??? 100% Disgusting!

holly1811 · August 2015

@Earthed curious do you already have girls is that why you no how to raise them? Whats the difference between raising a female or a male child? A child is a child you raise your child how you see fit. There is no right or wrong way depending on what sex you have. All you have to do is love your them and guide them through the rights and wrongs, the rest is down to your child be it boy or girl you dont navigate there world through any perspective. it is there life, and it is what makes us who were are. People are more than welcome to post whatever they please but were not all going to agree.

VesperLove · August 2015

Now I want popcorn.

Earthed · August 2015

The OP said "I'm super happy that baby is healthy but I'm scared about it being a boy. Anyone else? I hate feeling like this cause I love him.."

She states that she is afraid of raising a boy. That she is super happy that her baby is healthy and she states that she loves him. She expressed that fear by defining it as disappointment. I see nothing wrong with feeling fear. We are all going to be parents soon. Topics like this may benefit the community more if we could provide examples from our own lives that others can utilize to navigate their feelings or plan for their future with their child.

Yes, it is great to debate - but it should be positive and constructive, and not so negative and plain mean. I think we should be able to discuss complicated and divisive issues with more maturity.

For me, with a boy, raising him would be a different experience from raising a girl. Boys don't do as well in school. They experience pressures to be masculine, something that is defined differently in media than what I would define masculinity. In some cities it is 'cool' to slack off at school. How do I raise him to respect women as his equal when women are not represented equally in media such as movies? How do I teach him about consent? That kind of thing scares me. I know it is far out, but we are going to give birth, and will raise these babies to be adults. A girl has challenges too, no doubt. But I feel like I know how to guide my daughter better.

Saying all this, it's just a fear, or perhaps just nervousness/anxiousness. I look forward to raising whatever I get.

CMDD · August 2015

sarahgn said:

BostonBaby1 said:
I'm calling MUD
I would like to as well. However, a woman I work with is horribly disappointed about having a girl. She bled, went to the ER, had a cerclage done and almost lost her baby and actually sounded upset that she didn't. It made me sick.

This makes me want to strangle something/one

Marchmellow2 · August 2015

BostonBaby1 said:
I am beyond disgusted to see people on here supporting sex disappointment. Saying it's okay of loving the posts that do. ESPECIALLY considering the fact that there is a woman here who just lost her son yesterday!!! Shouldn't this also be a safe place for her??? 100% Disgusting!

THIS!!!!! 10000 times THIS! What is wrong with people! Disgusted is an understatement!

This is how I feel about this thread:

nram25 · August 2015

I understand how you feel because I'll usually prefer a boy over a girl but I also assume you've never had a loss because itll make you so much grateful and thankful for a healthy baby whether it's a boy or girl or in my case both. But as your pregnancy progress, you'll start to feel that excitement all over again. Congrats and good luck.

jmomof4 · August 2015

There are a lot of things in life that disappoint me from time to time. However, I don't air them in order to be sensitive to those around me. I lost a full term baby, I lost a second tri baby, I spent three months in the hospital with my youngest. You know what? Healthy baby is ALL I prayed for after seeing these moms riddle with club feet, trisomies, clef palate.

rmj28 · August 2015

jmomof4 said:
There are a lot of things in life that disappoint me from time to time. However, I don't air them in order to be sensitive to those around me. I lost a full term baby, I lost a second tri baby, I spent three months in the hospital with my youngest. You know what? Healthy baby is ALL I prayed for after seeing these moms riddle with club feet, trisomies, clef palate.

This. As a woman who has had two losses and is carrying a son with Down syndrome.
(And you are a strong Momma, @jmomof4 )

beverlove · August 2015

I'm pretty let down by how tactless some of these responses are. If you don't like the topic then skip it. This should be a safe place for people to talk and get support. Yes, support! Not disrespectful posts and moaning about seeing yet the same topic. If you're bored with it and wish to discuss topics such as 'fast food' take a trip to a drive through, and read a menu.

Good luck,
Don't worry, and most of all don't feel guilty about it. You're human. Xo

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