My MIL fussed about a friend BFing at my house uncovered, so I GUESS I'll be slinking off around her just so I don't have to hear about it (third hand because she bitched at my SIL who told my BIL or something.)
Otherwise, I'll be BFing in public, and if there's a cover involved it's because I'm a weenie who gets COLD, not because of modesty. Once summer rolls around, pfft.
Is heartily apologizing to her child in advance for genes that predispose them to shitty vision and being Too Damn Tall.
In my state, the law protects my right to breastfeed where ever I am allowed to be with no indication of whether or not I must be covered. So i believe me covering will be strictly situational. I want to get the infinite scarf style covers, so if I am wearing one and baby is fine with it then I will cover. But if I forgot, or baby is not having the fabric on its face and head, then I'm not covering. End of story. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I do understand if there are lots of kids around and people don't know how to answer their child's questions in an age appropriate manner, I might be more inclined to TRY and cover. But I don't care if people feel offended, that is a choice. You choose to be a prudent person who doesn't understand the purpose of our anatomy.
Most children are more accepting of breastfeeding mothers than adults are. I think adults project that awkwardness onto their kid when the kid is not awkward about it at all. How to make it not awkward:
Kid sees breastfeeding mother: Mommy, what is that lady doing? Mom: She's feeding her baby. Kid: Ok.
I would also like to add that I personally have no problem calling out any men, or women, who are watching me creepy style as I bf. These people need to be put in their place and told in public and in front of others, how rude it is to stare. Me bfing my children isn't the problem, they're the problem.
***Trying to conceive since 9/12- m/c 2/13 from natural conception.
IVF success 10/14 with m/c 11/14. FET success 4/15***
This is your example, a girl frim 16 and pregnant?!?! I'm going to point out most of those girls do not have a history of making good decisions, and this would be yet another poor decision on their part. She doesn't even have pants on!
That doesn't mean that women should no longer BF in public. Also, have you actually ever seen someone BF? The beast is exposed for maybe a few seconds when baby latches, but is then pretty much covered by the baby and shirt. Your likely to see more boob in Victoria secret add.
This is pretty much spot on to what I was going to say!! Also I will ideally try and cover up in public but desperate times call for desperate measures so I'll never say never. Like a lot of others I am more uncomfortable with me doing in open all the time (maybe because I'm a FTM) but it doesn't bother me in the least bit of someone else does it in the open. Good for them to have that comfortableness with their body and baby.
This is what I meant by making me uncomfortable.... In her post she claimed she left a restaurant because she felt too uncomfortable but yet she's posting this? (It's a girl I follow from 16 & pregnant on MTV) Boobs are sexual things hence why many women get breast implants. BF is awesome just not when people flaunt it like this for the whole world to see. If it slipped at a restaurant or in public then oh well but I wouldn't purposefully have my boob out with attempting to cover up just because of the looks I would receive and comments I would hear. Just my opinion, weirds me out. Especially knowing males are looking at me and my "sexual objects" which is sick considering I'm feeding my child but you can't help the way men and most women think.
Probably shouldn't be using anyone on mtv as your parenting example.
My MIL fussed about a friend BFing at my house uncovered, so I GUESS I'll be slinking off around her just so I don't have to hear about it (third hand because she bitched at my SIL who told my BIL or something.)
Otherwise, I'll be BFing in public, and if there's a cover involved it's because I'm a weenie who gets COLD, not because of modesty. Once summer rolls around, pfft.
Mine was the opposite. Called my husbands brother CRYING because I wouldn't breastfeed in front of her. Creepy.
I don't plan on BFing in public because it makes *me* uncomfortable. I don't want anyone, family included, seeing my breasts. Not to mention I feel it's a quiet bonding moment between myself and my child. If I know I'm going to be out in public at meal time, i'd rather pump and carry a bottle then try to find a clean, private space in busy locations. To each their own though.
I will BF my kid whenever, wherever she's hungry. My honey badger daughter was much more pleasant to be around when eating, not waiting to eat.
Also, this modesty thing is killing me. Using a cover while breastfeeding is not a modesty thing. Puritan women were massively more modest than almost anyone in today's society and they didn't use covers. Hush with your whole modesty thing.
I plan on trying to bf again. I was unsuccessful with my middle child and when the same stuff started happening with my DD I quit trying. This time I plan on giving it my best try and if I am successful I will bf in public. And depending on what works for me and my baby will determine if I use a cover or not.
and @kleshelle this is how bf normally looks in public without a cover. Nothing like that photo you posted.
I will BF my kid whenever, wherever she's hungry. My honey badger daughter was much more pleasant to be around when eating, not waiting to eat.
Also, this modesty thing is killing me. Using a cover while breastfeeding is not a modesty thing. Puritan women were massively more modest than almost anyone in today's society and they didn't use covers. Hush with your whole modesty thing.
Who are you to tell other mothers what they should be comfortable doing? With regards to my body, my expectation of modesty and my comfort level are the only things that matter.
I will BF my kid whenever, wherever she's hungry. My honey badger daughter was much more pleasant to be around when eating, not waiting to eat.
Also, this modesty thing is killing me. Using a cover while breastfeeding is not a modesty thing. Puritan women were massively more modest than almost anyone in today's society and they didn't use covers. Hush with your whole modesty thing.
Who are you to tell other mothers what they should be comfortable doing? With regards to my body, my expectation of modesty and my comfort level are the only things that matter.
Exactly. My version of modesty may not be yours @tralalablah but that doesn't make it wrong. If the Puritan women or anyone else felt comfortable bf'ing in public more power to them. Every woman should stay in HER comfort zone. Not someone else's. Classic example of mom shaming. Damned if you do damned if you don't.
I will BF my kid whenever, wherever she's hungry. My honey badger daughter was much more pleasant to be around when eating, not waiting to eat.
Also, this modesty thing is killing me. Using a cover while breastfeeding is not a modesty thing. Puritan women were massively more modest than almost anyone in today's society and they didn't use covers. Hush with your whole modesty thing.
I think judging someone's reasons for use of a cover is just as bad as judging someone for not using a cover. Feed your babies however you are comfortable, whether that means you use a cover don't use a cover or don't breastfeed in public. But don't shame or judge others for their choice of how they will breastfeed.
I'm still trying to understand why anyone would think that teen mom has good parenting examples. The world is going to hell in a hand basket... Reality TV is the LAST place to find roles models in this day and age.
She's my example because I felt weird snabbing ppls BF photos off fb to share, I see many women posting pictures like these that aren't on TV even in public I've seen it. There's a fine line between that and trying to be as modest as possible. Like I said I'm planning on BF, but not being showy with it like I see so so often. If it slipped then it would slip but im going to try to be modest about it.
I plan on bottle feeding pumped breast milk if we happen to be out in public. I have pretty large breasts in the first place (the idea of them growing even larger is kind of terrifying), and know I won't be comfortable whipping one out in front of people.That being said, I have no issue with women who are comfortable openly breastfeeding in public and have no idea how someone could be offended by a woman feeding her child.
She's my example because I felt weird snabbing ppls BF photos off fb to share, I see many women posting pictures like these that aren't on TV even in public I've seen it. There's a fine line between that and trying to be as modest as possible. Like I said I'm planning on BF, but not being showy with it like I see so so often. If it slipped then it would slip but im going to try to be modest about it.
I've never seen a woman breast feed looking like that that girl in the photo, in public or online. You should find a new role model, not only for your own sake, but for your daughter as well.
I don't plan on BF. I hate it and it doesn't work for me.
When I BF my DD I never did it in public because I was too grossed out by the idea of strangers seeing my breasts. If I were going to BF this one, I'd be more inclined to find a private spot or at least use a cover for my own comfort.
Just to play devil's advocate, I have a few questions after reading through everyone's comments...
Why is it considered "normal" to BF in public, but "not normal" to pump in public? I've seen people comment on other threads about pumping should be done in private, etc. What's the difference? Both are just producing milk for your child to eat.
Why would you choose to BF in public/in front of strangers, but will go to another room/excuse yourself around family? Shouldn't they be the people you're most comfortable feeding your child around?
I don't plan on BF. I hate it and it doesn't work for me.
When I BF my DD I never did it in public because I was too grossed out by the idea of strangers seeing my breasts. If I were going to BF this one, I'd be more inclined to find a private spot or at least use a cover for my own comfort.
Just to play devil's advocate, I have a few questions after reading through everyone's comments...
Why is it considered "normal" to BF in public, but "not normal" to pump in public? I've seen people comment on other threads about pumping should be done in private, etc. What's the difference? Both are just producing milk for your child to eat.
Why would you choose to BF in public/in front of strangers, but will go to another room/excuse yourself around family? Shouldn't they be the people you're most comfortable feeding your child around?
To answer one part of this, I'll go to a public pool in my bathing suit all day long. But feel weird if I have to be in my swimsuit in front of my FIL or BIL. Mostly because the strangers at the pool will never see me again. Sitting across from someone at thanksgiving when they've basically seen you in your skivvies is awkward. To me it's the same premise as breastfeeding.
Pumping is different than breastfeeding. You are hooked up to a machine that is making whirring and other mechanical noises. That is different than having your child directly eating. BFing is a type of bonding with the baby, as well. It can also help them go to sleep.
I am not trying to bond with a pump or help it go to sleep.
@monaclemere my FIL is nearly 80, MIL is 65, my parents are in their late 50s. Every single one of them has expressed discomfort with public breastfeeding. I will have no issue breastfeeding in my own home with my mom or MIL present but would not be comfortable watching a football game and BF with my dad or FIL.
If I'm at a family gathering, most likely it will be more than just my parents there, I'd prefer a quiet room to BF. That said, once we get the hang of it, my plan is to pump and bottle feed in public around the time I go back to work.
I don't plan on BF. I hate it and it doesn't work for me.
When I BF my DD I never did it in public because I was too grossed out by the idea of strangers seeing my breasts. If I were going to BF this one, I'd be more inclined to find a private spot or at least use a cover for my own comfort.
Just to play devil's advocate, I have a few questions after reading through everyone's comments...
Why is it considered "normal" to BF in public, but "not normal" to pump in public? I've seen people comment on other threads about pumping should be done in private, etc. What's the difference? Both are just producing milk for your child to eat.
Why would you choose to BF in public/in front of strangers, but will go to another room/excuse yourself around family? Shouldn't they be the people you're most comfortable feeding your child around?
@MrsBwIVF made a good point about excusing yourself around family;
To me, at a family function there will be an
easy and comfortable room for me to excuse myself to feed my children.
Plus, I sometimes need to walk away from too much family time, haha.
Also, I can see trying to feed them and a family member trying to
correct me or tell me to do it this way or that way.
When I'm out and about in public, it won't be that easy (I'm assuming
since I am a ftm) and I will not feed my children in a dirty public
restroom.
Some of these posts make me laugh so hard, like the pic that was posted of the mtv girl! Really??? That is not what breastfeeding looks like, especially out in public. I nursed my first until I lost my milk with this pregnancy. I nursed in public and after the first few weeks of having a baby on your boob 20 times a day you learn real fast how to do it discreetly. I personally feel like I got more stares when I used a cover, it kinda screams "hey I've got a boob out under here!".
Most of the time my husband couldn't even tell I was nursing. We would get up from a restaurant to leave and I would have to tell him to wait a minute while I got the little guy off the boob and back in the car seat. I always made it a point to nurse before he started screaming to a) keep my kid happy and b) you get a lot more stares when your baby is screaming. Personally I was never approached or felt like I got any dirty looks or comments from people while nursing but I wouldn't be afraid to tell them where to stick it if I had.
Feed your babies, that's all that matters. Cover or don't cover, do what works for you!
And because it's breastfeeding week, my favorite meme I've seen thus far!
As a FTM I did not BF in public until we had the hang of it. I use a really lightweight swaddling blanket when the baby will tolerate it, but have found that you end up showing more skin when you're wrestling with an older baby who is trying to take the cover off! I agree with red fallon who says most people think you're holding a sleeping baby. I've had lots of people come up to look at the baby and I've had to say he/she is nursing right now.
As for that picture with the beanie that is supposed to show what nursing looks like: nope. With baby number 1 I learned to pull my shirt up from the bottom to nurse her; not down from the top. If you're cradling baby in your lap, neither your tummy or upper chest is exposed. No one has ever complained about me nursing in public - at least to my face - because I've never tried to be "in your face" about it.
@tralalablah please don't tell others to "hush with their modesty." There is no reason for you to be offended that some women choose to be covered or choose not to breast feed in public, just as there is no reason for anyone else to feel offended by someone choosing to bf in public. None of this would be a hot topic if society didn't make it one and I honestly feel like both sides of the argument are guilty of perpetuating the issue. If women would like to bf in public, so be it. If others feel too modest to bf in public, who cares? The fact that social media is a buzz with this topic is just continuing to make it a big deal. I believe in every single person's right to choose. The only thing I do have issue with is the men (or women) who have made anyone uncomfortable for their own choice in a country that protects that choice by law. As for me- I have no idea what I'll do-but whatever it is I choose will be just that- my choice and it is my right to make it.
My child's need to eat is more important than how "uncomfortable" my breasts make an immature person feel. That's the beginning and end of it for me personally.
ETA that my husband isn't super crazy about the idea of his wife whipping her breast out in public, but cares more that his son is fed.
As far as breastfeeding in front of friends and family, if I'm in my own home I will do it without going anywhere. If it makes them uncomfortable, they can leave. If I'm at someone else's house I would ask if they mind and if they do is there a more private room I can use. My boyfriend supports that decision. ETA that I have the luxury of asking people to leave without being rude because we live in a three family home in which relatives live upstairs and a friend lives next door so everyone is constantly in and out of the apartments, including visitors.
Moms should breastfeed however she and baby are comfortable. If mom is modest and likes to cover, so be it. If she or baby don't like the cover and do without, so be it. No one should be shamed for their confidence to feed their child freely, nor should they be shamed for their modestly if they cover especially by a fellow breastfeeding mother. That's absurd and very counter-productive support wise. No mother should feel forced to feed in the bathroom, hide in a closet, schedule trips around baby eating or pump before going out. If she chooses to do so that is fine. To each their own.
@monaclemere I have no plans on leaving when there is family around, nor will I ask them to leave. I was raised by a breastfeeding mother, who fed all my younger siblings in the presence of whoever was there. My aunts all breastfed, as well. It was the usual for our family and no one saw anything wrong or weird with it. I doubt things will be different with me. I wouldn't choose to pump in public, mainly because it's just different than feeding an actual child. With a pump, the shields are clear so people DO see all of the breast. With a child all that is seen is the top part. Also, babies have eat on demand and they don't care where they are or what you are doing. I'm not going to carry my pump around and use it when it screams. I highly doubt there will ever actually be an emergent need to pump in public unless I'm stranded somewhere and get engorged. To be honest, if I get stranded at work due to weather or the like, and have to pump in front of people then oh well. I would be fine tossing a blanket over my chest for that because I wouldn't be smothering my baby.
She's my example because I felt weird snabbing ppls BF photos off fb to share, I see many women posting pictures like these that aren't on TV even in public I've seen it. There's a fine line between that and trying to be as modest as possible. Like I said I'm planning on BF, but not being showy with it like I see so so often. If it slipped then it would slip but im going to try to be modest about it.
Idk where you are from, but you she reevaluate who you are around if these are the examples you are getting. Especially since you keep saying it makes YOU uncomfortable. That's all just weird.
I bf my daughter in public sometimes without a cover, which was something I NEVER thought I would do. She wad my first baby and I've always been cautious about the way my boobs look. They're very large. But In the summer it was way to hot to even have the muslin (sp?) I got a lot of dirty looks and also a lot of support. In the winter I started using a cover but I still didn't like the feel of covering her, I liked us looking at each other while she fed. Also, trying to bf when baby had a super secure latch whilst trying to escape a blanket is god-awful. I wouldn't wish it on my emery. The twisting?! No thanks lol. I'm 19 weeks with #2 and I plan on doing the same thing. It's all about comfort.
I'm feeding my kid. If you try to get between us, there will be problems.
This is not the same thing as "going topless". I'm feeding my child.
Don't get me wrong, there are lots of situations where I would likely store up bottled milk. Visiting my father in law, as one good example. Taking the baby to work to visit is another one. There are places i really don't feel like whipping my nips out. I think my point is that i shouldn't have to haul around an extra x L of liquid on top of everything else just to keep from offending random strangers. My child's well being takes precedence over random strangers in a way that is so vast it's not even measurable.
I'm 100% team BF anywhere and everywhere. DD was a picky nurser and hated having a cover or light blanket over her head so I quickly learned to deal with it. She would often be chill and nurse but as she got older she'd twist around to se the world and I'm sure I flashed people a few times. I guess I just don't care. I won't even bother trying to nurse with a cover with this one and yes, I try to find a quiet spot but I'll BF in a crowded restaurant or park, or wherever. My babies health and happiness comes first to me. DH is the biggest BF advocate and on board. It freaked him out at first but he quickly realized pumping to give bottles in public or running to the car to BF was just silly and too much work for us. To each their own though!
Breastfeeding, fyi, also reduces the likelihood of colic. When babies drink from the breast, they consume more slowly and swallow less air, making indigestion and heartburn less likely.
So sorry. If you don't like my boobs, don't look. If you do like them, i'd prefer you not look but don't, for the love of all that is holy, look and then tell me how offensive your perverted nosiness has made my boobs to you.
Re: Hot topic. Breastfeeding in public.
Otherwise, I'll be BFing in public, and if there's a cover involved it's because I'm a weenie who gets COLD, not because of modesty. Once summer rolls around, pfft.
Kid sees breastfeeding mother: Mommy, what is that lady doing?
Mom: She's feeding her baby.
Kid: Ok.
Jamie
Classic example of mom shaming. Damned if you do damned if you don't.
Feed your babies however you are comfortable, whether that means you use a cover don't use a cover or don't breastfeed in public. But don't shame or judge others for their choice of how they will breastfeed.
*edited for clarity
I am not trying to bond with a pump or help it go to sleep.
Jamie
If I'm at a family gathering, most likely it will be more than just my parents there, I'd prefer a quiet room to BF. That said, once we get the hang of it, my plan is to pump and bottle feed in public around the time I go back to work.
@MrsBwIVF made a good point about excusing yourself around family;
Most of the time my husband couldn't even tell I was nursing. We would get up from a restaurant to leave and I would have to tell him to wait a minute while I got the little guy off the boob and back in the car seat. I always made it a point to nurse before he started screaming to a) keep my kid happy and b) you get a lot more stares when your baby is screaming. Personally I was never approached or felt like I got any dirty looks or comments from people while nursing but I wouldn't be afraid to tell them where to stick it if I had.
Feed your babies, that's all that matters. Cover or don't cover, do what works for you!
And because it's breastfeeding week, my favorite meme I've seen thus far!
As for that picture with the beanie that is supposed to show what nursing looks like: nope. With baby number 1 I learned to pull my shirt up from the bottom to nurse her; not down from the top. If you're cradling baby in your lap, neither your tummy or upper chest is exposed. No one has ever complained about me nursing in public - at least to my face - because I've never tried to be "in your face" about it.
ETA that my husband isn't super crazy about the idea of his wife whipping her breast out in public, but cares more that his son is fed.
My boyfriend supports that decision.
ETA that I have the luxury of asking people to leave without being rude because we live in a three family home in which relatives live upstairs and a friend lives next door so everyone is constantly in and out of the apartments, including visitors.
No mother should feel forced to feed in the bathroom, hide in a closet, schedule trips around baby eating or pump before going out. If she chooses to do so that is fine. To each their own.
@monaclemere I have no plans on leaving when there is family around, nor will I ask them to leave. I was raised by a breastfeeding mother, who fed all my younger siblings in the presence of whoever was there. My aunts all breastfed, as well. It was the usual for our family and no one saw anything wrong or weird with it. I doubt things will be different with me.
I wouldn't choose to pump in public, mainly because it's just different than feeding an actual child. With a pump, the shields are clear so people DO see all of the breast. With a child all that is seen is the top part. Also, babies have eat on demand and they don't care where they are or what you are doing. I'm not going to carry my pump around and use it when it screams. I highly doubt there will ever actually be an emergent need to pump in public unless I'm stranded somewhere and get engorged. To be honest, if I get stranded at work due to weather or the like, and have to pump in front of people then oh well. I would be fine tossing a blanket over my chest for that because I wouldn't be smothering my baby.
So sorry. If you don't like my boobs, don't look. If you do like them, i'd prefer you not look but don't, for the love of all that is holy, look and then tell me how offensive your perverted nosiness has made my boobs to you.
You SAW it.