Is there an unassisted childbirth group on the Bump. I never thought I would go this route... — The Bump
Natural Birth

Is there an unassisted childbirth group on the Bump. I never thought I would go this route...

I never thought I would even consider the unassisted route. I know there is a whole host of things that can go wrong without supervision, but with the birth of my first, I was so emotionally spent from my in-laws showing up. Throughout my pregnancy, I told my husband I wanted to birth privately, with only medical professionals present, until I am in my recovery room. Instead, as soon as I found out that I would need an induction, I had a series of 11 people from my husband's family show up, along with a few others giving unhelpful advice via text. Some of these people that showed up at the hospital included family members I have never met, since my SIL stepsons were visiting from out of state. I also had my other in-laws show up and give me all sorts of stupid advice about my induction, preventing me from resting. They also arranged for members of the LDS priesthood to give me a priesthood blessing. I am not LDS, so it just wore me out to have more people there, instead of having a spiritual significance (and raised my blood pressure!!).

So, I am not interested in unassisted childbirth to avoid medical intervention. I am ok with that, should there be a real medical need.  I just would like to give birth without my husband knowing I am in labor. I have tried talking to him. I have sent my in-laws FB messages, asking for privacy. So far, my in-laws have not responded to my FB messages, and my husband has not talked to them either, despite my many pleas. He says I've made my point, and that I need to quit bringing it up, but he hasn't done anything to ensure that I don't get 11 visitors in the hospital, when I want to rest.

So, how do I go about giving birth unassisted? I like the prenatal care I am getting, so I don't want to quit that. Should I just "oops"? Is there a group on here for that? 

Re: Is there an unassisted childbirth group on the Bump. I never thought I would go this route...

  • No, there's no such group here, because that's a plain BAD idea.
  • MeggM1MeggM1 member
    If your concern is unwanted visitors, your hospital or birth center should have a policy in place that prohibits people in the room that aren't welcome by the patient. I had a similar situation with my first delivery, except the drama and revolving door of visitors was in my post partum room. I didn't know that I could have had a nurse turn away visitors. So, I checked out the hospital's policy with my next delivery. I made it clear to my husband that I didn't want him to call his family until after the baby was here and we were settled, and I also asked for no visitors in the hospital. He was absolutely behind that and completely respected my decision, but should his family have come anyway I had a nurse indicate on my chart that I wasn't accepting visitors. Visitors had to check in at the front desk, and so when people came they were turned away. I don't think this is a unique situation, and from my understanding the desk didn't say "the patient doesn't want visitors" but rather something along the lines of "there's a shift change currently and then visiting hours are over." It took the pressure completely off me. Should your husband not respect your decision, it's not his choice who is in the delivery room. Don't sacrifice necessary medical care to avoid your in-laws. Be proactive and choose a hospital that will enforce your privacy. Put the phone away during labor so you can't see their meddling texts. You are in charge.
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  • I'm a little curious how you would manage being in labour with an older child to care for and your husband not noticing? and therefore are you considering actually giving birth entirely on your own, without even your DH there to catch baby or call for help in an emergency?
    This is a bad idea.

    If you can birth at home without your DH noticing, could you not get to a hospital without him noticing?

    As pp said you can ensure that hospital staff do not allow visitors. You can even have your husband kicked out if he's the one inviting people in. At the end of the day you are the patient and the one whose needs will be prioritised by staff.

    Having said all of that, it sounds to me like you and your DH need to think about your communication. From what you've said it sounds like you are making a completely reasonable request and asking for his support on this matter, and he's basically telling you to stop talking about it without giving you any reassurances that your needs will be met. Is this how your communication always works? Is this an issue with your DH standing up to his family? Or is this a matter of a new baby in the family making DH/in-laws go a bit, "it' all about me" crazy? Something else?

    FWIW I had an unplanned unassisted birth with DD2. DH delivered her on the bathroom floor, with the help of the ambulance officer on the phone, and the ambulance officers that turned up as she was head out and almost born. Also my MW turned up about 15 minutes after she was born. So not really completely unassisted, but it was stressful non-the-less, and I wouldn't choose that for myself.

    Best wishes to you in your birth. I hope you are able to get the support you need to create the best environment for you.
    Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old

  • Tell your nurse next time not to let anyone besides your husband in the room! That shouldn't have happened. Most labor and delivery units are locked for security, and visitors need to be cleared before they can enter. Just have it put in your file that you don't want visitors. Ask the hospital before you register to deliver there what their policy on this is. Look around until you find what you want, and if all else fails, just don't tell anyone where you're delivering or maybe just don't call them until AFTER baby is born and you're ready for visitors. 
    [Deleted User]ChiccoBeanz
  • My husband finally told all his family not to visit me in labor, so I guess I am comfortable going to the hospital now. I just thought it would be easier to oops and call 911, than to go to the hospital without his knowledge, because then it would really look like an oops. 
  • I totally agree with the PPs. Find out your hospital's labor and delivery policies, and if you can, specify that you just want your husband in the room with you. In regards to visitors, I believe you can request private status and then update it later, when you are comfortable. I think it was seriously rude and inconsiderate of his family to all of that. Especially without YOUR consent, but please try your best to stay calm now that you have alternatives and to just diffuse the situation with your family. 
  • has a UC forum.
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