Second Showers

alyxandraaanicole · August 2015

A lot of people are against them, however literally every mother I know has had a second one. I think the reason for the second shower was because of the age gap between their children, I've noticed that 4+years between littles tend to have a second shower. I only know one mom who had a second shower for both of her sons who are only a year and a half apart.

Me personally, I think a second shower is okay if there is an age gap or if the baby's gender differs from your first child's. Once you hit your 3rd shower I think that is when I would RSVP that I couldn't make it.

Thoughts?

minivanmafia · August 2015

I had a second shower because there were 7 years in between my babies and I had gotten rid of everything.... This time though I don't think I'll have/need one. I don't need anything really. Some work friends have made comments of doing a small shower at work for diapers and just to have the excuse to bring food, which I'm cool with it but don't expect it and told them this.

This is a very touchy topic for some reason and honestly, I think if someone wants to throw you a shower then let them... However I think it's a no-no to expect one OR throw yourself one.

alyxandraaanicole · August 2015

Oh I certainly agree, to throw yourself a shower is a huge no no. My mom and best friends are throwing mine but they are also giving me a say in theme and decorations which is fun.

There are will be almost 5 years between my kids by the time my second gets here, so I'm excited that my best friends are organizing a shower.

VitaLuna · August 2015

I'd rather not have one, but it's really important to my mom and grandma, so I'm sure I will. For them, it's less about baby shower, more just a reason to get the family together and have fun.

NoelBird · August 2015

My family has done then, we like any excuse to have a little party and buy baby things. We keep them small and just family though. The second showers are definately smaller and more about having a get together than the first one is.

g8trkim · August 2015

I don't think they're a big deal. If family or close friends want to have a little celebration, why not let them?

wisco29 · August 2015

g8trkim said:
I don't think they're a big deal. If family or close friends want to have a little celebration, why not let them?

As long as they are done right I say go for it.
1. You sent out thank you cards the first time
2. You don't have everything you need and you're not just being gift grabby.
3. Especially if you're having a different sex.
4. You're not throwing yourself another one(gift grabby)

brushesnbrunch · August 2015

I think second showers are fine if you ate not the one initiating it. If someone brought it up to you, then great! But if you were the one who asked someone to throw it, pretty tacky IMO.

camusoh2011 · August 2015

I didn't really have a shower with my first, but my SIL threw me one for my second. I am definitely not going to expect one this time, especially because of the small age difference from my youngest, but I'm a fan for friends. I like when every baby is equally celebrated, and second (3rd,4th, so on) showers are usually not as gift heavy as there isn't usually as much need. Pretty much the same things these other ladies have said.

Twindling · August 2015

I would decline if someone offered to throw me another. Mainly because I think it's tacky and I would be embarrassed to allow the host to ask the guests to come honor me again.

DizzyMom1 · August 2015

I think 2nd showers are perfectly fine, but registering a second time is tacky. People shouldn't be expected to bring gifts, they are more just for celebrating the new addition I think and an excuse to get together. I like them!

froggy994 · August 2015

I was totally not expecting one, at all. My son will about 3 when this new one arrives. We have all of our big baby stuff from him. However, my sisters kept mentioning that they are going to throw me a 'sprinkle' and just keep it as a small get together. I'm not going to turn it down, and I'll be happy if it happens, but like I said, I wasn't expecting or planning for it. We will see if it happens. So, generally I think it's an alright thing to happen as long as it wasn't requested by the mom and isn't gift grabby. Let's celebrate all the babies!

alanna3622 · August 2015

Is it okay to loathe all baby showers?

VitaLuna · August 2015

DizzyMom1 said:
I think 2nd showers are perfectly fine, but registering a second time is tacky. People shouldn't be expected to bring gifts, they are more just for celebrating the new addition I think and an excuse to get together. I like them!

I agree that registering for #2+ is tacky. I plan on putting together a secret registry towards the end, though, for the completion discount on the couple things we want to get.

DylansCandyBar · August 2015

DizzyMom1 said:
I think 2nd showers are perfectly fine, but registering a second time is tacky. People shouldn't be expected to bring gifts, they are more just for celebrating the new addition I think and an excuse to get together. I like them!

Showers are gift giving events. It's basically the sole purpose. To shower the mother to be with gifts to care for her newborn. They celebrate the mother to be, welcoming her to motherhood. Not the baby, who isn't even born yet.

Why do people need an excuse to get together? You don't.

DizzyMom1 · August 2015

DylansCandyBar said:

I think 2nd showers are perfectly fine, but registering a second time is tacky. People shouldn't be expected to bring gifts, they are more just for celebrating the new addition I think and an excuse to get together. I like them!
Showers are gift giving events. It's basically the sole purpose. To shower the mother to be with gifts to care for her newborn. They celebrate the mother to be, welcoming her to motherhood. Not the baby, who isn't even born yet. Why do people need an excuse to get together? You don't.

Not everyone considers them that. I think it also depends on your friends and where you live. My friends and I mostly consider showers to be showering with love and excitement for the baby. We just like to celebrate babies. Maybe it's not your thing, but some people find it fun. They aren't big events, just an excuse to get together and celebrate the excitement of a soon to arrive babe. Bringing life into the world is amazing and you can celebrate before or after the baby is born. A party after the baby is born is just too much in my opinion, it's only fun when you have energy

wisco29 · August 2015

DizzyMom1 said:
I think 2nd showers are perfectly fine, but registering a second time is tacky. People shouldn't be expected to bring gifts, they are more just for celebrating the new addition I think and an excuse to get together. I like them!

I'm totally registering but not having a shower. I want the coupons they give you at the end for % off everything left on your registry! Also if anyone asks if we need anything I'll tell them we did make a list for ourselves and they could pick anything off if it For something we need

MamaFroFro · August 2015

I think it really depends on the person and what they feel comfortable with. If you decide to have one, just expect that some people may think it's tacky.

My son was born 5 years ago and we did give away a lot of his stuff. My SIL offered to throw me a shower but I declined because I don't feel comfortable with it. I know all the things we do need I can get secondhand for not too much money or free so I'm not worried about it. Plus I'm a reduce, reuse, recycle kinda of gal so I prefer my way over having a party and getting new stuff. I also feel like if I did have one and didn't register, I would end up getting a bunch of stuff that we don't need or want so it just seems like more waste to me.

g8trkim · August 2015

VitaLuna said:

DizzyMom1 said:
I think 2nd showers are perfectly fine, but registering a second time is tacky. People shouldn't be expected to bring gifts, they are more just for celebrating the new addition I think and an excuse to get together. I like them!
I agree that registering for #2+ is tacky. I plan on putting together a secret registry towards the end, though, for the completion discount on the couple things we want to get.

Lol I totally did a non public registry for this reason. Also just to keep track of what I need.

inomniaparatus · August 2015

I'd be too embarrassed to accept a second one. It feels gift grabby to me. People don't come to showers empty-handed. That'd be rude and weird. The point is to SHOWER you with gifts.
If you want an excuse to get together do a sip & see once the baby actually arrives.

RRC216 · August 2015

I gave my sister her second shower. It was her second girl. Instead of a bunch of stuff for baby, I did a diaper shower! It was lots of fun!!!

kira91499 · August 2015

I will have a 9 1/2 year age gap between my 2nd and 3rd child. I have no baby stuff left and this is my SO's first child and will be the first grandchild on his side of the family. I would never expect or ask anyone to throw me a shower but wouldn't be surprised if they did. They are super excited about the baby. I don't view having more than one shower or registering, when there is a significant age gap, as tacky but good to know that some do!

mcollier2118 · August 2015

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a second baby shower if your friends and family want to throw you one. I wouldn't feel embarrassed, I'd feel grateful and make sure its known how appreciated it is. My sister will be throwing me one, and I am extremely thankful because there will be an 8 year gap between my first and second and havent had a baby item in my house for years. And I am also the only sibling of mine that has kids. None of my friends have kids yet either, so hand me downs are scarce around here. I am excited about it.

VitaLuna · August 2015

CicchettiFamily said:
I gave my sister her second shower. It was her second girl. Instead of a bunch of stuff for baby, I did a diaper shower! It was lots of fun!!!

I loathe showers where you're told what to bring. Diapers, a book, whatever. A) no one wants to be told what to gift, and

some people already have a gift before the "suggestion" of a book/diapers comes through, which means they have to go out and spend even more money.

And don't try the "it's not required, just a suggestion". No one wants to go to a party where everyone brings something specific and they don't.

gollymrsmolly · August 2015

I think unless there is a large gap (5 plus years) between babies it is tacky. IMO if someone really wants to give me a gift for baby they will. I don't think having the other sex baby is an excuse for having another shower.

kwinsor85 · August 2015

kira91499 said:
I will have a 9 1/2 year age gap between my 2nd and 3rd child. I have no baby stuff left and this is my SO's first child and will be the first grandchild on his side of the family. I would never expect or ask anyone to throw me a shower but wouldn't be surprised if they did. They are super excited about the baby. I don't view having more than one shower or registering, when there is a significant age gap, as tacky but good to know that some do!

I am in total agreement here. The age gap between my DS and LO will be almost 10 years (DS turns 10 a month and a half after LO arrives) we have passed on almost all of our stuff from DS to fmily and friends who have had babies over the years. I do jot expect another shower but already know my best friend is planning one with the help of my sisters for my friends and my mom is planning one for my older aunts who do not do well with crowds. I (as well as my family and friends) are the kind of people who believe that each baby is a gift to be celebrated. If people feel that it is tacky to have a 2nd shower they are absolutely under no obligation to attend.

mcollier2118 · August 2015

I would absolutely LOVE to attend a shower where someone told me all I had to bring was diapers LOL. Eliminates the indeciveness and can be a cheaper alternative, and its something they will definitely benefit from. Also, my friends mom had everyone bring a small book instead of a card for her shower and write a little note in it. I thought this was a super cute and functional idea!

AdventureMama · August 2015

My mom and MIL want to plan me a shower for this baby and I'm mortified. I have told my mom at least a dozen times that I don't want one and she is refusing to listen. It's a really big issue between us right now. I think second showers are pretty common around here but I still firmly believe they are tacky. Besides that, DS will be about 2.5 when new baby comes and we really only need a handful of things for this baby (more cloth diapers, a ring sling, a new diaper bag, and a few random other things), but we plan to buy those ourselves.

It isn't really celebrating the baby, IMO, if the baby isn't even born yet.

inomniaparatus · August 2015

kira91499 said:
I will have a 9 1/2 year age gap between my 2nd and 3rd child. I have no baby stuff left and this is my SO's first child and will be the first grandchild on his side of the family. I would never expect or ask anyone to throw me a shower but wouldn't be surprised if they did. They are super excited about the baby. I don't view having more than one shower or registering, when there is a significant age gap, as tacky but good to know that some do!

I can totally understand having a shower if it's your so's first baby
So much time has past that this is a different situation

But I think if your with the same husband and your other kids are like under 5 then it's ridiculous. You can buy your own stuff.

Sillysnick2k16 · August 2015

Most second showers I have been to are "themed". Diapers, stock the fridge, diy onsies. Or a more traditional show if the age gap was huge or fist and second baby are not the same sex. I love showers and think every pregnancy should be celebrated in some way.

MississippiCatfish · August 2015

Twindling said:
I would decline if someone offered to throw me another. Mainly because I think it's tacky and I would be embarrassed to allow the host to ask the guests to come honor me again.

This. But I'm okay with it if there had been a crazy amount of time in between, or maybe if there's a new marriage so it's a first grand baby on that side or something?

DylansCandyBar · August 2015

VitaLuna said:

CicchettiFamily said:
I gave my sister her second shower. It was her second girl. Instead of a bunch of stuff for baby, I did a diaper shower! It was lots of fun!!!
I loathe showers where you're told what to bring. Diapers, a book, whatever. A) no one wants to be told what to gift, and some people already have a gift before the "suggestion" of a book/diapers comes through, which means they have to go out and spend even more money.

And don't try the "it's not required, just a suggestion". No one wants to go to a party where everyone brings something specific and they don't.

This. I always bring a gift to a new mom, shower or not, and I would hate to be told to bring diapers or the like. I would much rather pick out something on my own.

minivanmafia · August 2015

mcollier2118 said:
I would absolutely LOVE to attend a shower where someone told me all I had to bring was diapers LOL. Eliminates the indeciveness and can be a cheaper alternative, and its something they will definitely benefit from. Also, my friends mom had everyone bring a small book instead of a card for her shower and write a little note in it. I thought this was a super cute and functional idea!

I agree with this... I always am stumped at what to buy because you never actually know what they have or what they are going to get (no one ever seems to take things OFF the registry) I love buying diapers and wipes because you KNOW they will use them.

Nymommy2015 · August 2015

I did not plan on having one for this one. But my sisters are pretty adamant on throwing one. My 1st will be 8 when this LO arrives. I would never ask for someone to throw one or throw one for myself...

Achae · August 2015

My sister wants to throw me a second, she says every baby deserves to be celebrated. I think they are tacky. Have a celebration of baby after they are born if that's the reasoning, otherwise it's a gift grab. Can't afford the kid, don't have it.

4N6s · August 2015

I don't think there's anything wrong with celebrating every child! It's odd if you throw it yourself... And probably shouldn't expect gifts.

g8trkim · August 2015

Achae said:
My sister wants to throw me a second, she says every baby deserves to be celebrated. I think they are tacky. Have a celebration of baby after they are born if that's the reasoning, otherwise it's a gift grab. Can't afford the kid, don't have it.

I totally understand where you're coming from, but is it really that much different doing it after the baby is born? Either way, you're getting gifts for the baby. I dunno. Just my two cents.

ambdtb · August 2015

Maybe if it's just close family and friends. Otherwise I would say no way to a full blown shower for #2.

name1109 · August 2015

I think a second shower is fine. Not all kids are born in the same season. I am NOT a fan of the stupid games that come with showers...those I think are dumb. I also think it's dumb to come by and watch me open every single gift like I am a 4 year old. I didn't throw my first one, my sister threw it for me. It was a tasteful gathering of people where gifts were not expected. I also found that people just get what they want for baby showers. (For me, who doesn't like buying baby clothes!!! They're so cute!) I will probably register for Baby #2 just because some of our baby stuff didn't make the move overseas (our stuff is already over there and the rest is in storage somewhere in the US). My registry will probably be 5 things: a Tula, diapers, wipes, a baby monitor, and clothes. I will probably end up purchasing the Tula and the baby monitor

because I really want them.

Achae · August 2015

g8trkim said:

Achae said:
My sister wants to throw me a second, she says every baby deserves to be celebrated. I think they are tacky. Have a celebration of baby after they are born if that's the reasoning, otherwise it's a gift grab. Can't afford the kid, don't have it.
I totally understand where you're coming from, but is it really that much different doing it after the baby is born? Either way, you're getting gifts for the baby. I dunno. Just my two cents.

I don't think people bring gifts when they come see baby unless they want to get an outfit or something. I'm not much for parties or gifts anyway.

thoughtfulmommy · August 2015

I am against second showers especially if the children are close together. I would feel so uncomfortable asking my friends to attend a second shower after attending my wedding shower and first baby shower.

If you need a reason to get together, plan a BBQ or thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.

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